The Death Eater’s Homecoming
“He’s travelling,” Severus stated informatively.
His back was straight as he sat on the edge of his chair. His hands were folded neatly together in his lap. His feet pushing hard against the floor was the only physical release he would allow himself to offset the discomfort of staring into the Dark Lord’s red eyes and not having more to share with him. For despite usually arriving at these meetings with a plethora of what appeared to be useful information, Dumbledore had kept Severus entirely in the dark about his current preoccupation.
“Travelling?” Voldemort repeated, his eyes boring into Severus’s. “For how long?”
“Dumbledore doesn’t expect to return until the start of the new school year,” Severus replied.
His toes curled inside his shoes as he concentrated on arranging his thoughts convincingly. Showing glimpses of Dumbledore giving him instructions on how to contact him, while also refusing to say what he would be doing when Severus had asked directly. The Dark Lord had caught Severus off guard by summoning him so unexpectedly and Severus was unprepared for a discussion about Dumbledore’s whereabouts and activity. He had been given no instructions by Dumbledore and was acting entirely on his own instincts right now.
“He wouldn’t tell you,” Voldemort observed flatly. “I’ve warned you before about allowing Dumbledore’s trust in you to lapse, Severus,” he said, lifting his wand threateningly.
Severus flinched instinctively, trained to expect pain whenever Voldemort did this, but the Dark Lord only posed his wand between his fingers and continued to stare at him expectantly. Apparently waiting to see if Severus could come up with a reasonable explanation for his failings. Severus swallowed a lump in his throat and quickly formulated a defence that would not give anything critical away.
“My Lord, Dumbledore is being extremely secretive about what he is doing,” he began. “It has nothing to do with him not trusting me - Dumbledore has shared this information with nobody. I alone have been given the means of which to contact him and the rest of the Order must go through me.”
“Because he wants you to contact him with regular reports of my activity,” Voldemort replied.
Severus cried out when he felt a sudden hot scalding over his lap, as though he’d just been doused with a pot of hot oil. The Dark Lord lifted the curse rather quickly, but it left behind the remnants of a bad burn and made Severus desperately dream of plunging himself into a cold pool of water. A few more grunts escaped him before he managed to clench his teeth tightly together, as beads of sweat dripped down his brow, and his feet shuffled against the floor in agony.
“That old fool thinks he will get anything from you when I get nothing in return?” Voldemort snarled, his wand still lazily pointed in Severus’s direction, who knew better than to react or even think about grasping onto his own.
“Why do I keep you around if Dumbledore doesn’t trust you enough to confide anything of relevance?" Voldemort demanded. "Am I to be impressed that you’re being utilized as a messenger boy?”
“My Lord, I’ll be able to track his location by those means,” Severus heaved desperately. “I’ll find out for you -”
“That’s useless,” Voldemort said coldly. “You and I both know perfectly well that Albus Dumbledore is more than capable of disguising his movements, so if he allows you to track him on your own it's because he doesn’t care if I know.”
Severus said nothing. His toes were curled so tightly inside his shoes that it was like his feet were nearly folded in half. Words escaped him in this dangerous moment. He didn’t know where the Dark Lord was going to strike him next but without doubt he was going to strike again, like a displeased serpent who had been taunted with a hot poker stick. While Severus sat there feeling exactly like a knight who’d been ordered into battle by a king who hadn’t bothered to provide him with armour or a sword with which to defend himself. Dumbledore had given him nothing substantive to get through this meeting unscathed because Dumbledore had refused to give up the very thing Voldemort wanted to know.
“Severus,” Voldemort said heavily, in a voice rife with disappointment. Severus was clenching his teeth together so tightly that he actually heard a few of them crack. He tried to brace himself for another assault but instead a very unexpected thing happened next. A flick of his master’s wand and suddenly Severus’s lap was soothed by what felt like an invisible blanket of snow.
