All is calm, all is bright…
Christmas carols echoed around him, the enthusiasm with which they were sung pulled a tiny smile on his face, yet it wasn't enough to warm up his heart. Memories were swirling inside of his mind not unlike the way they did in his pensieve reminding him of better times when he used to spend Christmas with his loved ones.
No, he wasn't alone, yet something pulled him away from the comforting warmth of the great hall, leading him to sit on the top of the astronomy tower and turn his gaze towards the twinkling stars.
He lost track of how long he sat in the silence, huddled in his winter cloak as he tried to think of anything except for the thing he wasn't ready to face. So, while his mind wandered to happier places, he saw a star fall across the sky and he suddenly thought of the silly superstition to wish for something whenever you saw a star falling.
Wishes
There were so many wishes that crumbled down to pieces when his sister died that he refused to even think about them, he tucked them away and he pretended they didn't exist. In these kinds of moments when his guard was down long enough for the never fading longing and guilt to slip through, he couldn't help himself but wish.
He wished for his sister to be alive with a burning passion that brought tears to his eyes, he wished that he had been a bit smarter, a bit wiser, that he had resisted the temptation that was Gellert, wished their paths hadn't separated, wished and wished…
It was all for nothing.
Unknown to Albus, far across the country in Godric’s hollow a familiar figure was mirroring him. Disappointment, regret and more than a little bitterness was written all over his face as Gellert was sitting, hidden from any prowling eyes in one of their favorite secret places, thinking about the future. At least he tried to, but the Christmas season was forever tarnished with memories of Albus’s bright eyes and warm smiles as he did his best to cheer him up, that he couldn't stop his thoughts from wandering.
You're supposed to make a wish when you see a falling star…you know.
Wish upon a star? Nonsense Albus.
You may never find out the truth if you don't try.
As if the sky was reading his thoughts, a star fell and despite his better judgment he felt a longing sigh to pass through his lips quickly followed by a soft ‘I wish’.
He wasn't the romantic type, he was ambitious and focused, he couldn't allow his heart and emotions to completely take over him, but something about the hopeful atmosphere during the Christmas season made him dream like the little kid he used to be.
He wished… It didn't matter how much and how ridiculous that was, but he always wished that someone would have his back, would understand him, the ideas and the vision he had for the world… a place in that world for an outsider like himself.
A wishful thinking
The worst thing was that he had hoped that Albus would be the one who would completely understand him, someone worth enough, someone brilliant enough to share his vision with… and for a while it felt as if he would get his wish, before it all shattered like glass after a heavier hit.
Now that he was standing on the precipice, he could feel the upcoming fight between them like a chill in his bones and for the first time he made a wish.
Unfortunately he was completely unaware that at exactly the same moment, that same wish was repeated from the top of the astronomy tower at Hogwarts.
‘I wish I didn't have to fight you.’
They both knew that that was the only wish that would never come true.