‘You really do look just like him.’ Harry jumped and spun around, the voice was familiar but he didn’t entirely recognise it, he couldn’t place it. Smooth and refined, though sounding slightly cold all over gloomy. It sounded slightly similar to Sirius’ if not a little higher pitched. After frantically scanning the area for this mystery person, his eyes landed on a dusty portrait a few feet away, hidden at the end of the hallway. It was not covered by a sheet like many of the other portraits in the house but it made sense that he had not noticed it before. The layer of dust that cloaked it was thin, maybe a few months old, a year at most. There did not appear to be any bright covers masked by it so it just…blended in. Anyway, whoever was behind the portrait had not spoken a word since he had arrived.
As he stepped closer, Harry saw the film of filth over the canvas and stopped to think. Why had Kreacher not put so much care into this as he had the other, like Walburga Black’s? It seemed that either this person was a disgrace to the family name whose portrait was not wanted and left to the side, neglected and forgotten or that whoever lay beneath the dust was too terrible for even Kreacher to admire and care for.
He reached out warily, brushing off a decent amount of dust from the painting, holding his breath slightly so it couldn’t make him cough. As the man beneath was revealed, he spoke again, voice dull and eyes sad, if a painting could even look sad.
‘I’m sorry, I’m sure you get that a lot. People only seeing you as your father's son and not as your own person. I understand. I was always compared to my brother growing up. It was always ‘your brother would do that exact same thing!’ or ‘you and your brother have such similar faces, it is honestly shocking!’. Well, until we went to school and it all switched around and they started comparing him to me.’ The man- if Harry could even call him that, he barely looked old enough to be graduating Hogwarts, he couldn’t have been an adult for any more than two years before…well, Harry assumed he had died. It was a sad thought but he tried not to go guessing the cause of death of someone who looked so close to his own age, it was unnerving. Harry looked at his features a little closer while he paused. His skin was ghostly white, it looked almost unhealthy, his hair fell to just above his shoulders in black curls and his eyes were an icy grey, not too dissimilar to blunt, raw steel. He was rather handsome, Harry had to admit that, he shared a generous few features with Sirius, though on him, they looked sharp and made him seem distant and cold, like how the Victorians used to romanticise tuberculosis, how they somehow manipulate the gaunt and deathly features it brought along into something beautiful. That was what had happened to this man’s face, the bitterness had been carefully worked into something unnervingly elegant. It made him feel a little uneasy if he was honest, the man seemed perfectly healthy but that underlying look of being at death’s door took away from any kindness the man’s face may have held. He was the sort of man you would fear but admire all at once. Harry finally stopped analysing the man’s face when he continued, appearing not to have noticed the look he was receiving.
‘Anyway, we aren’t talking about me, are we? I was speaking about you.’
‘I’ve never seen you before.’ Was the only response Harry could manage. The man in the painting did not seem surprised by the bluntness in the statement, like he was completely used to it.
‘No, you haven’t.’
Harry paused a moment longer. ‘You knew my father?’
‘Yes, Harry.’ The man's expression did not change.
Harry chose not to ask the man how he knew his name. At this point, a random young man in a dusty portrait he found in his Godfather’s house knowing his name was not at all a shock to him. The surprise was that this man apparently knew his dad despite Harry not remembering a man of his description being brought up in relevance to him, him never having met him before and the fact he clearly belonged to ‘The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black’ whilst not being Sirius. Harry didn’t know exactly how to go on with that conversation so he asked another question instead.
‘Why is your portrait dusty? Kreacher wouldn’t just let the paintings of one of his masters get all covered up and filthy like that. He’s too weird and obsessive over you all to do that with no reason. What did you do?’
The man smiled lightly, it looked odd on his face. ‘Very observant boy, you. And…don’t talk about Kreacher like that if you don’t mind. He is just another living being doing his job like the rest of us. For the record, I told him to let me gather dust.’
Harry frowned. ‘Why?’
‘Because Sirius moved in. I asked him right after I heard about it. I hadn’t spoken at all before then since my portrait was put up and haven’t again since until now so I much have given him quite a shock. He asked me what I wanted and I told him to not dust my portrait again. I can still see through my side but the dust obscures their view of me so I would go unnoticed. That meant I could still keep an eye on Sirius and make sure he was doing okay without being noticed myself. Kreacher seemed confused and conflicted at first but eventually gave in when he realised he had no choice. I suppose I didn’t want Sirius to see me and be reminded of his past before the war, in this house, with this family. I just didn’t want to bother him. Although it appears our dearest mother had the opposite idea.’
