Chapter 31
It had been a week.
A full seven days had passed since the ritual.
Seven days since Severus had died. Since you had watched his body go cold, since you had dragged him back into the world.
He was alive.
But he wasn’t the same.
You saw it in the way he moved, in the stiffness of his shoulders, in the tension that never seemed to leave his jaw.
You saw it in the way he flinched when something moved too quickly, or in the way he so gingerly touched you and Nova, as if his very touch would be enough to harm you.
You’d spent two full days in the Medical Wing, Madam Pomfrey’s watchful eye never straying too far from Severus’ bedside. At last, she reluctantly allowed him to return to the apartment, but even now, she checked on him daily, her sharp gaze assessing him like he might collapse at any moment.
You weren’t much different. You hadn’t left his side. Hadn’t stopped watching his chest rise and fall in his sleep, terrified that it might fall and never rise again.
Severus sat by the window, a book in his hand, but the page never turned. A single candle burned beside him, its light flickering and sending shadows dancing across his face.
Nova slept soundly in her crib, and you slowly approached Severus, resting a hand on his shoulder gently.
“You should eat something.” You tell him softly. “You didn’t have dinner.”
“I’m not hungry.” He replied lowly.
He’d hardly eaten in the past week. He picked at his food, if he touched it at all.
The air in the small apartment felt thick, like something unseen lingered in the corners. In the very air you breathed.
“You should rest.” You murmured, slowly closing the unread book in his hands before taking it and setting it on the shelf.
He let out a quiet breath, almost a laugh. “I’ve done little else.”
You knew this was untrue, he hadn’t slept.
Not properly.
Some nights, you woke to find him sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor. Others, he would simply stare into Nova’s crib, pacing back and forth, breathing raggedly.
You would pretend to be asleep, not sure what to say.
Not sure what to do.
When he did sleep, it was restless. You’d learned quickly that waking him was as dangerous as letting him thrash in the sheets. You’d reached out, whispering his name, only for him to jerk so violently he fell out of the bed.
“You don’t have to take care of me,” Severus murmured, still looking down at his hands.
You let out a soft, dry laugh. “That was by far the worst attempt at pushing me away you’ve ever made.”
He didn’t respond.
Your hand slowly trailed down his arm, lacing your fingers between his. He didn’t move for a moment, his body stiffening beneath your gentle touch.
He was silent for another long moment.
Then, finally, his fingers curled around yours. He closed his eyes, and for the first time in a week, he let himself lean into your touch.
I’m sorry. He whispered into your mind, not moving a muscle of his body. I know that I’ve been awful.
You shake your head, holding tightly to his hand with one of your own while using the other to gently comb your fingers through his silky black hair.
You’ve been through too much. You push back. I wish I knew how to help.
“It was…cold,” Severus spoke out loud, his breath hitching as he spoke.
You stayed perfectly still as he swallowed hard.
“I could feel it leaving me. My magic. My life.” His voice was so hoarse it barely sounded like his own. “It wasn’t instant. It wasn’t like–like dying.”
His throat bobbed as his fingers twitched in yours.
“It was… slow.” He breathed. “I felt every part of it. Like something was peeling me away, piece by piece.”
Your heart thudded against your ribs as your stomach twisted.
“I heard you,” he whispered, tears welling in his eyes. “Even at the end. I heard you.”
Tears burned in your own eyes.
“You were calling for me.” His voice broke as his fingers dug into your skin, gripping your hand as though he were slipping away. “And I–” His breath came sharper, more ragged, his careful control slipping. “I wanted to answer you. I tried. But there was nothing left. Just… emptiness.”
A shudder ran through him.
You lowered to your knees in front of him, taking his face in your hands.
“I couldn’t even feel you.” He sobbed. “I reached into the bond and found nothing but icy silence.”
You wiped tears as they fell from his eyes, smearing them along his cheeks with your thumbs.
“I wasn’t supposed to come back.”
Your own breathing caught now.
“Severus…”
His hand curled around the back of your neck, his grip desperate, as if grounding himself in your touch.
“I can still feel it,” he rasped. “That nothingness. It’s in me. Like it’s waiting. I don’t know how to–”
You leaned forward and pressed a kiss against his lips.
