Back to December

December 31st, 1975

They were all stood in James’ living room, with the sound of bad pop music draining out any sort of conversation Remus kept trying to have. He was standing in the corner, watching his friends dance and get drunk for the first time, which was not really that pleasant. It was his first-time seeing Lily since they said goodbye on the platform of 9 3/4, and he had a lot of tell her about his new found feelings. He laughed to himself when he thought of what her reaction might be. Would she yell at him and tell him he’s crazy for falling for Sirius? Or would she hug him, and say she wants the best for him, even if the person he’s fallen for, in her eyes, was a selfish prick?

The opening sound of ‘Moonage Daydream’ by David Bowie started to play and immediately interrupted his thoughts. In the summer before Second Year, Remus had rushed to his local record shop to buy David Bowie’s new album, just so he could show Sirius. Sirius was going through his punk rock phase, with him not going one second without humming a tune of a song by Bowie, T.Rex, or Queen. The Marauders quickly grew tired of it, but not Remus. Remus was brought up on these artists and bringing in his old records from home seemed to get him more attention from Sirius. So that’s what he did. He brought all his records to school with him at the start of Second Year, and him and Sirius spent countless hours sitting around in their room listening to them all. In all the years he’s known Sirius, it was the quietest he can remember him ever being. Sirius was just in awe, and angry that he had been deprived from it by his mother and family. Remus could see on his face, even before knowing too much about Sirius’ home life, how much it meant to him. The music wasn’t just music. It was freedom, entry to another world that had been forbidden from him his entire life up until this moment. David Bowie, T.Rex, Queen and countless others gave Sirius a new perspective on life. Remus could remember feeling proud that he had been the one to give Sirius this new passion, not James, not Peter, or even any of the girls that were even fawning over him at the ripe age of 13. It was him. It was the scarred, half-blood, werewolf. It was Remus Lupin.

The chorus came around, and he felt a hand pull on his arm, turning him around to face the other way. Sirius was standing in front of him, smiling widely and singing along to every word.

“Remus! This is our song!” Sirius quickly yelled during a break from singing, before bringing the beer he was holding in his hand to his mouth and chugging it down as quick as possible.

Remus didn’t need to reply. Sirius just took his hand and pulled him over to the rest of their friends that were singing and dancing to the song. It was a small party, really, with just the rest of the Marauders and Mary, Marlene and Lily in attendance. Sirius had asked some girls he knew from school to come, but it seemed like everyone already had plans. And, in all honestly, from the way Sirius had treated some of those girls, Remus wasn’t surprised they all said no.

Lily hugged Remus when Sirius dragged him over, slurring her words whilst muttering something about Christmas and it being good.

“Sorry, mate. Seems like Evans has had too much to drink,” James chimed in, pulling Lily off Remus and over to the sofa, where he proceeded to give her water in hopes of sobering her up.

“Merlin! Lily seems to be having a good night. It’s not even midnight yet!” Sirius yelled over the music, which had changed back to the pop music that had been playing before Bowie.

“Yeah. I’m going to see what Pete is doing, I’ll be back before midnight, okay?” Remus replied, realising that he was standing alone with Sirius now Lily and James were gone, and there was no way he would be able to do that. Being alone with Sirius was torture. Like his own personal hell that the devil had made just for him. It took everything in him to not just grab Sirius and put their lips together.

“No, wait,” Sirius pulled on the sleeve of his shirt as he tried to walk away. “Don’t go.”

Remus turned back to face Sirius again, meeting his glassy eyes and sighing in response.

“Why?” was all he could say back.

Sirius blinked at him. A wash of confusion and fear came across his face, looking unsure of how to reply to the question asked.

“I don’t know. I just want to be with you,” Sirius’ face went red, and his hands fumbled around. “-Merlin. No. I just mean, I just - I want you to stay.” He continued and breathed out finally, looking as if he had finally solved a puzzle in his head.

“Okay,” Remus said, looking up and grinning at the boy in front of him.

Sirius stared back, and moved closer, moving his eyes to Remus’ lips and up to his eyes. He took another breath out, and shook his head as he said, “Fuck it,” before grabbing Remus out of the room and into the hallway.

“What are you doing?” Remus questioned as Sirius closed the door to James’ living room and pulled Remus further down the hallway and into the kitchen.

“God, Moony, just shut up,” Sirius replied as he pinned Remus to the back of the kitchen door and pushed their lips together.

He kissed him, and everything made sense. Remus kissed back immediately, breathing into Sirius’ mouth as he came to grips of what was going on. His hands found their way up to Sirius’ hair, and he kept them there, pulling and grabbing at Sirius, just needing as much as he could get. The taste of Sirius’ tongue took over. Not a single thought went through his mind that wasn’t about how he needed to feel Sirius’ back, his hips, his neck. How he needed Sirius. Suddenly, the door pushed open behind Remus’ back. They stopped kissing, but they weren’t done. They weren’t finished. So, Remus pushed the door shut with his back, grabbing Sirius’ neck towards him, trying to have the feeling of his soft lips on his again.

“Oi! Moony, Padfoot, can you stop being annoying and let me get more water for Lily please!” James yelled through the door, to which Remus pushed Sirius off him and started to back away from the door.

Sirius send him a look, and waved his hands around, telling Remus to stop.

But it was for Lily.

“Merlin, Prongs! Leave us alone, will you? We’re sorting things out,” Sirius yelled back, causing Remus to laugh and wonder how anyone can ever say no to Sirius Black.

James seemed to agree with him, because before he knew it, James was walking back into his living room, and Sirius was kissing him again. It was a different kiss from before, it wasn’t as rushed or hectic. It was slow, as if they were both savouring it. As if they both had been wanting it for so long and were only now realising that it was finally happening.

Sirius pulled away and smiled before he had even opened his eyes again, causing Remus to smile as well.

God, that boys smile is really contagious, Remus thought.

“Remus,” Sirius whispered. “I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.”

“Me too, Sirius,” Remus whispered back, his hands still on the back of his neck and legs still intertwined with Sirius’.

“Wait? You wanted to kiss me too?” Sirius replied, eyes wide, clearly confused.

“Um? Yeah, of course?” Remus laughed and moved his head up in disbelief that Sirius hadn’t already caught on that Remus has wanted to kiss the breath out of him for probably longer than he even knows himself.

“God, I’m an idiot,” Sirius exclaimed and laughed along with Remus.

They looked at each other again, and Remus felt complete. Nothing else mattered, his parents, the full moon, the war. It was just him and Sirius. Young, and no doubt, in love.

They heard a cheer from the living room, and looked over at the clock.

"It's midnight," Sirius said softly, turning back to look at Remus.

"Happy New Year, Sirius."

"Happy New Year, Remus."

They kissed once more, and just like that, Remus was okay.