The first United meeting of the new year
Saturday, January 4th, 1992
Alex paced in front of the empty room. There was still thirty minutes until United started, but she couldn't help but be nervous. Today would set a precedent.
Damian, Blaise, Kat, and Gracie were definitely coming. And Olive almost definitely was, as well. But, what if no one else did?
She would still run the meetings, of course, they were very important. But, it would look bad if they went down to only five or six members. Still, that was better than nothing.
Unless her friends didn't come, or Olive. What if it was only her and Gracie? No one would take a two person club seriously! What if Gracie didn't even show up? Abandoned by her own sister. Alex wasn't sure she could handle it. But, that wasn't going to happen, right? Right....Of course it wouldn't....Unless it did.
No!
Gracie, Blaise, Kat, and Damian had promised to come. But, a promise was only words, it could be broken with no real consequences.
"No ones coming." Alex whispered to herself, truly believing it. She was supposed to have to direct a meeting, now she just had to keep from crying.
No one was coming. No one was coming. No one was coming. No one was-
"Hey, sorry I'm early."
Alex looked up at Olive who had just closed the door. She tried to wipe the tears from her face, feeling absolutely humiliated, but it didn't work. More just came faster than she could wipe.
"Alex? What's wrong? Why are you crying?"
"M'sorry." Alex tried, still rubbing her face, but more harshly now. Her course sweater felt good being pulled against her skin, though she knew she really shouldn't be doing it.
"It's okay. You don't have to apologize for having emotions."
Alex did a little half sob, half laugh. "I'm supposed to be telling you that. I'm supposed to be assuring you that you're okay, not to be ashamed of stuff, to feel your emotions. But, no, here I am, doing this."
"Alex....You're only eleven. You can't be expected to always hold yourself together or to never second-guess your emotions. It's just human."
"But....I made this club to help others."
"And you think that means you never need help yourself? It doesn't."
"I don't need help I just need a new brain!" Alex felt the shame warm her as she said those fatal words. They had been bouncing around in her head trying to get out since the conversation began, but she wouldn't let them. But, then they did anyway.
Alex rushed to the bathroom to clean her face, it was red from the tears and sweater, but she managed to get it closer to normal. When she exited the room she found Olive joined by Damian, Kat, Blaise, Gracie, Cedric, Lavender, Alec, and Toni. It was 4:49.
"Hey, guys!" Alex plastered on a fake smile "Just eleven more minutes and we're starting!"
Alex....You're only eleven.
Alex shook her head to remove the echoing memory from her thoughts...it didn't work.
Eleven minutes passed and by the time 5:00 P.M. hit everyone from last semester was there...everyone plus one.
Alex did another pronoun check, like the one before Christmas, letting the newbie go last.
"Alright, I know you're new here. That's why I've asked you go last, so you could see how it works. You don't have to say anything you don't want to, but as you've seen, most people say name, gender, pronouns, and sexuality. You can add more if you wish." Alex explained.
The new kid stood. They were approximately 5'3 with big, brown glasses and light green hair. "I hope you don't mind me standing to speak, it just feels more natural." They explained in their even-toned, slightly high-pitched, voice.
"That's just fine!" Alex informed, smiling.
"Okay, well....My name is Jasper Mathews. I'm a sixteen year old 6th year. I'm genderflux and use all pronouns, but please vary them and don't just pick one and stick to it. And I'm omnisexual."
"Cool! Well, I hope you enjoy the club, Jasper." Alex responded making a mental note to make Jasper a name tag and pronoun pin.
"Well, now that that's over, does anyone have an announcement or something they just want to say."
The room was unmoving for a few seconds before Cedric raised his hand.
"Yes, Cedric?"
"I hope you don't mind me asking, Jasper, but what does 'genderflux' mean?"
"Oh, I don't mind at all!" The older teen responded "Being genderflux means that my gender fluctuates and varies. It's kind of like being genderfluid, at least for me, but it's not just my gender that changes. It's also the intensity. So, I could be 100% male, but on some days I would feel super strongly male and others it would feel more weak. But, on both days I would be completely a boy. I can also experience gender in percentages. Like I might be 98% girl and 2% boy. But on a different day it might be fifty-fifty. Like everything, it's different for everyone, but that's what it means to me."
"Oh, thanks! That makes a lot of sense."
"Of course. I actually love answering questions about my gender as long as they're not out of nowhere, inappropriate, or rude."
"Can I ask you a question about being genderflux?" Alec questioned Jasper.
"Sure!"
"How does having a name work? Like I know you can have a masculine name and be a girl or have a feminine name and be a boy or whatever. But, I know when choosing my name I wanted it to be masculine so, going off of stereotypes, no one would think I was a girl. How does that work for you?"
"Well, I personally named myself after Jasper from Steven Universe. It's pretty gender neutral in general, but with gems being mostly genderless that factor increases. Plus, Jasper uses She/Her pronouns, but presents more butch. I didn't choose it for it's neutrality, but it definitely helped. So, I suppose a unisex name would be chosen. Though, as you said, names don't have to be based on gender. So, there are probably genderflux people who have a more feminine or masculine associated name." As Jasper went on she seemed to get more and more enthralled with the topic. Alex knew that if it had been her talking she would have ended up writing a whole essay on the topic after United....She might anyway....Names were interesting.
"That's about what I thought. Thanks for your perspective." Alec responded with a small smile.(A/N: I don't know if this talking sounds unnatural, but it's how I talk, so....)
"Anyone?" Alex questioned the group. Jasper raised his hand.
"Yes, Jasper?"
"Has anyone ever gotten your and Alec's names mixed up?"
"Not yet, but we haven't known each other long, so it's bound to happen eventually. Anything else?"
No one raised their hand.
"Alright then." Alex stated, planning her next words "Did anyone have anything important happen over break?"
Lavenders' hand shot into the air immediately. "Can I say mine? Can I say mine? Can I say mine?" Lavender begged excitedly.
Alex laughed a little. "Go ahead, Lav."
"My older cousin, he told me I could tell you guys by the way, came out as bisexual!"
"That really is exciting!" Alex exclaimed.
"I hope you don't mind, but I told him a bit about you. We were talking about the club and he asked who started it." Lavender admitted still excited.
"Oh, no. I don't care. Now, does anyone else have something to say about the holidays?"
The club stopped talking about break within five minutes of the meeting ending. Alex considered letting out early, but then Gracie began speaking.
"Do you have anything you want to tell the group, Al?" She said it casually so no one would catch on, but Alex knew what she was getting on about.
"Um, yes! Remember meeting are continuing on as normal. So, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The next meeting is tomorrow, you're dismissed for dinner." Alex answered trying to keep her voice steady.
The whole group left, but Alex held Gracie back until everyone was gone.
"Why would you say that?" Alex demanded.
"Al, you need to talk to someone about this. And you know they're not going to judge you."
"There is nothing wrong with me!"
"I never said there was! But, Al!" Gracie suddenly lost all her energy.
"What?"
"Never mind. You're not going to listen to me anyway." Gracie turned and walked away.
"Grace! Where are you going?"
Gracie didn't respond, just continued leaving.
As soon as her sister was gone Alex fell to the floor and started crying again. What was wrong with her?
She was horrible!