Petunia Dursley is a spiteful woman and she never claims otherwise. When she opens the door and finds a baby that has her eyes, she has half a mind to leave the basket full of wails and memories on the doorstep. Surely the wind would like him more. He could waste away with the leaves in Autumn's love. When the shrieking starts, she looks back at her own boy shrieking too, as if they're both dogs howling at each other. Sighing, she picks it up and looks at the red faced screaming inside.
Vernon is furious. He asks why she would take her son in. When he suggests the cupboard as Harry's new home, she blinks at her husband. Petunia wonders how he could look at a baby as if it was a spare piece of furniture.
The cupboard under the stairs instead keeps the basket he came in. She thinks of burning it but figures that it's a better fuck you if it gathers dust instead. Petunia buys another crib to sit beside Dudley's. The booklet for its assembling joins the basket. She forces Vernon to build it, but makes sure to do her needlepoint in the room at the same time.
She figures that if she doesn't look at Harry directly, then she doesn't have to think about her. Petunia knows if she did, a fire would well up inside her and she'd be glad she didn't have magic or the whole street would be up in flames. She focuses on the hair instead. The hair must belong to the silly boy that she clearly thought was a good choice. It's easier to complain about how quickly it grows and how she might as well learn how to cut it herself instead of going to the salon every month.
Then, there's a day when Harry's eyes become his own and not of arguments, frog spawns and teacups turning into rats. Harry reaches for her with his small demanding hands as he cries for her. His wailing makes her want to throw a plate against the wall and she knows it's because she won't go to him. Still, Harry has determination gripped tightly as she once had and for the first time, he stands up and he walks. He falls over twice but he walks, and he locks eyes with Petunia. They remind her instead of the grass at the neighbourhood playground.
At dinner, she tells Vernon about Harry’s first steps. He only grumbles and she doesn't see an ounce of warmth in him. It's the cherry on top of the ice cream, and Petunia finally says, "I want a divorce."
Petunia sheds her last name as if she was burning that damned basket like she should have a long time ago. She becomes Petunia Evans instead, and while the name reminds her of her parents clawing at her skin and sinking their teeth into her heart, being a Dursley feels like being swallowed by cackling tar. Besides, Dudley Evans sounds much better.
Petunia Evans is still spiteful with a tongue that could scar, and both of her sons know it. Not because she ever uses it on them, but because she snaps back at the tutting women at the grocery store when they find out she's a single mother of two. When they see that Harry is far too small and Dudley too big.
Harry grows up still too small and Dudley grows up still too big but they eat enough. They move out to a small two bedroom apartment and Petunia doesn’t want to feel guilty but she does. In the back of her mind, she still blames her, too. Petunia works twice as hard now that she's on her own. Vernon's child support gives them something, at least. She belatedly remembers that the basket is still in the cupboard under the stairs. She gives them hand-me-downs and peruses the second hand store for things to make her boys happy. Sometimes she cries in the car afterwards because they keep begging for the remote control helicopter they saw on the telly. The boys can see her struggling, she thinks, because they start asking if they can come shopping with her. They learn to love things that have already been loved before.
The bullies tell Dudley that he's too big and slow and why can't he even do simple maths? They tell Harry that he's too scrawny and to keep his mouth shut and why doesn't he even look like his brother? When they cry in front of her with bruises on both of their bodies, Petunia Evans does not hesitate to march to the school and yell at least one teacher's head off. What kind of school are you running? My son was thrown to the ground and all his brother did was try and protect him! I will call the Board about this if I see another bruise on either of my kids. She is vicious and her eyes are full of malice and just for a second, she thinks of her mid argument.
When they cry in front of her, she places a hand on each of their cheeks and touches both of their foreheads to hers. The telly is still playing and the cooker is just about to go off but these breaths can be theirs for the moment. "You two are stronger than all of them. You just need to stick together."
And they do. Sometimes she looks at them sitting at the small table in their apartment, where Harry does two sets of homework so that Dudley doesn't fail because of some book report and Dudley's looking over their timetables so that he can map out just when to be Harry's muscle between classes. She wonders if she could have had this with her if only they'd tried harder. Then she scoffs when she remembers her parents' talons for hands and the shredded skin they'd left underneath her ironed clothing. She remembers the way they set her on fire and gave her praise as kindling. They said it was supposed to be warmth for all of them.
