Shattered
Barbara Howard is many things but letting her personal troubles get carried into her school life is not of them. She’s easily the most put-together teacher, as far as anyone thinks so, in all of Abbott. Involving other people when she’s upset about something personal is the last thing she would do, let alone be so intense that she couldn’t help herself. She had gone through 30 years of teaching and though it has its moments, she’s love every moment of it. A garden, she told Janine once. Personal problems have never gotten past the school doors, when she steps into the school’s vicinity, all is forgotten until she goes out again. She had always been able to brush it off.
Until today.
Career day was almost a success. Her class was happy to learn from the beautician assigned to them and she even got a makeover on top of it that instantly made her feel so good about herself; she couldn’t wait to show it to melissa who, as far as she knew, was “bored to death” by her career guy based on the emoji’s she received from her when it all started.
It has been a few weeks of great things happening to Abbott, and in extension, to herself that the pessimistic part of her has been dying to ruin with a thought that something will come and ruin it. She can’t just get a streak of good days without something happening and up until today, she was able to really ignore the worrying part and just be present and enjoy. It would’ve been three great weeks straight of good moods and good days both from school, her home and her church but Barbara knew something will come, in the pit of her stomach, she knew something will come crushing every last bit of it. And boy was she right.
Her temper has been testing her since she walked back her class and her children has been nothing but sulky, understandably so that they don’t even intend to hide it. Even Samuel who always use his free time after recess to ask her nonsense things that she tries very hard to answer, is now in the corner, avoiding eye contacts. They huff and sulk and although adorable, Barbara felt bad about it.
As a kindergarten teacher, patience is one thing that needs to be stocked up on her cabinet of must haves and she never had any problems with it. Until today. Until a certain redhead is concerned.
Barbara took a deep breath. Her kids didn’t deserve this. If only she could go back in time and decided to stay in her classroom instead of being swayed by her class and teachers that there’s an eagles quarterback on Melissa’s classroom. She should’ve just minded her own business and stayed still, none of this would’ve happened.
It has been playing on loop in her mind since she walked back to her class, her temper shortening as it progresses. The image of a man kneeling in front of her best friend, asking her to marryhim. It makes her stomach turn and she feels like violently vomiting, a pain in her chest hammering.
She recalls watching her so intently, how Melissa’s eyes scanned the room, as though she was looking for something, someone, her perhaps and her stepping aside to cowardly hide behind the wall of the second grade classroom before her best friend sees her. She didn’t want to assume but something in her felt the need to hide, to not let Melissa know that she’s there.
She can remember herself waiting then, listening to the silence inside. It was deafening and not that she was counting, it felt almost like an eternity before someone spoke. Hush whispers of oh my gods were heard, excited but mellow squeals from teachers and students. On a normal days, hearing people use the God’s name in vain strikes a nerve in her but today, she couldn’t care less. She listened and hushed out all the other noise, waiting for her to speak up.
“Gar-“She heard her speak but it was immediately interrupted by Gary trying to convince her, telling her about miracles and whatnots, ultimately stopping whatever Melissa was trying to say and Barbara, though she feels bad for him, didn’t like that one bit.
She wanted to intervene then, to save her friend from feeling the pressure of every eyes on her inside the classroom but she knows Melissa. She knows how she can carry herself, how she doesn’t need any help. And on top of it, she knows that Melissa doesn’t want to get married again. It had been a topic of countless conversation, some even with Gary in the room that they both thought he understood. Barbara wanted to despise the guy. How dare he not listen? How dare he not understand? but despite of it all, she knows how good of a guy Gary is and the man worship her best friend so much that sometimes it’s hard to believe but Barbara gets it. It’s Melissa Schemmenti, after all. How can you not worship her?
The image of herself waiting outside replayed in her mind, anxiously waiting for her best friend to tell him the answer that would ultimately crush him and would make Melissa feel horrible. He’s a good guy. She thought. So she stayed there, waiting to console her best friend with open arms and tell her that it’s okay, that she’s just being true to herself.
Except it didn’t played the way she was expecting it to.
There are countless times Barbara Howard gloated about her instincts, how she can read a person or a situation and know exactly the outcome of something. She knew that Janine refusing to listen to her about introducing a new juice for the kids’ snacks would only end in disaster. She knew that Gregory Eddie, despite his reluctance to settle in and be comfortable being the substitute teacher, would end up staying and loving Abbott more than he lets on. She knew when she first met her husband that she would end up marrying him, knew that someone would slip in the spilled oil in their garage when she told her husband to clean it up right away as he worked on his third project that week that he got laid off after Taylor was born- something she reminded him as she drove him to the ER for concussion. She also knew the very first time she laid eyes on Melissa, despite her stoic and aloof demeanor towards the redhead as she shoved a container full of baked goods on her first day and watched until she finally gave in and took a bite, that the woman would be part of her life for a very long time, if not forever. She is a natural observer, after all, and in more times than anyone would like, she is always right.
She had wondered if she finally ran out of her i told you so’s, wondered if she’s used it well enough that her instincts had finally dwindled down and failed her because the answer she was expecting to hear was the opposite of what came out of Melissa’s mouth.