It took a few moments for Harry to realise what he had said to him. ‘Wait- ‘our’?- but…Walb- you’re Sirius’ brother? You’re Regulus Black?’
The man nodded. ‘I am. Told you how much he despises me has he? I honestly thought he wouldn’t have mentioned me at all.’
‘Well we only spoke about you once, he was showing me the family tree.’ Harry paused for a minute to think. ‘And he doesn’t hate you. I don’t think so. I think he pretends he does to make it feel better but he doesn’t really.’
Harry felt quite proud of himself for that, he wasn’t known for being too observant so managing to read into how Sirius had acted was quite the achievement. Regulus Black only laughed.
‘James used to say that. He was so convinced that Sirius missed me. I told him he was being stupid but he just insisted and insisted until I changed to conversation topic. Always was a stubborn bastard.’
‘You just mentioned him again! My father! It- it doesn’t make sense!’ Regulus raised an eyebrow and Harry waved his arms around whilst trying to concoct an explanation. ‘You were a death eater! Why would he ever talk to you? Were you friends?’ Harry really couldn’t see why but then he noticed something. This seemed to be a good day for noticing little things.
Regulus had a…funny look on his face. Harry was famously oblivious when it came to his life but when it was somebody else’s he could deduce so much like it was the easiest thing in the world. Anyone could notice that look. He knew portraits could not replace the person within them and only took on a few of the traits of the subject but it appeared this painting was very aware and…well, lucid. He thought there was nothing to lose in asking further. ‘Were you…more than friends?’
-
‘Uh, hey, Reggie, what like…what are we? As in…are we friends?’ James did not think that term really fit at all but said it anyway. ‘...More than friends?’ He smiled as he said it but Regulus only sighed and shook his head.
‘I’ll tell you what we are James, we are going to get caught if you keep calling me Reggie in the corridors when anybody could walk past.’
James laughed and ruffled Regulus’ hair, earning him a scowl and playful slap. He kept grinning as they walked on. ‘You’re so vigilant, it’s adorable. We could just tell people we’re on prefect rounds and pretend to be disappointed or something. Anyway, would it really be that bad? No more hiding?’
James was still smiling but Regulus had stopped walking and crossed his arms over his chest, looking rather exasperated. ‘Would it really be so bad becoming gossip for all the wrong reasons? Being bullied? Getting hatecrimed by my own mother? Yes, James, it would, it really fucking would!’ He was feeling so much, too much.
James had now also stopped walking and now reached out a gentle hand to Reulus’ face, urging him to keep looking at him while he delicately stroked his cheek, holding his face up softly. Regulus did not pull away but his eyes still darted across the corridor in case anyone was watching. He looked back at James and saw him smiling kindly down on him. Soppy twat he thought as he smiled back, if not a little half-heartedly.
‘Hey Reg, I’m sorry, yeah? I promise. I know…I mean, I did say we should have gone to the astronomy tower instead of walking down to the lake I mean-’
‘Oh yeah, so we could get caught snogging there instead!’
‘I told you I checked earlier! No one is there! And I don’t remember saying anything about snogging but if you-’
He was cut off by a hand on his face, pushing his back. Regulus was slightly pink but at least now he was laughing a little. James took this opportunity to make Regulus even more embarrassed and possibly slightly annoyed.
‘Awh, look at my little Reggie, you’re so adorable when you’re embarrassed, it makes you look like a cute little kitten.’
‘Piss of you twat.’
‘So sweet.’
‘Wanker.’
‘Fusspot.’
‘Big-head.’
‘Grump.’
‘Prat.’
‘Pretty boy.’ This was greeted by a shove and the two of them fell into a silence more comfortable than before.
It lasted a few minutes before James piped up again.
‘You didn’t answer the question by the way.’
‘Huh?’
‘What are we?’
‘I don’t know, what do you want us to be?’
‘Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe…boyfriends?’
Regulus laughed and James’ grin dropped fractionally.
‘What?’
‘It’s you, you smile like the bloody Cheshire cat!’ That only made James smile more.
‘Oh yeah, that, Mr Black, is all a part of my irresistible charm.’
‘Irresistible charm?’
‘I mean it worked on you, didn’t it?’
Regulus kept laughing, a hand on James’ arm. He eventually stopped and they walked for a few more minutes.
‘Boyfriends is good.’ Regulus finally muttered, just loud enough to be heard.
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Well, that’s nice to know, boyfriend.’
‘Don’t push it.’
