Knowing How to Act
Severus wasn’t sure who was angrier tonight, himself or Minerva McGonagall, but he knew that he was definitely doing a better job of hiding it. The Deputy Headmistress had been positively seething since they’d sat down for the start of term feast. She’d been shifting around furiously in her chair, as if trying to resist the temptation to stand up and say her piece. Every now and then she shared a look with one of their colleagues, while also muttering things like ‘unbelievable’ in his ear. For all the caution Dumbledore had expressed to them both about not doing anything to get on the wrong side of Dolores Umbridge, it seemed he might as well not have spoken at all.
“The nerve of that woman,” Minerva hissed, after Umbridge had taken it upon herself to interrupt Professor Dumbledore’s speech with one of her own. While she droned on unrelentingly for several long minutes, McGonagall’s dark eyebrows contracted so that she looked positively hawklike. “Albus needs to put a stop to this immediately.”
“Indeed,” Severus murmured boredly, rotating his wrist as he swirled around his goblet of pumpkin juice. While he completely agreed with her assertion, he had other things weighing on his mind at present.
His eyes travelled over to the four long house tables, scanning Gryffindor carefully until he spotted Harry half-way up the bench. Severus had pretended not to notice him trying to catch his eye when the students had arrived at the castle that night. The boy probably just assumed that he wouldn’t indulge him with any acknowledgement in case the wrong person noticed, but the truth was that Severus had needed to resist the urge to lay into Harry the moment that he saw him.
It had been almost a week since Severus had reluctantly returned Harry to Sirius for the final few days of the summer holiday. He would have preferred to keep him if it wouldn’t have caused conflict, but he’d put his time alone to good use anyway. He’d given a lot of thought to the promise he’d made to Harry about helping to make Sirius’s situation more bearable. He had intended to relay his ideas to Dumbledore tonight, or whenever he finally got an opportunity to speak to him privately. Now, however, Severus was resentful of the whole plan. His sacrifice had been entirely disrespected….
“I’m telling you, Severus, it was Black,” Lucius had kept insisting, as the two men had sat together at a table in the gardens of Malfoy Manor earlier that afternoon. The Dark Lord wasn’t staying there right now, which seemed to have had the liberating effect of returning Malfoy to his full classist arrogance.
Severus hadn’t wanted to go, but when he’d received the invitation he’d known better than to ignore it. Not that Lucius Malfoy had any authority over him; if anything, Severus probably outranked him right now when it came to the Dark Lord’s favour. He just knew better than to carve out any animosity between himself and key players in the Death Eater circle when he could help it. Especially one so powerfully connected, and who was still trying to prove himself to their master.
“I know you’re convinced,” Severus had said coolly, “but I wouldn’t negate the possibility that it could just have been an ordinary black dog. They’re hardly a rare breed.”
“Trailing Potter?” Lucius had snapped. Before he’d launched back into a description of what he’d witnessed earlier that day at King’s Cross station, while escorting Draco to catch the Hogwarts Express.
Severus had struggled to keep his face blank and controlled, while Lucius had told him about the great black dog barking joyfully as it gambolled around Potter and company at the station. About how it had reared onto its hind legs and placed its front paws on Harry’s shoulder in a human sort of embrace, until Arthur Weasley’s wife had shoved Harry away and scolded the dog.
“Well, then why didn’t you grab him?” Severus had asked impatiently. “The Dark Lord would have raised you above all of us if you’d managed to capture the Order’s most notorious fugitive.”
“That’s why I was wondering where you were, Severus,” Lucius had replied quietly. “A head’s up would have been appreciated. You’re telling me that you didn’t know Black was making trips outside of their headquarters?”
“I assure you, that I didn’t know he’d dare do something so idiotic,” Severus had spoken softly. “His orders from Dumbledore are to stay hidden at a place that I cannot disclose to you, for I am not the secret keeper. However, if you’re correct that it was indeed Black, and not just a harmless stray that took an interest in Potter today, then we could expect he might venture outside again. I’ll let you know if I hear anything.”
Against the backdrop of Dolores Umbridge’s speech, Severus pressed his lips together and recalled the way Lucius had persisted in questioning him further. He still wasn’t sure if he’d been convincing enough. A Death Eater desperate to earn himself favour with their master was a very potent threat indeed, even if they were old friends. There was no doubt in Severus’s mind that Lucius intended to relay their entire conversation to the Dark Lord at the first opportunity, and he had been nervously anticipating his mark burning black ever since he had left Malfoy Manor.
“She’s even worse than I remember,” Minerva said furiously, bringing her hands together in one lone clap as the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher finally retook her seat.
“Thank you very much, Professor Umbridge,” Dumbledore said, with a bow to her once he’d stood back up. “That was most illuminating. Now, as I was saying, Quidditch trials will be held…”
Severus only half-listened to the Headmaster giving out the start of term notices, and when Dumbledore finally dismissed them all, he was one of the first to get to his feet. He walked the length of the staff table without uttering a word to anyone. He didn’t even have the energy right now to visit the Slytherin common room and welcome his new students into his house. He’d save all that for tomorrow, he decided, as he headed straight for his private quarters to wait and see if he’d be summoned.
