One of us
First week at Hogwarts was quite literally magical. The castle exceeded Remus’ imagination, not in a million years would he be able to expect this kind of school. The best part was that he was going to be here for the next seven years.
To his surprise, everyone who sat on the train with him got sorted into gryffindor, even himself. He wouldn’t describe himself as brave and he had expected ravenclaw. However, he was happy to be sorted with really nice people and he was already, kind of, making friends.
The sorting ceremony was overly dramatic in Remus’ opinion, people cheered and even the headmaster was paying full attention. Remus felt bad for that kid, Sirius Black, his sorting had started with cheers from the slytherin table, as if he was already one of them, but then it turned into gasps from everyone in the hall.
What stuck with him the most though, was the sorting hat’s words to him when it was his turn. Remus couldn’t believe his ears and thought there must be some kind of malfunction. “ Hmm, you have a unique mind young man. A bit of everything but mostly I see courage to be yourself and stand up for others…gryffindor!”
The hat must have been wrong though, Remus did not have the courage to be himself. He actually was the opposite, fearing what he wanted the most. He forced himself to wear the skirt every single day, he brushed his hair and let the other girls braid it, he did everything to fit in and pushed away all the thoughts telling him no .
Remus had become really close to Lily, a redhead girl with freckles and green eyes. She was wonderful, always looking out for Remus and helping him with his classes. Lily was muggle born and she still knew so much more than him. The other girls were also really sweet but he couldn’t find much in common with them. He found himself eyeing the three boys who always huddled around each other and spoke quietly so no one could hear them. Remus wished they would talk to him too, he wanted to know their already established inside jokes, he wanted to be one of them.
Everyone saw him as a girl, so he was automatically excluded from any “boy” activities. He had to live in the girls dorm, feeling out of place everyday. There were moments when Sirius or James would have a quick conversation with him and he would dare to hope before they returned to their other friends.
It wasn’t unfamiliar to Remus, being left out. He can’t remember the last time he had a friend and he was just grateful for Lily. Although she kept disappearing with a boy from Slytherin, his hair was like Sirius’ only shinier and straighter.
“Who was that?” Remus would ask after Lily was taken aside by the boy.
Oh, that’s Severus. We’ve been friends forever.” She had responded. Remus couldn’t say anything and only nodded, everyone seemed to know someone but he didn’t even feel like he knew himself. When Lily would disappear like that and the others are off doing something without him, Remus would hide away in the library. Picking up any book his eyes laid on or at least the ones that were understandable. He never saw the boys in the library, maybe they had better things to do, more fun things.
Their first flying lesson was in an hour and Remus was not looking forward to it. If there’s anything he hates it was heights, and sitting on a broom in the air seemed like a good way to worsen his fear. James on the other hand was excited and didn’t fail letting everyone know that, he even got Sirius excited. They jumped around the common room singing a cheer for some quidditch team Remus had never heard of.
“Oh please won’t you stop it?” Lily complained from where she sat on the floor, her book flat on the floor.
“Never!” Sirius yelled and jumped on the sofa behind her, almost toppling over and crushing the poor girl.
“Be careful.” Remus said as if Sirius would ever listen to him.
“When I become head boy I’ll have every one of you in detention for ruining the fun” James said.
“Listen mate, as much as I wish that for you, I’m not sure you have such a great shot at being chosen. If anyone it would be Sophia, I bet she has read more books than we ever will, Combined!” Sirius said and patted James on the shoulder.
“She can be head girl, but I, despite your lack of confidence Mr. Black, will be headboy.” James said dramatically and Remus’ stomach churned.
“I think Lily has the best shot…” he said and smiled at his friend.
“Oh come on, Lupin! You’re literally always in the library and you’re carrying our lead on the house cup on your shoulders.” Sirius said and Remus felt a little embarrassed, so they had noticed after all?
“Why can’t there be two head girls?” Peter suddenly chimed in, his face stuffed with chocolate frogs.
“Or Sophia can be the headboy” Sirius said and remus glanced at him quickly, did he already figure it out, one of his deepest secrets?
“No, that's ridiculous, you mean headgirl” Peter said.
