“No. No, Pansy, they’ll kill you!”
“Then I’ll die!” Pansy yells, finally turning to Blaise. Behind him, Daphne, Draco, and Theo are looking at her, shocked. “Maybe then you’ll finally grow a pair and do something about this!”
“Pansy…” Daphne’s voice is broken. Pansy wants to kill the people who did this to her. Wants to rip them limb from limb, make them bleed for destroying her best friend’s spirits. Daphne used to be full of fire. (They used to tease her a little for being the one with the most Gryffindor tendencies. She would roll her eyes and tell them to shut up, but would never deny it.)
“If they want to kill me, then they’ll kill me. Merlin knows I didn’t expect to see graduation anyway. But I can’t do this anymore. I’m done hiding. I don’t care about stupid house rivalries, I just want the kids to be safe and I can’t stand by while the Carrows do this shit.”
“But we need you to be safe, Pans,” Theo says.
“I’ll do my best.” She begins to walk away from them before stopping. Turning back around, she says, “I love you guys,” before leaving the common room.
She might not see her best friends again.
All she can do is hope that she’ll be the one to die. It’s selfish, really. She just doesn’t want this damn war (and life) to take more from her.
As to where she’s going, well. Pansy is leaving the relative safety of the snake’s nest and walking straight into the lion’s mouth. Literally.
Months ago, at the very beginning of seventh year, Pansy had had an… interesting conversation with somebody.
It’s really the only way she can describe it.
The final screams had died out five minutes earlier, and Pansy listened at the entrance to the common room for the telltale footsteps of the Carrows. Once she heard them, she slipped outside and hurried to the dungeon that, this year, had become known as the ‘Torture Chamber’.
There were eight kids. Three Gryffindors, two Slytherins, two Hufflepuffs, one Ravenclaw. None of them could have been older than 13. And most were unconscious.
One of the Hufflepuffs noticed Pansy and flinched backward. Pansy held up her hands.
“I’m not going to hurt you. I’m here to help, I promise.”
“Do her first,” the Hufflepuff whispered, pointing at the Ravenclaw, who, upon further examination, was unconscious, taking shallow breaths. “She got the worst of it.” Pansy wasn’t surprised. She recognized this girl as a fiery third year and could imagine that she would have tried to protect the younger kids as much as possible.
Pansy cast a few diagnostic spells before propping the girl up against the wall. She cast some basic healing spells, healing most of the cuts and bruises. She woke the girl up to take some healing potions.
“Alright, I’ve healed most of your injuries, but I’ve left some of the small ones, just so they don’t get suspicious. And I’m going to cast a glamour on you to make it look like you still have more injuries, but you’re not going to feel any pain, okay?”
The girl nodded, and Pansy cast the charm.
“This will last for a few days, but take care of yourself, alright?” The girl nodded again and whispered a weak, “Thank you.”
Pansy moved on and did the same to the rest of the kids. When they were all healed, as best as she could, she gathered them into a small circle and passed out some sandwiches.
“Let’s get you all back to your common rooms. I’ll walk you back. But stay quiet, and if we get caught, let me do the talking, okay?”
The kids all nodded, and Pansy led them out of the dungeon. She dropped the Slytherins off at their common room and then led the others to Hufflepuff. After the two of them had safely made it inside, she led the final four to Ravenclaw Tower to drop off the third year.
When she was taking the three Gryffindors to their tower, they met Professor McGonagall.
“Ms. Parkinson?” the woman asked, raising an eyebrow.
“They got lost, Professor. I’m returning them to their common room.” If it wasn’t for the fact that Death Eaters ran the school, Pansy would have told her exactly what had happened. But she was sure McGonagall knew. And anyway, it wouldn’t do for any of them to get in trouble, which they would if the Carrows or Snape heard a word.
“Alright, then. Be careful,” the professor said. Pansy was fully aware that the stern woman knew precisely why the Gryffindors weren’t in the common room.
Upon reaching Gryffindor tower, Pansy watched the three students scurry through the portrait. The last one looked back and waved before closing the door behind him.
Pansy turned and began walking back to the dungeons when someone gripped her arm. Swallowing a scream, she whipped out her wand, pointing it at… Neville Longbottom?
He immediately let go of her arm and held his hands up. She lowered her wand.
He looked around and took her arm again, tilting his head to the side in a clear gesture of ‘follow me’.