-
Harry cringed as soon as the words left his mouth, Of course they hadn’t been more than friends. Just friends alone was unlikely enough. He had been told by so many people that the only person his father had loved was his mother, that he had asked her out for years. It isn’t like he was seeing someone else before they got together. There was absolutely no way he could have been in a relationship with Regulus Black of all people. He was Sirius’ brother for Merlin’s sake. And a man.
‘Yeah no, sorry, no, I shouldn’t have said that, of course you weren't-...sorry.’
Regulus ignored the apology and decided to answer the question presented to him. He was dead and so was James (he still remembered overhearing that, the memory would never fade), it wasn't really like the secret was worth keeping. Still, he decided he shouldn’t drop the whole truth on the poor boy, it would be…a shock at the least.
‘We were…close.’
‘...Oh. Okay..’ Harry didn’t know what to do with that information, he could assume what close meant if he wanted but there were so many things the statement could mean and he didn’t really want to pick the wrong one. At the same time, he didn’t want to pry in his father’s life and who he associated with. Harry considered how to word his response without seeming invasive.
‘So you uh, you…spoke a lot, then?’ An awkward silence had filled the hallway and become almost suffocating so Harry just said the first thing he could think of.
‘You could say that. Almost every day for 2 years. It’s a wonder nobody noticed, we weren’t exactly as subtle as we liked to think so we must have had some pretty fucking good luck.’ Hearing Regulus Black’s articulate voice swearing was significantly funnier than it probably should have been.
‘So,’ Hary desperately tried to piece everything together. ‘Sirius didn’t know?’
Regulus shook his head. ‘Not that I know of. He may have found out after, as in not just after it ended but after 1979,’ Harry thought about why the year was relevant for a moment before remembering the tapestry. 1979 had been the year Regulus Black had died. Cheery. ‘He probably did not know whilst I was alive and definitely didn't know when it was happening, he knew something was up with James but he didn’t have a clue what. Believe me, I would have known if he had.’ Regulus paused thoughtfully before he continued. ‘I suspect Pettigrew and Lupin had their suspicions but don’t know if it clicked or not. If they did know, they were clearly smart enough to not tell Sirius. Barty figured it out though, quite early on too, of course he did.’ Regulus smiled and Harry felt a lump rise in his throat.
‘Barty…?’
‘Oh, Barty Crouch Junior.’
Harry felt his throat tighten even more whilst trying not to react to the name.
‘You probably don’t know too much about him but I suspect you may recognise his name. You may have heard of his father though. Anyway, Barty was always one of the more…dedicated supporters of the Dark Lord, though I did manage to keep him mainly under control, he wasn’t too bad but he was always rather enthusiastic, of course, I was similar but he didn’t realise the flaws in the Dark Lord as well as I eventually did so I may have toned him down a notch but he wasn’t a bad person. Barty was one of my closest friends at school, probably the closest after Pandora. We knew each other most of our live and him knowing wasn’t too bad, honestly, if there was one person I trusted most in Slytherin to keep a secret and not eventually go completely crazy, it would be Barty.’ Harry saw how Regulus smiled at the memory of his friend and gulped, decided it would probably be best if he didn’t comment on the matter and make things…difficult.
‘...Right.’ He desperately scoured his mind for something to say as to not seem suspicious. ‘So, uh…when did you and my father….talk? See each other? …Meet up?’
‘From around the beginning of my 4th year to my 6th.’
‘So that’s um…’
‘Your fathers 5th year to the beginning of his 7th. 1975 to early 1978. I dropped out of school soon after, mainly my mother’s orders.’
Harry nodded. ‘So how did you…get around without being caught for two years?’ Harry was careful with how he was wording his questions, he doubted Regulus would but he didn’t exactly want to hear the nitty-gritty details of his dead fathers love life. ‘Did you use the cloak to go to wherever you met?’
‘You know about the cloak?’
‘Well, yeah I do, I own it, it was passed down to me.’
Regulus laughed. ‘I’m sure your mother would be delighted to know that. And yes, we occasionally used the cloak to get around, it depended on where we were going and when.’
Harry was once again careful with his questioning. ‘So you didn’t have a set meeting spot?’
Regulus shook his head. ‘Nah, we moved around a lot, wandered around different parts of the castle, sat outside where nobody could find us. There were a few places we often went to, a few rooms we found to be safe, namely one on the 7th floor but we never really had a specialspot, so to speak.’
-
‘Which one is yours?’
‘What makes you think my star is visible?’
