James snuck us out the door as usual, no issues. I watch as the wolf gallantly runs through the woods, howling up at the moon. The large dog beside him mimicking the action and rolling around in the dewy grass. It's an utterly perfect scene, I wish Remus could see it like this. I never get used to it, these transformations. They continue to run, the rat weaving between the 8 paws and the stag galloping with great speed through the trees, hardly seen. Myself being a swallow, I soar above them, getting one of the best views of it all. With this view, I never expected to see the couple sitting in the forest far past curfew, unknowing of the danger just feet from them.
"JAMES!" I called out, though to a human ear it just sounds of a squawk. It was odd for a bird to be chirping at this time of night, and caught the couples attention too.
Remus has found them. He's picked up their scent, it's clear as he lowers his head and begins to trail carefully to the source. Peter picks up speed, running along the path quickly, hoping a rodent will scare off the children before Remus can. Remus sees him run, though, and he starts too.
The wolf's eyes change color, their typical human-like green becoming more neon as it tracks it's hunt. He's getting closer, the children aren't fast enough. They pull their shirts back on their bodies and struggle to get up from the ground. Even if they didn't waste that kind of time, they'd be too slow for the wolf snarling just yards away. Sirius finally catches on and bites the wolf's leg, yanking it back and trying to stop him. I can't do anything, not like I would know what to do anyways.
The girl drops something in the grass, realizing and trying to turn back and grab it. Honestly, how stupid can you be. I realize I can be of use, though, swooping down to grab it for her and fluttering along with them. I turn back to see that James is much quicker on his feet than I could ever be, pinning the wolf down with his antlers, rustling with it and the black dog. The kids are back to safety and my attention turns fully to the animals in the grass, though I wish I hadn't looked at that moment.
A grey claw reaches out for the deer's face, scratching it and causing a deep maroon to spill from the flesh. The deer, in a failed attempt to dodge it, has gotten the crown of its left antler stuck in the forest floor. The wolf takes advantage, going to pounce on its side before the dog blocks him, lunging in front and challenging the other canine. I have to close my eyes upon hearing the cries of pain and seeing more blood shed, only feeling okay again once I hear the dog whimper in submission, usually enough to satisfy the wolf. I was right, and the rest of us began to lead the wolf back to the shack, Peter scampering ahead to defend against the tree.
The sun is starting to rise, the wolf curling into itself as its fur starts to shrink back into its skin, bones popping as they return to a human formation. The blood remains. The scars remain. I drop the quilt over Remus before he's fully back to himself so as to not leave him exposed. The wolf’s whimpering turns into subtle tears and gulping from the boy on the floor. We all turn back as well.
"Pete, go get the kit from upstairs." I keep my voice low, trying to stay calm through all of this. It's nearly impossible, I think it shows that I'm not okay.
I sit James down on the bed towards the back of the room. He's holding his arm with a deep bite mark on the surface. It's not his first, he's taking it like a champ. James never ceases to amaze me like that. I'm shocked he's more worried about his arm than the long rakings of a bleeding scratch that sit on his sternum, or the one stringing from above his right ear down his cheek bone to his jaw. Peter comes back down and quickly hands me the box, letting me work on James's injuries.
"Thanks. You all did a good job, sorry I couldn't be a better help." I say as I drag the saturated cloth against Prongs tanned skin. Its nearly perfect aside from the assortment of half healed scars lain from one side to the other. "You're all so brave." I whisper that last bit, shocked I said it out loud in the first place.
"You are too, y/n." Prongs says to me, standing up from the bed and joining the other two around Moony, still crying. "Mate, I'm sorry."
"Please just go." The boy chokes out, covering himself as best he can, trying not to reveal how heavily he's sobbing.
"Mo-"
"Go." He insists again. The boys follow his order, hesitantly, sneaking back out like usual. I can't seem to do the same. "Please leave, y/n." Remus whimpers.
"You're not okay, Moony. Let me help you."
"No. I can do it myself."
"Remus please."
I'm kneeling next to him now, carefully turning him the other way so his back is no longer to me. His face is an awful shade of scarlet from the tears. Slowly I peel the sheet from his chest, managing the cuts I could with the kit and my limited healing knowledge against his wishes. Not to mention his position makes it nearly impossible to reach anything. He only sobs harder, probably a mixture of embarrassment and the sting of the potions. It's painful to watch. He sits up just a bit as I work at his arms, and I find more abrasions on his back. Still, I find myself putting down the rag and holding him close to me.
