Therapy
CHAPTER 11: THERAPY
Harry’s been living with him for a month. For the most part, their relationship felt so natural that one would think they lived with each other their whole lives. Harry thrived in Tony’s care. Calvin, Harry’s pediatrician, even assured him that Harry’s weight will bounce back to normal in no time, so long as he continues to follow a steady diet. Although, his kid will most likely remain on the shorter side, but that may have had something to do with the Stark genes.
In a span of a month, Tony and Harry did whatever popular father-son bonding activity they missed the past years. They binge-watched Star Wars, made an awesome 3-foot baking soda volcano, built boxes and boxes of Lego sets, Tony even taught him how to ride a bike when they went out to the park.
On Steve’s birthday, they all went out to rent a lake cabin upstate and watched the fireworks while roasting marshmallows. No one bothered saying it out loud but everyone felt the team had gotten closer after Harry arrived. The child had become a link that made sense of their different personalities.
A few days later, Rhodey came back from his deployment and surprised both Starks. Harry was so happy seeing his godfather in person for the first time, that Tony didn’t even have it in his heart to be pissed by the gift his best friend bought for his son; but he did make it clear he wouldn’t be cleaning up after the hamster. Still, he bought a large connectible cage for Dobby. And also, possibly, a whole box of accessories. Tony never knew hamster cages could look so cute.
The past month had been wonderful.
But on some days, rare as they were, Harry would suddenly wake up lethargic and nerve-wrecked. That usually meant he had a nightmare the night before. Sometimes, Tony would find him inside his closet in the mornings, huddled between coats. Harry never says anything about the nightmares when asked, and he would remain quiet for hours, wouldn’t talk to anyone outside his dad. Even then, he’d only speak very few words. Everyone knew not to disturb the pair during an episode, as they call it. They will often find the father and son cuddled in the armchair all day, with Harry sobbing and Tony almost the same.
It got so bad one day that Tony had to fast-track the appointment he set up with Dr. Granger. They already talked on the phone and in person right after the press conference, and he found her very pleasing to talk to. There’s just something about their accents that soothe Tony’s worries. Maybe because both JARVIS and his Aunt Peggy had been British.
She was surprised, to say the least when he called; but she got over it quickly. Their first appointment shouldn’t be until after Harry’s 6th birthday, but she immediately rearranged her schedule to fit Harry in as soon as possible.
So, on the 1-month anniversary of Harry living with Tony, they were found sitting on comfortable chairs in the waiting room of Dr. Granger’s office. Harry didn’t really understand how therapists work. He knew he was supposed to be talking to someone, but when he asked his dad what he’s supposed to talk about, his dad didn’t have a clear answer. He was definitely shocked when he found out he’s going to talk to a doctor. He liked doctors well enough so he didn’t worry much.
The therapist’s office wasn’t like Dr. Cal’s. Harry liked Dr. Cal’s office more because he’s got Errol, but this doctor’s office wasn’t too bad. There were a lot of puzzles, toys, and books in the room, and the chairs were very soft. He guessed if he had to talk to a therapist about anything, they might as well have soft chairs and toys to play with. He’s already got his daddy to talk to, anyway. He didn’t really need someone else, much less a doctor.
But his daddy told him he had to, and the last thing Harry wanted was to make his daddy angry. Ever since his father came and save him from his relative's house, Harry had been the happiest. Not once had he felt hungry and dirty ever again. There’re snacks in the kitchen all the time. He doesn't even have to worry about being punished if he eats them because JARVIS told him his father bought them for him. The first time he washed up, his father insisted he'll help. He was so glad back then, because he hadn't had a bath before, only quick cold showers. He didn't know anything about baths, not even the fact that you gotta have toys inside.
If he makes his daddy angry, he might stop giving Harry food, or help him wash his hair in the bath. Harry wouldn't care if he'll take away his books, and toys, and playroom. He can even take away his bed. Harry wouldn't care, just as long as he'd still give him hugs and kisses, and let him eat and wash up. He'll be happy.
Harry felt his dad tap his knee, and he realized his name was actually being called. Harry knew what that meant. Like in Dr. Cal's office, it means he gets to see the doctor now.
His dad always holds his hand when they enter the real office. But today, he picked Harry up from the chair and carried him inside. Even Poppy was surprised. Harry held her close. Doctor days are always better with Poppy.
