The General's Grief
Albus Dumbledore was accepted as the most brilliant and powerful wizard of his time by nearly everyone. People looked up to him and counted on him to keep them safe. He was the only one that Voldemort had ever feared and consequently had a moral responsibility to lead the charge against him, even when it came at a terrible price.
“There you are, Albus! What are you doing out here all alone?”
Minerva McGonagall closed the front door of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place softly behind her as she came to join him on the step.
“I came out to watch for Severus,” he admitted, staring down at the vacant road as though hoping he would suddenly appear. “Doesn't seem to be much point though, is there?”
“He is quite late,” Minerva said tentatively. “Everyone else has already arrived - you shouldn't keep them waiting.”
“I wouldn't have scheduled a meeting tonight if I'd known he wouldn't be here,” Albus replied, for Severus Snape was the reason for practically all the intel on Voldemort the Order currently had to go on. “I just hope he's alright.”
It wasn’t that Severus had never been gone for long spells with the Death Eaters before, but he had only been going to deliver potions yesterday and hadn't been seen or heard from since. Albus silently felt almost beside himself with worry - and not just for the sake of his plans either. Though their alliance had been born from Severus’s desperation and Albus’s willingness to take advantage of it, it had progressed far beyond that. Not only did Albus trust Severus Snape completely, but he cared for him too - it was difficult not to, once you saw the side that he tried to hide.
“Would you like me to go and check his house?” Minerva offered.
“No, he isn’t there,” Albus replied, having already checked there himself just before arriving at headquarters.
“That doesn’t mean anything went wrong,” Minerva said matter-of-factly. “Severus is a brilliant Occlumens and is in good standing with You Know Who at the moment - you told me that yourself.”
“Yes,” agreed Albus, “but Lord Voldemort shows just as little mercy to his followers as to his enemies - Severus has already been severely injured more than once when following my orders.”
Like a masterful chess player who had to consider all his pieces, Albus knew and reluctantly accepted that some sacrifices would always be inevitable in war. Just like last time, countless lives would be lost and people destroyed, and he would play a hand in all of it - the grieving general that he was.
“You mustn’t blame yourself, Albus,” Minerva said, adjusting the glasses that had been knocked lopsided when she’d flinched at the sound of Voldemort’s name. “What you have asked Severus to do is crucial and you didn't force him, anyway - he could have told you no.”
Technically, she was right. Severus had free will and could have fled or refused to put himself back into the constant mortal peril that spying on Lord Voldermort entailed, but Albus had the wisdom to know that he never would. Severus Snape would die bringing about the end of Lord Voldemort because it was the only thing that was keeping him alive. Albus possibly even understood this better than Severus himself but it was a truth that had stayed between them these last thirteen years and always would - he had given Severus his word to never reveal the best of him.
“Poor Severus,” Albus murmured. “I ask way too much of him.”
“Well, I admit that forcing him and Potter into sharing a house for a month seemed a little excessive to me,” Minerva admitted.
“Ah, but that was one of my better ideas,” Albus said mischievously.
“And I thought we were just to be grateful that neither of them wound up killing the other,” Minerva shook her head. “Of course, I know you have your reasons.”
Albus felt a rush of gratitude towards the witch beside him. Her absolute trust in him had always meant the world to him and there weren't many people that he cherished as much as her. Minerva McGonagall accepted his decisions with very little hesitation and supported him wholeheartedly without even needing to hear the full story. Albus would be hard pressed to ever find as true a friend as her a second time.
“Thank you, my dear,” he said quietly, looking away from the road to bestow her with a small smile. “I must say that you’re looking particularly lovely tonight.”
“You mean as a muggle?” Minerva said, looking down at her plain navy pencil skirt and black silk blouse.
“Yes,” he chuckled, “as a muggle.”
“I was in Brighton today,” she explained. “I made it to every stop that you requested.”
“Excellent,” said Albus. “Any trouble?”
“No, I only had to give Dawlish the slip,” she replied. “The Ministry is clearly still trying to keep up with the comings and goings of your friends - I'm surprised they haven't given Severus any trouble.”
“No, Fudge is probably too wary of having him investigated ever since Severus showed him the Dark Mark on his arm,” said Albus. “Denial is a very serious thing - so is understanding. That's why I wanted to give Severus and Harry the opportunity to learn how to work together.”
Minerva frowned. “But I thought you didn’t want Potter to know too much?”
“What's too much is difficult to measure,” said Albus calmly, “I did want him to see first hand what Professor Snape endures for our sakes, for our side. Harry is never going to doubt the allegiance of Severus Snape after what he has witnessed this summer - and I wanted Severus to have the chance to see Harry for himself. I think I’ve succeeded on both accounts.”
“I never thought I’d see the day,” Minerva said honestly.
