Like a Son
When Harry Potter finally emerged from Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Severus could immediately see that he had done the right thing. He watched as the boy’s green eyes, so like his mother’s, darted anxiously between himself and Black. The lack of open hostility would be worth swallowing his pride for. After all, there was already enough trouble in his life to be getting on with.
“Sorry that took so long, sir,” Harry apologized, holding his broomstick in one hand and a backpack in the other. He motioned to the grey jacket he was wearing, which Severus recognized as one of the items he had bought him last month. “Mrs Weasley told me it was cold out and it took awhile to find.”
“No matter,” Severus replied. “I’m not in any hurry.” He knew this had to come as a surprise to Harry, who under normal circumstances probably would have been expecting him to be ready to wring his neck after being left waiting on the porch in the company of Sirius Black.
“I want you to wear your invisibility cloak,” Severus instructed. “There’s been a change of plans. We’re going to Hogwarts. I have some work to do there and you’ll have more to entertain yourself with there than in Cokeworth anyway.”
“Think of the possibilities," Black forced a smile. "You get the free run of the place. And Filch can’t even tell you what to do because you’re not technically in school right now, are you?”
“Yeah,” Harry said, as he knelt down to unzip his backpack and rummage through its contents for the invisibility cloak. “Well, I’ll tell you about it when I get back. In a couple days, right?”
“For sure,” Black replied, clapping him on the back affectionately. “Now, I’d best get inside before Molly and or Dumbledore decide to come out here and start something. See you, Harry.”
He nodded curtly at Severus before he went back inside, but Severus chose to pretend that he hadn’t noticed as he turned to Harry. “We’re going to apparate into Hogsmeade and then you can fly your broomstick on up to the castle.”
“Brilliant,” said Harry, slipping on his cloak and reaching for Severus’s arm without needing instruction.
Severus apparated them to the center square of Hogsmeade. It was entirely empty at that late hour, save for themselves, but Severus still thought it best to take precaution. He had Harry raise the invisibility cloak so that he could perform a Disillusionment Charm on him. It would allow Harry to camouflage against the night sky while he flew.
“You can go ahead,” Severus said, taking Harry’s backpack and the cloak from him. “Just don’t try to fly into the grounds until I get there to unlock the gate. Unless you want to be electrocuted.”
“Yes, sir,” Harry said, already eagerly mounting his firebolt.
He pushed off hard from the ground and disappeared quickly from sight, except for when he dipped down to earth and whooshed past Severus in a hazy blur. Severus began the long trek up to Hogwarts alone. He could have apparated closer to the school, but he'd wanted to give Harry some time outside first. He could have flown himself as well, if he had wanted, but going back to his years as a student, Severus tended to choose any other means of travel if he could help it.
“You must be frozen,” he observed, when he reached the iron gates barring access into the Hogwarts grounds and Harry flew down from the sky to meet him.
“I’d go again,” said Harry enthusiastically, even as he trembled from the cold air.
“You can,” Severus replied, taking out the large brass key he’d been entrusted with and turning it in the rusty padlock.
A flash of gold shimmied down the bars and it creaked open to accept them. Together, he and Harry stepped inside the grounds. Severus closed the gate behind them and pocketed the key. He turned to consider Harry, casting a warming charm over him affectionately, even though the boy was too proud to admit that he was cold. Then Harry took back up to the sky and Severus made his way to the doors to the Entrance Hall to wait for him.
“You can be out all day tomorrow,” he assured Harry, when the boy reluctantly climbed off of his broomstick to follow him into the castle. “I’ll be busy.”
He had much to attend to in the Hospital Wing with Madam Pomfrey and then would see to whatever Minerva McGonagall wanted his help with. If he had time, Severus might as well begin setting up his classroom for the new term as well. He was already considering not returning to Spinner’s End for the rest of summer at all. He preferred being at Hogwarts, even if it was always rather strange to be inside the nearly deserted castle.
Not as many torches were lit as there usually would be and every step you took seemed to echo. The Great Hall was dark and vacant as Severus paused so that Harry could glance in. The magnificent ceiling twinkled with stars that nobody was around to appreciate, for despite Hogwarts being the permanent residence of some of its faculty, the main spaces often remained dormant until the students returned. The only soul that Harry and Severus met on their way down the stone steps that led to the dungeons, was the ghost of an attractive grey lady, who glided past without sparing either of them a second glance.