“It doesn’t matter, it’s not about the label.” Sirius said and smiled toward Remus. Remus felt his heart drop. There was no way Sirius knew how much meaning that response held.
“Come on, let's grab lunch.” James said, interrupting the silence. Peter and Sirius hummed in response and followed James toward the door, leaving Remus and Lily behind.
“Aren’t you coming?” Remus asked.
“No, I’m gonna eat with Severus today.” She said and continued flipping through the pages.
“Oh okay.” Remus stood frozen, wondering if he should go have lunch alone. Suddenly his feet were running towards the portrait, and into the hallway where three boys walked side by side, laughing at each other. He didn’t know what he was doing, but he was dying to be included.
“Can I join you?” Remus asked as he got closer to them. The three of them glanced back towards him and then looked at each other.
“Of course Lupin, come along!” James said and made room for Remus to walk beside him. Remus was overjoyed, embarrassingly proud of walking with three eleven year old boys. He let himself forget about his appearance for a second and enjoyed the moment, as if he was born a boy and naturally one of them.
“So listen to this alright, Sirius was eating this orange once right and he threw it in the air to catch with his mouth but it fell flat on the floor and Sirius laughed so hard the orange that was already in his mouth dripped out of his nose” James told Remus and Sirius laughed at the memory.
“I’m just happy I could snort some oranges.” Sirius said and Remus laughed with them. They kept telling him their stories and he could only laugh, he never had fun like this with any of the other friends he had made so far.
“Are you excited about flying, Sophia?” James asked and Remus thought about what he wanted to respond to that. If he said he was excited, he would be lying but if he told them the truth they might not want to continue talking to him.
“I’ve never been on a broom before so I hope it will be fun.” He said and nodded.
“It’s incredible. I’m sure you’ll love it!” Sirius said.
“No, it’s definitely not.” Peter said and shook his head with wide eyes.
“He threw up once during one of our quidditch games back home.” James whispered to Remus who nodded, feeling good about being told something in secret.
“Hey!” Peter said. They all laughed at the betrayal apparent on his face, he responded with playfully sticking his tongue out at them.
They walked toward the great hall which was crowded as usual. The slytherins where still eyeing Sirius with no less than hatred on their face. A tall Slytherin suddenly stood in their way, her hair was black just like Sirius’ but it was sticking out in various directions. Her face scrunched up into a frown, sirius backed away as his face turned terrified.
“Hello, little cousin.” She said her voice could only be described as evil and if it wasn’t for sirius being so scared Remus would also be terrified.
”What do you want bella?” Sirius said, trying to sound brave but the shakiness in his voice was too clear.
“Why haven’t you been responding to everyone’s letters? Your parents are furious.” She said, smirking.
“It’s none of your business” Sirius stuttered.
“Actually it is, I’ve been told to keep an eye on you. One wrong move and I won’t hesitate to hex you and your little friends.” Bella said and waved her wand in a threatening way. “Go away now!” She yelled and the four of them scurried around her toward their table.
“What was that?” James asked Sirius, who seemed to have drifted away in his mind. He quietly sat down and refused to look anyone in the eye.
“Hey, you ok?” Remus asked, feeling sad for him.
“Yeah…” Sirius said, with a lump in his throat.
“It’s okay mate, we won’t let her hurt you.” James said and patted Sirius on the shoulder.
“Yeah, we will hex her back.” Peter said and nodded determinedly. Sirius looked up at them finally, a timid smile on his face.
“Thanks guys, but she is ruthless, already hexed me multiple times before.” Sirius said and put out his hand to show a little round scar on his hand.
“Did she do that?” Peter asked, gasping.
“Yeah, she was trying new hexes on me and my brother.” He said. Remus didn’t know he had a brother, he must be younger than him.
“Your parents didn’t say anything?” James asked.
“No, they assume that we did something to deserve it. They actually do it themselves sometimes.” Sirius said and shrugged. Remus' eyes widened at the nonchalance on his tone. “What? Like Your parents don’t? ” Sirius said as everyone watched him in shock.
