I Made A Friend
Sirius’ wand was still missing. Since he found out about Regulus’ unbreakable vow, he’d been vaguely aware that he didn’t have it. Now that his fever and possible concussion had healed at least a little, the lasting good effects of his walk through London a couple days before, he started to actually give it more thought. Had his mother stolen his wand? Did Regulus have it? He hadn’t particularly missed it, but he definitely would need it back eventually.
Once his parents were in bed, he slipped out of his door and snuck through Regulus’, not risking a knock. The room was lit by candles and a low fire in the fireplace, instead of magic, almost making the cold room feel cozy. Sirius did the same in his room sometimes, when the other light was feeling too bright or he just needed to escape the magic for a little while. It usually made him feel a bit better but didn’t seem to be doing the trick for Regulus.
He was in front of his fire, wrapped in multiple blankets, and just staring into the flames. His eyes were puffy and still watering. His whole face was blotchy. He wasn’t making any noise, but Sirius knew he’d cried silently since he was about five. Their parents hated the noise, and Regulus was always so much better at control.
Regulus’ eyes snapped to the door when Sirius came in, but he relaxed a second later and kept watching the fire. Sirius took that to mean it was acceptable for him to enter. Regulus just huddled in his blankets as Sirius sat next to him. It made him look quite young; Sirius needed to stop forgetting how young he was. They both were, but Regulus never seemed to be like Sirius did.
“What’s going on Reg?”
“That’s not your concern.”
“It can be, if you want. I’m your brother. Or I can be a distraction. What can I set on fire for you?”
Regulus might have laughed but might have just choked a little.
“Do you love your friends more than me?” He asked.
It wasn’t a question Sirius liked. His automatic thought was that he definitely did. They were everything to him, and most of the time he hardly liked Regulus. But that definitely didn’t mean he didn’t love Regulus, and recently he really knew he did.
“Of course not Reg.”
“Then I’m a bloody terrible brother.
“No you’re not.”
“I might love my friends more than I love you. I might not, but I’ve done things I shouldn’t have done to you.”
Sirius didn’t know what Regulus was talking about, but it was obviously making his brother extremely unhappy. So he only laughed and said “You don’t have friends Reg.” and bumped his blanketed shoulder.
“No, I guess that’s true.” Regulus sighed.
“What can I do to help?” Sirius asked.
Regulus shook his head, and his eyes were watering more. “Stop being nice to me Sirius. I’m spying on you. Our parents hurt you because of me. I have a dark mark. ”
It was the first time either of them had mentioned Regulus’ tattoo, and Sirius desperately wanted to ignore it.
“They’re making you spy on me, Reg. You had to make an unbreakable vow; you’ll die if you don’t.”
“I didn’t have to make the vow. You have to agree to it.”
“They would have hurt you if you didn’t.”
“I’m their only decent child, Sirius. I’m their backup if you don’t improve. They wouldn’t have hurt me.”
Regulus was insulting him, but it was impossible for Sirius to be even a little offended. Regulus was just saying what was true. And right then, all tearful and cold, he was the same little brother Sirius had always had. He definitely loved him.
“Why’d you agree to it then Reg? I promise it’s ok.” No part of it was ok, but it was their life. It was normal enough.
Regulus was trying hopelessly to wipe off his tears, which were coming faster than ever. Sirius knew how much he hated crying, which was probably only making him cry more.
“They wouldn’t hurt me. I chose to do it to you.”
“Why?”
“Figure it out.” Regulus didn’t manage to sound very bitter. Sirius smiled at him.
“There’s the little Regulus I know.”
“I’m being serious.” Was that a joke? Sirius was pretty sure it was.
“Alright, alright. They wouldn’t hurt you. So you’re just helping them out of the goodness of your loyal little heart?”
Regulus buried his head in his blankets. “Never-mind, Sirius. I’m a bad brother, that’s all you need to know.”
“Sorry, sorry. I promise I’m trying to help you Reg.” Sirius apologized. He was wondering something, just an idea of what Regulus could be trying to tell him.
“Would they have hurt someone else?” Sirius asked.
Regulus nodded, face still hidden.
“Was it me?”
Regulus was truly sobbing, still silently. “Merlin Sirius, they are hurting you. What else could they do?”
“Hey, it’s ok. Really, there’s plenty more they could do.” Sirius reassured, finally wrapping his arms around Regulus’ shaking little body.
“That doesn’t make it better.” Regulus snapped, lifting his head just to glare at Sirius.
Sirius laughed. “If it wasn’t me, have you actually made friends?”
“No.”
“You’re really not making this easy Reg.”
“Fine. I’ve maybe made one friend.” Regulus said with a sniff and a deep sigh.
“Merlin, it’s Kreacher isn’t it?”
“No. They’ve threatened him plenty of times, but they haven’t done anything about it. He adores mother too much, and she likes the loyalty.”
“Who is it then? A real friend Reg, I’m proud.”
“Sod off. I shouldn’t have told you anything.”
“So you love this friend more than me?” Sirius was honestly finding it all a bit amusing, besides the fact that his brother was so clearly miserable.
“No, I don’t think I really do. But I’m hurting you to save them, so maybe.”
“Reg I don’t think you’re a bad brother. I’m alive. I’m not sure someone else our parents threatened would be.”
Regulus nodded glumly, looking so much like a child for possibly the first time in his life. “That’s why I agreed to do it. They didn’t trust that I’d care for very long though, so they had to make it unbreakable. “
“I’m so sorry Regulus. It’s my fault just as much. You shouldn’t have to make up for my problems.”
“They’re my problems too. I made a mistake. This was the agreement to keep me from what was supposed to be the punishment.”
“What, killing your friend just for a mistake?”
“Yes.”
Merlin, Sirius fucking hated his parents. Normal parents would be delighted, wouldn’t they, that their lonely little child had finally made a friend? Sirius didn’t have much experience with good parenting, but he knew it included not murdering your children’s friends. Or torturing them, or whatever the plan was if Reg didn’t turn spy.
“What did you do?” Sirius couldn’t help his curiosity. Regulus had always been perfect.
Regulus was watching the slowly dying fire again. “I made a friend.” He murmured.
After a few more seconds of silence. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight Sirius." He added, and finally lifted himself off the floor. The conversation was clearly over.
"Night Reg. Oh, do you have my wand? I came in to ask."
"Yes."
"Oh thank Merlin. Can I have it?"
"No."