Sirius wanted to cry, he wanted to scream and sob till his voice gave way. His friend was dead, he’d found his corpse along side that of his wife’s, he’d found they’re son sobbing in his crib. Sirius was so tired. When James and Lilly had asked him to be Harry’s godfather, he felt his heart swarm with pride and warmth, knowing that they trusted him that much, but he never thought he’d actually have to raise the child.
Sirius had his head clutched in his forearms as he tried to think of ways to calm down the screaming toddler. He didn’t know how toddlers were supposed to be punished reprimanded for acting out. He knew it was normal and that all children would do it, but he didn’t know how to solve it. He’d tried talking to him, but the big words he used only frustrated the child more.
He wanted to be good to Harry, he wanted him to learn right from wrong and how to act properly but he didn’t know how to teach him. He learned children were punished with bruises and blood, shattered bones and unforgivable curses. With scars that spelled out atrocious insults or left his back a mangled mess.
But that wasn’t right, and he knew that but he couldn’t figure out what was.
He reached for his phone with shaking hands and dialed the only emergency number in there.
“Sirius, what’s wrong?”Sirius wanted to sob in relief at the sound of Remus’s soft voice.
“Harrys acting up, he’s been so out of sorts and... fuck Remus I don’t know what to do.” The sound of Sirius’s voice was jarring, it was strained and defeated, like it was taking everything in him not to break down. Remus was quiet for a moment before it clicked, Sirius didn’t like to talk about his childhood home life, but he knew to an extent it was anything but loving. He had seen some of the scars, and kissed away some of the nightmare induced tears. It was foolish of him to not realize sooner that Sirius would struggle with the care of his godson without someone there to tell him what was normal, what wasn’t abuse. Did he doubt that Sirius would rather die than raise a hand at Harry? Not even for a second, but he knew that was the only ‘discipline’ he had been taught.
“I’m so tired and i just want to help him but he won’t listen, and its so frustrating but I don’t know how to do anything about him acting out...Remus, i need your help.” Even Sirius could hear how pathetic he sounded, whining over the phone about childcare, but he was so beyond maintaining any pride at this point and he just wanted help-
“Hey, just take a deep breathe. You’re doing an amazing job, its not your fault you weren’t taught how to do this, but Harry knows he’s loved, and you did do that. Try and calm down for me, love, I’ll be there in less than five minutes.”
True to his word, Remus arrived three minutes later, to the sight of a worn down Sirius holding his godson as he tried to calm him. There were toys littered on the floor, as if they had been thrown about in a tantrum, and a half-eaten meal on a child’s plate. Remus walked over to gently take Harry out of Sirius’s arms, telling him to go shower or eat, that it was okay to take a break.
Remus stayed after that, he had no reason not to. He loved Sirius, and he loved Harry, and there was really no where else he rather would or needed to be. He smiled at how much genuine love was in Sirius’s eyes when he looked at Harry, he smiled when they would finally get the toddler to sleep and they could hold each other as they too rested. He smiled when he saw Sirius begin to handle Harry’s misbehavior on his own, with a soft but stern voice that used uncomplicated language the child could comprehend, the explanations of losses of privileges like sweets or television. He smiled because even after so much pain, sorrow, and suffering, the two men had found peace within one another, and they had a precious godson that would only know love and care.
They had survived, but much more, they had a family.