Slobbery Dog
Padfoot,
Are you sure this spell holds? I apologize for not trusting your little brother’s honestly terrifying talent for secretive magic, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. So if any of the rest of you fucking Blacks are reading this, you can fuck off. It has nothing to do with Sirius, who by the way should have a right to some bloody privacy.
The neatly written words stopped there, and there weren’t any more until the next piece of (paper?). Remus hadn’t needed to worry though, Regulus had opened the letters first as usual, and assured Sirius they were unreadable. He might be spying on Sirius, but Sirius had come to actually trust his brother. He hoped he wasn’t just gullible.
I’m glad Reg is trying to help you. It sounds like you two have been managing to have some fun together. I wish you’d tell us why he’s watching you; I don’t want you to be disappointed if he’s not as generous as he seems.
It’s nice he has a friend, and you’re ridiculous with how little you’re able to let things go. Since you’re apparently ‘dying of curiosity and boredom’, and I’d hate for all the work I’ve put into forcing you to do your homework to be wasted before you even take your NEWTs, I think I can help you at least know who it is. He’s also a hypocritical ass to ask for privacy, but I do think you should let him be about it. You’re finally getting along, don’t push it by making him uncomfortable. He doesn’t seem like he’s used to having friends, and all that.
I think he must be talking about Xenophilius Lovegood. He’s a Ravenclaw in Reg’s year, and they study together occasionally. He doesn’t like his own prefects very much, so I’ve helped him a few times. I talked to him a few weeks before term ended, and he was quite excited about Brazil. He’s really into magical creatures. He’s a bit like you honestly and doesn’t care much about wearing a proper uniform. I’ve definitely seen him in frocks a few times. Which, by the way, is perfectly alright and as much as I love you, I’ll hex all your hair off if you’re rude about it. Yes, I’ve gotten very good at hexing people’s hair off, so maybe that can be useful at school. Mum thinks it’s hilarious.
Have you managed to leave the house at all yet? It can’t be fucking good for you to go that long without sunlight. People will start thinking you’re a vampire, and my furry little problem isn’t nearly as cool as that. Are your parents vampires?? That must be it.
Speaking of, have they been treating you alright? The tides won’t be right again before we go back to school for me to do what I promised, but I’d be happy to pop by while they’re sleeping and do it the muggle way. Siriusly, and you’re an idiot for still laughing at that, you can trust us. If they’re hurting you, tell us, or tell James, or whatever you can do. Whatever they tell you, you don’t deserve it.
Don’t think just because it’s not OWLs or NEWTs this year I’ll be going easy on any of you. I expect your Transfiguration essay to be actually written by September 1st. No, written in your head doesn’t fucking count. Imagine being able to enjoy the Sorting feast without having to think about it. Even though you’re as dumb as a big, slobbery dog, I know you’re good at Transfiguration and perfectly capable of keeping your marks up, so just stop being lazy and do it.
James told me you all are boycotting the Defense Against the Dark Arts project, and I’m telling you that you’re absolutely not. How bloody suspicious is that? If I have to do this fucking project, and I do because I actually give a shit about my marks in school, then so do all of you. Less than a month until you’re back with real people Pads.
How’s the bride hunt going?
Moony
As always Remus had avoided all personal questions, and as always, his letter had still managed to delight Sirius. Remus was just so damn helpful.
Moony,
The spell works. I’ll admit I’m concerned that Regulus knows it, but it’s useful, so who cares really? I always appreciate you telling my family to fuck off though; I’ll gladly pass on the message to Reg at least.
Even I don’t know the details, but Reg is spying to keep Xenophilius (Jesus, what a name) safe I guess. The parents found out he finally has a friend besides our creepy house elf and are using it to blackmail him a bit. Normal family stuff, you know. It’s shit, but I don’t blame him. If my family threatened you, I think I might have sold Reg out pretty damn quickly, especially if he was how he was before this summer.
Sirius didn’t know how to respond to Remus’ threats about his hair. He kept thinking about his own skirt, stuffed in Regulus’ room. It would be bloody hypocritical of him to be rude to some random Ravenclaw for just being less of a coward than he was, but he didn’t really want Remus (or anyone else) to know about that. Even if Remus said it was ‘perfectly alright’, it definitely didn’t feel that way.
I’ll be nice about Reg’s little friend, just let me keep my hair. That skill will definitely be useful in school, good on you being productive Moony! There’s not much to hex off right now anyway. The parents like it short for the bride hunt, which is going fine. It doesn’t seem like they’ve found one yet. I don’t know what they want.
You’re right that vampires are cool, and my parents most certainly aren’t, So no, they’re not vampires, don’t be insulting to the vampires Moony.
Thanks for the murder offer; I don’t think I’ll need it. I’m bloody relieved we’ll be with you next time the tides are right. Glad you’re ok, Moony. Tell your mum hello, and maybe see if she thinks it’s so funny when she’s the one without any hair.
I need the proper motivation to try hard with school things. I think I’ve fulfilled all of my Transfiguration ambitions that I actually care about, but I appreciate the belief and ‘insults’. I’ll also have you know that I have never once thought about homework during any feast ever and I definitely won’t start now, whether or not I do it. Also, written in my head always counts.
I don’t know what James is talking about a boycott for; I’ve already finished my project. I have about fifty galleons worth of chocolate to bring you and honestly Moony all that sugar will catch up with you eventually. Any other theory for killing a werewolf is simply incorrect.
With love,
The Best of the Slobbery Dogs