Summer between fifth and sixth year
Sirius lay in James’s bed, staring up at the ceiling. James hadn’t fallen asleep yet - they were both a bit on edge from the night’s events. It wasn’t every day your best friend showed up on your doorstep with a black eye and informed you he’d run away from home, after all. Walburga showing up hadn’t helped, either. She and Euphemia had screamed at each other for what seemed like hours, while Fleamont kept the boys out of the way. Finally, Walburga had left, relinquishing her hold on Sirius’s life.
Now, laying in bed far away from his old-fashioned, abusive parents, Sirius finally felt free to let his mind wander to topics that were forbidden in the Black household - in this particular case, dating a bloke.
“Hey James,” Sirius whispered.
“What?” James whispered back.
“Have you ever thought about…” Sirius hesitated. “Nevermind.”
“No, have I ever thought about what?” James propped himself up on his elbow and turned the lamp on, turning to look at Sirius.
Sirius sat up, as well. “I mean, I just feel like this is a bit of a personal question, is all. I don’t want to cross a line.”
“Sirius,” James rolled his eyes. “We both know too much about each other for there to be any lines. Ask your fucking question.”
“Have you ever thought about, I dunno, kissing a bloke?” Sirius blurted.
James was silent for a moment. “No.”
“Never?” Sirius laid back. “Oh.”
“I mean…” James looked down at Sirius. “Have you?”
“I mean, yeah,” Sirius sat back up and shrugged. “I thought everyone did, you know, and just never really talked about it.”
“No, I’ve never thought about kissing a bloke,” James shrugged. “I mostly think about kissing Evans. Which blokes do you think about kissing?”
Sirius’s mind went immediately to Remus, but no matter how little boundaries he and James had, he was not about to tell him that.
“I dunno. I mean, sort of a lot of them. Shacklebolt, maybe.”
“Shacklebolt?”
“Sure,” Sirius shrugged. “Why, what’s wrong with Shacklebolt?”
“I just didn’t think he’s the sort of bloke you’d fancy, is all,” James shrugged. “Who else?”
“I dunno, pretty much everyone in our year,” Sirius said.
“Even me?”
“Ew, no.”
“What d’you mean, ew?” James sounded insulted. “How come you’ve thought about kissing every guy in our year, except me?”
“Because that would just be weird, wouldn’t it?” Sirius said. “I mean, you’re my best friend. I don’t think people are meant to kiss their best friends.”
“I mean, Marlene and Dorcas are best friends, and they kiss all the time,” James said.
“Hate to break it to you, mate, but Dorcas and Marlene do more than snog.”
There was a beat of silence.
“What?”
“Yeah, found that out after Marlene and I shagged last week,” Sirius shrugged. “It wasn’t nice for either of us, and I thought it was just me, but then she told me she’s a lesbian. Which made me think, maybe I’m a lesbian.”
“Aren’t lesbians girls, though?” James asked. “I thought lesbian was a girl thing.”
“Ok, a guy lesbian, then,” Sirius shrugged. “Either way, it made me wonder.”
“I still don’t see why you’d be attracted to every other bloke but me,” James repeated. “I mean, what, am I not attractive enough for you?”
“Of course you’re not,” Sirius rolled his eyes. “What, are you saying you want me to kiss you?”
James hesitated. “Uh…”
“I’ll snog you right now if you’re that bothered about it.” Sirius shrugged. “I just got the impression that wasn’t your thing.”
James seemed to teeter on the edge for a moment, before backtracking hastily. “No. No, I want Evans to be my first kiss.”
Sirius let out a sharp laugh. “Are you telling me that you’ve never kissed anyone at all?”
“What’s wrong with that?”
-{}-{}-{}-
August 1, 1994
It was Harry’s fourteenth birthday.
Technically, it was the day after Harry’s fourteenth birthday, considering it was after midnight, but still. The Weasley’s had come over for a party, and Sirius had given him a new leather jacket, since his other one didn’t fit him anymore. Now, he and Ron were supposed to be asleep, Ron on Harry’s floor, but Harry had found it nearly impossible to fall asleep. Judging by the lack of snoring, Harry guessed that Ron was still awake, too.