This time, there is only one letter. When the owl comes, Petunia's knees nearly buckle. Just give me more time. I'm not ready to lose him either. The word 'freak' enters her mind ten times for every word that she reads. Hatred wells up in her like a dragon being coaxed to roar but she also knows that beneath it all, it's only her and her fear holding each other's hands.
When the boys come back home, she tells them to change out of the dirt stained clothes and gets them to wash their hands before she sits them down. She lets them read the letter before she tells them of her and about the world that politely escorted her out, locking the gates in her face. Her boys, inquisitive as ever, nag at her with questions until her heart feels like lead and she asks if their speeding minds could wait till the morning.
She should have known that it wouldn't have stopped them. She hears two pairs of footsteps approach her bedroom door not even an hour later but only Harry enters. She makes room for him to sit on the bed and meet her tired eyes. "What was she like?" he asks and Petunia is surprised he didn't ask more before this. Harry had asked once, when he was much younger, but all he'd been given was his parents' names. Petunia could never bring herself to say more. Not before tonight anyway.
She figures she owes it to him, and so she tells him all that she can remember of her. She tells him how the distance between them had become a stronger bond than their love. She explains that if Petunia was her namesake, she was a whole garden.
She doesn't tell him of how much she hates her. How she never went to the wedding. Or the funeral, for that matter. She'd put both invitations into the fire because all she could hear was her parents' voices. Eventually, she calls Dudley inside as well. She tells them, "You must always love each other." They look at her with naïve eyes that make her want to scream. "Why wouldn't we, mum?"
Petunia's hands shake every time she thinks about going to Diagon Alley so it's just as well when she opens the door one day to see a gigantic grinning man. Well, actually, she screamed first and moved to block him from nearing her two boys at the table behind her. Then, she sees the squashed cake that seems much too small for his hands, so she stops screaming and instead invites him inside. She still has to follow basic decorum, after all.
Hagrid takes Harry to Diagon Alley instead and Petunia frets the whole time, cleaning mercilessly to make sure that the place doesn't have one speck of dirt in there. And if she spent an hour curled up in the boys' bedroom because she couldn't think past the flames tugging at her skirt, well, no one needs to know. She does the laundry and she cooks enough food to last them all a week and when she has nothing else to do, she rereads the Hogwarts letter yet again. When Dudley comes home from school, he carefully pulls the paper away from her and turns the telly on instead, placing his head in her lap so that her hands still have something to do.
When Harry comes back, Petunia hugs him for longer than she ever has and Harry lets it happen. He tells her of his new owl, of his new books, of his new supplies and finally, he tells her how he's a hero. Petunia listens with an attentive smile but her heart only beats faster. What kind of fucked up people were idolizing an 11 year old boy? She wants to tell him not to go because that world full of freaks was going to take him away like they did with her. All Petunia would be left with was an invitation to his funeral and this time she wouldn't be able to burn it. Before she can say anything, Harry promises to come back every time. All she can think is, Autumn really would have taken better care of her boy.
Harry goes to Hogwarts but instead of quills, he uses pens. He carries pepper spray and a small first aid kit. He fixes his clothes with a needle instead of using Reparo and he uses a backpack to carry everything. He tells Hermione he will never fix his eyes because his glasses are the most expensive thing his mother has ever bought for him. Harry gets homesick in the first week. He misses watching movies with his family and listening to music while they made dinner together. He's glad that he has Hermione and Ron, but he misses Dudley to the point that he cries everyday for the first month. He also figures that if he's The Boy Who Lived, then he could at least be called the right name. He goes to Dumbledore's office and becomes Harry Potter Evans.
There's letters. There's a lot of letters. Petunia's overflow with her motherly fretting that Harry can feel just from the words and he answers each one immediately. Harry tells her of house elves and the spells that he can do and friends that he's made and the different homework that he does. All Petunia can do is read. With each letter that she receives, she prays that none of them hold his death.
When Harry comes back for Christmas, there's tears in Petunia's eyes because her boy is back and he's alive. Harry brings presents back home. He gives Dudley boxes of sweets, all containing a different type of magic and Harry has to hold Petunia's shaking hands as he excitedly explains what each one does. She does, however, ban the chocolate frogs from her apartment because they still belong to her. With innocent eyes and a mischievous smile, Harry also gives Petunia a mug that has the Hogwarts crest on it. When she narrows her eyes at him and asks what it does, he simply grins and says it's muggle. Petunia notices the next day that her tea stays the perfect temperature even an hour later.
