Hermione owled Neville asking for meet him for lunch, and he agreed. It’d been the first time in a while that he’d seen his friends, since he’d left his home. Heartbreak does that to you.
He met Hermione with a small grin, and she mirrored that with a wide smile, and a hug. She hugged him within an inch of his life, and looked genuinely happy to see him, which he felt was strange.
“Let’s sit, shall we?” Her large brown eyes shined up at him, and he couldn’t deny her, so he agreed. He would always agree when it came to Hermione. His first friend, the first person to see him as a person, as someone who was smart in his own way, as someone who wasn’t weird because he enjoyed plants. She would always encourage him to do what he loves, even if it hurts him.
“How have you been?” Hermione asked, sipping at her tea.
“It’s hard.” Neville sighed. “I miss her, but it was for the best.”
Hermione smiled softly at Neville, but there was sadness in her eyes. “What’s going on, Hermione? Why did you want to meet me?”
“Pansy’s seeing someone, Nev, she sent me to invite you to the engagement party.”
Neville’s heart was in his throat. His ex girlfriend of three years wanted to invite him to her engagement party? “She what?”
“She misses being around you, she misses your friendship. She said she’d love it if you came, and she asked me to hand you this,” Hermione pulled a sealed envelope out of her pocket, a little creased. “I think it’s your invite, but I also think there’s a letter in there. I have to run, thank you for lunch, it’s on me. I’ll see you, Neville, please don’t be a stranger.” She kissed him on the cheek and patted his shoulder before she departed from the café, leaving him to stew in his thoughts.
Neville pulled the wax seal off of the envelope with shaking hands, retrieving both pieces of paper inside, one was beautifully green with silver, and he chuckled, laughing at the fact that Pansy would always be a Slytherin no matter what. He read it, skimmed it, and then read it again.
Pansy Parkinson and Adrian Pucey cordially invite you to attend the party celebrating their engagement.
Please let us know if you are wanting to bring a plus one as soon as possible.
Theme of the party is A Night To Remember
Neville dropped the invite on the table, his eyes blurring as tears filled them, his blood pounding in his ears. He couldn’t stand the fact that he let her go, a stupid, stupid argument that he couldn’t take back and it cost him the love of his life, and there was nothing he would ever regret more.
Pansy was everything to him when he had her, she was like the first glint of sunlight on a morning, shining on the nature around him, emphasising the dew drops on leaves. She was the smell of freshly cut grass. She was the first sip of hot chocolate on a cold winters morning. She was the sea breeze, and she was unapologetically everything he needed to be brought out of the shell he found himself in. Pansy was.. irrevocably Pansy, and Neville was a dying man in search of a Pansy flavoured water.
He opened the letter next, unfolding the parchment as his hands started to still, his eyes still burning with unshed tears that threatened to spill over and ruin her beautifully carved script that he knew off by heart.
Neville,
I know it’s been a long time, and I don’t expect you to even respond to the invite that Adrian made me send, but I wanted to explain.
I needed to explain that you weren’t the reason we didn’t work, I was. I know you’re beating yourself up about it, but I promise you, it wasn’t you. It was me.
I wasn’t who I wanted to be. I wasn’t proud of who I was. I loved you with my entire being, but I didn’t love myself. You know that more than most.
I couldn’t love you without loving myself first, and I had to put myself first, but I couldn’t bear to hurt you, and I didn’t have an out.
You asked me so often if I wanted to be with you, and I truly did, just not at that moment in time. I couldn’t.
We argued on that night in June, and I stormed out of your home, and you gave me an out. You gave me chance to work on myself, and I thank you explicitly for that chance.
I didn’t mean to fall in love, that was never the plan. I wanted to continue loving you, whilst I fell in love with myself, and Adrian came along unexpectedly, and I don’t know what else to say.
I miss you, Nev, and I miss our friendship, however I completely understand if you don’t come to the party. I wouldn’t expect you to.
I just wanted to give you an explanation.
I love you, Neville,
- P x
Neville sobbed into his hands in the café, not caring who saw, who spoke to him, and then he left money on the counter despite the fact Hermione had already paid. He snatched up the letter and the invitation, and he breathed in deeply. He had four days to get himself together, to prepare himself to see her dancing in someone else’s arms. Four days. He could do this.
Neville walked into the ballroom, clutching a small box wrapped in green and silver wrapping paper, and he placed it on a small side table. He walked to the bar immediately and ordered a fire whiskey, before moving to the corner to observe. He looked out and saw Hermione flash him a smile as she was whirled around by Draco Malfoy, and he tipped his glass to her. His gaze moved, and he saw Ginny being spun around by Harry, and his heart clenched at the two still being so happy.
His view fell on Pansy, looking ethereal in a forest green, and he can’t help but think “Does Adrian love her better than I can?”
He thinks about the fact that even though it’s been sunny this June, all he has felt is a big black sky over his home. He knows that wherever Pansy is, Adrian is around.
He thought that coming to the engagement party was an incredibly stupid thing for him to do, but he just.. he had to see it for himself. He had to see her be happy in someone else’s arms.
He stood in the corner as he watched Adrian kiss Pansy very gently on the lips, seeing her grin, and he can’t help but think, “I’m literally right over here, why can’t she see me?”
He thought about the way he gave their relationship his all, and yet he still wasn’t the person she was taking home. He downed his drink and asked for another one immediately, getting distracted by a younger witch who’d asked him to dance.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “I’m dancing on my own tonight.”
Pansy was so far away from him, but she was still so painfully near him that his heart hurt, to see her be kissed and cherished by Adrian, when that could’ve been him. He wanted to walk away, to tear his eyes away, but he couldn’t, he couldn’t bring himself to walk away from the girl he loved most in the world, even if she was happy with someone else.
He stayed in the corner, watching her kiss him, silently reaching out to her, screaming “why can’t you see me,” inside his head. He just wanted to dance with her all night, and he knew it was messed up but he was out of his mind, surrounded by stilettos and champagne bottles, he watched as they spun around in circles.
I’m right over here, Pansy, why can’t you see me?
He listened to the piano melody as it swam around in his inebriated brain, watching Pansy. He wasn’t sure how long he watched her for, until the lights came up and the music died.
Pansy finally saw him, and grinned, walking over to him. “Neville!” She gave him a crushing hug, and he pulled away.
“I just came to say goodbye,” he smiled softly as he kissed her knuckles. “I gave it my all, but I’m not the guy you’re taking home, so for now, I’ll just keep dancing on my own. Congratulations, P.”
Neville walked away from the girl in the green dress, leaving her so far away, but still so near, and he wiped a stray tear off his cheek.
“Enough. Enough, now.” He said to himself, as he walked away into the night.