XXX
Though at some point during the night, he must have fallen asleep. Severus awoke the next morning with a stiff neck, sprawled across his bed at an awkward angle, still wearing his robes from yesterday. He immediately went for his arm, pulling back his sleeve to reveal pale unmarked skin. Either the Dark Lord was still abroad, Lucius hadn’t actually told him what he perceived to be Severus’s failing, or the waiting was to be part of the punishment.
Whatever the case might be, there was no sense in dwelling on what could be coming when he had so many other duties still to attend to. He forced his mind to concentrate on the upcoming day at Hogwarts. He knew he had two classes to teach that morning, and a third after lunch. Changing into fresh robes and splashing cold water on his face, he quickly went down to breakfast, where he spent most of his time handing out timetables and speaking with each of his Slytherins about their holidays in turn.
Of all his new little first years, there was only one student whose family he knew had affiliations with the Death Eaters. The rest of them weren’t any more complicit than a random Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, or Ravenclaw; but even the one whose father had taken the mark, was still only an innocent eleven year old. Not that any of that would matter to the rest of the school, because the moment the sorting hat had singled them all out for their ambition and determination, they’d been stigmatized for belonging to the house that was known for turning out dark wizards. While this was neither fair, nor true, it gave Severus a very good reason to show the Slytherin students particular care over the rest.
Well, them, and a certain unappreciative Gryffindor, who still seemed oblivious to the trouble he currently was in with the potions master. Severus watched from the corner of his eye as Harry took his place at the back of the lab with his friends at the start of second period. Severus continued to keep a close watch on him as he began to lecture the class on the importance of their Ordinary Wizarding Levels and what he expected from them. Then he told them the properties of the potion they’d be working on today, called the Draught of Peace.
“Both highly complex and likely to show up in your examination,” he finished, before setting them the task of brewing it. “Let’s begin.”
He swept around the room while the students started on their potions, intentionally avoiding Harry’s table until almost the end of class. He planned to treat Harry exactly the same way he always had before, and had warned him to expect the same. It was an important act to maintain, especially because he could be sure that Draco would be reporting everything he said and did back to his father. However, his fury at the boy right now made it much easier than he could have hoped, as he zeroed in on the improperly concocted potion, able to decipher exactly what had gone wrong with a quick look.
“Potter, what is that supposed to be?” he asked softly, looking down his hooked nose at the boy’s work as he came to stand right in front of him.
“The Draught of Peace,” Harry replied tensely.
“Tell me, Potter, can you read?” Severus jeered, as the boy stiffened indignantly. Several of the other students had turned to look in their direction now. The Slytherins were smiling behind Severus’s back; they always enjoyed watching their Head of House taunt Harry Potter.
“Read the third line of the instructions, for me, Potter,” Severus said with a smirk.
He watched Harry squint at the blackboard, trying to make out the instructions through the haze of multi-coloured steam rising in the dungeon. The boy would probably have done better to sit closer to the front, Severus thought to himself, although he couldn’t exactly blame him for choosing to sit as far away from the teacher’s desk as he could.
“Did you do everything on that line, Potter?” he asked silkily, observing the way Harry’s shoulders sank when he obediently read him the third line of instructions and realized his mistake.
“No,” Harry said quietly.
“I beg your pardon?” Severus asked coldly.
“No,” Harry said more loudly. “I forgot the hellebore.”
“I know you did, Potter,” said Severus. “Which means that this mess is utterly worthless. Evanesco.”
The contents of Harry’s potion vanished and he was left standing foolishly beside an empty cauldron. Severus strode away, instructing everyone else to fill up a vial with their sample for grading. He didn’t look back in Harry’s direction at all until the bell rang. Then he watched the boy filing out of the classroom with Ron and Hermione, feeling a combination of triumph and guilt at having worked out some of his frustration, as well as done enough to satisfy an onlooking Draco.
XXX
Severus retired extremely early that evening, relieved that it wasn’t his night to patrol the corridors. He hadn’t received any contact from his affiliations outside the Hogwarts grounds, although he knew better than to get too relaxed. He was already changed for bed and lying underneath his covers when he was alerted to the entrance of his quarters opening. There was only one person who could let themself in and Severus had been hoping that he’d come.
He stood up and walked out of his bedroom to meet Harry, pleased to see that he had at least brought his invisibility cloak with him. Apparently Harry was capable of obeying him occasionally, although it simply could be because sneaking around the school under his cloak was something that he enjoyed doing.
“Nobody saw me come in,” Harry assured him, as he slipped off the cloak and walked over to set it on the kitchen counter.
“Of course not, you were invisible,” Severus said dryly. The wall between his office and private quarters had already sealed back up - a precautionary detail Severus had implemented before the start of term. He couldn’t allow anyone to ever see Harry Potter making himself at home down here.
“Do you have anything I could eat?” asked Harry hopefully, opening up a cupboard and staring into it with disappointment.
“Something wrong with the feast tonight?” asked Severus.
