Chapter 22
You wake with a start, your skin slick with sweat as your head reels. The room spins around you, and you immediately fall into another vivid dream.
You walk down an endless corridor in the dungeons. The walls are covered in shifting shadows, slithering along the cobblestone. They whisper unintelligibly, the hissing sound filling your ears as you walk faster and faster towards a small light at the end of the hall.
You approach a small child sitting on the floor, playing with a toy.
She looks up, and your heart stops when you recognize her to be Nova, only a few years older.
You reach out to her, but Nova looks up at you.
“The pact is sealed.” She hisses, her voice unfamiliar and grating.
You wake again, this time sitting up and breathing heavily, the room still spins wildly as you fight to breathe without waking Severus beside you. You stumble out of the bed and stagger to the bathroom, shutting the door and running the water as cold as it goes.
You splash the water on your face over and over, flushing the sweat from your skin as your breathing finally begins to slow.
Your hand shakes violently as you reach for the handle of the door, unsure if your bedroom will be filled with horrors from your dreams when you enter it. With one final breath, you open the door and step back into the room. You find relief in the sleeping people before you.
Nova is curled around her teddy bear in her crib beside the bed, still just a baby snoring softly. Severus lays turned toward your side of the bed, his face smooth with sleep, his hair falling messily against his pillow and face.
You slowly slide back into your bed, turning away from Severus and squeezing your eyes shut as tightly as you can, afraid that the evil from your dreams may seep into reality if you look too closely.
The soft hum of the mirror beneath your pillow soothes you, but you don’t dare to fall back to sleep. You focus on every beat of your heart, every breath you take, following the tempo of the steady humming in your ears.
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Your head pounds wildly as you circulate throughout the potions classroom. You sigh as you watch a first year throw the wrong amount of wolfsbane into the cauldron, as if you hadn’t just explained each measurement to them with great detail moments before.
“Please watch your measurements!” You call to the class as you continue to walk around, watching as they double-check the book for the correct numbers.
A puff of smoke erupts from a cauldron, and you turn on your heels to find the same student covered in black smoke as his cauldron boils over in front of him.
“What did I JUST say?” You snap, your voice louder and angrier than you expected as you storm across the room. “This is a simple potion, if you can’t figure out how to add five ingredients into a cauldron, perhaps this school is not the place for you.”
You snatch the textbook from his hands, carrying it to the front of the class and slamming it down loudly on your desk.
“Class is over early today.” You spit towards the shocked faces of the students looking at you. “Clean your cauldrons and get out.”
Some small part of you is aware that you are being irrational, is aware that the student made a simple mistake, but your rage refuses to die down. You don’t move as the students quickly clean their cauldrons and scurry out of the room. When at last the room is empty, you sink down into your chair with a long, slow breath, suddenly more exhausted than before.
Are you okay? Severus whispers into your mind, an edge of concern in his voice.
You cover your face with your hands, leaning down and resting your forehead on your desk beside the confiscated textbook. Embarrassment washes through you at the idea of what just happened in your classroom.
I’m just tired. You reply, your voice in your head even sounding shorter and more detached than you intended.
Are you sure?He asks. I felt a weird rush of… anger.
The hot, angry feeling bubbles in your chest again, and you slam your mental shields down around yourself, locking Severus out of your mind. You lock the doors to the classroom before storming up to the apartment.
You lay in the bed, still in your teaching robes, covering your head with the pillow and exhaling loudly. You thank Dumbledore silently for calling Severus to his office this morning, leaving you alone in the empty apartment.
The mirror rests near your shoulder, it’s gentle purr drawing your attention. You close your eyes, slipping quickly into sleep with the mirror by your side.
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You find yourself in a dimly lit room, filled with people in black cloaks and masks. You recognize them immediately as Death Eaters. You find yourself moving with the hoard, as if you are one of them, though you have no control over your body.
A voice echoes through the room, and you recognize it immediately as Voldemort’s, though you aren’t sure how. His face comes into view as he reaches out, setting his hand on Severus’ shoulder.
“Loyalty must be earned, Severus.” He says, cold and commanding.
Your heart drops into your stomach as the dream abruptly shifts. You find yourself standing in a graveyard alone. A familiar hum, almost like the hum of the mirror, draws you to a stone altar in the center of the graveyard.
Nova’s body lies on the altar, unconscious, unmoving, with her eyes closed.
You scream and lurch towards her, but as you try to move, invisible chains hold her back. Voldemort’s cold, calculated laugh echoes through the graveyard as you fall to your knees, screaming Nova’s name.