‘Well, you said Leo is visible this time of year, did you not? And your star is the brightest one there so I can assume there is a good chance you are able to point it out. Unless you don’t know where your own star is…’
Regulus laughed and slapped James’ head, which was laying on his chest as they both looked up at the clear sky. ‘Someone’s been memorising everything I’ve ever said. And yes I know where my own star is, with the number of times Sirius pointed our stars out when we were kids, I’ll never forget.’
‘Come on then astronomy genius, prove your talent.’
‘Shush.’ Regulus closed his eyes for a moment, moving his hands around in front of him, pointing at various parts of the sky. He opened his eyes and searched around a specific spot in the sky just to their right. He stared in silence for a few seconds more before pointing at a star, it was ever so slightly brighter than the others and twinkled back at the pair of them. Regulus smiled when he saw his namesake. It always felt comforting to look at the stars and find his among them. It was fun to spot those who shared names with his family members too, it looked like the whole family was there for everyone to see. His brother used to tell him that when they died, they would be there, with their stars, watching everything happen. The thought had used to frighten Regulus, the thought of dying and being stuk=ck in the sky but now it comforted him more than anything. He didn’t believe it anymore but the thought of being so far away from the world, the place where everything had ever gone wrong for him, being able to look around and see nothing for further than he could imagine, being alone yet surrounded by his family. He sort of wished he did believe it but Regulus had outgrown such childish thoughts long ago.
He was snapped out of his thoughts by James’ voice. ‘That one?’ He was pointing at a star just to the side of the right one. Regulus believed it was called Denebola. He sighed and reached out towards James’ hand with his own, gently moving his hand to the side until he was pointing at the correct star.
‘That one.’ He said after he had let his hand fall back to the ground.
‘I was pointing at that one! I think you just wanted to hold my hand.’ He smiled stupidly, getting only an eye roll in return.
‘Whatever you say.’
James looked back at the star, grinning and waving at it. ‘Hiya Reggie!’
‘I swear to Merlin, James, if you don’t stop being an idiot in the next two minutes I will throw you into the black lake and watch you drown.’
‘Yes, and then you will dive in after me and save me.’
‘No chance.’
‘What, are you too scared you’ll drown with me? Can the perfect Regulus Black not swim?’
‘No, I just don’t think saving your arse is worth getting my hair wet.’
‘Hmmm.’
They both stared at the sky for a short while longer.
‘You have a very pretty star, Reg.’
‘Erm, thanks? I don’t know if I am supposed to take that as a complement…’
‘You are.’
Silence.
‘Reg, should we go up to the room of requirement?’
‘I thought you would never ask.’
-
‘So you just wandered around together?’
‘Pretty much.’
‘And you…got closer to each other?’
Regulus seemed to be debating telling the truth or letting Harry keep how he knew his father without ruining it.
‘You can tell me the truth, I don’t care. I would rather know the truth than be lied to.’
Regulus looked at him for a moment longer before sighing. ‘Okay, if you want the truth I will tell you but it may ruin the image of your father loving your mother his whole life and never being able to take his eyes off her so if that bothers you I don’t think you want to hear it.’
Harry shrugged. ‘I would rather know at least something about my father to be fair. And anyway, they’re dead so it isn’t like being angry my dad had a life will do much good.’
They both stayed silent for a while, Harry wasn’t often too blunt about his parents’ deaths and it seemed to have taken them both aback but eventually, Regulus picked up the conversation.
‘Well uh, yes we grew rather close over the time we spent together. So much so that if Sirius even heard the slightest rumour about it he would have charged through the castle with a flaming torch screeching about how we had both betrayed him and how his best friend was deflowering his spineless little brother, I don’t think I could take it. Jumping to conclusions was always his thing, he would have assumed the very worst, if he had even caught a glimpse of us hugging he would have gone right to McGonagall to yell about how she had allowed James to taint his innocent baby brother. That would have killed me faster than the- sorry, irrelevant. Anyway, we were close, I did warn you but yes, we were… I suppose you could say…in a romantic relationship.’
‘You mentioned earlier my mum not being the only person he loved, was that just something you said or erm, well…uh, did he- did you love each other? Did he love you?’
‘I don’t know. I think so. I know……I know I loved him and he always said he loved me but I don’t know how long for, considering I seemed to be pretty disposable in the end.’
Harry was silently taking in this information, one question burning in the back of his mind all the while. He had wanted to say it for a while but did not know if it was the right thing to do. This was the best moment to ask it but it just felt wrong. Eventually, it just slipped out.
‘How did it end?’
There was silence.
Then Regulus replied.