“My quarters are off of my office,” Severus explained.
Harry was following just a step behind him. He had his Firebolt slung over his shoulder and his wand lit, as Severus’s was, to guide the way through the dark corridor. They walked by the closed doors of the Potions lab and past where the secret entrance to the Slytherin common room was. One right turn, and they arrived at his office.
“Mollitiam,” Severus gave the password to his office door, which swung open to reveal the cramped stone room that most students, Harry included, had been in at some point or another.
“Right over here,” he directed Harry towards the bare wall to the left of his desk. His Slytherins knew this was where to come find him if needed at night, but he had never given any student as direct access as he was about to now.
“Place your hand on the black stone,” Severus explained, and Harry obediently reached out to touch the smooth black stone that was cemented in the center of the wall.
Severus pointed his wand at Harry’s hand. Quietly he began to murmur the incantation, knowing it had worked when he saw the stone warm and then dissolve in Harry’s grasp. The rest of the wall followed suit, shifting itself into a majestic arch that revealed the inviting warmth of Severus’s quarters. He could only imagine what Harry had been expecting, but knew with confidence that it could not have been this.
He watched Harry step over the threshold that divided the austere office from the welcoming living space. It was very small, but had a coziness that could not be matched by the neglected house on Spinner’s End. He had a comfortable couch to sit on in front of a large fireplace. Severus pointed his wand into it and ignited a roaring fire, as Harry turned down the short hallway that led to Severus’s bedroom and bathroom.
“Wow,” he exclaimed, and Severus knew at once what had caught his eye.
“The rest of the school thinks it’s dreary to be down here; but nobody, aside from Slytherin, gets a view like this,” Severus said, watching Harry gape at the wall of glass that gave a direct view into the bottom of the lake. There were enchanted glowing lights in the water that made its depths visible, even in the middle of the night.
“It’s like being inside a submarine,” Harry exclaimed, crouching down to examine an otter that stared back at him through the glass for a moment, before swimming away.
“Exactly like that,” Severus agreed. “There’s something very calming about water, although you will see the occasional Grindylow.”
“Better from in here,” Harry commented.
“Yes, I suppose,” Severus replied, considering the attacks the Grindylows had inflicted on the Triwizard champions during the second task. “But tell me now, how did you break into my store cupboard to steal the Gillyweed?”
“I didn’t,” Harry insisted, smiling when Severus scoffed in disbelief. The boy had undoubtedly used stolen Gillyweed to survive at the bottom of the lake for more than an hour. “No really,” he insisted. “I was telling the truth. It wasn’t me. It was Dobby.”
“Dobby,” Severus repeated.
“Yeah, the Malfoys’ old house elf,” Harry replied. “Dobby brought me some gillyweed and told me if I ate it that I’d be able to breathe underwater.”
“Interesting,” said Severus. “Is this the same elf that you tricked Lucius Malfoy into setting free?”
“Yes,” said Harry proudly. “And I mean it, sir, if you’d seen the way the Malfoys treated him, you’d never defend them.”
“I don’t defend the Malfoys,” Severus said slowly.
Harry shot him a scathing look. “You let Malfoy get away with everything.”
“Because he needs somebody on his side,” Severus answered unapologetically. “And because it wouldn’t do to pick a fight with Lucius over his son’s behaviour. Believe me, I’m fully aware of what Draco is probably going to turn out to be if things don’t change soon. I also know that he is as spoiled and arrogant as his father raised him to be. I just have my own subtle means of trying to help him.”
Which did not include attempting to appear too concerned for Draco in front of the Dark Lord. He had been punished severely for that and had suppressed the urge to even look in the boy’s direction the last few times they had been together at Malfoy Manor. It was for his own safety as much as Draco’s, though Severus was admittedly quite anxious to have him back under his care at Hogwarts soon.
“I don’t see why you'd even want to help him,” Harry muttered.
Severus’s black eyes bore into Harry’s. He was slightly taken-aback by the sudden bitterness in his tone. And did he detect the slightest flicker of jealousy? He took a moment to gather his words carefully before replying. “Of course, my main priority is, and always has been, keeping you protected.”
