✫two✫
Regulus woke up and knew it was going to be a bad day. Everything was already too loud, a storm brewing outside, the wind howling and rain beginning to fall. He let out a slight whimper, pulling his weighted blanket over himself even tighter. The sun hasn't even come up, the birds are barely even awake yet. So Regulus lays there, he can let himself have one day off. So he closes his eyes, letting himself try to drift off. Instead, he feels a sharp pain in his abdomen, wincing slightly. That's right, second to last week of the month and there it is, a monthly reminder to himself. He climbs out of bed, going to his bathroom. An hour later and he's laying down on the bed, exhausted and wanting to sleep the day away.
"Regulus!" He rolls over, groaning. James appears in his doorway, slightly confused. "Regulus, what's wrong? Are you sick?" Regulus shakes his head, sitting up slightly.
"I am having a rather overwhelming morning. So if you would just right off and fuck yourself that would be amazing Potter." Regulus flops back down, throwing an arm over his eyes and worrying his bottom lip.
"Oh, um, should I call Sirius. Technically he can't visit except for emergencies, but he told me these could be emergencies and I don't want to-"
"Shut up Potter. You are so bloody loud all the time. I just want to lay here, use my black-out curtains, and take a fat-arse nap. Now leave me the fuck alone." James winces, pulling a chair over. "What in the bloody hell are you doing?" He looks at James, who shrugs.
"Sirius is our secret keeper, either he comes over or I sit here."
"Call Sirius then, god damn. I'm allowed to have fucking bad days." He grumbles something, rolling to not face James.
The older dials a number quickly. His side of the conversation doesn't hold a lot of value. Next thing Regulus knows a popping sound occurs and Sirius is in the room. He rushes James out quickly. This is the first time Regulus has seen Sirius be anything other than extremely friendly to James. Sirius sits down on the bed, pulling Regulus into his arms and wrapping around him tightly.
"Rus you gonna be okay?" Regulus shakes his head, leaning into Sirius. "I'll stay, but you have to tell me what to do." Regulus nods, humming softly.
"It's so much, and he just is so loud, and he isn't you, you arsehole. No matter how much I hate you you'll always be the best brother." Sirius nods, providing extra pressure. "I want to cry but I can't."
"I know, Arctie, I know." Regulus tries to reach up, pulling at the skin over his lips or his hair. Sirius just clasps his hands, lowering them with a new force. "Do you want to go get something to eat? I'm sure James would be glad to help so he doesn't have to get me down here so often." Regulus shrugs, trying to pull his hands back.
"It hurts Sirius, it hurts so much!" The older nods, letting Regulus thrash slightly. "I never wanted to hurt anyone, I wanted to be a good bloody son." Sirius nods again, tightening his grip with one arm and pulling the blanket over them.
"Arct, I got you something. Something for you to do instead of picking at your skin." Sirius places a little tangled thing in his hands, made out of cool smooth plastic. Regulus settles both hands on the small thing, twisting and wrapping it around his hand. He pulls and tugs at it, letting Sirius' grip loosen slightly.
Sirius stays for the day, allowed to leave once to get them both food. They stay in bed throughout the day, near the middle of the day Sirius helps Regulus put on his headphones. The younger ends up falling asleep extremely early, Sirius having to take his headphones off soon after he lays down. Regulus is down for the count, definitely going to be asleep for a long while. Sirius sits the tangle to the side and heads down the stairs. James is on the couch, watching the news on muggle t.v.
Sirius sits down beside him, tucking his legs under himself. James looks at him, letting the older have his time. He hadn't had to call him down yet, and it seems Sirius was glad. It's hard, seeing him come here only because James couldn't handle something with Regulus. They sit in rough silence, the noise of the news the only real noise in the cabin.
"James, if he ever gets really bad and you don't have time to call me I can send some things. His hat, gloves, another weighted blanket, all his stuff." James nods, pulling his knees up to his chest.
"We've gone out to the near town every day for the past week. I've basically dragged him every time, he enjoyed the first few hours then shrunk in on himself, going to bed early. Did-did that have something to do with it?"
"Maybe, who knows? Only he would and he won't talk for a while. Just give some space, I'll send those items quickly." Sirius stands, wand in hand and smile playing his lips. "I should be off, make him a peanut butter and jam, not jelly, sandwich. Use strawberry and offer one of his fruit cups he hides in the back of the fridge." Sirius steps into the fireplace, smiling slightly. "Be sensitive, yeah, he's an odd kid mate." James nods, watching as purple flames envelope Sirius.
James wanders to the kitchen, deciding to follow Sirius' orders for once. He makes the sandwich, setting a fruit cup on the side of the plate. He heads up the stairs, opening Regulus' door. The younger is asleep, loose hair hanging around his face and curled onto his side. James sets the plate on the nightstand, Regulus grumbling something in his sleep. James freezes, Regulus rolls into his stomach, still fast asleep. James takes the moment to look over the room. Dark furniture, a desk, bookcases, a t.v, LED lights, and black curtains over the large window. Everything seems so ghastly dark, James not understanding how Regulus hasn't gone blind yet.
"Hate," James looks at Regulus who's saying something nearly coherent. "Hate you, always." Then his body curls up tighter like he's fighting himself. James turns, moving off to the door. Regulus let out a sharp pained noise, sitting up abruptly. He struggles against the blanket, trying to get it off of himself.
