The way they look at each other. The way he used to look at him. The eyes of love, the softness they carried. As if he was the most special person in his heart.
James Potter is a traitor.
Lily Evans is evil.
And Regulus Black? His heart broke in half. The person who helped heal the cracks he had been carrying on with, the person who told him he was beautiful, intelligent, and kind. The person who had told him he was everything. That person was a liar and Regulus was a fool to believe otherwise.
“I’m sorry Regulus,” James was looking away from him. Regulus wanted to scream at him to look at him.
“For how long?” Regulus had asked. His heart was breaking.
“A few months.” It took everything Regulus had not to scream at him. He stood up straighter. His noble posture is even more evident. James' voice got sweeter, but Regulus knew that voice was not meant for him, “I think I’ve always loved her. I think I knew no matter what she would have been the one.”
If Regulus hadn’t broken already this surely is what would do him in. He snapped, no longer able to keep his composure, “Look at me! Look at me and tell me that!”
James looked at him. He had a few inches on him and at the moment no one seemed more intimidating than James did. Regulus could see the way James looked at him, he couldn’t put a name on that look though; pity? Heartbreak? Concern? He had no idea and Regulus didn’t know if he did want to know. “I’m sorry Regulus, I truly am.”
Regulus thought about his breakup with James at every possible moment. It had already been a week since then, a long painful week. They had dated for a little over a year. The beginning of the fifth year until the November of his sixth. Sometimes Regulus would chant a year, over and over in his head. A painful reminder that even then he was not James’s special one. James’s true love was Lily Evans, and Regulus couldn't blame him. She was intelligent, smart, and one amazing witch. Top of her class alongside Remus Lupin. And if he had the ability to love girls, he too might have been infatuated with her. But he couldn’t.
About a month later he had overheard a conversation that he was not ready for.
“That disgusting pig is dating Lily.’ Snape sneered. Voice broken. Regulus knew what was happening. What he heard. He didn’t want to hear more of it so he didn’t. He turned away and left. Walked out of the dungeons, straight out of the school. He kept walking and walking. He had no idea where he was heading. Just that he wanted out of his head so his feet kept moving.
He tripped. He tumbled, tried getting up, and fell again. On what? He had no idea, he just knew he tripped and fell and scratched his knee, ripping his uniform and he was bleeding. Looking up he was at the edge of the forest. He was bleeding in more spots than just his knee. His hands stung.
His eyes welled up. It started raining like he is the main character and he was a wizard with magic, and he was sad so of course, it just had to rain.
Tears mixed with rain, his uniform was soaked through. He had no strength to get up. He slumped against a nearby tree. It was cold and he was freezing and he shivered. He wished for death before James. He wished to be gone and to be free from his family standards. He hated the path his life had taken. James made him feel good, made him feel as though he was worth fighting for. That he deserved to be loved properly. But that was gone now. Maybe it was never actually there. James betrayed him and Regulus hated him for it.
Maybe he will freeze to death. He wasn’t crying anymore, he felt numb emotionally and physically.
Regulus woke up early in the morning the next day in the infirmary. He had no memory of how he got there or why he was. Everything ached, he felt warm and sweaty. “You have a fever from being in the rain.” A sickening charming voice he heard. Regulus sat up with a rush.
“Why the hell are you here?” He sneered at James.
“Found you in the woods last night, nasty condition you were in too.” James sighed and ran a hand through his strategically messy hair. Regulus once loved running his hands through it and messing it even more up.
Sitting up, he felt a tad dizzy. “James, leave. Now.” Regulus was harsh, the two of them being so close made him mad. He had thought about punching James on more than one account but being as close as they were Regulus thought he actually might.
“Don’t gotta be so rude towards the one who rescued you from mere death, you idiot.” James seemed put off by this entire situation but had no clue in what way he was.
“I don’t give a shit, leave.”
“Fine, if that’s what you want.” James obeyed that time. He left, leaving Regulus alone. At least this time it was him who was pushing the other away. He wanted to cry.