“Oh, I never say never,” said Albus pleasantly. “Harry has learned the basics of Occlumency and has been vigilant about drinking the potion that protects his mind as good as either of ours. I think it worked out very well indeed.”
“Well, it’s clear to me that you’re very pleased,” Minerva said wryly. “I’ll have to ask Severus to confirm if he agrees with your analysis.”
“Please do,” said Albus, turning back to stare at the empty road one more time before accepting defeat.
Clearly Severus wouldn’t be returning tonight and he could only hope that the explanation wouldn’t be too catastrophic. Albus already harboured guilt for the torture and crippling injuries his spy endured in carrying out what he asked him to do. He couldn’t bear to imagine his dying this early in the war - even if the ultimate price was something Severus had always been willing to give. How else could he look into Lord Voldemort’s eyes on the regular and lie through his teeth?
“Look at this, Albus,” Minerva's voice suddenly became very sharp.
He turned around and saw her pointing at a flesh coloured string hanging down beside them like a thread from a destroyed spider web. It was being dangled out of a bedroom window and Albus sensed correctly just exactly who was responsible.
“Mr and Mr Weasley, if we were at school right now I’d have to award fifty points to Gryffindor for your practical and creative use of magic,” Albus called up to the window, where he could hear the sound of several bodies moving away all at once.
“Really, Dumbledore, they were listening to every word we said,” Minerva said irritably. “Extendable Ears - Molly told me all about them.”
“Curiosity is not a sin,” Albus said quietly. “It’s only natural they’d want to know more than they should. Though we should exercise caution - I’ll put some more security enchantments on the room we’re going to meet in tonight.”
“And I’ll take that,” Minerva said stiffly, plucking the extendable ear from the air so that its long cord floated down from the upstairs window and trailed behind her as she marched into the house to confront them. Unable to resist following, Albus calmly walked up the stairs behind her and his eyes immediately found Harry’s when they entered the room.
“We’re of age, Professor,” Fred protested. “That’s my property.”
“Oh save me the dramatics, Mr Weasley,” Minerva said sharply, flicking the Extendable Ear onto the ground. “You were listening in on a private conversation. Nothing more.”
“Well how else are we going to know what’s going on?” George demanded.
“You don’t,” she snapped back, glaring at them all with her dark eyes.
Hermione looked guilty and Ron looked nervous. Fred, George, and Ginny looked perhaps as irritated as Professor McGonagall did at the moment. However, Harry seemed primarily concerned as he stared at Albus unblinkingly, as though hoping he might have answers that he just hadn’t felt like sharing with Professor McGonagall out on the steps. There was no longer any shadow of Lord Voldemort in his eyes, thanks to the inexhaustible efforts of Severus Snape. All Albus could sense was that Harry was as worried as he was.
“Professor Snape told me that he’d send word if he wasn’t coming tonight,” Harry said, urgently. “Something’s wrong.”
“We don’t know that,” Albus said softly, “I’d tell you, if I did.”
Harry’s friends were watching him closely. They could sense, like Albus could, that Harry was not himself right now. He was filled with worry about someone he’d had claimed to despise mere months ago. How quickly things could change and new alliances forged in the wake of so much atrocity. Lord Voldemort took away so much, but he also had a knack for making unlikely people come together.
“You Know Who is convinced that Snape is his spy, isn’t he?” asked Ginny suddenly.
“Professor Snape,” Albus corrected her. “And yes, that is our intention.”
“So he has to give You Know Who information about our side then?” said Ron.
“Professor Snape tells Lord Voldemort things that he and I have decided on together,” Albus replied. “That stays between us.”
“How does Professor Snape use Occlumency, sir?” asked Hermione. “Wouldn’t You Know Who notice if one of his Death Eater’s was shielding their mind from him?”
“If faced continuously with a blank canvas, then yes,” Albus answered. “What Professor Snape has to do is much more complicated than that. He has to hide any thought or memory that would contradict the story he is feeding Voldemort, while also appearing to be completely transparent.”
“I can’t see how anyone could do that without eventually slipping up,” Fred exclaimed.
“Indeed, Mr Weasley, it is not an easy task to do by anyone’s standards,” said Albus matter-of-factly.
He wanted these children to understand that there was much more to their harsh teacher than they thought they knew. Severus actively worked against Voldemort every single day of his life and had the extraordinary task of simultaneously convincing Voldemort that he was doing the opposite. He had all these different personas to keep straight. His own private thoughts weren’t even a safe space. He deserved respect for that.
“I think that provides you with enough context to understand the conversation you were intruding upon between me and Professor McGonagall,” he told them, speaking over the follow-up questions they were attempting to ask. “I’d advise you not to attempt to eavesdrop again. Too much information can be dangerous. Your mother is quite right to want to keep you from knowing things that don’t concern you.”