‘He found out that I had not just taken the mark because I was forced to and he didn’t like it. It was so easy for him to give up on me, I never stop asking myself whether he ever cared about me at all.’
-
‘YOU TOLD ME YOU DIDN’T WANT IT! YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T BELIEVE THAT FUCKING……THAT……THAT BULLSHIT!’
‘I did. And then I got the mark because it was the right thing to do. I got over myself.’
‘You- the right thing to do? Reg, HOW was that the right thing to do? How can you say you got over yourself? You said you got it because they made you!’
‘No, I never said that.’
‘YOU-’
‘I never said it. I said I got it because my family told me it was okay.’
‘Oh, and when I said it wasn’t okay that meant nothing, did it?’
‘They’re my family, James, they trust me and I trust them. I can’t ignore them, they’re the ones I love the most!’
‘Oh and I’m just the random cat you picked up off the street and dragged with you just because?’
‘That doesn’t even make sen-’
‘YOU DON’T MAKE SENSE! ONE MINUTE YOU DON’T BELIEVE ANYTHING THEY SAY, ONE MINUTE I AM HELPING YOU FORGET ABOUT THAT FUCKING MARK BECAUSE I THINK YOU CAN’T STAND IT, BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU TOLD ME AND THE NEXT IT IS THAT TATOO OF YOUR DREAMS?’
‘You’re unbelievable-’
‘Oh, I’m unbelievable? I can’t fucking do this. I can’t have this argument. I just-’
‘Well, we’re gonna have to because I don’t want to snog you if you’re gonna be glaring at me because we never resolved this petty fight-’
‘PETTY? No, you’re right.’
‘When am I not?’
‘You’re right. We can’t keep doing this if you’re…like them. I can’t just forget about that.’
‘You can’t keep ‘doing this’, care to elaborate on that?’
‘I won’t keep seeing you if you believe in all that.’
‘Oh, so this is blackmail now?’
‘Can you shut your fucking mouth for ONE MINUTE?!’
‘I don’t know, can you?’
‘Piss off.’
‘Is that it? Do you have nothing else to yap on about? You’re just going to threaten to end things with me and leave it there?’
‘I’m not threatening, Regulus, I’m doing it. I’ve done it. Just now, I’ve already ended it.’
‘Right.’
‘Reg, you have to understand-’
‘No, I do. I understand perfectly. I’m fine, unlike you. At least I’m composed and not crying like a fucking newborn.’
‘At least I’m not emotionally dead, you fucking- you don’t even care!’
‘I do care, I really do! I just don’t want to fall to the floor sobbing in front of someone who now has no reason not to use it against me.’
‘I would never-’
‘Sure.’ Now Regulus was crying too.
‘Hey, Reg-’
‘No, piss off, you want nothing to do with me, remember? Unless you’ve suddenly changed your mind?’
‘I haven’t changed my mind-’
-
‘Regulus?’ Harry was trying to bring the man in the portrait back to reality before he froze forever, he seemed to have been taken by a memory of his past, and it was probably Harry’s fault.
He eventually looked back at Harry, eyes looking glossier than before, like the paint had not yet dried, great, Harry had made the portrait of his dad's ex-boyfriend cry.
‘Oh, sorry Harry, I must have been in another world for a while.’
‘Erm yeah, you’ve been staring off into the distance for at least 5 minutes. It’s okay though. I understand and I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry, your curiosity is only to be expected.’
‘Yeah, erm, well, I’m sorry. Molly called me around 2 minutes ago so I should probably go now if that’s okay…’
‘Oh, of course, sorry if I kept you by being…distant.’
Harry took a step back from the portrait and said one last thing before walking away.
‘And I didn’t know dad that well but I am sure he did care about you, right to the very end.’
-
1975
‘Why are you so insistent on talking to me?’
James smiled. ‘Because I care about you.’
-
1976
‘Reg, I have come to the conclusion that you do not realise that somebody saying I love you means they love you unless you are the one saying it.’
‘Of course I know that. I just don’t always believe you actually care about me as much as you say you do.’
‘Well, I do care about you.’
-
1977
‘Why are you even crying? You’re the one who just ended things.’
‘I’m crying because I didn’t want to end things! Because I care about you!’
-
1978
James put his face in his hands and muttered to himself, almost hoping Regulus could hear his thoughts from wherever he was.
‘I hope you’re okay Reg, I miss you, I promise I care about you.’
-
1979
He stared at the star until it blurred, tears blocking it from sight.
‘I hope you remember, my star, I hope that in your very last moments you remembered the truth. I care about you Reggie, until the very end.’