Standing Still Like Sirius Black
It was on a warm night in the middle of June that Severus Severus finally gained an appreciation for what it was like to be Sirius Black. How truly excruciating it was to remain dormant when you wanted to work. Knowing others were in danger but that you couldn’t do anything to help because your mere existence at that moment in time was a liability to them.
So it was for perhaps the first time in nearly a year that Severus was not completely exhausted and overburdened with more tasks and expectations than could be reasonably expected of anyone. He’d been moving restlessly around his quarters all night. Unable to sleep but incapable of settling himself down to anything when he knew what was transpiring outside the Hogwarts grounds.
“You’re worried about something,” Harry said bluntly, when Severus reappeared in his bedroom for the second time in the past half-hour looking like he didn’t know what to do with himself.
“No,” Severus lied, while ignoring the scrutinizing look Harry was giving him over his copy of ‘Night Sky Almanac: A Stargazer’s Guide’. However, Harry was not to be dissuaded.
“Tell me,” he insisted.
“Harry, we’ll discuss things after you write your exam tonight, and no sooner,” Severus said sternly. “I don’t want you to be distracted.”
“Well….now I’m really going to be distracted,” Harry argued. “Don’t leave me in suspense.”
They glared at one another and then Severus turned his attention to the stack of dirty dishes set on top of the desk. With exam season upon him, Harry had taken to turning up in his quarters at unusual times and snacking relentlessly in lieu of proper meals. He no longer seemed to have any sleep schedule at all and could be found passed out on top of a book without warning. It was something to what Severus imagined sharing a residence with a manic chipmunk would be like, and he pursed his lips together at the discovery of watermarks from a glass left sitting on top of a map of the planets. Though that was nothing compared to the general state of the rest of the room.
Severus was pleased that Harry was taking his OWLs seriously enough but he couldn’t help but feel like the boy had staged his entire bedroom precisely the way he knew would annoy him the most. It was abundantly clear that this room belonged to a teenager. There were piles of clothes on the floor and dresser drawers not pushed all the way back in. Books and parchment were left tossed about every which way. The bed Harry sat on reading for his Astronomy OWL that night was unmade.
“As soon as OWL week is over, you’re going to clean this room from top to bottom,” Severus said firmly, even as he found himself unable to resist pulling out his wand to vanish the dishes and their crumbs immediately. He despised disorder.
“Yes, sir,” Harry muttered, still looking quite displeased that Severus was refusing to tell him anything right now, but he didn’t have much space to argue. His exam was approaching and Harry’s eyes were darting back and forth quickly across the pages of his book as he tried to cram as much information into his head as possible.
Feeling restless with a lack of any more significant purpose at the moment, Severus absentmindedly began tidying up the rest of the room without use of magic, despite having just told Harry that it was his responsibility. Item by item, he picked up Harry’s clothes from the floor. Tossing some into the hamper for washing, while others he folded up and placed neatly back in the dresser drawers. Books and parchments he stacked on the desk by order of subject. He was trying to concentrate on the menial tasks so that he would be distracted from the feeling of dread threatening to overcome him. He was discovering that it sometimes was easier to be the one taking the risks instead of waiting idly by for news, and he wasn’t the only one who felt that way.
“Are you worried about Umbridge?” Harry asked suddenly.
“Umbridge doesn’t worry me, she infuriates us all. There’s a distinct difference.” Severus replied.
Morale at Hogwarts had dropped considerably in the months since Dumbledore’s abrupt departure. Chaos had been rampaging through the halls with the students acting out and causing as much mischief as possible. None of the regular staff, with the exception of Argus Filch, were at all inclined to assist the new headmistress in reinstating order. So, as a consequence, there was now a swamp filling a complete corridor on the fifth floor, fireworks were exploding through the castle at odd hours, the Weasley twins had deflected and flown off to London on their broomsticks, and Nifflers tearing apart Umbridge’s office had become an almost weekly occurrence.