“No they don’t! That’s insane. The worst thing they’ve done is take my broom.” James said.
“Oh—they’re not that bad actually, they let us have a picnic once.“ Sirius tried but seemed to hear how pitiful the explanation was, as his facial expression settled on a defeated look. Remus felt bad for Sirius, although his mum was not the best she would never punish him like that. James and Remus exchanged looks and silently agreed to move on from the topic. They both picked up their utensils and piled on the food on their plates.
“I didn’t know you had a brother.” Remus said to slightly change the subject.
“Oh, yeah little Reggie.” Sirius smiled, genuinely. Remus thought that they must get along pretty well. “He starts here next year.”
Remus nodded, suddenly remembering the other boy from the station. That must have been Sirius’ brother, they looked almost identical only the younger boy had a much more sullen look on his face. Remus guessed it was because Sirius was leaving and he didn’t wanna say goodbye. At least Sirius has someone that missed him.
“Do you think he is gonna be in gryffindor?” Peter asked, between bites of his food.
“Who, Regulus? Unlikely, but it would be nice to see the faces of my parents if he was.” Sirius laughed and shook his head.
“Hey, Sophia?” James suddenly said.
“Yes?” Remus responded trying to match his tone as if that would make him fit in with them better.
“I heard Professor Mcgonagall compliment your transfiguration homework…” James continued, clearly trying to get somewhere but unsure how. Remus understood though.
“You want my help with the next?” Remus asked, raising his eyebrows and James nodded. “We can meet up at the library later?” He suggested.
“You’re my hero Lupin!” James shouted and Remus laughed, trying his best not to flinch.
The flying lesson was just as Remus expected, scary and boring. It took him several minutes to get his broom off the ground, then half the hour learning how to kick off the ground without falling face forward and the other half he was trying his best not to slip down all the while ignoring James and Sirius annoying cheers.
“You can do it, Sophia! Higher!” James shouted and circled above Remus who was visibly anxious.
“Potter! Black! Leave the poor girl alone, or I’ll take points from Gryffindor!” They heard Hooch yell from the ground and James slowed down and stopped right by Remus’ side.
“Hey sophia!” Sirius called, suddenly by his side. “Follow me, don’t look at anything else.” Remus looked in his eyes and nodded. The three of them flew side by side, slower than before so Remus felt comfortable, still only a few feet off the ground. Sirius flew higher and Remus followed him, although he tried hard not to look at the ground he failed. He looked down and the field was getting smaller, his anxiety jumped and he started panicking.
“I wanna go back” He said and Sirius took a lap around him.
“But it’s so fun!” James yelled and Remus shook his head, scared out of his mind.
“Alright, push your knees back and lean down a little.” James explained and Remus did as he was told, the three of them landed smoothly on the ground. Remus felt so dizzy he had to sit down on the grass. Lily and the other girls were already on the ground talking loudly about something.
“Good work, Lupin!” Hooch said and smiled at him.
“She should earn some points for that.” Sirius said and James nodded.
“Yes, I was getting to that. You showed great courage Ms. Lupin, ten points to gryffindor.” Hooch said and left. Remus was confused, how was what he did courageous? He was scared half of the time and Sirius and James flew higher than him.
“That was awesome, Sophia!” Peter came running towards them from where he was sitting on the stands.
“It was?” Remus asked.
“Yes. It was your first time right?” Peter asked and Remus nodded and shrugged. “You are the only one who rode it for the first time and actually went that high!”
Remus looked around and it seemed like everyone had stayed close to the ground the entire time. He smiled proudly, so he was kind of courageous then.
“Well I also never want to do that again” Remus said as he stood up.
“So you won’t try out for the quidditch team?” James asked.
“What? We are only first years…” Remus responded.
“So? They have had first years on before!”
“Yeah, like a hundred years ago,” Peter said and laughed.
“Dream crushers, all of you…” James sulked and turned away from them. Sirius laughed and put his arm around his friend.
“There, there, James. At least you have me, I would never crush your dreams, no matter how unrealistic they are!” Sirius said, grinning. Remus laughed at the dramatic expressions and shook his head, he really wouldn’t mind getting used to this.