"You're okay, Remus. Im sorry. Im so sorry."
He clings onto me, crying into my shoulder and shuddering with the cool autumn air. I summon another quilt with my wand, wrapping it around his shoulders and pulling it around myself as well, making us even closer together. I can feel the warm droplets sliding from his cheek onto my neck and shoulder, every squeeze of his eyelids, his heaving and choking against me. It's heartbreaking, seeing him like this. I'm careful about where I put my hands, but still feel his blood slathering onto my fingers and the wool of the blanket. It's best not to mention it, though. He'd only feel bad.
Remus’s POV
I feel so small. Every inch of me exposed to her, shivering with fear and pain and chill. Every inch of me exposed to her in a less physical sense, as well. My tears, a clear sight of just how bad this monster can be. I'm small, I'm hurting, and there's no one but myself to blame for it all. She holds me close, wrapping me in warmth and care.
"You're okay." She whispers for the fifth time, probably. At this point, it seems to be more for her than me. "We're safe, alright? James is all fixed up, and Sirius and Peter left without a scratch. Its all just fine, Remus."
I pick my head up and tear my arms from her back, wiping my face in the small dark space between y/n and I. She releases her grasp on the blanket, giving me some more room.
"What about you? I didn't hurt you?"
"No." She smiles at me. I can still smell the anxiety on her. "No, you didn't hurt me. You tore yourself up more than anything. I'd like to help with the rest, if that's okay with you."
"Thanks." I sniffle again, trying to give her some bit of a smile so she can relax some. I can't. I still feel insignificant and needy. I just want to be held, no matter how childish I sound. "Don't know what I'd do without you."
"Probably bleed out." Y/n giggles next to me, her snarky comments my favorite of her nervous habits. "Sorry. Put some underwear on, your legs looked pretty bad."
She gets up and begins pacing around the room, quietly recounting some of the spells she's learned in her healing lessons and counting on her fingers. Everything still stung, my ribs felt crushed and I couldn't breathe right. I hoped I wouldn't start up crying again as I pulled on my boxers.
"All done?" She asks, back facing me politely.
"All done."
"Good."
Y/n quickly cleans out and repairs the abrasions on my calves, holding back laughs the further up my thighs she got. If I wasn't in so much damn pain I'd join her. I noted as she started softly humming, calming the both of us down quite a bit. My breathing was evening out, matching hers as I felt her pulse from the hand sitting on my bare stomach. Y/n worked diligently at my side, putting my bones in place with a few advanced spells I wasn't even sure Pomfrey was teaching. Her humming grew quieter while she picked up her head, our eyes meeting.
"Does that hurt?" Her meek voice lets out.
"No, not terribly. I've had worse."
"You're staring, thought maybe I was doing more harm than good."
"Sorry. Just- where'd you learn all of this anyways?"
"Healers books. You're not the only one who goes to the library you know."
"Right." I tried to laugh, though it was only really a sharp inhale through my teeth as I clutched my abdomen. "You're pretty good at all this."
"Yeah yeah, move your hand now so I can deal with that too."
Y/n shifts from her position to be on her knees, reaching over my body and holding her wand against the spot I'd just been clutching. Just like everywhere else, she effortlessly eliminated at least 90% of the pain. She crawled over further, sitting next to my crown and forcing me to sit up a bit. She outstretches her legs in the spot I had once been and lays me back down, head on her thighs. I start to blink rapidly and she notices.
"I can reach some of these better with you here. And thought it might be softer than the floor." I nod and just close my eyes, trying to relax again while she takes care of me. She picks up humming again, her voice is beautiful.
"What song is that?" I ask. She tilts my head to the left by pushing on my jaw, facing her knees while she inspects for more marks.
"Nothing, really. Just made it up. I can stop, if it's bothering you."
"No. You have a nice voice." Why did I say that? She's holding back a laugh, tilting my head all different ways as she looks me over another time. "I think you got it all. Thanks."
"Just being a good friend." She says, tenderly kissing my temple. It takes everything for my eyes not to shoot open at the touch. I've seen her peck our friends' cheeks or ailments from quidditch. I knew it was kind of her thing, but it still came as a shock.
"Right. Just a good friend." I mumble. My surprise and pain were mixing together to create a foul anger, and though it wasn't truly y/n's fault, I could tell it was going to be directed at her. I hoped she didn't hear me very well.
