the aftermath of the kiss
Oh god, what was he thinking? How is he not supposed to catch feelings now? This was a mistake.
But it doesn’t feel like one, Remus’s mind supplies helpfully.
Sirius immediately deepens the kiss and oh my god, Remus could do this all day. It’s like their mouths fit perfectly together. Why has he been doing other things when he could be doing this?
Sirius shifts so Remus is sitting on top of him and it feels so good. It feels so right. He wants to be kissing Sirius for the rest of his life.
The sudden movement of Sirius’s hand going from Remus’s hair to cup his cheek snaps him back to reality. Because the only reason they’re doing this is to get rid of his ex. Because Sirius is probably only thinking that they’re just doing this for that. Because even if he’s not thinking that, there’s zero, zero chance that he’s thinking about kissing Remus for the rest of his life.
Because he cannot be kissing Sirius for the rest of his life, he cannot be catching feelings, he cannot be thinking that “oh my god I want to freeze this moment and live in it forever ” because they aren’t dating, Sirius isn’t his boyfriend, and he’s not supposed to even want Sirius to be his boyfriend.
He pulls back and draws his hands back from Sirius’s hair. “Sorry,” he takes a deep breath and clears his throat before speaking again, less shakily this time. “Sorry. I, I should go.”
Remus slides off of Sirius’s lap, purposefully not looking at him. But he gets a brief glimpse of his hair, and wow , Remus had not held back. He turns away quickly, not looking at Sirius’s expression – he doesn’t think he could handle the disgusted look right now. But if he had, he’d have seen the dejected and disappointed look that looks almost guilty.
And then he’s walking away, food forgotten, his mind racing with thoughts like, I’ve really screwed it up this time, and I should not have done that, and I need to fucking find Lily.
Not looking where he’s going, he bumps straight into someone, his eyes widening as soon as he sees that it’s James.
“Hold on, mate, you alright?” James holds out his arms and Remus flinches away from the sudden movement.
“Yeah, um if you don’t mind though, I need to get to, I, um, go to find Lily.”
James takes a step back as if to give him space to walk. “Totally, sure, go ahead.”
Remus walks away, making a conscious effort not to hurry.
When he finally finds Lily, she’s at the bar with a few of her friends. The sight of her makes Remus stop short. What is he doing? Was he really going to ruin Lily’s night and pull her away from all her friends just to wear her down with all of his problems?
He shakes his head and turns away, almost walking straight into the producer.