But like all good things, the lesson came to an end and the three boys were back to whispering things to each other, unintentionally excluding Remus. Mcgonagall stood at the door when they walked into the castle again, seeming to wait for something.
“Ms. Lupin!” She called for him and he stood beside her, the other three boys not noticing him stopping at all and the girls walked right past him without question.
“Good afternoon, Professor.” He said politely.
“Good afternoon, I’d like to see you in my office.” She said and smiled softly. Remus nodded and followed her to the room.
“Take a seat, if you please.” She said but Remus shook his head, preferring to stand, it might go faster that way.
“Am I in trouble?” He asked, and Mcgonagall’s eyes widened.
“Not at all. I need to speak to you about the next full moon, as you know we can’t have anyone find out about it so we have made some arrangements for you. Before nightfall on every full moon I’d like you to meet me at the infirmary and I will show you where your transformation can safely take place.” She said and Remus nodded, unsure where the infirmary was. “The next full moon is in a few days so make sure you are plenty energized and hydrated. It’s important that you keep yourself in good health if you want to keep up with school.” Mcgonagall sat behind her desk with her hands together.
“Okay, I understand.” Remus said and nodded. “Professor…where exactly is the infirmary?” He asked to avoid getting lost in some way.
“Oh, one moment..” She opened her drawer, where stationery was neatly organized, and pulled out a folded parchment with a drawn sketch of the castle on the front. “Here is a map to the entire building…” She opened the map and pointed at it “…here is the great hall, and here is the infirmary.” Mcgonagall explained before closing the map and handing it to him.
“Thank you professor.” Remus said and took the map in his hands.
“Of course, you can come to me anytime.” She smiled at him, “You’re excused.” Remus nodded and left the room.
Remus hurried to the Gryffindor tower, needing to change his clothes into something more comfortable. Wearing the skirt for this many hours a day was something he did his best to ignore but it was only making him resent hogwarts for its stupid rules. He just needed to take it one day at a time and during the weekends he was free to wear what he wanted. For the sake of not being expelled from the most magical place on earth.
The common room was mostly empty as Remus pretty much skipped up the stairs, in the dorm however was Mary and Marlene each on their beds and reading their books. They nodded at Remus who grabbed a pair of pants and a sweater before running into the bathroom to change.
Remus sighed with relief and plopped onto his bed. He opened the map, fascinated by the amount of rooms Hogwarts had. He knew there was always going to be parts of the castle he would never be able to discover, even with the map. But he found himself with the urge to find every single room he could see, even if it was unrealistic.
A few moments later, Lily came through the door with a big smile on her face. Both Mary and Marlene looked at her, grinning as if they knew the reason behind her smile.
“So how was it?” Mary asked and sat up straight on her bed.
“He gave me this!” Lily pointed at a flower in her hair and the other girls cooed.
“He gave you a lily? Did he say he likes you?” Marlene asked and Remus was more than confused.
“Who?” Remus asked, feeling curious.
“Severus of course.” Lily answered, “Oh by the way, Sophia, the boys are in the common room looking for you.” Remus nodded and smiled at them as they huddled around each other, giggling. He got up, leaving the map on his bed and went back downstairs.
The three boys were standing together by the stairs, waiting for him. Sirius looked up at him first, smiling.
“There she is.” He said and nudged James with his elbow. James smiled up at Remus and adjusted the bag on his shoulder.
“Ready for the library?” He asked and Remus nodded, his own bag on his shoulder. He hadn’t expected all three of them to show up although he should have, these boys are joined at the hip.
The four of them made their way to the library and sat in a corner so as to not disturb any of the other students, not that there were many, it was only the start of term. Remus sat by the window, his favorite seat, while Sirius and Peter sat opposite him and James. They pulled out their books and Remus’ eyes widened at the pile Sirius had stacked on the desk.
“Sorry, do you mind helping me with more than transfiguration?” He asked and Remus almost rolled his eyes. Was this the start of him being used as a homework machine and not a real friend? He didn’t want to presume Sirius’ intentions and decided to take it as a chance to show himself useful to the group. Even if Sirius were to use him, how bad could be? At least then he would be included in some way and maybe, just maybe he could be considered one of them.
