chapter 2
As Draco walked down the corridor to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, he wondered what lesson Potter had in store for them today. While the underclass men were required a book, the 7th and 8th years were not. It was explained during their first lesson that this was because Harry was unable to find a suitable book to cover what he had wanted to cover in his lessons. After all, they were beyond their years after the war.
On his way to the classroom, Draco ran into Ginny and Luna who were also on their way to class and they all walked together. However, where there would usually be vibrant conversation between
Ginny and Luna, there was now silence and Draco wondered why. It was okay for now though because Draco was feeling rather stoic.
Once they arrived at the classroom, they found all the desks moved to the walls and the other students milling about the center. Potter was walking in between students greeting them and moving to the next when the bell rang.
“Today, I figured we would review some things we’ve learned in Dumbledore’s army and practice our Patronus’s,” Harry said excitedly.
At that, Draco froze. He hadn’t learned any dark arts defense in the past three years. Only how to use the dark arts. Potter must have sensed his unease because he came over to Draco after his announcement.
“I’ll be your partner if you don’t mind, that way we are in even numbers.” Said Harry.
“Still feel the need to keep an eye on me eh, Potter?” asked Draco full of sarcasm.
“No, I just…” Harry said going red “Never mind, you can triple up with whom ever you want to.”
“I’ll be your partner Potter, but it’ll be a chore for you. I don’t know much defense and I’ve never attempted a Patronus before.” Draco admitted timidly.
“That’s ok. Besides I’ve heard I’m a decent teacher,” said harry flushing again.
“Lovely ego you’ve got there” Draco said with a smirk
“’spose so,” said Harry with a chuckle.
And with that, class began. Harry started them off disarming each other, then moved to blocking charms. Finally, after half an hour or so of the straight-forward spell work, it was time for Draco to force himself to attempt a Patronus. He was incredibly nervous.
“Now remember, stay focused on that happy memory. Keep it the focus.” Said Harry loudly to the whole class.
Draco tried to think of a happy memory. But this was a serious struggle for him. The happiest he had ever been was too young to have a strong memory from. He wasn’t a happy child, always living in his father’s shadow. That’s not to say that he had a bad childhood though. For the most part, he was always provided for. But a specifically strong happy memory was not something Draco had. He still tried to cast. Nothing happened for several tries before he decided to switch tactics. Instead of happy memories, maybe contentment might suffice. For this, Draco thought of his return to Hogwarts and the first week of classes. Where he was beginning to redeem himself to his peers and things were actually going well. A fine silver mist erupted from his wand and dispersed into the air.
“Great job!” Harry said enthusiastically. But Draco couldn’t do it again. He tried for the rest of the class, even as the rest of the class moved onto the impedimenta and stupefy jinxes. Once class was over, Draco felt instantly relieved, until Potter asked him to stay behind. “I’m very impressed that you were able to cast so many defensive spells today. I was worried that you would be really behind since, you know……. You were busy the last couple years” He continued apprehensively.
“Busy? Busy being a prat I guess. I’ll admit it. While I was ‘busy’ I did learn how to defend myself against certain things that happened regularly. That I was threatened with daily by my Aunt Bellatrix mostly. Torture, Imperious, and of course hexes and jinxes from passer-bys when I went out with my mother after my father was imprisoned. And then by snatchers that envied our closeness to You Know Who. I knew how to block and disarm for years now. Those ones are straight forward. Unlike this patronus, which has gotten me quite stumped,” explained Draco.
“Yeah, well a patronus is straight forward too once you know how to cast it, it comes much more naturally.” Potter said relieved that things were not getting tense between them.
“Sure, that’s why no Death Eater has been able to cast one,” said Draco without much hope.
“That’s not true, you know. Snape was able to. He was in love with my mother you know. His patronus was a doe. Just like hers. Maybe you just need proper motivation to get yours going is all” Harry said with a bit of a chortle.