Harry didn’t know what was keeping Ron up, but he was contemplating something that had been keeping him up for quite awhile. And that something was exactly what it meant that Draco Malfoy’s ass was so distracting lately.
“Ron?” Harry whispered. “You awake?”
“Yeah,” Ron whispered back. “Are you?”
“Obviously I’m awake, plonker,” Harry rolled his eyes.
“Oh, fuck off,” Ron said, laughing slightly. “What’s up?”
“You ever thought about snogging a bloke?”
Ron was silent for a moment, and Harry got the impression he was thinking back through his life, to see if he’d ever thought about it.
“No,” he finally said. “Have you?”
“I’m not sure,” Harry admitted. “I think so. I mean, have you seen Draco Malfoy?”
“Ew, yes I have, unfortunately,” Ron said. “But… have you seen Granger?”
“Granger?” Harry said incredulously. “I didn’t know you were into Granger.”
“I’m not,” Ron said. “I’m just saying she’s attractive, is all.”
“Seamus is pretty attractive,” Harry said, after a moment.
“I suppose so,” Ron shrugged. “So’re the Patil twins, though.”
“So’s Ginny,” Harry said.
“That’s my sister, arsehole,” Ron snapped, making Harry snigger. “Besides, aren’t you supposed to pick one?”
“What d’you mean?”
“Well, aren’t you supposed to pick? Blokes or girls?”
“I don’t think so,” Harry shrugged. “My uncle Remus never picked.”
“I thought Remus was with Sirius?”
“He is,” Harry said. “But he also says that Amelia Bones is pretty. And some Muggle actresses I’ve never heard of.”
“Does Sirius know he checks out girls?” Ron asked, sounding concerned. “I thought you’re not supposed to check out other people, once you’ve got one.”
“Oh, yeah, Sirius knows,” Harry nods. “He and Remus talk about it all the time, people they think are attractive.”
“Is that… normal?”
“I think it’s just a them thing,” Harry said. “Like, it’s fine that they do it, but if you ever get a girlfriend, I wouldn’t recommend telling her about other girls you think are pretty.”
“Yeah, that probably wouldn’t be smart,” Ron agreed.
They laid in silence for a moment.
“So if you’ve thought about snogging guys…” Ron broke the silence. “Have you ever thought about kissing me?”
“Gross, no.”
“What?” Ron sat up, glaring at Harry. “Why the fuck not?”
“Because that’s weird!” Harry exclaimed. “You’re my best mate, why would I want to kiss you?”
“What, am I not good-looking enough for you?” Ron said indignantly.
“I dunno, I guess you’re good-looking, I’ve never really thought about it!” Harry said.
“Well think about it!” Ron demanded. “If we were gay, would you kiss me, yes or no?”
“I guess I would?” Harry said. “What, are you saying you want me to kiss you?”
“I’m not saying that,” Ron deflected. “But… I’m not saying you couldn’t, either.”
The boys looked at each other in silence for a moment.
“Isn’t it normal?” Harry finally asked. “Don’t best friends… experiment with each other sometimes?”
“I dunno, I think so,” Ron shrugged. He looked nervous. “Do you… want to experiment?”
“Do you?”
The boys looked at each other again.
“I suppose it’s better to do it with someone you trust,” Harry said.
“Yeah, I suppose so,” Ron agreed.
“I have always wondered what it would be like to kiss a bloke,” Harry said. “If it would be different from kissing a girl or not.”
“And it would probably be good to try it at least once,” Ron nodded. “Just… to try it, you know? Make sure I really like girls.”
“Yeah, I agree.”
There was silence for a moment, before Harry slid out of his bed, onto the floor next to Ron.
“So… we’re gonna do it?” Ron asked.
“I mean… if you’re okay with it,” Harry shrugged.
The boys made uncomfortable eye contact. Harry leaned in slightly, and Ron reciprocated, and their lips touched slightly. Immediately, they both jerked back.
“Nope, that’s weird,” Ron shook his head.
“Yeah, absolutely not,” Harry climbed back into bed. “We never speak of this again, agreed?”
“Agreed,” Ron nodded.
“Goodnight.”
“‘Night.”