"Pardon?"
"Nothing, don't worry about it. You should go to bed, I can take care of myself."
"Did I do something wrong, Remus? Im really sorry if-"
"No. Just-" I start to sit up, only to find another gash on my hip that she'd missed. I try to hide the seething pain and continue on. "You should just go."
"I knew something felt off. It'll only take a second to get the stuff together again."
"Y/n, im fine. Go away." My voice is slowly becoming more backed by animosity, and even if I didn't really want her gone, I really didn't want to get more angry at her.
She pushes down on my sternum, laying me back down whether I like it or not. I'm too weak and tired to fight her much. She turns my jaw to face her, looking into my eyes as if she's searching for an answer. Her fingers remain where they are for a moment. While I'm sure it was just a couple seconds, it felt like an eternity. They traveled up my face slowly and began to rake through my hair. I can't fight my body's instinct to close my eyes and rest with her touch. She continues to pull through my curls, and I can feel her stare staying centered on my face. She turns her gaze back over and releases my mane from her grasp. I can smell the awful odor of the wound cleaning potion she uses, and feel it sting as she drags it across my pelvic bone, followed by the grotesque steam in the air. Y/n restrains her usual giggles about the placement, matching the mood I'd set for the room.
"Sometimes I forget that some people aren't as accustomed to my affection as others. You have every right to be upset with me, but I'm not going anywhere. Sit up, healing potion next. If you had the strength you would have fought me, so clearly you're in need."
Y/n's voice is stern and punishing. She's completely right, of course, except about why I was mad about her kissing my forehead. It would be so easy to tell her- no, y/n, I just wanted you to kiss me on the mouth instead. A real, rich snog, not some docile friendly peck- but even if I had the bloody courage to do it, she seemed to be in no mood for that sort of confession. I obeyed her command, sitting up completely and turning my body so we faced one another. She handed me the bottle and began fishing around in the kit as I swallowed it in one go, careful not to let the shit hit my tongue, rather sliding all the way down my throat. It didn't matter, the revolting taste still lingered. I handed the bottle back to her without looking, and felt her trade it for something else she'd slid into my palm. A chocoball- wrapped in a nice pink foil. Y/n still looks a bit angry, and I'm not sure if it's entirely at me anymore.
"Eat it, you'll feel better."
"Cheers." I whisper, peeling back the foil and doing my best to tear the treat into halves. I extend my hand with one of the pieces back out to her. "Well come on, you deserve it after dealing with all my shit."
She hints a smile at me and takes it, biting into hers the same time I do mine. It only takes a couple to have the entire thing scarfed down, and we're back to silence. It's a bit softer this time around, after the candy, but there's still some strong tension.
"I should probably put some clothes on, now." I whisper, looking down at my bare legs and suddenly feeling extremely self conscious once again.
Y/n stands up and collects the blankets and everything for her handmade first aid kit, heading up the stairs to put it all back. I sigh as I stand, too, still feeling a bit achy but not too terrible, and pull on the fresh brown corduroy trousers and blue sweater y/n had packed for me. I always forgot to bring that kind of thing, but she'd scold me for wearing yesterday's clothes (especially if it were a school uniform). She came back downstairs about the time I was pulling it over my head, just standing and staring at me.
"I'm not mad at you. I don't know what I was angry about, really." I said, looking anywhere but her. I could hear her footsteps coming nearer, and before I knew it, her arms were around me, enveloping me in a warm hug.
"Thanks, Moony."
I hugged her back, taking in her scent, feeling her small hands sit on top of fresh scars and fighting a wince. She really was the best friend I could've asked for. It wasn't worth it to ruin that. I wanted so badly to let all of it slip, to tell her how I felt, and just pray she felt even a little bit of what I did. Especially with this, her holding me, breathing me in, taking care of me after I hurt myself for the thousandth time. I hoped it would never stop, but she pulled back anyways.
"You should go to sleep. I'll bring you some lunch later if you wanna stay out here, it's probably quieter than your room."
"Yeah, cheers. Thanks for everything, again."
"My pleasure. I'll see you later."
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Y/n's pov
And I did just that. I came back a while later, around noon, with a large tray of everything I could get my hands on for Moony. It wasn't unusual for students to take their meals outside, especially on such a nice autumn day as this one, so I seemed pretty normal as I walked out. I curved around the side of the castle, making sure no eyes were on me as I slinked down and chucked a rock at the base of the tree, keeping it from whomping me as I crawled through the entrance.