“Proper motivation, Eh? That easy is it?” Draco said sniggering.
“Well, no, but it might not be as hard as you think” Harry replied elbowing Draco playfully.
“Ah! Well! I’ll just go find myself someone to love, because an ex-death eater is bound to have someone to love him back and then ill cast a patronus, and then that’ll be that” Draco sniggered again.
“Okay, maybe I am over simplifying it a bit. But no need to be so hard on yourself. I’m sure someone has a crush on you, it’s not like you aren’t fit. And after all, you did prove in front of everyone that you no longer follow Voldemort.” At this Draco flinched and backed away from Harry instinctively. “Sorry,” Harry said, when it dawned on him why Draco had flinched. “You might want to get used to his name though, especially now that he’s gone, no one is afraid to say it anymore”.
“I know and I am working on it. Luna said something along those lines before we started back. It was a bit more tactful though.” Draco said with a grin.
“I’m sure it was. I’m not the best at that” Harry said with a grin.
“I couldn’t tell” Draco said flatly and at that Harry laughed.
“Let’s go to lunch, shall we?” Harry said as he grabbed Draco by the elbow and led him to the door of the classroom.
Draco allowed himself to be led to the door, despite the burning feeling in his abdomen that had nothing to do with his hunger and had everything to do with Harry Potter touching him. Draco had not expected such a thing to happen, and despite it being quite unexpected, it was not entirely unwelcomed. While he doubted Harry ever having feelings for any guy, let alone him, it was nice to think about. It almost made him feel like a normal teenager for once. Like he hadn’t just gotten done fighting the losing side of a war. As well as being one of the only survivors because of he and his mother’s betrayal of the Dark Lord. No, not the Dark Lord, Voldemort. He had to get used to it. He had to, in order to survive. No one was going to tip toe around him, nor should they have to, especially after everything he had done to them.
The two walked to the great hall together and in silence and then sat down at the 8th year table to enjoy lunch. Everyone else was already there and when the two sat down, Hermione simply smiled into her plate. While no one looked surprised or out of sorts, Draco felt like everyone was watching him. It was his mind playing tricks on him though, because no one was actually staring, or even caring that he and Harry were walking together. That the two of them might be friends. Friends. Is that what the feeling in the pit of his stomach was? Maybe Draco had overreacted to the touch. He was just taken aback by it was all. No big deal. Life would continue as normal, and he would be as cordial as possible to Potter and Weasley and Granger. He was already friends with ginny and Luna despite everything he’d done. Not that he was complaining. Far from it. It was nice to have friends that were good, that were your friend because they wanted to not because of other circumstances.
Draco, sitting next to Harry, ate his lunch expeditiously, but not fast enough to cause concern. He stood up and bid his goodbyes to the table and left for the library. He needed some time by himself to think things over. Once he was walking, his feet did not take him to the library, however. They took him to the astronomy tower. Where he decided to sit with his back against a pillar. Feeling the warm autumn breeze ruffle his hair. He was able to reflect here on all his life had been up to this point. What he had done, what he wasn’t capable of doing, what he had forced others to do in his stead, and the good deeds he managed to accomplish despite the odds against him.
……
Draco had stayed up in the astronomy tower for the whole afternoon. The sun was now setting over the lake and the wind was getting chillier. But Draco stayed put. At this point he didn’t know what was holding him there. It might have been guilt or the fact that his back and legs were numb from sitting so long in the same position. Still, he stayed.
….
The sun had gone down, and Draco heard unmistakable footsteps on the stairs. It was a shock for him to see Harry round the corner out of the staircase.
“You haven’t moved all afternoon. I got worried. Thought I’d pop in and make sure you were okay,” said Harry with a piece of old parchment in his hand with black lines all over it.
“Yeah, I’m okay. Just needed some time to think about things and where to go from here,” Draco replied “What’s that?” he added.
“This? Oh, its ah, it’s a map of Hogwarts. And the people on the grounds.” Harry replied hesitantly not sure how Draco would take the information.