You didn’t press hard, you didn’t move any other part of your body. You just kissed him gently.
His hands reached for you, hoisting you onto his lap with strength you didn’t know he had regained.
“I’m here,” You whispered against his lips, his breathing just as ragged as your own now. “And I’m not letting you slip away. Not now. Not ever.”
He held onto your hips with force, not daring to let go.
He nodded once, fire burning in his eyes as he crashed his lips against yours again.
This kiss was different.
It was desperate, hungry.
Raw.
****smut warning****
You returned the kiss with the same passion, your fingers weaving into his hair as he ground your hips against his own.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” You breathe against his lips, leaning back just enough to look into his eyes.
He chuckled lowly, his lips pressing against your neck gently.
“Stop worrying.” He muttered back. “Just be with me.”
His length growing firm between your legs was enough to convince you to oblige to his request.
His teeth grazed your collarbone, and you gasped, grinding your hips against him in time with his breathing. He groaned in response, pulling your shirt over your head and tossing it to the floor. You pulled his shirt off a moment later, adding it to the floor with your own.
Your fingers slid along the planes of his chest, tracing the spindly lines where the curse had burned him from the inside out. Your fingers shake slightly, and Severus’ finger finds its way to your chin, tilting your face up to his own.
“I’m okay.” He breathes, his eyes searching your own.
You nod, kissing him eagerly as your hand slides between his legs, your palm rubbing against his firmness gently.
“Seems like you’re more than okay.” You murmur, laughing softly as a sly smile breaks on his lips.
His fingers dip beneath the waistband of your pants, probing at the slickness between your legs and hissing with pleasure as his fingers slide against you.
“Seems like you are as well.” He murmurs back, his mouth finding the peak of your breast as his finger slides into you.
You moan, your body grinding against his hand as your own hand slides up and down his length. When you at last can take no more of this teasing, your pants and Severus’ make their way to the evergrowing pile of clothes on the floor.
He slides into you agonizingly slowly, until you are at last seated completely on him.
“I–” He breathes, looking into your eyes. “I’ve missed you.”
You look up at him through your lashes, slowly raising yourself and lowering back onto him again.
“I’ve missed you too.” You whisper breathlessly.
Your bodies work together in time, each rejoining of your hips sending you both dangerously close to the edge.
“Oh god, Y/N,” Severus groaned, his hands on your hips grasping onto you like he couldn’t let go even if he tried.
Your body crashed down against his once more, sending you both shuddering over the edge as your lips found his again, swallowing each of his moans with your own.
You don’t move from your place on his lap, you don’t dare to break the close intimacy of this moment. After all you had been through in the last few months, this felt like the only way to truly repair what had been broken.
***smut over***
Severus reached to the bed beside you and pulled off the top blanket, covering both of you in it as you rested your cheek against his bare chest.
“I love you, my darling.” He whispered, his lips pressing gently into your hair. “I don’t deserve all you’ve done for me.”
You sit up enough to look into his eyes, cupping his cheek with your hand as you gently run circles along his pale skin with your thumb.
“You don’t deserve all I’ve done to harm you, all anyone has done to harm you.” You murmur back. “I love you more than I can explain.”
Severus shakes his head slowly.
“Let’s move past this all.” He tells you softly. “What’s done is done. I cannot promise that I won’t still feel… the effects of what has happened… but I can promise to do so with you by my side. As we always have.”
You smile, nodding as you nuzzle back into the warmth of his chest, sighing as his familiar scent of peppermint tea fills your lungs.
“As we always will.” You whisper against his skin.
Severus’ cheek rests against the top of your head as he begins to hum softly, the deep resonance filling your chest as it reverberates against your very being.
You do something to me, Y/N. He softly presses into your mind. I feel as though there is nothing that you could not repair in me.
You smile your fingers trailing along his skin as you feel his breathing slowly fall into a sleep-like rhythm.
There is nothing I would not do for you. You push back. Sleep, I will be right here. Nothing can ever take you from me.
His humming slowly trails off as he falls asleep, and for the first time in a long time, you sleep the whole night through, tangled together by the window with Severus.