Over the summer, Petunia finally draws out what makes Harry wake up with nightmares stuck in his throat. She holds her boy tightly in her arms as he shakes and trembles as he keeps talking. Dudley joins them, of course, and he offers to punch Voldemort like he always had for all of Harry’s other bullies.
Harry wants to visit his friends in the summer and Petunia shakes her head firmly, but that damn clever child then asks if they can visit him instead. Eventually, Petunia relents and she meets a red haired freckled boy that doesn’t understand how to ask questions politely and a bushy haired intelligent girl who answers his questions for Petunia. She grows to like these kids, even though they're nothing like the new friends that Dudley made. She also realises that those two hold the same world weary eyes in the mornings. She thinks about forcing them all to stay in her house and to never leave. Maybe she could keep them safe in here.
Fortunately, Harry also introduces her to the wonderful world of Howlers. Despite the teeth grinding fear and the bone tiring hatred she holds, she adjusts to using these easily. The first Howler she sends is to Dumbledore. Petunia fills it with such venom and swears that at the end of it, the Headmaster calls McGonagall in for help. After that, Harry goes to a Mind Healer once a week because at least one magical adult in his fucking life needs to actually care about his trauma. After another Howler, Dumbledore encourages Hermione and Ron to go as well. He agrees enthusiastically in his letters, writing that these kids will need to be as strong as possible for the next six years. Petunia rolls her eyes at that.
For all the fury that Petunia fills her Howlers with, she sends them to Harry as well because she knows that he would prefer her voice over some words. Sometimes Dudley joins in too and Harry listens to them on a loop in the middle of the night with a silencing spell set up around his bed. She sends other things, too. Petunia sends Ron a vintage chess set she finds at a second hand store, birthday cards that sing when you open them and more pens because why the fuck are any of these kids using quills? She sends Hermione books but they're filled with stories of fantasy and myth because she knows all the girl does is research and study. The kid deserves a break.
Molly Weasley reaches out once but Petunia never responds to the letter because her hands shake too much when she tries to write. Still, all of them get a sweater at Christmas in Harry's second year and Petunia panics about not being able to send back a thank you note. Harry brings another owl home, just for her. She has quite a field day explaining that to her landlord. Still, Molly receives a thank you note in February. It’s too late and the handwriting is wobbly but Molly starts knitting her a sweater anyway.
Thankfully, Harry keeps coming back and every time there's tears. The hugs get longer as if it pains Petunia to have to let go. Harry learns to talk about his feelings instead of bottling them up and she's there to listen every time. Though, they have to stop from time to time so that Petunia can process the absolute hell that Harry has to go through every year. Dumbledore keeps receiving Howlers. She learns about dementors and never wants to see a Patronus if she can help it. She very briefly wonders what hers would be. Petunia stocks up on chocolate with all the money she can afford to spend, and she routinely sends the Golden Trio some because you just can't beat muggle chocolate. No matter what they say about their magical chocolate. Harry keeps bringing her presents too. Needles that never prick skin, scissors that you can't lose, pots and pans with handles that never heat up and he even gives Petunia a set of quills and an inkwell once as a joke.
She eventually lets Harry visit his friends but she never goes herself and she even lets Dudley go for a sleepover. The next day, Dudley tells her about floating dishes, clocks that didn't tell the time, twins that played pranks, and even a small smuggled dragon. There are stars in her boy's eyes and it's the first time that Dudley becomes a reminder of her. She's launched into a flashback of how she used to come home with night skies in her eyes. She wrestles with herself the next time Dudley asks to go. Yet, she knows that the Weasleys adore both her boys and they'd never let Dudley feel any lesser than the Wizarding World had done to her. After a long pause, she says yes.
Voldemort comes back to life and Dudley laughs when he hears that the Dark Lord doesn't have a nose. Petunia knows it's to bring a smile to Harry's tired face. The light has diminished from what it once was, but she's glad the Mind Healer makes sure it's never extinguished. The Order of the Phoenix comes back to life too and when they tell her that Harry needs to be taken to somewhere safer, Petunia agrees. They come to collect him and they see suitcases for three. They protest and Harry only smiles when his mother starts yelling at them. Ron and Dudley snicker to each other, while Hermione argues alongside Petunia.