Well, what did she have to lose? She let him lead her to the seventh floor. He began pacing back and forth across from a tapestry and she stared at him with mild confusion. What was he doing?
She got her answer as soon as she thought of the question. A door appeared just across from the tapestry. He opened it and gestured to her to go inside. He held the door and followed her in. (What a gentleman). Inside was a simple fireplace, a couch, and two armchairs. Pansy sat down in one of the chairs.
“What were you thinking?” Neville asked when the door was shut.
“Excuse me?” Pansy couldn’t say she wasn’t taken aback.
“The Carrows are being overly strict about curfew, and you’re wandering around when your common room is in a completely different part of the castle?”
“Nothing happened, and besides, I wasn’t just wandering around!”
“So what were you doing?” He crossed his arms.
“Nothing.” He raised an eyebrow. (What had happened to the timid, awkward boy from their first few years?) She stared back, lifting her chin defiantly. When it became clear he wouldn’t budge, she sighed and rubbed her temples. “I was bringing kids back to their common rooms.”
“Why?”
“Because they’d just been with the Carrows and needed to be somewhere safer!”
“You… Did you heal those kids they took today?” Neville asked, sitting in the chair across from her.
“A little.”
“Why?”
“Because Madam Pomfrey can’t and somebody has to.”
“Okay, great, but why are you going against explicit orders from the Carrows?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because-”
“Because I’m a pureblood Slytherin and so clearly a Death Eater and evil and so, of course, I should agree with the Carrows and I should be doing everything they want and I shouldn’t see any problem with what they’re doing because I think the Dark Lord is right and I can’t wait to be just like my parents?” Pansy’s voice rose steadily until she was yelling at Neville. He looked taken aback in the silence following her statement. She slumped in her seat and buried her face in her hands. “Just because we aren’t antagonizing them doesn’t mean we’re complicit in what they’re trying to do.”
“I… I wasn’t trying to imply that you were… evil.”
“Don’t bother, I know what everyone thinks of us.” There was an awkward silence.
“I’m sorry-” they both said at the same time. Pansy looked up and Neville gestured for her to go first (seriously, it was like he was trying to prove chivalry wasn’t dead). She sighed and put her head back in her hands.
“It wasn’t fair of me to take that out on you. It’s just… been a stressful year. Or, life, I guess. Which isn’t really an excuse.”
“It wasn’t fair of me to be so suspicious of you.”
“No, that was justified.”
“It really wasn’t.”
“Yes, it was.”
“No, it wasn’t fair-”
“Stop being such a damn Gryffindor!” Pansy burst out, lifting her head from her hands. Neville stared back at her. Then, the corner of his mouth turned up.
“Wanna switch ties, then?”
The ridiculousness of the question made Pansy laugh.
“Why?” she asked.
“Well you said I needed to stop being a Gryffindor, and you were pretty Gryffindor-ish tonight, so-”
“No no no. I resent the implication that I have ever been like a Gryffindor, how dare you-”
“Just saying, bringing kids back to their common rooms instead of leaving them to fend for themselves is-”
“Common decency, and Gryffindors are not the only ones capable of such.”
There was more silence. Then, Neville let out a dry chuckle.
“Still can’t talk to anyone without putting my foot in my mouth, can I?” he muttered. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. I swear I’m usually not such an asshole.”
“Considering there’s a war brewing, our government has been taken over by blood supremacists, said blood supremacists have taken over our fucking school, and are torturing children, I think you get a pass.”
“Are you doing okay?”
“I’ve been nothing but rude to you and you’re asking me if I’m okay? The fuck kind of shit do they teach you in Gryffindor?” His lips quirked up in a half smile.
“Actually, my gran was the one to teach me that you should always check if people are doing okay, especially if they’re a pretty girl.” His brow furrowed. “And I did not mean to say that part out loud, shit. But the point stands. Are you okay?”
“I’m surviving.” She chose to ignore the 'pretty girl' comment.
“Not the same thing.”
“Alright, I’m not doing okay. I can barely breathe with all the shit going on, and I’m stressed out of my mind because somehow, I’m supposed to be focusing on my NEWTs instead of the war going on and I just… I don’t know. How are you doing?”
“About the same.”
“We should head back to our common rooms. It’s late,” Pansy said. He nodded, and they stood. Just before she left the room, he took her arm again.
“If you need it, go to the tapestry across the hall and hide behind it. There’s a hidden alcove there, and I’m always checking it. I think soon, it’ll be time for a lot of us to go into hiding, so…” he trailed off.