“Where in the world would you get something like that?” Draco asked trying to hide his surprise.
“It’s a long story, but my dad is one of the people that made it,” Harry replied again, this time with a bit more certainty.
“Why am I not at all surprised by that?” said Draco with as little sarcasm as he could muster.
“As some have put it, I have a penchant for breaking rules, this has helped. It’s helped me with a lot of other things too.” Harry admitted.
“Like what, if you don’t mind, that is,” Draco asked cautiously.
“Well, it helped me find you. More than once, I might add” Harry said turning slightly red.
“More than once? As in more than just now?” Draco said lifting his eyebrows and feeling slightly offended.
“Yeah, I used it a lot sixth year. But that was a different time,” Harry admitted.
“I suppose, but I still don’t forgive myself for what I did” Draco said softly feeling the color drain from his face.
“Why is that?” Harry asked, defensiveness in his voice.
“Because I did foul things for someone just because I was afraid. I was weak. I knew it was wrong and I did it anyways. Because I wasn’t brave and felt trapped. It took me six years to learn that my dad was wrong about You Know Who and you but it was too late, or at least it felt like it.” Draco stared at Harry for a short while and Harry looked back. “Honestly, I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Its not that it will change anything but still its nice to say it out loud.”
“Sometimes saying something out loud is that hardest thing to do.” Harry said
Draco felt like that meant something specifically and that Harry had something he was trying to say too.
“I know it’s silly, but can I tell you something?” Harry asked tentativelty.
“sure,” said Draco slightly confused.
“I don’t know why now, or why you but I just have to say it.” Said harry as his cheeks glowed red and the area around his mouth turned extremely white “I’m gay,” he finally said.
For a while there was silence. Draco was stunned by this news. How could he not have figured this out by now? How could he not have known or even guessed? Draco was starting to feel embarrassed on Harry’s behalf. What should he say back. He was certain he should say something. Pansy had seemed to know exactly what to say when Draco told her. But now that he was in this spot, he had no clue what to say in response.
“Cool” Draco uttered softly. “I guess. Well, me too.”
“Are you really?” said Harry with a bit of a surprised tone.
“Yup,” Draco said feeling more awkward now than before.
“Why didn’t I know that? How did I not figure that out on my own?” Harry said.
“Probably because it’s not that important compared to what we have been dealing with. Which is why I’m guessing it has taken you so long to figure things out,” Draco said with a small smile.
“Well yeah, that and I don’t know, I feel like everyone has always expected me to do certain things, being in the spot light has made it hard to be just me. Can you imagine the headlines if Rita Skeeta would have found out about this in fourth year?” said Harry “She was writing enough foul stuff about me then, I didn’t need to be more open about what she could terrorize me with publicly.”
“What do you mean? It’s not like there is something wrong with being gay.” Draco said slightly confused.
“Maybe not to you, in the wizarding culture. But for me, growing up with muggles it was something to be ashamed of. Something you should hide and keep to yourself. People get killed for being gay in the muggle world” said Harry harshly.
“That is horrible. Why would someone kill you just for being gay? I don’t understand,” said Draco.
“It has a lot to do with religion and hate I suppose” said Harry not sure if he was going to have to explain it all right now.
“You’ll have to explain it to me sometime then. Because that still doesn’t make sense.” Draco said confused but relieved for this new topic to talk about.
“Will do, now I’m freezing, let’s go warm up by the common room fire shall we?” said Harry. It was like Harry was promising to spend more time with him and it felt good.
They both got up and despite Draco struggling to walk on numb legs, made their way all the way down the stairs of the astronomy tower, down the stairs into the castle and into the dungeons. They walked into the empty common room and sat next to each other on the couch across from the lit fire and Draco felt the muscles in his back relax as he melted into the cushioning of the couch. It wasn’t long before the chatter between the two that had persisted from their walk died down and both boys fell asleep in the common room together.