Always
‘Always…’
As soon as the door to Dumbledore’s office closed behind him, he cringed at what had just transpired. Casting a doe-patronus and saying ‘Always’ like some aspiring drama student?
What was he thinking? How had that insufferable old man tricked him into losing his composure?
How had he been baited into revealing that much of himself?
Always…fucking ALWAYS…
Why does he even care for her at all?
Sure, they had been childhood friends, when no-one wanted to be his friend.
Sure, he had hoped that their friendship would have continued once they arrived in Hogwarts.
Sure, he had hoped that they would have been sorted into the same house.
But none of that had happened and while she had tried to maintain a friendship with him, he himself had sabotaged that relationship. He knows he always blamed that pompous ass, Potter, for coming between him and Lily, but if he is honest with himself, the uncomfortable truth is that he himself was the one who drove her away. Drove her away right into the arms of Potter. Goddamn, over-confident, trusting the wrong people, jack-ass Potter.
Does he have regrets? Absolutely.
Does he still love her? Yes, but in a ‘the one who got away’ manner, not in a ‘pining for her for ever’ manner, as he just implied to Dumbledore.
Always… fuckidifuck.