“Why?” demanded Harry.
“Why?” Severus repeated. “Well, it’s a promise I made to myself - and to Dumbledore - after your mother died.”
“It doesn't make sense, you hated me,” Harry replied. “You never missed an opportunity to show me that.”
“I hated your father,” Severus corrected gently, surprised that he managed to make even that sound past tense. “That isn’t your fault, or your problem. I just wasn’t ready to accept that before. I don't think I ever really hated you. It's just very complicated.”
It had taken Severus far too long to realize that. But there was even more that he couldn’t say aloud. About how staring at Harry was sometimes still like looking at a walking and talking trigger, and he wasn’t sure if it would ever change. Yet, in spite of that, Harry had still somehow maneuvered into the fullest, and least broken, part of Severus’s heart. Taking care of Harry was no longer a job Severus did bitterly; and it was refreshing to be back with him at Hogwarts, inside the quarters that had always felt more like home to him than Spinner’s End.
“Come with me,” he said, deciding something on the spot. He pulled open the door to the small linen closet that sat between his bedroom and the bathroom at the end of the hall. It was full of towels and other miscellaneous objects that Severus vanished from the shelves with a quick flick of his wand. As Harry came to stand next to him, Severus pointed his wand directly at the now empty closet.
“Engorgio,” he said clearly, and watched it begin to swell. “Bombarda,” and the stone wall behind it exploded, allowing room to grow. The closet had become the entrance to what appeared to be a good sized cell. Though that was just the bone structure of what Severus was intending.
He stepped inside and motioned with a nod of his head for Harry to follow. Silently, he walked its perimeter. His wand pointed at the walls and the floor until all the debris had been removed, leaving nothing but smooth stone.
“Lumen Fenetra,” he spoke, and one of the stone walls disappeared to be replaced by a floor to ceiling glass window, which gave a matching view of the depths of the lake that he enjoyed in his own bedroom. Severus tapped his wand against it and light permeated the black water. He pointed his wand up at the ceiling and a chandelier full of candlelight began to sparkle.
“What colour curtains do you want?” Severus asked, as beneath their feet suddenly appeared a thick grey carpet to match the one through the rest of his quarters.
“Err,” Harry hesitated, watching Severus turn the walls a bright beige. His bottle green eyes were as big as saucers, transfixed upon Severus’s impressive wand work; the way he had created a room from almost nothing, with just a few subtle twitches of his hand.
“Yes?” Severus prodded.
“Red,” Harry said instantly. “I suppose.”
“Typical,” Severus scoffed, as he turned back to face out into the hallway.
There were two bath towels now floating into this new room, coaxed over to Severus with a light beckoning from his wand. “Mutatio,” he said, and they became heavy crimson drapes that swept the floor. They glided over to the window wall and hung themselves onto a curtain rod that had appeared from nowhere.
“You never know who might be swimming by,” he said softly. “Usually nothing more than some fish or a minute flash of the giant squid, but merpeople sometimes are known to travel this way. Close the curtains if you want to be sure you have privacy.”
“Yes, sir,” Harry said, still looking around the room in complete bewilderment. As if he couldn’t comprehend what his professor was doing, even as it happened before his very eyes.
“Let’s see now,” Severus said, almost to himself, touching his wand briefly to his lips as he glanced around the empty space. Then he raised his wand again. “Accio.”
Three logs from the tidy stack next to the fireplace in the living room now floated over to Severus and dropped gracefully onto the carpet in front of him. Severus twisted his hand so that his palm was facing up and the first log grew and evolved into a handsome oak bed. It lifted off the ground and pushed itself against the wall across from the lake. Then Severus summoned another towel from the stack he’d removed from the former linen closet. This he transfigured into a mattress.
Catching Harry’s bright eyes looking at him in wonder, Severus actually smiled. Then he turned his focus onto the second log, and cast a spell to switch it into a desk that he positioned right in front of the spot in the window where a large group of rocks were occupied by sleeping turtles. The third log became a tall chest of drawers. Nearly finished, the once linen closet had become a magnificent bedroom, the likes of which Harry had certainly never seen but surely deserved. Severus didn’t bother to ask for colour suggestions before he turned another old towel into bedsheets and a duvet of shimmery gold, to match the Gryffindor red of the curtains.
