Sirius Orion Black was currently the world’s most famous person under the age of 60. Would be the most famous person ever if not for some rich dude named Albus Dumbledore.
Mostly known for his lengthy “Pranking My Roommate” series on YouTube, Sirius had accumulated a large (read as: really fucking huge) fanbase over the past year.
Because of this, it wasn’t uncommon for him to be recognised when he was out and about. In fact, he’d even go so far as to say it was uncommon for him not to be recognised.
Which was why when he had met someone who hadn’t recognised him, he wanted to get to know him better.
Which was why “#Remus Lupin” was trending. Everywhere. And it was why he and Remus were now hiding at Remus’ place from the overwhelming crowd of paparazzi.
He had met Remus almost four months ago. Honestly, he was kind of surprised the world had taken this long to find out.
Sirius had been having a shit day when he had met his boyfriend. He had found out his birth mother had died – that wasn’t the shit part. Sirius couldn’t care less about the old bitch, it was a good riddance – and he would have to be organising the funeral and doing all the “necessary arrangements,” whatever that meant.
He had just been about to tweet out that he would be taking a break for a week or two, prepared to write a whole thread on what had happened. Because in this industry, you tell the story or someone else will tell it for you. And almost any time someone tells it for you, they end up twisting it to their benefit.
Then someone had come up to him, an adorable boy with freckles and a mop of curly hair.
“Hey! Sorry to interrupt but–”
Ugh, of course he would be a fan.
“”Xcuse me, sorry, but I’m really not in the mood for an autograph right now, I just got some horrible news. But we can do a picture if you’d like.” He offered the boy a smile, instead of telling him to fuck off like he wanted. Don’t people know that celebrities have lives too? Can’t people see that he was exhausted?
“What?” The boy quirked an eyebrow, looking amused.
“What?”
“Why would I want a picture? Are you famous or something?” He snorted, as if he found the idea ridiculous.
“Um, maybe?”
The boy laughed. Laughed. Like he found the prospect laughable . “Yeah, right.”
“Okay, what did you come over here for then?” To be perfectly honest, he was acting much more annoyed than he actually was. Judging by the look on the cute guy’s face, he didn’t buy it.
“ Well ,” he said, drawing out the vowel. He slid into the seat across from Sirius – they were in the corner of a secluded coffee shop. “I came here to tell you to cheer the fuck up because you’re scaring the other customers. But now I feel bad since you look so exhausted. So now I’m here to offer you a drink from the menu – of your choice – on the house. The least I can do, mate.”
“What?”
The boy rolled his eyes impatiently. “I said to pick a drink off the menu, we’ll give it to you on the house, and you can then cheer the fuck up.”
For the first time, he noticed the green apron around the boy’s neck and waist.
Oh.
“Um. I don’t need anything on the house, it’s fine. I’ll just leave.”
“What? Oh, okay.” The boy looked a little disappointed. So, Sirius would blame the fact that he stayed on the fact that they looked disappointed. Totally not because he thought the guy was cute. What, no, you’re absurd for thinking that was the reason.
Fast-forward 3 and a half months, Remus has a small fan base of his own, for his writing. And then this happens.
They hadn’t posted proper photos together because neither of them were ready to be out yet. But the fans had caught on. The fans had caught on at the worst time possible – when they were on a date. So as soon as it was presumed that Remus and Sirius were dating, they were together. And photos of them together had begun to pop up, everywhere.
They had had nowhere else to go when the goddamn paparazzi had shown up, so they had just gone (read as: ran) to Remus’s place. And the paparazzi had followed them, because they were desperate like that.
So they were hiding out at Remus’s place. And it was so incredibly awkward.
“So…”
“So…?”
“What’re we going to do, Sirius? We can’t hide here forever.”
Sirius sighed, rubbing his eye with his palm. “I don’t know, Rem. We could put out a statement on Twitter saying that we’re dating? The photos would be worth less then..?”
Remus looked at him with worried eyes. “There must be another way though..” He hummed, thinking. “We could tell them to fuck off?” He suggested.
Sirius laughed and reached up to ruffle his hair. Remus rolled his eyes, but he leaned into the touch nonetheless.
“I’m surprised you can even reach me up here,” he said, shoving off Sirius playfully.
“Oh, shut up, you.” He leant up to kiss Remus when they heard the clicking sound of a photo being taken.
“What the fuck?!”
There was literally someone outside the window.
Remus’s apartment was on the 4th floor.
What the hell?! Are people so desperate that they’re willing to turn into fucking Spider-Man?!
Well. Who wouldn’t want to be Andrew Garfield, to be completely honest?
Not the time, Sirius, not the time .
Sirius pulled Remus towards the hallway, where there weren’t any cameras, prepared to call his security. But then Remus smiled evilly, and he knew he had an idea.
“What if, hear me out, what if we give them what they want?”
“What?”
“Sirius,” he said seriously (not the time for puns, not the time for puns). “We’re going to be outed anyway. You realise that, yeah?”
“Yeah? What’re you planning?”
He smiled that smile again.
With a single pull, he dragged them into the kitchen, where they had been before. Remus hesitated before doing whatever it was he wanted to do, but then he muttered “Fuck it.”
And then he grabbed Sirius’s shirt and kissed him, flipping off the camera.
Sirius laughed into Remus’s mouth. When he pulled back, Remus asked “Okay?”
“Okay.” He smiled.
“Now call your fucking body guard, Pads.”