Safe. Whole. Family.
Sirius was sitting on the floor, cross-legged and hunched over slightly so his head wouldn't touch the top of the blanket fort he was in. He could tell by the scarlet and gold pillows around him that he was in Gryffindor tower. The all too familiar sounds of Peter's heavy snoring and James's occasional mumble of rugby jargon were the only confirmation he needed.
"Are you nervous?" A voice whispered.
He turned toward the voice and was only a little surprised to see himself looking back. Only... he was much younger here. He couldn't have been but thirteen, maybe fourteen, years old.
'Fourteen' he thought bitterly as he glimpsed the mark on his cheek 'I remember getting that mark over summer'.
The light of a phone was shining on young Sirius's face in the otherwise dark little fort so that the home screen reflected off of the white sheets all around them. It was a terribly blurry picture of himself, James and Pete on the train back to school the first day of second year. He had been so relieved to come back; to leave his family's home.
"Are you nervous?" His younger self asked again. Somehow, though he couldn't explain it, he knew what he meant.
"A little" he whispered back. "But it's a good nervous."
The boy smiled and sighed, then pulled his legs up to rest his chin on his knees. Sirius recognized that look. It was longing.
"Tell me about him."
"Teddy?"
He nodded.
"Teddy is..." he trailed off a bit, looking into his own face.
It was scary how he could remember the fear like he was still living it. How he could still taste the blood on his lip. He had been so sure at that age that he would never escape it all.
Teddy knew. And Sirius knew that he knew the moment they met. Kids shouldn't know how to hide bruises that well. They shouldn't hide bruises at all.
"Teddy is... you" he said finally. "And we're going to keep him safe."
-
"Babe..." Remus's voice cut through the fog of sleep, and he felt himself being shaken gently. "Sirius, wake up... You're crying."
"I'm fine" he said, surprised at how rough his voice sounded. Surprised he had sweated through his sheets. Surprised that there were dried tears on his cheeks.
"You were shaking" Remus offered, and he sounded worried. "And you wouldn't wake up. Was it a nightmare?"
He hadn't had a true nightmare in years. At least not that he could remember.
"No, I'm alright."
Remus didn't look convinced.
"Really Moons" he laughed halfheartedly. "It was a weird dream, but I'm ok."
"You sure? You're not getting cold feet or anything?"
"No. No cold feet. I want this" he nodded. "I just hope he does too."
Minnie had brought it up during lunch a few years prior. A first year boy named Teddy needed a reason to stay at Hogwarts for the summer break. He didn't need an explanation, her expression had been enough to let Remus know the situation wasn't good, but she gave it anyway.
"I won't let him go back to those... those... goddamned psychopaths!"
She had threatened the family with legal action over the phone while Remus stood in shock and awe at her brazen disregard for diplomacy. They didn't want to go to jail, and she didn't want them to get the chance to hurt Teddy again. So he stayed at school during the summer holiday.
It started off with inviting him to family dinners so Teddy could hang out with Harry and Neville, who were in the year ahead of him, but quickly evolved into all day outings with Sirius and Remus, and crashing in the guest room because Remus was "too tired" to drive back to Hogwarts every day. By the end of that one summer he had become a part of their little family, and they knew they would do anything to make him happy; to keep him safe.
Teddy didn't feel at home with the arrangement right away. He was nervous. Partly because it was so different, and partly because he was terrified it wouldn't last. Remus could sense it in the way he squeezed the tiniest bit tighter before pulling out of a hug, like he didn't want to let go, but also didn't want to risk holding on for more. Sirius could see it in how his eyes searched their faces for signs of disappointment, or irritation. Or anger. The knowledge felt like bile in his throat.
When school started back up the next year Teddy was surprised that Sirius wanted to visit so much, and not just for Neville or Harry, but for him. Remus would ask him about his classes at lunch and made sure he had all the supplies he needed, and by the time Christmas rolled around they had the guest room made up for him as a proper bedroom, and matching Christmas pajamas for the Christmas card photo.
He never talked about his parents, or the abuse. Any time the topic was even close to being brought up his eyes would gloss over and he would go still, as if frozen in terror.