Remus laid out on the bed, curled up on his side. It was eerily like the way he laid after coming back last night, scaring me just a bit until I got closer and ensured he was still just fine. I sat the food down on the piano, pulling the bench closer to the bed and just watching him a moment. It was probably a little creepy, but the sun shone through the split wood perfectly, highlighting his scars and making them glow a bright silver. He was beautiful like this. Remus, in my experience, was a pretty heavy sleeper, and with this knowledge I couldn't hold myself back. I walked up to him, pulling my fingers through his soft hair again, and laying a soft kiss on his cheek. It was too risky to properly kiss him, and I'd feel absolutely awful even if he didn't wake up.
"Mmm," he started to stir, "come lay down." I couldn't really tell if he was awake or not, and decided to just sit back down on the bench. "C'mere." He groans again.
I move to sit down on the edge of the bed, not too weird in case he's still asleep and not actually talking to me. It was hard to tell, really. His arm pulls me to lay down, and to be pretty close to him. I hope he's awake, this will be pretty hard to explain when he comes to consciousness if not. He nuzzles his head in my neck and my hands reach up to his hair again.
"Mad at you." He says again, muffled against my skin.
"What for?" I really was confused, now. This must be a pretty realistic dream if he's asleep, and at least if I responded it might give me some better insight to if he was or not.
"Wanted to kiss you. But we're only friends." He grumbles again. His grip strengthens as he melts against me. I hold onto him too, enfolding his warm body. "Kissed my forehead though."
"And your cheek." I whispered. I had been wrong about the ability of my responses to make his state clearer, so I thought I'd try again. "Moony, where do you want me to kiss you?"
My heart is pounding. There's no response. He doesnt move in any particular way, there's no snoring or anything to enlighten me, I'm stuck. Maybe it was a dream, and he thinks I'm someone else. I did kiss his forehead, though. I cant lay there anymore, not like this, not without answers or a distraction. My hand untangles from his hair and the other glides back up his back, over to his shoulder as I gently shake him.
"Re-mus." I say in a sing-songy voice, "Remus, wake up. I brought food."
He slowly releases me from his grasp as his hand moves up to his right eye, the bottom of his palm digging into it and wiping out the sleep. He blinks some and looks around the room, finding me to his left, his other arm still around me.
"Oh wow, that's awkward. I'm sorry." He says. Before he can move away, I swing my hand up to his cheek, just staring at him a little.
"You, uh, you talk in your sleep." I replied, wondering if I was about to make a mistake or not. "Pretty cute, actually."
"O-oh." He blushes, looking down with only his eyes. "So...what do you know?"
"You're pretty mad at someone. One of your friends, because they only kissed your forehead, apparently you wanted more than that."
"Oh fuck. Y/n, I'm sorry you heard that. Oh merlin-"
"So it was about me?"
I try not to sound too eager as I ask. The deepening scarlet answered my question well enough, and I couldn't wait any longer than that. I met our lips together, soft at first, still just a tad bit unsure. I pull back, letting my lips just float over his, the tops hardly brushing together, just enough to feel him open his with a small gasp. He grabs my waist and pulls me back in, rolling on his back with me on top as he hooks us back together, tongue gliding across my lip and begging for an entrance. I gladly allow it, feeling him breathlessly huff into my mouth, myself doing the same. We pull apart again, and Remus pushes his head further back into the pillow beneath him.
"I wish you would've said something, Remus."
"I couldn’t risk losing my best friend. Who else would let me cry into them and wrap me up?"
"I'm sure James would if I gave him the chance."
"Wouldn't want him to see me so needy. Hear it makes people realize they want to kiss you."
"Shut up, that's definitely not what it was." I laugh, leaning back down and stealing another peck with a smile. Remus's hands move to hold me in that spot, taking a series of them with smiles in between.
"What was it, then?"
"Dunno. Not you being a cry baby though." Another smile and snog.
"Tosser." His actions contradict his words, as he smiles again and turns us over so Im laying on my back, assaulting my jaw with the endearments. "I'm starving and you promised lunch."
"On the piano. I wouldn't forget about you, Moony."
His meal is spent mainly in silence, himself on the bench scarfing down almost all of it, me on the little bit of its cover that hadn't been torn to shreds. We finished and I cleaned up a bit, Remus staying behind with me and linking our pinkies together as we walked to my next class. He went up to his dorm for more rest, and that was that.