No matter how sunny and warm it was, Regulus Black was incapable of feeling any joy. It was the day before his boyfriend, James Potter's birthday.
Now you may be thinking - Why on Earth would someone be feeling miserable on the day before their boyfriends birthday? Well, Regulus had a reason all right.
This was James' last year at Hogwarts, meaning it was Regulus' second last. He had cherished all of their moments together because he knew that it would be over the second James stepped foot into the real world (the next day). They were at war, and Regulus had to pick a side before it was all decided for him.
He obviously didn't want to work for Voldemort, he was creepy and extremely manipulative. All of the murders he had committed added another layer on as well. Regulus always felt such guilt when the family owl perched onto the Slytherin table every morning, handing Regulus The Daily Prophet and on the front cover was the text 'Muggle Teenager Killed Dark Wizards Suspected'. But obviously his mother was so keen, already having her youngest son's life planned out step by step as her eldest had betrayed her entirely.
He had no idea how James agreed to go out with him, it was a miracle! Their relationship was very hidden, they often only met on the astronomy tower after curfew but it didn't particularly bother either of them. Why would it? They're just two teenage boys in love.
But Regulus knew that wouldn't last long. James also unfortunately knew the kind of life Regulus was being forced into, having heard all sorts of devastating recounts from Sirius. This is why he never nagged Regulus about the whole 'elope with me, I promise I will make it work' thing he was expected to. He knew the kind of pressure the youngest Black was put under and he felt extremely sorry for him.
However many times Sirius told him that Regulus was a waste of time and that he was already too brainwashed to listen to him, James never gave up on him. How could he give up on his Reggie?
Back to the plot, James was taking his first step into adulthood the following day, and Regulus wasn't ready to let go just yet (even if he did know that it would happen eventually).
He wanted to have one last chat with him before it would end forever..
'James,
Are you available to meet me at the usual?
Now if possible..
-R.A.B'
James immediately responded:
'Of course love, be right there.
-James'
Regulus stuffed the note under his pillow, remembering it as his last, then he proceeded to sprint to the astronomy tower.
James was already waiting for him with a broad grin on his face when the youngest Black cautiously stepped through the doors. What on earth was he grinning about?
"Reg, you alright?" James walked towards him, enveloping him in a tight hug. This felt so right, so why did it have to end?
"Yeah, I'm fine.." Although James wasn't convinced.
"Tell me what's wrong, darling."
"The future. I fear it." His words were almost vicious.
"How so?"
"We're at war James. This won't be so simple once you graduate, we'll never see each other again. Why can't I just love you forever?" This was Regulus opening up, collapsing, breaking down the emotionless emptiness on the outside of him.
"You have been so brave love, now please let me help you Regulus. I promise I can save you from those monsters." James had never pleaded him before.
"You were supposed to break up with me tomorrow." He said, completely ignoring James' point.
"Where did you even get that rubbish from? I love you, and you only."
"I'm not permanent James. We won't be able to keep doing this secrecy, it'll all end. Evans loves you, please - for me - go and make her happy." He was near tears at this point.
"Why are you saying all of this Reg? Have you truly picked your side?"
"I don't have an option, they'll kill me."
"I'm struggling to comprehend this. You promised me on the day that we started dating that you'd change and I've offered you safety!"
"I'm so sorry. Goodbye my love." He had made his choice, although he didn't expect to be the one to end the relationship, the damage had been done just as predicted.
James was left sobbing in the astronomy tower when he slammed the doors behind himself. Really, that was the last glimpse he'd ever get of him. He immediately felt horrible for ruining James' birthday, but he was really just trying to save him from the Death Eaters. He could never be involved with such a crowd.
Right after he stepped foot in his dormitory, he burst out crying. He ruined it once again, he ruined his relationship with the boy he loved so much. His life was over, there was nothing to live for anymore.
'Finally, I've toughened up. I await death' he wrote in his diary.
~
April 24th 1979,
Regulus Arcturus Black sat rather calmly in the small boat with Kreacher. He cherished this moment, as he knew that he wasn't going to make it out alive.
"If anything happens to me Kreacher, don't prevent it, just let me die."
That was exactly what happened. Kreacher kept feeding Regulus the drink of despair whilst he was collapsed on the cold, stone. Nevertheless, Kreacher kept instructing him to drink it until the bowl was fully empty, revealing Salazar Slytherin's locket.
"Go Kreacher, please." He croaked, hardly being able to talk.
Kreacher hesitated for a long time "Thank you for everything master Regulus." Then he disapparated.
Regulus was left to fend for himself, at the age of 18. He thought of James, and what he would do in the situation.. Knowing James, he'd probably come up with some master plan and escape. But Regulus wasn't like that. He just lay there, motionless.
At least if they find my body, they'll find me smiling. He thought.
After that point, he didn't remember anything except an arm or maybe two dragging him down to the bottom of the deep lake.
Was this what death felt like?