“Thank you.” Pansy gave him a tight smile, and slipped out of the room, hurrying back to her common room.
Now, she walks straight to the tapestry he’d mentioned. She has no idea if it’ll do anything. He’s been missing for a few weeks now, and even though there are still plenty of rebellious acts with his name all over them, there’s no way to know for sure that he’s still here.
She hides behind the tapestry. It’s definitely more spacious than she expected. She’s still scared. Terrified, actually.
She’s not sure how long she stays there. She only knows that, at some point, the tapestry is pulled back a little, and she points her wand at whoever it is. She drops it when she sees it’s Neville.
“Pansy?” he asks.
“I… I need somewhere to hide. And do something, preferably. But if that would put you and everyone else in danger, it-”
“Hey, stop that. We’re already in danger, if anything, you’d be helping us. Besides, none of us are exactly great at potions, and I think, if I remember correctly, you are. Come on,” he extends a hand and pulls her to her feet. He brings her to the same room they were in earlier, but this time, there are tons of hammocks and it’s full of people.
People like Seamus Finnegan and Luna Lovegood and Ginny Weasley. People who hate her.
“Everyone!” Neville calls when the door has shut behind them. They turn to look at him, and Pansy sees the exact moments where they notice her. But surprisingly, no one says anything.
“She’s joining us. If I hear a whisper of anyone being less than welcoming, there’s gonna be a problem. We’re all in this together, remember?”
“You’re the one who’s been healing everyone,” Luna Lovegood says. It's not a question. Pansy just nods, not sure what else to do.
“Wait, really?” Seamus Finnegan asks.
“Yeah,” Pansy says. She’s embarrassed by how small her voice sounds. Seamus gives her a small nod.
“Welcome to the D.A. then,” Ginny Weasley steps forward and holds her hand out for a handshake. Pansy obliges, and Ginny offers her a small smile.
“What does D.A. stand for?” she asks.
“Dumbledore’s Army. We’ve had it since fifth year,” Neville explains. Pansy can’t stop herself from rolling her eyes and letting out a huff.
“You’re telling me you named yourselves Dumbledore’s Army? The year Umbridge was here? Also known as the year everybody was against Dumbledore? What were you thinking?”
“This one has no regard for her personal safety and decided to drag us down with her,” Neville grumbles, pointing at Ginny. Pansy can tell he’s joking, which confuses her, because since when has she been able to read him? The rest of the students in the room have scattered. Pansy isn’t sure if she should be grateful they haven’t made a fuss over her joining, or if she should prepare to sleep with one eye open.
“In my defense, I’m pretty sure I was dropped on my head as a kid,” Ginny says. “Or maybe I got my tendencies from Fred and George, but whatever! I was also 14, so shut up, Neville.”
“Yeah yeah, whatever. Come on, Pansy, Luna’s fixing you a hammock.” Neville leads her to where Luna is, indeed, finishing up putting some pillows and a blanket on a hammock that Pansy could swear wasn’t there two minutes ago. But maybe that’s because it’s tucked away a little, in a small alcove with two other hammocks. (Thank Merlin for that, though. Pansy’s not sure she could handle being around too many people all at once.)
“I thought you might want something more secluded,” Luna says as if she can read Pansy’s mind. “So I put you here with me and Ginny. Wrackspurts usually stay away from us, but I tend to check on the protective charms every week or so.”
“Wrackspurts?” Pansy asks. Beside her, Neville stifles a laugh.
“Oh, they’re these invisible creatures that float in through your ears and make your brain go all fuzzy.”
“Good to know. I’ll let you know if my brain goes a bit fuzzy,” Pansy says. Luna smiles and floats off. (Pansy has never understood it when people have been described as floating when they’re just walking, but it fits Luna perfectly.)
“Welcome to the D.A.,” Neville says.
“Thanks, Longbottom.”
“Neville.” The boy in question gives her a half-smile. “I think we’re past the last name stage, right?”
“Neville, then,” Pansy smiles.
“Get some sleep,” he tells her, squeezing her hand, which even now, he hasn’t let go of. He does now and leaves as she hops up into the hammock.
She never imagined that she would ever be here. Granted, she never thought there would be a war destroying the world around her, but the point stands. And maybe soon she’ll consider all these people friends. But for now, she’s going to get some sleep.
And maybe tomorrow she’ll start fighting against Voldemort for real. Even if she’s part of a group called Dumbledore’s Army.