Severus let out a gasp of relief, as he slid off his chair and kneeled compliantly on the floor by Voldemort’s feet. “Thank you,” he murmured, taking hold of a boney colourless hand and kissing it. “Master, you are merciful.”
“Severus, know that I am hard on you because I know you’re capable of an excellence you aren’t giving me at the moment - but I don’t enjoy punishing you,” Voldemort said, with an almost paternal energy. It was reminiscent of how Severus’s father would act like he’d done him a favour by whipping him raw with his belt when he was a child.
“I know,” Severus said softly. “I deserve it.”
And the Dark Lord suddenly did a very odd thing, actually wrapping his alternate hand around the back of Severus’s head. Pushing him forward, so that his knees crushed harder against the floor and his face pressed into the fabric of his master’s robes.
“Your mind hasn’t been focused in quite awhile,” Voldemort said coldly, and Severus could feel the femur in his master’s bony thigh stabbing against his cheek. “Lord Voldemort always knows - what is it you’re concealing from me, Severus? You aren’t telling me everything.”
‘This is how I die’ was the first thought that flashed through Severus’s mind and he was immediately grateful that the lack of eye contact at the moment prevented the Dark Lord from being able to employ Legilimency - not that that was the only way to give himself away.
Severus used every ounce of self control he had to keep his body from shaking - a difficult feat because his throbbing knees were begging for release. He quickly searched his mind for a believable truth he could afford to surrender, in order to protect the secret of Harry.
“It’s Draco,” Severus said finally, squeezing his eyes shut in regret as he gave up the boy’s name despite his promise to Narcissa.
He knew that Draco was likely to be an acceptable response because the Dark Lord had punished Severus severely before for his interference on this matter. Although it nagged at his conscience in a way Severus couldn’t afford to accommodate, he trusted that sharing some information about the Malfoy family might be enough to get him out of this predicament.
“What about Draco?” Voldemort asked coldly.
“I’m worried about him,” Severus admitted. “I’m afraid you’re going to overlook his age and ask him to do things that put him in danger.”
“You think you know better than I do, Severus?” Voldemort demanded.
“I’ve - I’ve been enjoying his mother’s company,” Severus confessed. “Narcissa - just - I know anything happening to her son would destroy her.”
Severus felt Voldemort’s long fingernails pierce into the back of his head and then he was pushed up, lifting his head off of his master’s robes. Severus was forced to look into those red eyes again. He opened his mind, while carefully controlling his Occlumency lines of defence to make them appear unorganized and almost invisible. Severus flooded his brain with intimate memories that would catch the Dark Lord’s interest and lower his suspicions. Severus let him see Narcissa in his arms at Spinner’s End and even more when he sensed his mind being invaded ever deeply. The two of them seeking casual companionship in the absence of Lucius, for who was Severus to turn down such an offer? Flesh on Flesh and Mouth on Mouth. Suddenly his distraction seemed more pardonable and less to do with his disloyalty to his master.
“I had hoped you would eventually see that there are women of purer blood, more worthy of you than that mudblood you’d once so desired,” Voldemort said finally, looking moderately satisfied.
“Yes,” Severus agreed quietly, bowing his head and looking contrite. “My Lord, I’m embarrassed to have made such a childish request of you in my youth….I don’t know what came over me.”
“Such nerve. Such passion,” Voldemort reminisced. “I never would have expected you capable of the emotion that you showed me on the night that you told me about your attraction to Lily Potter.”
A wicked smile curved on Voldemort’s face making him appear even more snakelike. Severus’s shields were up as he pressed his cheek back against the Dark Lord’s thigh. “And I was going to spare her - I gave her a chance and she refused to stand aside. It just made sense to do away with that whole filthy family - she wasn’t worthy of you anyway.”
“I know,” Severus replied, as the mention of Lily renewed and strengthened his resolve to see this through and outmaster the greatest Legilimens in the world. “I see that now.”