“Be warned that Umbridge has now demanded a second bottle of Veritaserum from me,” Severus said, as he gathered Harry’s chocolate frog cards into an orderly stack.
“But you didn’t really give her any,” Harry said calmly, as he turned the page in his textbook.
“Of course not. I gave her a fake but convincing replica,” Severus answered smoothly. “But she’s probably intending to interrogate you about the whereabouts of Professor Dumbledore again soon. So, be sure to act your part convincingly.”
“Right,” Harry nodded, setting his book down on the bed in front of him. He gave Severus a piercing look. “So is it him then? Is something wrong? I’m going to have a harder time concentrating tonight if you just keep me in suspense….is it about the Order?”
“Yes, it’s the Order,” Severus finally said in exasperation, though it amused him to recognize how well he and Harry now knew one another. He was supposed to be a master spy and an extraordinary Occlumens, able to utter falsehoods in the Dark Lord’s face and convince him that his sworn allegiance was genuine. Yet he couldn’t effectively hide his feelings and worries from Harry anymore.
Harry’s eyes flashed excitedly and his posture straightened on the bed as he stared up at Severus expectantly. “Tonight’s the night, isn’t it?” he said in a low voice. “You Know Who is going in for the prophecy?”
“Yes,” Severus gave him a curt nod, looking extremely annoyed that they were even brushing upon this subject right now.
“But you said you didn’t think it would be for a couple more weeks,” Harry looked incredulous.
“I merely suggested that it might be more prudent to wait for summer when the Ministry is less occupied while the employees take holiday,” Severus replied. “I didn’t really think he’d wait. He’s been getting more restless each day.”
The ramifications of the Dark Lord going to the Ministry of Magic himself to retrieve the prophecy was something that Severus and Harry had discussed together at considerable length in the past few months. Severus didn’t wait for Dumbledore’s consent or presence anymore to relay to Harry all the things he heard and experienced during his work with the Death Eaters. Now knowing what he did about the prophecy, Severus felt it imperative that he give Harry all the information that he could. For as much as he had wanted Harry to feel like an ordinary fifteen year old boy, even for just a little while, Severus had accepted that that was simply not in the cards. It never really had been.
“The Order is on high alert,” Severus said softly. “By tomorrow morning it is highly probable that the front page of the Daily Prophet will be announcing his return….which the Dark Lord accepts. He decided to reveal himself to the Ministry in exchange for the prophecy. That’s how important this is to him.”
“Is Dumbledore going to meet him?” Harry asked, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. The ‘Stargazers Guide’ slipped off of the bed unnoticed.
“Yes,” Severus nodded. “Professor Dumbledore is going to confront the Dark Lord at the Department of Mysteries to ensure that he is unable to slip in and out undetected. But he isn’t going to try and prevent him from taking the prophecy. For obvious reasons, it is very important that the Dark Lord does not suspect that Dumbledore knew ahead of time what he was planning. So, he can’t get there too early.”
“Of course,” Harry nodded. “He can’t know that you warned Dumbledore….but is anyone else going to be at the Ministry for this, sir?”
“Nymphadora Tonks is standing guard tonight,” Severus replied. “We could not place backups with her without it seeming too suspicious, but Lupin and Shacklebolt are both on stand-by at Grimmauld Place. They’ll probably come with Dumbledore because I believe the Dark Lord is bringing some Death Eaters with him.”
“What else?” asked Harry.
“What do you mean, what else?” Severus shook his head. “We wait….wait and hope that things work out the way that we want them too. I don’t have much to do tonight because if I help either Dumbledore or the Dark Lord, it would mean revealing myself as a spy.”
“No wonder you seem so restless tonight,” Harry commented with a smirk, before his face shifted with worry. “Have you spoken with Sirius lately?”
“This morning,” Severus replied. “He knows to stay put. Once your OWLs are completed, I’ll take you for a visit and then you’ll spend half the summer there. If the plan goes well tonight at the Ministry then Professor Dumbledore might be able to begin the process of working to clear Sirius’s name as soon as tomorrow.”
