This Isn't Me Leaving
When Miranda met Kingsley at Lily's housewarming party last year she hadn't really been expecting much to come of it. They spent the night chatting about various things, and Kingsley told her at least one story about every person there that he knew. It was fun. And yea, maybe she lied when she told Lily they hadn't gone home together that night. But she was a grown woman, afterall, and could do whatever -or whomever- she wanted.
There were no regrets. He had been so kind, so gentle. She hadn't even been aware of just how much she needed that. Still, she figured it was just one of those things. One of those nights...
But he had called her the next day on his lunch break, and they talked like it was something they did every day. It didn't take long for them to fall into an easy rhythm, and soon they went from spending time together when they were free, to making the time and changing plans to sleep in late or see the same movie for the third time.
He was interesting, too. He spent most of his time studying to finish a masters degree in engineering while he worked as a stocker at the pharmacy near his college campus. He had a roommate, but they barely saw each other or spoke in person, communicating mostly through "do not eat this" notes left in the fridge, and socks on the door handles.
He asked her about her day and remembered the people she talked about at work. He didn't laugh easily, though he smiled all the time. When he did laugh it was like music. She was falling in love, and he let her.
He didn't care that she was 4 years older than him, or that she sometimes needed to be alone after a crazy shift in the ER. He didn't care that it took her 2 months longer than him to say I love you, or that she was terrible at deciding where to eat. He helped her pick out Christmas scrubs, and let her ugly cry on his chest when she lost a patient. It was so easy to be with him, despite being terrified. Despite having been burned before.
Lily would tease her. Emmeline would say she could do better, though it was clear they both thought the world of Kingsley; that they thought he was a good guy who was good for her. She wondered if they thought she was good for him too.
When he finished school she took him on a weekend trip to a bed and breakfast in the country where they made a list of all the reasons living in the city was better. Though secretly she felt that anywhere they were together was where she wanted to be. She had stopped wondering a long time ago if he was as invested in them as she was, and so it caught her by surprise when he called and said they needed to have a serious talk.
-
"You know how I've started interviewing engineering jobs?" He asked casually, taking a seat next to her at the bar in her apartment.
She had asked to meet there, worried that if this was the end... she might not have the strength to make it home. No one in the history of ever had asked to have a serious talk that ended well.
"Yea...?"
"Well I had a phone interview today. My second one with this company, actually. It's... in Miami."
"Miami." She repeated. The words sounded like they were being screamed at her through a tunnel.
"Yea. Well... they want me there. I got the job."
"Oh."
She stood up and walked to the sink to pour herself a glass of water. Mostly for something to do, some way to steady herself. He was looking at her as if she were a puzzle that needed solving. As if maybe he didn't know what to say next either.
It felt so fragile. She hated it.
"I didn't know you were applying outside of New York" she offered, keeping her back turned as she filled up a second glass for him.
"Well I put in for places all over, but yea." She handed him the glass and he took a tiny sip before setting it aside and rubbing his hands anxiously on his pants. "I didn't want to say anything in case it didn't work out."
"Right." She didn't really know what to say. "Why tell me you were planning to leave me if you might end up being stuck here for a while anyway..."
"Miranda, no." He said quickly. "No that's definitely not it. I just didn't want to get your hopes up if it-"
"Get my hopes up? Seriously?"
He blinked a few times, expression changing a dozen times in a single second as he realized they were not on the same page.
"Come with me" he said simply.
She just stared at him.
"Come to Miami with me, Ann."
She closed her eyes at the nickname, trying to ward of the soothing feeling it gave her to hear it in his voice.
"This isn't me leaving" he added, his words careful and deliberate. "I'm not leaving you. I love you. Come with me."
She couldn't say anything. He seemed to know that her mind was working at warp speed; that she was being pulled between her history and her future, anxiety and trust.
"I really fucked this up" he sighed. "Let me start over."
He took her hands in his. She was still standing, eyes determinedly kept shut, but she breathed out a sigh at his touch.
"Miranda, guess what?!" He said in a dramatically excited tone.
"What?" She said, unable to help the tiny breath of laughter that escaped as she opened her eyes.
"Remember how you said on our second date that you would like to move somewhere near the water? Somewhere like... Miami?"
"How do you remember things from that long ago? I don't even remember saying that."
He shrugged. "I don't know. I like it when you talk."
Her heart skipped a beat. They were smiling stupidly at each other now.
"So, Miami." She redirected.
"Right. Miami." He cleared his throat and went back to his excitable tone. "I was offered a job there, and I'd really love to move there. With you. Together." There was a long silence before he nodded and added "the end."
"This is crazy, K. We don't even live together here! What if we hate it?"
"Then we'll figure out a way to stop hating it, and love it instead."
She laughed at that, and his shoulders relaxed at the sound.
"Will you come with me?" he asked properly. "If you hate it we can always come back."
"What if I hate it and you love it."
"Then we come back."
She just stared at him.
"I like my field of work. And I can do my job in any city. But you-" he brushed her hair back and placed a sweet little kiss on her nose, making her giggle, "-you are my future. I'm sorry if I haven't been clear about that."
She blinked back the tears in her eyes and let her head fall to his chest.
"I might need to hear you say that 100 more times."
"I can do that" he said easily.
"A day" she added cheekily.
He laughed in that musical way she loved as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders.
"I can do that."
"Miami."
"Yep" he nodded, placing his cheek on top of her head. "Miami."
"Ok. Yes." She said. "Miami."