"Hey, hey, okay. It'll be okay Reg." James helps get the blankets off of him. Regulus looks around, cusses then heads off the bed. He slides onto his feet, taking off to the bathroom. James sees a darker spot on the dark blue sheets, worry running through him. "Regulus, are you bleeding?" Regulus pops his head out the door, nodding slightly. His face is wet, eyes red.
"Yes." He comes out, spots the bedding, and immediately breaks down into tears.
"It's okay, okay, I can change the bedding and do some laundry. I have stuff to wash anyway and it'll be fine." James finds his drawer of underthings and pajama bottoms. James hands them over, smiling slightly. "You can take a shower before I do laundry, you'll be fine. Then we can eat dinner and watch a bit of t.v." Regulus' tears stutter, barely, but ends up allowing James to hand the clothes over and close the bathroom door behind him.
James takes a deep breath then begins stripping the bed. This isn't something he could cover with a joke, no laughs could make up for this. He quickly dumps the items in the wash, turning it on cold. He grabs Regulus' other set of sheets from the closet, beginning to make the bed. A comforter, matching the other, is set on the bed and tucked into the corners. He hears the water turn off, then goes downstairs. A list of his foods Sirius left him. He begins grabbing the ingredients for chocolate chip pancakes, throwing the sandwich away.
A hand interrupts his as he grabs for the normal milk. Regulus shakes his head, grabbing the buttermilk. James hums, closing the fridge door behind him. Regulus starts measuring things into a large measuring cup, the largest plastic one they have.
"Do you want my help?" Regulus looks at him, avoiding his eyes, and shakes his head. James sits on the island, crisscrossing his legs. "I'm right here if you do, just so you know, always right here." Regulus nods this time then pours in an unmeasured amount of chocolate chips. He pours out a handful into palm then downs them. He offers the bag to James, who takes his own handful to toss back.
Regulus begins cooking the pancakes, waiting for the bubbles before flipping. He stands there, one hand in his pocket fidgeting with the material as he flips and pours pancakes. James ends up setting plates, getting his Nutella down and Regulus' creamy peanut butter. The guy despised the crunchy stuff, having thrown it out the first time James had it delivered to the cottage.
Regulus serves them both, smiling slightly. "Thanks, Reg, you didn't have to." The younger just looks away, spreading his peanut butter. "Just so you know, I meant about before. You can always come to me." Regulus nods, tapping one of the scars above his lip.
Regulus' hands move before he thinks, signing a quick thanks. James' eyes widen, and he smiles slightly. Regulus begins signing quick sorry's James shaking his head.
"My mum's deaf, has been most of her life. I know sign Reggie, it's honestly okay." Regulus nods, taking a bite of pancake. They're quiet while they eat, Regulus doing the dishes and setting things away with practiced motions.
Regulus ends up making a cup of tea and heading for the library after dinner. One of his new books is waiting, sitting on the window seat for him.
*
James lounges around the living room until midnight, unable to go to sleep, shutting his eyes for too long bothersome. He makes the decision to go check on Regulus, thinking he'd find him in the library. He isn't though, and James worries slightly. He goes back down the stairs, then out the door. He can smell the lingering smoke, that means Regulus was here. James looks up, then around. He steps into the driveway, spotting a flash of purple on the roof. James starts climbing the cross-hatch ivy wall, up to where he knows Regulus is.
There the teen is, having crisscrossed his legs and has a book in his hands. The emerald green blanket is draped over his lap, heavy black cardigan over his shoulders. James sits near him, knees tucked to his chest.
"You're an asshole you know?" James' cheeks are tinted pink, fingers pulsing slightly from the strain of pulling himself up. Regulus just nods, flipping to the next page in his book.
"Why're you up here?" Regulus shrugs, slumping slightly.
He sticks the bookmark in his book, turning the lamp next to him up a setting.
I like alone
He didn't know full sign, just enough to hold the barest of a conversation.
"Oh, okay, so you like to be by yourself?" Regulus nods, James smiling. "I used to like being by myself. Then your brother, Remus, Peter, and you were around all the time. I became accustomed to the day-to-day boisterous activity of you four." Regulus rolls his eyes, laying back on the roof.
"You shouldn't be up here by yourself, it can be dangerous. I'm happy to come with you, or fix up your porch so you can be out there." Regulus doesn't look at him, staring up at the stars. "Did I push you too much, taking you to town every day? I know you'd get uncomfortable and yet we'd stay for hours longer."
"No." James nods, eyes widening slightly. "Sometimes I wake up and I know it's bad." James nods, grabbing Regulus' book.
"We should get inside, the days and nights are getting colder." Regulus just nods, face unwavering.
Regulus follows James to the ladder, holding the lantern, and waits for him to get down before going down himself. James waits for him, holding the cottage door open, handing over the book, and taking the lantern. Regulus heads for the stairs to his room, stopping before he actually steps onto them.
"James," he doesn't turn to look but James does, "thank you for calling Sirius. Next time, I'll tell you though. Or you can just be there, I get into a shit mood and can't break it." Before James can say anything Regulus is running up the stairs, flopping onto his bed.
James goes to his room, smiling slightly. Maybe he didn't need to call Sirius every time, that's ridiculous. Maybe just a few, that's even what Regulus told him would be best, he thinks. That's what he meant, probably, anyway. It made sense, James could just ask, they had to live with each other for this long they should be able to talk.