She enters Grimmauld Place with trepidation and the talking portraits surprise her. She doesn't like Kreacher, but it works out fine since he doesn't like her either. She meets Molly Weasley in person for the first time and Petunia thinks that if there was anyone who could raise such a large family, it could only be Molly. Arthur is fascinated by Petunia and has a multitude of questions for her which she always answers curtly. She eventually snaps at him and tells him to go to the damn library when the War is over. Arthur smiles at her use of 'when’.
Remus and Sirius are wary of her at first, while Tonks is the exact opposite. Petunia gets tired of Tonks’ energy very quickly and prefers to be around the other two much more. There’s a night where they ask if she wants to hear more about her, but she denies their offer. Instead, she asks about James and Petunia begins to understand exactly why she fell in love with him.
Then, there's a day where the flames have reached her neck. She's furious at the fact that it is her stupidly heroic self-sacrificing boy that has to fight Voldemort. Outraged at these worried wizards who keep treating Harry like he's a child when it's them that forced him to grow up so soon. It's a portrait's snide comment to her that finally tips her over the edge. And so, Petunia Evans and Walburga Black have a screaming match for the better part of the evening. Kreacher has the sense to place a Silencio so that no one else has to hear it. At the end of it, Petunia must've yelled something cruel because Walburga shuts up till the next morning. Everyone is both impressed and terrified as she stalks to the kitchen with tight fists. Harry and Dudley sit her down and force her to uncurl her hands by offering tea. "Feeling better, mum?" they ask. Petunia gives a hoarse chuckle and they grin back.
In Harry's sixth year, Petunia makes Dudley go to a nearby school as a distanced student so he can complete his education and stay at home as much as possible. She sends many Howlers to Professor Umbridge the minute she hears about the woman, threatening to strangle some sense into her. For all the pain Umbridge causes Harry, he knows that it’s just another Howler filled with vile cursing and yelling that Petunia will send back. He knows, too, that whatever she's yelling to Umbridge definitely makes her face pale and eyes widen slightly for at least a day. What he doesn’t know is that Petunia spends many hours talking to Molly, and the two comfort each other on how helpless they feel when they think about the horrors their children go through. Petunia thinks about Hermione’s parents a lot, too. Perhaps they should be here at this table as well, worrying alongside them.
Petunia is cleaning Grimmauld Place and Dudley is doing his homework at the dining table when Voldemort dies for the last time. Everyone else had long gone to join the War in whichever way they could and she had stopped getting letters from the kids months ago. There’s an unspoken time where Kreacher had stepped in to take over her stress dusting and Petunia had thrown the fine china at him. She gets the news from the radio before she hears it from a real person. Both Petunia and Dudley wait near the entrance for Harry to come back. And he does. He opens the door, a weight off his shoulders but he still collapses in front of them and they gather him into their arms.
Dudley gives Harry a black eye when he learns that his brother died. For the first time, they have a spectacular row in their bedroom while Petunia watches on. She's angry, too, but a small part of her finds it cathartic to see Dudley arguing for her. She knows that Harry dying in this stupid war had been her worst fear for so long, but in the end, what matters is that he's here now. When the dust has settled and their heaving chests have slowed, Dudley mutters, "I can't believe I didn't get to punch him."
Petunia goes to every single funeral that Harry will take her to. She visits her too, just once, but she never tells anyone about it. She finally goes to a muggleborn Mind Healer to deal with the past few years of absolute hell. She's roped into regular visits to the Burrow and even grows close with Andromeda Black. She helps Harry raise Teddy even though the changing hair made Petunia uncomfortable for the first few months. Dudley's graduation is filled with a family of thirty. Petunia attends all of the wizarding weddings with aggressively muggle gifts. For Dudley's wedding, she gets Arthur to charm a set of kitchen knives to always cut the perfect slices. She becomes a grandmother of so many children and some of them even have her eyes but she doesn't really care anymore because they're Harry's eyes too. The chocolate frog ban extends to the next generation too, but this time, the kids learn that it's a rule meant to be broken.