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Severus runs a finger down your spine, thinking you to be asleep. You don’t move, your eyes staring widely at the wall in front of you in the dark room as your heart beats wildly. It seems always to beat erratically these days, your entire body seemingly running from some unknown threat.
You haven’t slept in days, the fear of the nightmares that plague you driving you to stay awake at all costs. You have blocked Severus out of your mind, keeping him an arm's length away. You try not to notice how your blood runs cold when you see him, the whisper of Voldemort’s voice in the back of your head every time you look into Severus’ eyes.
Nova has hardly left your arms, the memory of her too-still body on the altar burned into your very soul. When you aren’t forcing yourself through teaching classes, you find yourself retreating to the apartment to stare at Nova obsessively, willing yourself to stay awake to protect her from any hidden dangers.
“I know you’re awake.” Severus says quietly, his hand stopping on your hip and pulling gently, beckoning you to face him.
Slowly, you roll over to look at him, your heart rate slowly returning to normal as you look into his warm eyes. You can’t help but notice how tired they look, how filled with concern as he looks into your face.
“Have I done something wrong?” He asks, his voice even and soft.
You don’t feel that you deserve this compassion, not with the way you’ve been acting. Not with the way you’ve treated him.
“No.” You reply, your voice weak and shaky. “I’ve not been… well.”
Severus nods, pulling you closer. For the first time in days, you let him.
“What's wrong?” He asks quietly. “You don’t have to push me away.”
You nod slowly, swallowing hard. You blink away the image of him killing the woman in the alleyway, your body screaming for you to run far away from him.
“I just–can’t sleep.” You breathe, your heart beginning to race again.
He frowns slightly, his fingers moving to run against your cheek slowly.
“What stops you?” He asks, tracing beneath your eyes, presumably outlining the dark circles that reside there.
Voldemort’s voice in your head echoes again and again, and you flinch under his touch as you imagine Voldemort’s too-white hand against Severus’ black robes.
“Did I hurt you?” He asks, his fingers immediately retreating from your skin.
You shake your head, but your body pulls away slightly from his.
“I just can’t sleep.” You answer, your voice short and detached once more.
Severus feels the switch immediately, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. You turn away from him, tears spilling down your cheeks as you stare at the wall again, unsure why you can’t bring yourself to tell him about the nightmares.
Unsure why you’re so afraid to confront what might be hiding within them.
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“Are you even listening to me?” Daisy asks, reaching across the table and squeezing your arm gently.
You snap your attention back to her face, blinking rapidly.
“Yeah.” You answer quickly. “Yes. What was the question?”
Daisy sighs, gathering the supplies from the table and sweeping them into her bag.
“It doesn’t matter.” She says quietly. “I don’t think you’re into this today.”
You sigh now, rolling your eyes in annoyance.
“What?” Daisy asks, her eyebrows furrowing into a scowl as she looks at you. “Look, I get it, you’re going through something. But if you don’t let anyone in, we can do nothing to help you. So either you can tell me what the deal is, or you can stop being a bitch about everything.”
You stand up, pushing your chair back as you grab your bag.
“For the last time, I am fine.” You spit, raking your fingers through your tangled hair. “I’m so sick of all of you constantly talking down to me!”
You storm out of the cafe, ignoring Daisy’s calls behind you, heading back towards the school. You reach into your bag, your fingers wrapping around the handle of the mirror as you walk down the path. It’s cool metal relaxes you, as it always does. Your fingers trace over the runes as your breathing slows, your mind clearing as you look into the perfectly shiny glass.
You run into someone, crashing into them hard and looking up suddenly.
Professor Trelawney looks at you with a confused expression, her eyes sliding to the mirror in your hands. She jumps back immediately, her hands flying into the air as she stumbles away.
“Dark magic.” She breathes, pointing at the object in your hands.
Her eyes roll to the back of her head, and her jaw goes slack as her hands slowly reach out towards the mirror.
“When shadows bind the innocent, the debt must be repaid.” She breathes, her voice detached and monotonous. “The bloodline of the deceiver shall bear the weight of his pact, and only through sacrifice may the bond be broken.”
Her eyes slowly roll back into place and her hands drop to her sides. Her body sags, and you push the mirror into your bag just in time to reach forward and catch her as she slumps over, breathing heavily.
“I don’t know where you got that mirror,” She breathes into your ear as you help her to sit on the side of the path, her back resting against a large rock. “But you need to get rid of it.”
You just nod, pushing her hair away from her eyes as your heart hammers wildly in your ears.