Green eyes scanned the room the moment the door closed. It was very different from Dr. Cal's office. This doctor didn't have a tall table on one side where Harry always gets his shots and his heart listened to. Instead, there’s a smaller table, like the one in the living room, in the middle, filled with puzzles and toys. Harry liked this doctor better and better by the second.
His dad carefully put him down and went to shake the hand of the doctor. Also like Dr. Cal, this one doesn’t wear white coats. She and his dad didn’t say anything to each other, but the lady smiled and looked at him. “Hello, Harry, my name is Hermione,” the doctor-lady with the curly hair crouched in front of him. Harry’s eyes widened when he realized she talked like him and JARVIS.
“Mione?” Harry shyly repeated.
Her smile widened as she nodded. “Yes, in fact, my friends call me that.”
“And… I’m your friend?”
“We can be, if you want,” agreed Dr. Mione, “but how about we get to know each other first? That’s what friends do, right?”
Harry immediately nodded and gazed up to his father who was already looking down on him with a small smile. “Can my daddy stay?” He asked the doctor. Harry wants to make friends, but he didn’t want his daddy to leave.
His dad was in fact allowed to stay. Dr. Mione had nice couches and Harry got to sit on the one with a duckie’s head. His father went to sit on the boring black ones. Then, they got to tell each other what they did the day before. Harry happily told the adults of his day with his uncle Rhodey and his hamster, Dobby. His daddy told Harry and Dr. Mione about a very boring conference call with some investors. And Dr. Mione told them about her parents visiting from England.
Harry really liked talking to Dr. Mione, and he’s happy his daddy thought of it. He misses hearing people talk normally sometimes.
“So, Harry,” Dr. Mione started again. They’ve been talking about their favorite bedtime stories while putting in the final pieces of the huge puzzle that his dad wasn’t allowed to help in. “Do any of the bedtime stories ever scare you or give you nightmares? When I was your age, my mum used to read me this book full of fairytales, and one night, she read me this story about a witch in the forest that tried to eat two children. I was so scared; I got a nightmare. I told my mum about it in the morning and she stopped reading them to me.”
“Eat children?!” Harry gasped, shocked by the story. He’s very glad his dad never read any of those to him. “I’m sorry you got scared, Dr. Mione. I think I be scared, too.”
“Thank you, Harry,” she smiled warmly and patted Harry’s hand. “Did you ever have nightmares like me?”
Suddenly, the puzzle looked more interesting— even if he only had 5 pieces left to place. He didn’t want to talk about nightmares. He didn’t want to think about them. Maybe if he pretends he hadn’t heard Dr. Mione ask, then he didn’t have to answer. Harry kept his head down and focused on the puzzle instead.
Tony quickly made eye contact with Dr. Granger. He noticed the changes in Harry’s posture and demeanor instantly. The easy smile vanished, and his gleaming eyes turned blank. Tony hated it. He hated seeing his kid tensed and anxious, but he also knew Harry needs this.
Dr. Granger smiled at Tony encouragingly. She probably already expected this outcome. “Harry? Can you answer my question?” Harry took a moment to respond like he was internally debating whether he should pretend he didn’t hear anything. Then, after a long minute, he shook his head. “No, please,” he whispered shakily and pulled up his legs, wrapping his small arms around them. The sight immediately brought Tony back to the first time he saw his son inside the storage room.
Dr. Granger kept her smile on even though Tony saw the sadness in her eyes. She must have seen this happen a lot of times before. “Why not, Harry? Can you tell me why you can’t answer my question, then?”
“Bad,” came the muffled reply. “I bad. No, no. Not tell.” Harry kept shaking his head. Tony’s legs twitched. He wanted to grab his son and smother him in reassurances and kisses, but they already agreed before the appointment to let Dr. Granger try to calm Harry first if things get heavy. Not unless Harry personally asks for his father, Tony must try to remain seated.
“I don’t know about that, Harry. I don’t think you’re bad at all. I know your daddy doesn’t think you’re bad,” Dr. Granger assured the child.
At the mention of his father, Harry snapped his head beside him and looked at Tony with equally hopeful and fearful eyes. “Not at all, kiddo. I think you’re the best, kindest, most wonderful kid in the world. First-class, buddy. Top of the list,” and just because Tony could not resist, he picked up Harry’s hand and kissed his knuckles softly.