“Am I missing anything?” Severus asked, his lips twisting at the stunned expression on Harry’s face. The boy was speechless, taking in every inch of his new surroundings.
“Very good,” he answered his own question, slipping his wand back into his pocket. “There you are then.”
He decided to leave it at that for the moment. Choosing to walk out of the second bedroom he had added onto his home on a sudden impulse; still having doubts about how far he was taking this, but also realizing that he could not recall feeling this positive about life since he was a child, lost in a moment with Lily. Taking in Harry had given Severus a purpose he never knew that he could find again. Much more hopeful and satisfying than just working to keep the boy alive out of remorse and duty.
“That’s all for me?” Harry had followed him back into the living room.
Severus raised his eyebrows. “Well I would hardly decorate a room for myself in red and gold, now would I? Of course it’s all yours. Now would you like a cup of tea before we turn in?”
Harry blinked. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Yes or no, it’s a simple question,” Severus replied, immediately regretting his curtness. He sighed. “I don’t know what to say either.”
He turned his back on the boy to put the kettle on. He always kept a generous stock of teabags in his quarters so that he wouldn’t need to venture out into the Great Hall and be forced to interact with people whenever he wanted some. He made a cup for Harry too. It felt good to occupy himself with something. It was grounding, when he was feeling nothing like himself.
“Thank you, sir,” said Harry quietly, accepting the tea from him when it was ready. He remained standing, leaning against the counter to drink from his cup, while Severus pulled over one of the kitchen stools for himself.
“I made that room for you because I was serious before when I said that you could come to me anytime,” Severus said, when several long minutes had passed during which nobody had said anything. “The passage into these quarters? It will recognize your touch now. That’s what I did back in my office when we arrived; I fixed it so that you can come and go whenever you please. Under your invisibility cloak, you can come in here without anyone knowing. Whenever you want."
“I never expected this,” Harry admitted sheepishly. “For some reason, when you told me we were coming to Hogwarts, I’d sort of assumed that you'd just send me to sleep in my dormitory.”
“Would you prefer that?” asked Severus quietly.
“No,” Harry quickly replied.
“Well, if you’re fine with it, then I am too,” Severus said slowly, rising from the stool to go put his empty teacup away. “If you’re uncomfortable, I don’t need to keep that room. It would be a moment’s work to vanish it.”
There was no answer, unless you counted the boy setting down his cup of tea and coming over to wrap his arms around him. Severus was unaccustomed to being hugged or this close to anyone. He hesitated, while at the same time acknowledging to himself how much that bedroom would mean to a boy who had grown up in a cupboard. What it would have meant to Severus if someone had ever done such a thing for him. Of course, Harry was more than fine with his gesture, but he was probably in a state of shock for all he’d never had and now did.
“Harry,” Severus said softly, but the boy still did not let him go.
Unsure of what else he should do, Severus reached his arms around Harry and lightly patted his back, which seemed to have been a mistake. The moment Severus hugged him, Harry started to shake, like the way he'd been trembling after flying on his broom in the cold sky. Severus froze. He didn’t know what to do besides hold him more tightly. Harry was leaning so heavily on him right now that Severus wasn’t sure if his own legs were supporting him anymore at all. It was as if Harry had let go of the weight of the world, so unfairly placed on his shoulders, and trusted Severus to hold it for him.
“It’s okay,” Severus tried to sound reassuring. All the while he felt incredible grief rise up within himself for the cruel misfortune befallen this poor boy, for which Severus knew he was responsible. If he had made better choices all those years ago, Harry wouldn’t be here right now. He’d be in a home with a mother and a father, who had both loved him beyond comparison. Severus wasn’t supposed to be in this picture at all. Yet, there he was, and he prayed Lily wouldn’t despise him all the more for it. For being here when he was the reason that she and James had died.
“Come here,” he said gently, stepping back, and pulling Harry along, until he felt the sofa behind his legs and he sat down. He’d been afraid that the movement would awaken Harry to what he was doing and cause him to pull away, but he needn’t have worried.
"Whenever you want," he reminded him, encouraging him silently to stay exactly where he was for as long as he pleased. With no shame or reservations. While Severus fervently hoped that he could become worthy of such a role, as the cruel world began to make a bit more sense to him.