Just as Lily had stood courageously with her arms stretched protectively over Harry’s crib before she died, so now had Severus positioned himself as a human shield for Harry and the whole cause that Lily had believed in. He wouldn’t let them down and he wasn’t lying when he told Voldemort that he saw things clearly now - Severus had grown and matured from the abused unloved boy he’d been, into a man who now understood that a parent would never stand aside at the expense of their child.
“Draco will not succeed in what I’ve asked of him,” Voldemort said suddenly. “I intend for you to do it in the end anyway. But I want Draco to attempt to do it first - to teach him a lesson and remind the Malfoys of their place.”
“Yes, My Lord,” Severus whispered softly. “I understand.”
“And yet you regularly interfere when it comes to that family,” Voldemort sighed. “I’ve punished you for this before and I don’t want to do it again.”
“No, My Lord,” Severus agreed quietly, kissing the Dark Lord’s hand in repentance. “I’m sorry.”
“Your time is coming,” Voldemort told him. “The day approaches where I won’t need you to be my spy at Hogwarts any longer because Albus Dumbledore will be dead - at your hands.”
“My Lord?” Severus slowly raised his head again to look him straight in the face. He felt nothing but numbness flooding through his veins and he was quite sure that his mind would reveal nothing but a blank slate right now if prodded.
“I’m going to give you the honour of killing him for me,” Voldemort said jubilantly, with a murderous glint in his eye. “After dutifully remaining at your post all this time, I think you’ve earned the privilege. I am going to release you from your shackles as a spy so that you can finally show the world the man you truly are - one who is loyal above all to me.”
And whether Voldemort believed that or not, he had now set Severus with the ultimate test to determine what was real. Refusal to comply would reveal the truth about his allegiance more effectively than penetrating his mind ever could. Severus was about to sign his own execution decree and as he disapparated back to Spinner’s End upon dismissal, he could only hope that Dumbledore had planned for such a situation. Being outed as a traitor of the Dark Lord and killed for it wasn’t as simple of an eventuality as it had been before. Severus had a son to think about now. And Harry had already suffered far too much loss.
“You’re not going to die,” Severus muttered to himself, as he walked up to the door and let himself into his house.
He had time to plot an escape - months, maybe even years, before the Dark Lord could reasonably expect such a task to be completed. Severus could continue his important work spying until then. Before inevitably coming out as a most wanted and loyal Order member, who’d been forced underground by his discovered infiltration of the Death Eaters. It wouldn’t be a good existence in hiding, but there never really was in war time anyway, and being there for Harry as long as possible was more important to Severus than any comfortability he could have ever aspired to.
The mere thought of Harry was enough to make Severus move faster. He hurried up the rickety staircase and flourished his wand to orchestrate his bottomless satchel and suitcase to open of their own accord and start emptying out the two rooms. He had waited until the last moment to concede with Sirius’s suggestion, but now he was eager to get there as soon as he could. Harry would have expected him hours ago and even though it was the middle of the night, he might be worried.
Fortunately, it was the work of mere minutes to pack up his entire office, his clothes, and the very few personal effects that he cared for at Spinner’s End. Severus changed from his robes into black pants and a long-sleeved black shirt that still covered his mark. Then he walked back down the stairs and out the front door with the two bottomless bags, apparating swiftly to the coordinates Sirius had given him prior.
“There you are!”
Severus hadn’t expected to be greeted by anyone as he stepped into the dark manor for the first time, but he should never have underestimated Harry Potter. The boy was sitting up in an armchair next to the fireplace that glowed with dying embers. Harry was dressed in pajamas and curled up in a way that suggested he’d been dozing while he waited. Though there were books littered around him as well. It had clearly been a long night for both of them.
“Here I am,” Severus remarked dryly, dropping his bags onto the floor by the door and attempting to shove down the fear consuming him right now. “You haven't been waiting up for me, I hope?” he asked, coming to stand behind Harry’s chair, marvelling at how many steps it took to reach him.