“That seems too good to be real,” Harry whispered.
“But long overdue,” Severus acknowledged quietly.
The prospect of unlimited freedom and full pardon was like a carrot he had been dangling in front of Sirius’s face for months. It had kept Sirius focused and restrained enough to continue laying low despite how frustrating he found it. Severus had taken Harry there for the Easter weekend in spring but Umbridge was making life so restrictive and unpleasant for everyone at Hogwarts that it wasn’t really feasible to come and go as much as both Harry and Sirius would have liked.
“I imagine the Ministry will want to offer some sort of financial compensation for all that Sirius unjustly endured, but since he already inherited the Black family fortune, it won’t matter,” Severus said with a small shrug. “And nothing can make up for the years of life lost anyway.”
“No it can’t,” Harry said slowly.
Severus said nothing for a moment. He had been speaking with Dumbledore and doing everything in his power to help Sirius lately. He knew that Sirius was liable to do something extremely reckless if he was left inside for much longer, and Severus did not wish for that to happen. He wanted Sirius to be there as a full, unrestricted, public support to Harry in all that was coming, even if the idea made him feel a little insecure about his own place in Harry’s life, which would forever be cloaked in secrecy.
“So have I answered your questions satisfactorily enough?” he asked finally.
“Most of them,” Harry replied. “I guess there’s nothing else to do but wait since neither of us can be there.”
“That’s right,” Severus nodded. “So might I suggest you refocus your energy onto Astronomy for the meantime? The exam is in just over an hour.”
“Fine,” Harry relented, leaning over the bed to retrieve his textbook from the floor. He set it back down on the mattress in front of him and started flipping through the pages to find the section he’d been reviewing when Severus had first entered the room. “But I’m not that bothered about Astronomy because I don’t need it to be an auror.”
“You should still strive to do your best in every class because you might decide to change career paths someday and you’ll want your options open,” Severus advised, picking up a model firebolt from the floor and setting it on the nightstand before coming to sit down at the foot of Harry’s bed. The spot he habitually took for so many of their conversations these days.
Harry folded his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. “Did you get Outstanding on your Astronomy OWL, Professor?”
“I got Outstanding in all my OWLs,” Severus replied. “Although Astronomy was never a favourite of mine, it is useful to know. Understanding the universe is a crucial piece in discovering one’s magical identity and understanding the relations between muggles and wizards in the world.”
“Can you explain Kepler’s Law to me then?” Harry asked, turning the open textbook around so that Severus could see the part that had him confused.
“Yes,” Severus replied, “But first...tell me what the first law is, as you know it.”
“Planetary motion, with the orbit of each planet having the sun as its focus,” Harry recited automatically.
“That’s basically word for word as the textbook states it,” Severus said dismissively. “You know you understand something when you can explain it in your own way. Essentially, what you need to know is that Kepler’s Laws are a remarkable display of the power of science….they provide a predictive model for the planets. By observing nature, the planets, the stars - that is how we grow to understand things. So, from observation it was determined that all planets move about the sun in a route that could be simplified to mean a flattened circle. Depending how far away from the sun they are located, determines how slow it will orbit. Further away planets orbit more slowly. Here, I’ll show you….”
He took Harry’s book from him and his quill and in the margin began to sketch out a diagram to show what he was trying to explain. Harry was watching his hand carefully. To learn the way Severus’s mind worked was to really look outside the box and away from the black and white text, which the potions master seemed to only regard as a reasonable starting point. Severus liked to move beyond the ordinary, challenging his students to go from memorizing facts to applying them to a variety of circumstances because that was when the learning really began to happen.
“Will you quiz me?” Harry yawned, pushing the book back into Severus’s hands once he felt he’d gotten his handle on the chapter that was giving him trouble.