“you know what? yes. yes, of course, Gar. Yes, I’ll marry you”
There was silence that followed the chest hammering pain that crept up her chest and Barbara wondered if the people inside the classroom including Melissa had heard her heart physically crack and shatter like a glass falling off a high ground. Her chest hurting and her breath slowing that for a moment, she thought she was having a heart attack. She clutched her chest as a small gasp escaped her mouth.
Then, a cheer erupted so loud, breaking the silence and Barbara can almost feel the ground vibrating, somehow the noise pulled her back to her self as she walked back to her classroom, still clutching her chest.
“Mrs. Howard, may I go to the bathroom?”A small voice pulled her out of her deep thoughts. She looked at the kid, so small and apologetic and it made her feel so bad for even snapping at them earlier, they are just innocent angels.
“Of course, sweetheart, do you need help?”She asked, smiling at the kid. The little girl nod and offered her tiny hand. Barbara gave her a smile before taking her it.
At lunch, Barbara dismissed her class before the bell rang, making it her mission to leave before anybody can catch her. She decided to go home, thinking that maybe the drive would calm her down. She didn’t really care that she spent most of her lunch driving home than actually eating before she needs to go back- not that she could stomach anything after that whole fiasco nor does she think she can go back.
Her phone rang a few times and pinged more times that she wanted to hear- worried texts from Janine when they learned that Barbara went home without saying anything but most of it was from Melissa.
Hurryyyy! I’m hungry!
Hellooo, where ya at?
Did you go out? your classroom’s empty.
I need to tell you something, wya?
Jacob wouldn’t leave me alone, where are you?
Heard you went out? is everything okay?
Barb, did something happen? I’m worried.
Barbara decided to turn her phone off but not before sending a short reply to Melissa. Heaven knows that by not doing so would only end up worrying the redhead more and worse, for her to drive around just to pin her down. ‘Just needed to sign some papers at home. I’m okay’ before turning it off completely. A lie but it’s something Melissa would believe since it had happen before.
Barbara didn’t know what to do with herself. The leftovers she decided to reheat had gone cold again as she mindlessly pick at them, her mind replaying the exact moment Melissa said yes and the moment she thought her heart physically cracked. She thought about going to the doctor, still feeling the pain in her chest that she couldn’t explain- but then again, what would she even tell him? My best friend who i’ve been secretly in love with for decades had agreed to marry her boyfriend which caused my heart to physically crack? Ridiculous.
But she does feel ill and she’d heard about situations which one dies of a broken heart- though very rare, but still possible, and Barbara Howard thinks she might just be one of those people.
She waited until lunch was almost over before picking her keys back up and deciding to go back to Abbott, her chest still aching. Truthfully, she wasn’t really planning on going back. She had drafted a message to Ava to find her a sub for the rest of the day because she’s not feeling well- not entirely a lie but Gerald, ever loving husband, chose that time to go home earlier than usual. He mentioned about an event that he needs to prepare for and Barbara missed the rest of the details but she smiled at him anyway and told him it’s great in which he beamed at.
“You okay? Heard about Mel and Gary from Gina”He asked her, glancing at the food Barbara was playing at in her plate.
Barbara scanned her husband’s face then, questioning the question. you okay? He looked almost apologetic, as though he feels sorry for her and Barbara clenched her jaw at that. All of it could’ve been easily just in her head but the question made her feel guilty, as though she was caught moping and pining over someone who isn't her husband- which would be correct. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be okay?”she asked before she could backtrack by how defensive she sounded.
“Well, you’re home for lunch and you’re playing with your food. Are you sick or something?”He asked, looking at her with affection and worry.
Barbara cleared her throat. “I left something for my next subject is all. I’m okay, hubby”She replied, feeling guilty by even connecting his concerns with Melissa’s situation, something he would’ve been right about if he was ever the accusing type; but he wasn’t and Barbara knew that.
He then continued on telling her how Melissa had called Gina to ask where she was and in extension told her about her engagement in which Gina told him by also asking him where she was. Barbara mentally scolded herself. Of course Melissa would go straight to her family if she was concerned. Barbara glanced at the clock and counted how many minutes left until lunch is over, deciding to just go back than listen to Gerald gush over how happy he is for their friend and how he couldn’t believe Melissa’s finally getting married, again.
If Barbara wasn’t so inside her head by the situation, she would’ve seen the worried glances Gerald was giving her as he tells her the story. She would have seen how he opened the floor for her to tell him how she really feels about her best friend and how he would’ve been okay with it all, have seen it progressed and seen her tried to hard to shove it down in the name of him and their family. More so, she would’ve seen how he would’ve consoled her about it if she did finally tell him but Barbara was in over her head and he couldn’t do anything about it but feel sorry and worried at her wife who, he instantly knew, was affected by the whole thing more than she’s letting on.
It’s a 15 minute drive back to Abbott and in less than ten minutes, the bell would ring and everyone would go back to their classrooms- giving Barbara at least five minutes to go to her classroom quietly without bumping into Melissa or anybody. Her mind, though still very much in a frenzy, is a lot calmer now but seeing the redhead might jolt it back up and she couldn’t have that- not when she’s around her kids anyway.
“Mrs. Howard, you’re late”One student said as she closed the door behind her. A rare sentence to use on her as she is never late, not counting that time where Melissa and her forgot that they had classes to go back to and got a little distracted by the new restaurant they were trying.
“I am, I’m sorry, angels. I’m here now. Who wants storytime?”