The manor was incredibly grand in a rather unnecessary way, though he supposed the added space would be a godsend once they all settled in. It was only deep love for this boy that could have caused Severus to overlook the many factors that might make him regret becoming the roommate of two Marauders.
Harry shrugged as he tilted his head to look up at him. “It’s sort of a tradition, isn’t it? I always wait up for you to get back.”
“I always attributed that to you being left alone which would be difficult circumstances for anyone to sleep in,” Severus remarked. “But you’re not alone anymore. Sirius and Remus are both right upstairs, yes?”
“Yes, but still…” Harry shrugged again, nodding at the books on the floor. “I was doing some of my summer homework.”
“Admirable, but that can wait until morning as well,” Severus replied, using his wand to gather up all the books and parchment so that they stacked on the coffee table in a neat pile. “If you recall, you’re not living with Petunia anymore. You don’t have to study magic in secret by night.”
“That’s true,” Harry agreed. “But if it’s alright with you, I still think I’m going to wait up when I know you’re with him.”
Something inside Severus softened and he gently scratched his hand affectionately though Harry’s messy hair, trying not to think of the way the Dark Lord had just been holding him in place by similar means. He wished he could forget everything that had transpired that night. Though his stomach was knotted in angst and would be for a long time, it made seeing Harry now all the more special because it reminded Severus that he had something in his life that was good and impenetrable. He might not be able to do everything that he wanted, but he would succeed in keeping this boy safe at all costs.
“Time for bed,” Severus said, repressing a shudder as he slid his hand out of Harry’s hair. However, it didn’t go unnoticed. Harry had obediently rose to his feet but now was staring at him with a very concerned look on his face.
“Are you okay, Dad?” The title flooded renewed strength through Severus just as the thought of Lily laying down her life as this boy’s mother had. Recognized with a name of the highest honours. Harry acknowledged his position in his life. Severus had never been this close to anyone before, and he knew Harry deserved nothing less than the truth.
“Not really,” he answered honestly, his hand reaching up to brush over his mouth. He stared back into Harry’s concerned and inquisitive emerald green eyes for a moment and then elaborated. “He wasn’t happy with me tonight but I’m not hurt - he fixed me before I left.”
“What was he angry with you for?” asked Harry worriedly, staring at him searchingly as they stood facing off in the living room, the red glow of the dwindling fire crossing over their features in the otherwise dark house.
“He doesn’t think I’m doing a good enough job for him right now,” Severus replied calmly. “He wants information on Dumbledore’s activity and whereabouts this summer and I couldn’t give him that - but that’s tomorrow’s problem. Come show me how you've set up your room.”
Harry agreeably led him back over to the door and picked up Severus’s bags for him. “Do you know what Professor Dumbledore is doing this summer?” he asked, as they started up the stairs together.
“No,” Severus replied, curving his hand around the polished banister. “Do you?”
“No,” Harry admitted, “but I think he will tell me in September. He said I’m going to have private lessons with him at Hogwarts next year.”
“Yes, I heard that’s what he was planning,” Severus answered.
Harry glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. “But did you hear he won’t let me tell you what it’s about?”
And when Severus nodded his head, Harry blurted out. “I don’t want to keep things from you.”
“I’m not mad about it,” Severus reassured him, as they reached the landing of the second floor. “The risk of the Dark Lord breaking past my Occlumency shields and discovering the truth about me is something I have to face every day. There are some secrets we can’t afford for me to know - secrets that wouldn’t just get me killed but would ruin the entire plan Dumbledore is formulating to destroy him.”
"I still don't feel right about it," Harry replied, pointing down the hallway to the right. "Your bedroom is on that end, Remus is on the other end, and Sirius and I are in the middle.”
"I know," said Severus. "Sirius already showed me the house."