"We have to do something Remus" Sirius broke down the last night of the winter break. "He's just waiting for the day when we have had enough and he's got to go back... But I won't ever let him go back there!"
"I know, I know" Remus soothed. "He's not going back, ok. Breathe for me Pads. He's safe now.... you're both safe."
"Promise me, Remus" he sobbed. "Promise we can run away with him if we have to..."
"We won't have to ru-"
"Promise me."
"I promise" Remus said, pulling him into a tight hug and meaning every word. "We'll run if we have to. I promise, Sirius."
-
For Teddy's 13th birthday they took him off the grounds for the weekend. They saw a movie and made pizzas, and Teddy cried with joy when they asked him to move in with them. They painted a sign for his door that spelled his name, and at the time it felt so official.
The summer after was filled with more joy than either Remus or Sirius could have imagined possible. Teddy was less nervous and they could see more of his silly side. The inner child he never got to be showed itself in artwork and dancing in the kitchen, in bike rides through Central Park, and in movie nights with popcorn. ...In slamming doors and temper tantrums over small things that seem like big things when you're 13.
Afterward he would cry and say he was sorry like he was begging, like he had done something unforgivable instead of simply talking back like every young teenager did. And some nights Remus would have to physically hold Sirius back from flying out to murder Teddy's parents. Other nights it was Sirius holding Remus back, and they cried together at the injustice of it all when Teddy finally fell asleep.
That next Christmas Teddy accidentally called Remus dad. He looked positively mortified, and had started to apologize, but Sirius cut him off with a scoff and asked "why is he dad first?!" as if it were the natural progression of things. As if they were a real family.
He didn't have anymore accidental slips over the break, but when he hugged Sirius goodbye the first morning back, he whispered "love you, dad" so quietly Sirius wasn't even sure he had meant for him to hear it.
He and Remus talked that night about the future and met with Minnie the next evening.
-
"What if it goes badly..." Sirius started, the tension so wound up in his voice that he could barely whisper as they walked up the unfamiliar driveway.
"Then we take him and we run, remember?" Remus gave his hand a squeeze. "Like I promised."
Sirius nodded and took a deep breath as he reached for the tiny door knocker, giving it a good swing.
Teddy had gotten into Hogwarts on scholarship. They knew his family couldn't afford boarding school otherwise, so they weren't surprised by the small house or the modest sedan in the driveway. What did surprise them, however, was how completely average his parents seemed. They looked nothing like the monsters Sirius had imagined them to be in his head. They were invited in and offered glasses of water, and when Remus took Sirius's hand in his, they didn't even flinch. He had, at the very least, expected them to be homophobic.
They knew they were there to talk about Teddy though, and as the minutes passed, the facade wavered. Even the worst monsters can pretend for a little while. He knew that.
There were curse words and tears, and calls to both of their lawyers, but in the end Sirius and Remus got what they came for.
When Teddy got off the train that summer, Sirius was waiting for him there next to Lily and James, and Frank and Al. He hugged him tighter than usual, and they picked up ice cream on the way home. When they got to the apartment Teddy made a beeline for his room to set his bags down, smiling at the thought of the summer he had ahead of him.
There was a note on the bed on top of an envelope, and he picked it up.
Teddy,
I know we have said it a hundred times now, and maybe you are sick of hearing it, but we love you. We love you and we want you to be part of our family forever. Everything is taken care of, we just need to file to paperwork. We can go first thing in the morning, if you'll have us.
Love, R&S
He read through it a few times before he realized there were tears on his face. He picked up the envelope and pulled out a folded stack of papers.
Petition Of Formal Adoption of Teddy Jaxon Smith by Sirius Black Potter-Lupin and Remus John Lupin.
He ran to the door and threw it open. Remus and Sirius were standing there together, waiting.
"Yes" he sobbed, clutching the papers to his chest as the tears flowed freely. "Please... yes..."
They held onto each other for dear life, all three of them crying on the floor underneath the handpainted sign on Teddy's bedroom door.
It felt safe. It felt whole. It felt like a family.