“I thought I heard voices,” Madam Pomfrey came around to check upon him. Telling him what James had said but much nicer. She told him to get some rest and she will see how he was feeling later. In the end, his fever was short-lived and the next day attended his classes as usual.
A few days later it was Christmas break. Later he will come to regret his actions over Christmas. But at the time he felt out of control. He thought his decision was made by himself, but it wasn’t.
The itching of pain never seemed to have gone away. He was back at school and the events that had occurred just a few days prior kept him more cautious than he had ever been before. Regulus knew being discovered would mean the end.
It seemed however his cautious appeal did not stand for long. Sirius came looking with two other marauders following. He was alone when it happened when they confronted him.
“Tell me it’s not true.” Sirius grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and spat in his face. James and Remus were closely behind, both glaring at him. He had been reading quietly in a hallway no one came down. How he was discovered who knows. “Snivellus said… and Mulciber… Dammit, Regulus!”
Regulus knew what he was talking about, but he was not about to admit to it. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Now let me go.” Sirius didn’t like this response. He yanked his arm forward and pulled up Regulus’ sleeve. Glowing in its menacing darkness, there on his skin was the dark mark.
Sirius took a step back and shoved Regulus away from him as if he was contagious. “You, why…” He was lost for words, disbelief, and maybe even disgust. Regulus wasn’t going to fear and looked straight at his brother, he looked at Remus next who was looking down on him with a glare so fierce it sent a shiver down his spine. Then there was James, who wore such an expression that frightened Regulus the most; pity.
“I’m of age brother, and with you gone that makes me the heir of the family. It is a part of my duty to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.” He fed the line just like his mother had his entire life. His noble upbringings seeped into the way he stood and talked.
“You disgust me, might be of the same blood but you are not my brother.” Then he walked away.
Regulus waited for them to be out of sight before he relaxed. His shoulders slumped, his knees gave out and he was crying. He was fine, everything was fine, everything will be fine.
After the confrontation, he vowed to lock away his feelings. It was better to feel nothing, to be numb to everything. Bottling all he had up and buried deep within.
Time moved forward as time does. The days passed in a blur. January bled into February then into March. Unfortunately for Regulus Sirius and friends were everywhere, rumors and gossip or just witnessing overall chaos of the bunch. At some point, it seemed as if they forgot about him, that he was just another face in the halls.
One time however he ran into James.
“Oh uh hello Regulus.” Regulus looked up from his readings. He was doing a reread of his Care of Magical Creatures text, his favorite by far as he loved nothing more than magical creatures.
He sighed, closed the book, and stood up from where he was seated. “What do you want, James?”
“Just saw you and figured I’d say hi.”
“Well then hi, and now goodbye.” He got up to leave but James grabbed his arm and held him back. Even after all this time, his touch was gentle and comforting, Regulus was internally punching himself for it. He pulled away forcibly, “Don’t touch me.”
‘I’m sorry, I uh,” James wasn’t looking at him. “Actually, never mind. I’m sorry for bothering you.”
Regulus stared at him, “Alright?” He turned and left.
After that, it seemed all was complete between James and Regulus. Never again had they spoken a word. Regulus did what he could to stay out of the way of the marauders. Isolating himself from even the Slytherins - no easy task to do so either.
Soon the year was over, James and Sirius graduated from Hogwarts and Regulus only had a year left at the school. The rest of his life had been laid out so neatly for him. He figured he would just follow along diligently and soon get as far out as he could. Escaping, he figured America would be his first option. Across the ocean, his parents would never think he would leave for the Americas.
Maybe he could find love.
Maybe he could give up magic for good. He couldn’t blame himself for thinking this.
His fears of what the summer would be like came true. The cruelties of being dragged from one meeting to another, his mother’s clipped sharp voice, and his father’s seriousness for anything. He was counting down the days until he could leave for Hogwarts.
But one day he overheard a conversation he knew he should not have heard. He didn’t even know who the people were. It was one of the meetings but everyone was broken up into smaller groups for social conversation.
“Heard something about Horcruxes…”
“Horcruxes?”
“Yes, some are saying he’s in possession.”