Severus passed the next hour trying to work through as many of the important points with Harry as he could. He enjoyed himself, feeling more like a parent than a teacher because this wasn’t his subject or area of expertise. It temporarily distracted him from what was going on in London. A mission he was hoping would be successful for both sides in their different regards. He wanted the Dark Lord to get the prophecy because his vengeance if he failed would be insurmountable and Severus did not really believe hearing it would paint a greater target on Harry’s back than the one that was already there. Even more though, Severus was hoping that Dumbledore’s plan would succeed. That the Wizarding World would recognize in fullness the truth of Harry’s story and what that would mean for the future and their family.
“Can I come back down here, with Ron and Hermione, after we finish writing, to wait for news?” Harry asked, when it was time to leave for the Astronomy tower. His invisibility cloak was already in his hands, to be slipped on until he got to where he was supposed to be.
“Yes, you may,” Severus agreed. Though never exactly thrilled to have his residence overtaken by three young Gryffindors, it was part of what he’d signed up for. Making Harry feel at home, welcoming his friends no matter how he personally felt about the task of teaching any of them in the classroom. And OWL week was the perfect opportunity for them to sleep out of Gryffindor Tower undetected, because the fifth years were all coming and going at different times and nobody could keep track of or miss anyone.
Severus tried to settle himself down with some marking after Harry had left, but found himself unable to concentrate and decided to take a walk instead. Out of his office and down the silent corridor past the Slytherin common room and up the stone steps to the entrance hall. The summer breeze in the air was inviting as he pushed the door open and walked down the grassy hill under the clear sky that was bright with stars and ideal conditions for the fifth years’ Astronomy OWL.
It took a lot of willpower to resist the temptation to contact Grimmauld Place and get in touch with Sirius for a report on what was happening at the Ministry. His orders from both his masters had been simple - to stay back and wait. Though that was frustrating in all its conceivable forms, leaving Severus anxious and well worn.
Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange had been selected to accompany the Dark Lord tonight. It was easy to presume who would be sacrificed if things got complicated whilst there. This distressed Severus, because despite whatever Lucius probably deserved, he did not want Draco to be hurt and he inevitably would be tonight once his family’s affiliations became public.
And Severus also had to worry about himself. How long would the Dark Lord be content to leave him in the shadows? Sooner or later he’d probably pull Severus right in front of everyone’s open eyes and he would be disgraced from that moment on. The beginning of the end was approaching, and Severus knew things would soon get a lot worse for himself. It was one of the reasons he had gone well beyond anyone else in his desire to help Sirius, because Severus knew he wouldn’t always be there and that Sirius could be counted on when it came to Harry.
Lost in his own thoughts, Severus was unaware that anything was amiss until he heard the sound of a woman screaming. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and Severus broke into a run towards the noise. He nearly lost his balance on the dew slicken grass but the darkness around Hagrid’s hut was suddenly lit by red sparks shooting through the air.
“Reasonable be damned, yeh won’ take me like this, Dawlish!”
Several shadowy figures were gathered there but their stunning spells aimed at Hagrid seemed to have no effect on him, thanks to the thickness of his half-giant skin. Severus paused in the darkness to observe. He had presumed Umbridge’s desire to sack Hagrid had been abandoned as the summer was nearly upon them. He had never imagined that Umbridge would take it even this far, with aurors banging on Hagrid’s door in the middle of the night as if he were a common criminal. And then Severus saw the slender figure of Minerva McGonagall racing down the hill towards the cabin as fast as her legs would carry her. It had been her who had screamed.
“How dare you! How dare you!” Minerva shouted, racing right into the battlefield. Severus could see that her wand was out in front of her but she hadn’t fired at anyone. She continued to scream breathlessly.
“Leave him alone! Alone, I say! On what grounds are you attacking him? He has done nothing, nothing to warrant such - “
No fewer than four stunners had shot from the figures around the cabin toward Professor McGonagall. Halfway between cabin and castle, the red beams collided with her. For a moment she looked luminous, illuminated by an eerie red glow, then was lifted right off her feet, landed hard on her back, and moved no more. As Severus ran down the hill towards her, he could hear the sound of several gasps and cries from the Astronomy tower.