“I couldn’t take all the muttering,” Harry admitted. “People gawking at me and talking behind their hands about what a liar they all think I am. I already got in a fight with Seamus Finnigan. He said his mum didn’t want him to come back here this year because of me.”
“Something you should probably get used to,” Severus said coolly, though at the same time he’d raised his wand and conjured a plate of leftovers from the feast; roast beef, potatoes, and corn. “Eat your supper and then you can tell me why you’re so determined to get yourself expelled.”
“What are you talking about?” Harry demanded.
“Eat,” Severus said again, pointing at the barstool tucked under the counter. He waited until Harry had sat down and picked up his fork before commencing his lecture. “Professor McGonagall told me that you’ve earned yourself a week’s worth of detentions from Umbridge for yelling at her in class about the Dark Lord’s return.”
“Why did she have to tell you that?” asked Harry indignantly.
“Because that’s how this is going to work,” Severus replied coolly. “I’ve taken responsibility for you and Professor McGonagall knows this. Count on everything reaching my ears from now on, Harry, and count on things getting very unpleasant around here if I receive more reports like this.”
“Well, McGonagall already got on to me about all that herself,” said Harry, looking down at his plate.
“Yes, she told me that she has already expressed the importance to you of keeping your head down and learning to control your temper,” said Severus. “It doesn’t seem to have done you much good though, does it? Not if you’re arguing with your roommates and refusing to have dinner with them.”
“I just wanted a few minutes of peace,” Harry muttered. ”You told me that I could come here anytime.”
“So, I did,” said Severus. “But tell me about Umbridge.”
“She’s horrible!” Harry snarled. “She said that Cedric Diggory’s death was nothing more than a tragic accident and she won’t let us use any magic in her class. Hermione said that she’s here because the Ministry is interfering at Hogwarts.”
“Something you could probably have figured out on your own if you’d bothered to pay attention to her speech last night,” Severus remarked coolly, “but Miss Granger isn’t wrong. It’s nothing more than what any of us should have expected considering the Ministry’s determination to rein in Dumbledore. You certainly aren’t helping matters by throwing screaming fits in her classroom though.”
Harry glowered up at him. “So, I’m just supposed to let her call me and Dumbledore liars?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do,” said Severus. “Accept right now that people are going to be wrong about you and treat you unfairly. That’s the price you pay sometimes. I’m a double agent, people are always wrong about me.”
“I don’t know how you live like this,” Harry said quietly. “It’s exhausting. It makes me so angry.”
“It is awful,” Severus agreed. “That’s why I’m already down here, dressed for bed, and putting off grading your class’s attempt at the Draught of Peace. I don’t have it in me tonight. Sometimes I just don’t.”
“Well, considering what you did to mine, that’s not really going to impact me anyway, sir,” Harry replied, a frown clouding his face as he recalled the injustice of that morning’s potion lesson. “I was not the worst one, you know. You didn’t vanish Goyle’s.”
“I expect better from you than Goyle,” Severus replied. “You were just being careless. Something that you and Black have in common, I see. I assume that’s probably why Professor Dumbledore decided to keep Black shut away at Headquarters without any exceptions in the first place. He knew better than to hope that Sirius Black could behave like a reasonable adult.”
Harry looked up at him guiltily. “You know?”
“Yes,” Severus said sternly. “Lucius Malfoy recognized a black dog that was with you at King’s Cross. He wanted to know why I didn’t know Black was taking these little walks after I’d insisted that he’d be impossible to capture because he was under the protection of a Fidelius Charm.”
“Why would they expect you to know that?” Harry asked. “It doesn’t have anything to do with you.”
“Because I am supposed to be their eyes into the Order of the Phoenix,” Severus said impatiently. “I’m expected to know these things. Do you realize that every piece of information that I withhold from the Dark Lord is carefully scrutinized? When I pretended not to know that you were being removed from your relatives, I was tortured severely for apparently not being trusted enough by Professor Dumbledore. You saw the condition that I returned in.”
Harry nodded his head, looking extremely distressed, but Severus wasn’t finished yet. “Now, the Dark Lord and his followers will be wondering why I didn’t relay to them information about how Sirius Black is likely to leave his hiding place to wander aimlessly around London in a disguise they already know about. I should have tipped them off. Do you see how this works, Potter?”
“Yes,” Harry said quietly.
“You must understand that every lie I tell the Dark Lord is an extreme risk,” Severus said. “He needs to believe that I tell him everything. He believes me to be so well informed and I cover up all the most crucial details to protect you all. It’s extremely dangerous and Sirius Black being caught out with you in public is certainly not helping me.”
“He just wanted a bit of fresh air,” Harry replied, a defensive note in his voice, though he still looked apologetic. “I didn’t want him to go but I don’t blame him.”
“Well, I do,” Severus replied. “And that’s why I won’t vouch for him to Dumbledore or supply him with Polyjuice Potion. I’m not going to be blamed for his downfall and I can’t trust him. Don’t make it so that I can’t trust you either. We have way too much at stake for that to happen.”