“Sure.” Remus nodded and Sirius smiled.
“You’re the best Sophia” he said and Peter shushed him for being loud. All four boys started on transfiguration and within the hour, James, Peter and Sirius were all set for an outstanding on the homework.
“I’m tired…” James said and rested his cheek on his palm and Peter hummed in agreement. “I wanna have dinner, who is coming?” He asked and Peter raised his hand while quickly packing his things with the other.
“I think we have a lot left to do…” Remus said and gestured at the pile, he was ravenous and wished he could have a meal, the wolf made him hungrier this close to the full moon.
“We will see you later then! Thank you Sophia you’re my hero!” James said and Remus smiled.
“MY HERO LUPIN!” He shouted as he hurried out the library, gaining hushes from multiple people. Remus’ attention went back to Sirius and he jumped back at the position of the boy. He had leaned his entire upper body on the desk and rested his face on both of his palms, his face inches away from Remus’.
“Sorry didn’t mean to frighten you.” Sirius laughed and leaned back a few inches. Sirius’ posh accent hasn’t gotten any better especially since he is spending so much time with James and Peter.
“I wanna ask you something, kind of personal…” Sirius started and Remus gulped, there are multiple things he could think of that might ruin his life if anyone knew about them.
“Yes…” he responded when Sirius took a while to answer.
“Why are you always alone? Why do you never hang out with the other girls?” Sirius asked and Remus felt his cheeks heat up slightly at the embarrassment he felt. Sirius had noticed him being alone and he had seen him walk around the halls wondering what he could do with his time, he had seen him sit alone in the common room and the library with no one to talk to and Remus wished he didn’t. He hated being observed, he hated people keeping track of what he did, only the thought nearly made him physically cringe.
“Um…” Remus stuttered, unsure how to respond, “I do…hang out… with Lily sometimes.” Remus said and nodded determinantly.
“Yeah, but the other girls are always together but you’re never there… are they leaving you out?” Sirius asked, his tone serious.
“No!…They’re not.” Remus said and crossed his arms. “I’m just not that interested in what they talk about most of the time. Like boys and boys and boys…”
“Oh, have they talked about me?” Sirius fluttered his eyelashes and Remus raised his book to playfully threaten Sirius for being cheeky.
“They talk a lot about that kid Severus from slytherin. But I’m never there so I can’t tell you if you’ve ever been the topic of interest.” Remus shrugged and Sirius stuck his tongue out at him.
“My condolences, Sophia, I can’t imagine what it must feel like to endure every day…” Sirius said playfully and Remus laughed, “I hope you recover well from these terrible happenings.” Sirius’ tone was dramatic.
“Thank you.” Remus said as his laughter died down.
“I tell you what…Why don’t you hang out with us from now on?” Sirius said, excitement on his voice and eyes wide.
“What? Like, you, James and Peter?” Remus asked and Sirius nodded. “But I’m a gi—“
“We don’t care about that, maybe Peter does but he will come around quickly.” Sirius said and Remus was baffled, they didn’t care he was a girl? Then why did Remus care so much about it?
“Are you sure?” Remus asked, feeling like this was all some kind of big plot to make fun of him in the end.
“Yes, absolutely. I declare you one of us now.” Sirius grinned and stood up to bow.
“Thanks, I give you full approval.” Remus smiled and stood up to bow back. One of us now. It was all Remus had wanted this past week and he was finally considered their friend. He smiled widely and shook the hand Sirius stuck out for him.
“Are you sure they won’t hate you for this?” Remus asked and Sirius nodded.
“They definitely will not. You’re fun to have around.” Sirius said and sat back down.
“Alright then.” Remus smiled and looked at the books, spread out on the desk. “Shall we continue?” He asked.
“Yes we shall, Professor Lupin.” Sirius said and they got to work. They finished one task after the other and finally they had gone through the entire pile. However, Remus didn’t have to worry about going to the common room alone, or eating alone, he had a friend to do all that with and to him he was forever grateful.