He used his wand to vanish the luggage Harry had carried up for him the rest of the way into his room. Then he stepped up to look through the only open door. Harry’s room was already recognizable by the wrinkled bedding, the Firebolt on top of the dresser, and the open trunk on the floor. The drapes were thrown open to show off the glittering stars and a smooth stone balcony. Severus could already imagine Harry taking a dive off of it on his broomstick rather than ever using the stairs to come down for breakfast in the mornings.
“So, I hear you’ve had a very eventful few days yourself,” he said, moving over to the bed and lifted up the comforter for Harry to slide underneath. Feeling rather paternal at the moment, wanting to do things for the boy that were quite unnecessary. But his heart was warm right now and Severus felt affirmed that he had made the right choice in coming here to live.
“Yes, but unlike you it’s been in a good way,” Harry replied, as he settled into bed but remained sitting up. “Did you hear what Sirius said at the Ministry?”
“Yes, I’m pretty sure everyone in the wizarding world has heard about that by now,” Severus replied, settling himself at Harry’s side on the edge of the bed.
He was eager for conversation, to catch up on all the things he had missed since their brief meeting at Grimmauld Place before Sirius’s hearing. Severus didn’t want to think about the Dark Lord right now, or how he was going to get out of the task assigned to him with his own life intact. Right now, he just wanted to focus all of his energy onto Harry and feel normal for a few precious moments.
“I can’t exactly blame him, though,” he added fairly, his hand straightening Harry’s blanket for him. “Why should Sirius allow the Ministry to use him in such a way? Did you know that the Minister has really been pushing Dumbledore to have you become some sort of Chosen One-Mascot to help repair their damaged reputation?”
“You’re kidding?” Harry said incredulously. “After everything they did last year? After Umbridge?”
“I know,” Severus smirked. “Sometimes you really can’t believe the audacity of people, can you?”
“I’d never agree to something like that,” Harry told him firmly.
“Neither would Dumbledore,” Severus assured him. “It’s a moot point - but one I thought you should know about. So tell me something else. What did you do today?”
“I played Quidditch with Ron and Ginny,” Harry replied. “And Hermione is going to be here in a few days. We really want to go into Diagon Alley to check out Weasleys Wizard Wheezes but Sirius said we need a guard to go with us."
"Half of the Alley is currently closed up," Severus said. "I'm surprised their joke shop is doing as well as it is."
“Ron says that they reckon people need a laugh right now more than ever,” Harry replied. “Even Mrs. Weasley is supportive of the business now. She wasn’t before - did you know that I gave the twins my Triwizard Tournament winnings? I was so afraid that she would be mad at me for helping them get started.”
“I didn’t know that but I think you did the right thing,” Severus told him, as Harry lay down and shifted over to a more comfortable position. His eyes were still open, looking at him trustingly. Severus was exhausted himself, but not at all inclined to leave right now. He’d come to enjoy the boy’s company very much and it helped put all the dangers and traumas of his own circumstances into perspective. "Congratulations on getting adopted by the way. Do you feel any different?"
"Yes and no," Harry replied. "I think Sirius getting his name cleared and getting to be out is the biggest change. He's officially my father now, but he already felt like that to me. You do too."
"I'm honoured," Severus said truthfully.
“So when do you leave next?” Harry asked.
“I don’t know,” Severus replied. “Hopefully not for a few days, but I will need to speak with Dumbledore soon. If my role as a spy is to continue, then he needs to give me enough relevant information to satisfy the Dark Lord. I can’t return to him empty handed a second time.”
He didn’t tell Harry that he thought his days as a Death Eater were numbered. He didn’t want to get his hopes up and he didn’t want to think anymore right now about how dark everything around them was becoming. Perhaps they could forget everything for a little while in this safest of houses in a beautiful location that spoke of peace and nothing else. Severus finally had accepted in himself a glimmer of happiness that came from Harry’s presence in his life. And for now, it was all he wanted to acknowledge.