“See, Harry?” Dr. Granger said more enthusiastically. “Your dad thinks you’re the best. I am very sure now that no one will ever think you’re bad, whether or not you answer my questions.”
“I’m not?” clarified the boy in a louder, but still tiny voice. “’ven if I don’t say?”
Dr. Granger nodded and repeated firmly, “Even if.”
“But… will I be good— gooder if I do?”
“I think you’re already the best. But remember when I told you about how I told my mum about my nightmare? And that she stopped reading that story to me? I hadn’t told you but she also made me hot chocolate and we cuddled in bed that whole morning. And I felt better. I think that telling someone you trust about your nightmares will also make you feel better, Harry.”
Harry didn’t respond. Instead, he turned over the puzzle and started all over again. Tony thought that was it, and they won’t get another thing from Harry for the rest of the appointment. But when he tried to catch Dr. Granger’s attention, he found her staring at Harry patiently. As if she felt Tony’s gaze, she lifted her head and told him soundlessly to wait for a moment.
"I don't wanna go back," Harry finally said without removing his gaze from the puzzle. "In my dreams, I go back."
"To your aunt and uncle's house?" Dr. Granger asked.
The boy nodded once and then peeked sideways to look at his dad for a second. Tony wasn't sure what it meant. "I'm bad again and I hafta go back."
The woman hummed and crouched lower so she could push on stray piece closer to Harry. "In your dreams, you were being bad and you got sent back to your relatives?" She clarified.
Harry's hard grip on the side of the table was enough of an answer. "What does being bad mean to you, Harry?"
"Talk. Make noise," Harry responded easily as if it was common knowledge. "Don't work fast," he added.
"I see. And when you moved in with you daddy, was he angry that you talked or made noises? Did he make you work? Was he mad you weren't fast?"
Harry's eyes snapped wide and he looked at Dr. Granger with disbelief. "No, no. Not daddy," he insisted. The green eyes then landed their gaze on Tony, who had long since abandoned the black couch and went to sit on the floor beside his son. Tony quickly nodded at Harry, letting him know he's right.
"So, your dad's not mad, yet you still think you'll have to go back to your relatives."
Harry nervously nodded.
"It's okay to be afraid, Harry. But I don't think you'll ever go back to your relatives. Right, Mr. Stark?"
Catching on his cue, Tony picked Harry up and placed him sideways on his lap. He carded his fingers through Harry's curl and finally kissed him on the forehead. "You're never going back, kiddo, for whatever reason. You're with me now, and that's not going to change. Thank you for telling us your nightmare, baby. That's very brave of you. As soon as we're back home, we'll order ice cream and we'll cuddle all afternoon, hm?"
Harry closed his eyes, sighed, and nodded against Tony's chest. Not even a minute later, Harry had fallen asleep. All the emotional talk took a toll on him. And just like that, it appears like the appointment just ended.
Dr. Granger seems to understand as well because she slowly stood from the small chair she's sitting in and picked up Poppy from the floor. Tony accepted the bear and thanked her softly.
“It’s almost time anyway,” she said. “We actually took longer than I expected. Some of these first meetings usually only last for 20 minutes or so.”
She helped Tony stand from the floor without shifting Harry too much. Tony settled his sleeping kid to rest his head on his shoulder and turned to the therapist, “Dr. Granger, thank you so much for today. I— I asked him so many times before but he wouldn’t answer me. I don’t know how you did it, but thank you.”
Dr. Granger waved a hand dismissively, “I did not do anything you didn’t do, Mr. Stark. Sometimes, parents just can’t stand seeing their kids in pain and would cave at the first sight of it. It’s good to always want to protect your child, but they must also learn to deal with what’s hurting them on their own. It won’t always be as easy as today; recovery isn’t a straight line, but I am confident Harry will be able to heal from that chapter of his life. He’s a very brave and strong kid. You should be proud of him.”
Tony’s eyes focused on his son in his arms and breathed a relieved sigh. “I really am, doc. More than you know.”
They left the building with another appointment in two weeks, then they’ll see if they need to schedule them closer together or continue with the current speed of one session every other week. It’s going to be hard some days, but Tony would never change Harry for the world.
“Everything okay, boss?” Happy asked concernedly.
“I think it will be,” responded Tony.