He went downstairs with Minerva a few minutes later, to the drawing room where a handful of available Order members had been sitting in wait for him to start the meeting. Tonks was next to Lupin, but they both came to attention the moment they spotted him. Sirius had been chatting with Kingsley Shacklebolt - the Auror who was feeding the Ministry incorrect information about Sirius’s whereabouts. Minerva went to sit down beside Molly and Arthur Weasley - presumably to tell them what she’d just caught their children doing.
“Good evening,” Albus greeted everyone. “Once again, might you allow me to say just how much I appreciate and value every one of you being here tonight. The sight of us all here together fills me with hope. We’re better prepared than the last time, we know a lot more than Voldemort thinks we do.”
With that he invited Remus Lupin to speak. They discussed the deal they were attempting to make with the werewolves - to prevent some or any of them from joining Voldemort. It was just like what he’d send Hagrid and Madame Maxime to do up in the mountains with the giants. The odds weren’t great that they’d be successful but it was important, necessary work anyway. If they convinced even one…
“They’re not giving anything away yet,” said Bill Weasley, once the meeting had gotten around to goblins. “I still can’t work out whether they believe he’s back or not. ‘Course, they might prefer not to take sides at all. Keep out of it.”
“I’m sure they’d never go over to You-Know-Who,” said Arthur Weasley, shaking his head. “They’ve suffered losses too. Remember that goblin family he murdered last time, somewhere near Nottingham?”
“I think it depends what they're offered,” said Lupin. “And I’m not talking about gold; if they’re offered freedoms we’ve been denying them for centuries they’re going to be tempted…”
The meeting proved to be productive even without Severus there to give them information on what Voldemort and his Death Eaters had actually been doing in the last week. Werewolves, giants, goblins, and updates on what was being said behind closed doors at the Ministry of Magic gave them all quite enough to talk about. After they dispersed, people took it in turns to walk outside of the house and disapparate - they didn’t need any Muggles looking out their windows and discovering such a group on their quiet street at this hour of night.
“Sirius, will you follow me upstairs right now to speak with Harry?” Albus requested.
“Of course,” said Sirius, shooting a glance over at Lupin who would be staying at the house for one more night before beginning his mission. “Is something wrong?”
Albus hesitated. “Severus was supposed to be here tonight and never sent word about why he couldn’t make it.”
“I know,” said Sirius. “Harry’s worried.”
“I’m sure all is fine,” said Albus calmly.
“Are you?” said Sirius skeptically. “He’s nearly been killed before. Why should he be fine?”
“The injuries Severus sustained were intended by Lord Voldemort to be a message to me,” Albus explained. “This silence is probably a message too. Severus is nearly always granted leave by Voldemort to come and see me. Voldemort believes Severus to be his spy - he wants him to have as many interactions with me as possible.”
“Unless he’s been found out,” Sirius said quietly.
Albus could think of nothing to say to that. Severus had been subjected to the Cruciatus Cause and been ripped apart by Lord Voldemort without breaking. Veritaserum would be ineffective when Severus always had an antidote ready to be conjured directly into his mouth to avoid detection. He was prepared as could be and all that Albus could hope for was that it proved to be enough.
“I’d like to take Harry with me tonight,” Albus said, coming to a stand-still in the hallway outside the bedroom they’d been caught in with the Extendable Ears before the meeting.
“He just got here a few days ago, Dumbledore,” Sirius protested, looking pained.
“I understand,” said Albus calmly, “but I think he might benefit from some time spent with me, now that it is safe for us to do so. When I look into his eyes now, I can be reassured that Voldemort isn’t looking back at me through them. Harry’s mind is all his own now and that makes it safe for him to interact with me.”
“I won’t interfere, if that’s what Harry wants,” Sirius said finally, though it looked like this selflessness was costing him everything that he had. “I didn’t even object to him being with Snape once I saw that Harry was fine with it.”
“Big of you,” said Albus with a smile. “The best kind of father is one who can put his son’s needs ahead of his own and you’ve proven again and again that that’s who you are.”
“Come on, Dumbledore,” Sirius shook his head. “You know I’d do anything for him and you keep using that against me.”
“Well, I don’t mean for it to appear that way,” Albus replied. “I do respect you as Harry’s rightful guardian and the day we’re able to clear your name, I’ll support you being that in every fashion. I hope you trust that of me.”
“Yes,” said Sirius reluctantly. “I do trust you. Don't have much choice, do I?”
“Thank you,” said Albus sincerely. “There’s much we can do together and Harry would be hard to convince of anything, if he knew you were against it. So you deserve a lot of the credit for what Harry has been able to achieve with Severus this summer and for what else is to come. Be proud of yourself.”