“Wickedly nasty magic…”
“Some were saying he was going around for items I don’t know much about, but I know there was something with a locket…”
Regulus stayed eavesdropping as long as he could. He’s read about Horcruxes before, a book in his father’s study mentioned them. If the Dark Lord was in possession then that would make him… Unstoppable…
After hearing the conversation he stopped at nothing to figure the truth out. A week after his eavesdropping, three people were killed for betraying the Dark Lord. The connection was most likely. Voldemort was reigning in his followers.
September came and he left as he had for seven years. But now he had a goal; find out about the locket and if it was a Horcrux, destroy it. He knew that betraying the Dark Lord would put a target on his back, but he knew he must do it. And afterward, he will leave and never look back.
Time passed and as it did more and more information was put forward. By the time summer rolled around he was confident he knew where the locket was. And he was going to get it.
To the Dark Lord
I know I will be dead long before you read this but I want you to know that it was I who discovered your secret. I have stolen the real Horcrux and intend to destroy it as soon as I can. I face death in the hope that when you meet your match you will be mortal once more.
R.A.B.
He wrote the note for the Dark Lord and stuffed it in his pocket. Just a few days before he had enlisted the help of Kreacher who would have agreed to anything Regulus would ask for. The cave in which the locket was stored made him shiver in discomfort. It felt hard to breathe and strangely the place felt familiar, almost as if he had been here before.
There was a small boat that seemed like it would sink under the weight of him and Kreacher. But it didn’t and they safely stepped onto a small island in the middle of the cave. It was dark and hard to see but there in the center was a bowl. And there laid the locket.
He lifted the locket, it felt horrible in his hands. He wanted to drop it and never touch it again. He couldn’t listen to his thoughts and impulses, he had to bring it back, he had to destroy it.
Something cold grabbed his ankle. He screamed, it scared him. He looked down and something out of his nightmares was a hold of him. And then there were more and more and he struggled to getaway. “Kreacher! Kreacher help!” He screamed. He was scared. He came prepared to die if it came to be but nothing prepares you for the moment, never.
Kreacher held onto Regulus but was too late, his old body was not strong enough. Regulus was dragged under. He was drowning.
James Pov.
“Hey James, an owl just flew in with your name,”
“Ok, It might be from the Prewetts, just set it on the table and I'll take a look.”
James washed his face, he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He felt older, only a year out in a war and he’s already felt the toll it took on him and everyone he cares for. He’s gone to so many funerals and watched over so many who had lost someone. He wanted to gain not lose - a price of war.
Lily and Sirius were in the kitchen chatting away. “Remus?”
“Sudden order mission.”
“Oh,” James felt disappointed, he had wanted everyone over tonight for dinner plans. Most had to cancel at the last minute. He looked over for the letter he received. He sat down across from Sirius at the table and opened it.
James
It has been quite some time since we last spoke. I remember the moment as well, you had something you wanted to say but never did. I’ve wondered what it was every day. I wish you did, I wonder what would have changed if you had.
I loved you, but you broke me in half.
And I wish to take back the time we had together. I wish it never happened. If you were going to be with Lily then I should have not been treated as a spare for your comfort.
James, the path I took was inevitable, but I took the mark for my own selfish reasons; I wanted to feel numb and in pain. I wanted physical pain to override the mental. I planned to leave and go far away, far enough away that my parents would not dream of finding me. Maybe I could find someone who loves me the way you loved Lily, maybe I could give up magic and live as a muggle, that would be quite lovely.
But then I discovered something that would change everything. James, I face death in hopes of a better future. Even in the end, my heart will always love you.
Regulus
Tears dropped and soaked into the letter, James was crying. “James! Omg, what is it?” Lily rushed to his side.
“Nothing, I just need a moment.’ He got up and took the letter with him, he locked himself in the bedroom and didn't leave other than to use the bathroom.
He stayed in the bedroom and didn’t leave, for the next few days James laid in bed restless. It took a week but when a daily prophet report came in, that's when he got up and left the bedroom.
Heir of Black Family Dead!
James shattered, Regulus Black, was dead. The world lost another of its light.