CHAPTER 1

Regina sat on a cliff overlooking LA. Her car lights were bright but failed to illuminate any of the city far, far below. Her makeup ran stinging the crescent marks on her face. Her eyes gazing out at the world but not really seeing it. The music she played was at a moderate level, some sad song by one of the top artists currently on the charts. To any passerby she was just another person in LA looking out on the city and dreaming.

But Regina wasn’t dreaming; she was living a nightmare. She had gone too far into her characters’ mind, picked and prodded at their psyche, rushed into method acting headfirst despite her knowledge that this role wouldn’t be safe for her. 

And she had fooled them all. Emma, Katheryn, Tink, and even her therapist Dr. Alabawa. They thought she was coping, they had no idea that her being trapped in the mind of her character was one of the lowest places she had ever been.

She gripped the wheel tightly. Her eyes blinked rapidly. She could be quick, it could be over. She had her e brake engaged but she held her foot on the brake as an extra precaution as she tested the gas pedal. Revving to life, beckoning her to her end.

She held her breath and closed her eyes. She released the parking break and her heart raced. Now it was just the flick of her ankle and it would be over — she hoped because if she survived this, she wouldn’t want to survive the injuries she would sustain.

Her ears picked up the engine roaring as she hit the gas again, her wheels spinning on the gravel, ready to launch. She had a brief memory of Emma’s eyes, of her smile. She whimpered. She shook her head no. This would be better for all of them. She let go of the brake and her eyes snapped open. She almost didn’t hit the pedal again fast enough.

A kid, their hands slamming down on the front of the car, lights backlighting them like some kind of creature. Regina threw on the e break again and killed the engine. Fuck was this person even real?

She felt her hand drift to her stomach, the turning getting worse. Was she seeing apparitions now? Had she really almost hit a child? She felt bile start to find its way up her throat and the acid gagged her, it burned.

She looked up again and the child was gone. She swallowed hard and just about jumped out of her skin as she heard her passenger door creaking, letting her know she was about to have company. She undid her seatbelt, her left hand going for the door handle, preparing to bolt.

“Hey, it’s okay…”

Regina’s eyes avoided the other person in the cabin hoping they would leave.

“You’re Regina… Mills, right?”

Regina pulled her legs to her chest. “Please, leave me alone…” her voice had become that of a fearful child. She leaned her full body into the door.

The tween girl reached out for her arm. “I’m not going to hurt you.” 

Dark eyes scrunched closed, her voice barely above a whisper, “Are you even real?” She had been seeing things. Her medications they all told her must be working but why was she seeing and hearing things now? It made her portrayal of her character all the more believable. 

“I’m Crista.” Dark eyes slid to the young girl. Her eyes were bright, her skin tan, her hair black and curly. The girl gave a minute wave and a weak smile.

Regina nodded her head in understanding. “What are you doing here?”

Crista struggled, “I like to bike up here sometimes.”

Regina couldn’t believe that she had been so far gone she hadn’t noticed a child nearby, let alone one that had decided to place herself in front of the actor's car.

“What were you thinking! You could have been killed!” Regina shouted seemingly out of nowhere and the child jumped.

The young girl's temper returned as she glared back at the adult. “‘Me? What about you? You almost drove over a cliff! Are you crazy?”

Regina looked back with wide eyes, because how dare she? But before she could find a retort the girl kept going. “People look up to you, you know that? What would they think if you just…” her hands gesticulated towards the edge.

Regina’s eyes looked forward. her shoulders tense. Her voice held a gravely tone as she continued to try to get the girl to leave. “Get the fuck out of my car.” When the girl didn’t move she turned and got into her face.

“Didn’t you hear me, you little brat! I said get the fuck away from me, I don’t want you here! Don’t you fucking listen…” 

The girl folded her curls behind one ear and revealed a hearing aid. She made a show of clicking it off. Regina’s shoulders dropping.

“Oh…” she felt her grip on the steering wheel loosen. She leaned back into her chair. Shit. 

The young girl sat with her arms crossed staring ahead. Regina wracked her memory for any signs she might have remembered from a role from long ago. She waved her hand down at the wrist. Hoping to catch the other girl’s attention.

The girl grunted. When the movement caught her eyes she glanced over covertly then looked away. Regina rolled her eyes and tried again tapping on the girl’s shoulder, this time the girl turned. Regina made a letter “S” with her fist and gulped as she hoped this was the right sign as she moved it in a circle over her chest as she mouthed the word for ‘sorry’. 

The girl sighed and, though she was angry, the brunette saw her turn her hearing aid back on. 

“Yell at me again, and I won’t turn them back on.”

Regina nodded, her body shivering as she suddenly became aware of how cold it was, “I’m sorry.”

The girl shrugged. ”It’s fine.” she looked out on the city for a moment before continuing. “So why would you do it?” 

Regina felt the question hit her deep in her heart and she hid behind her hand. “Look, you don’t even know me…”

“I’ve watched every interview you have ever done like five times. I wouldn't say I don’t know you at all.”

Regina snorted and the girl tried again, “What I mean is I could tell you’ve been sad a long time, you don’t hide it well… Did you secretly break up with your girlfriend? Cause as I have heard my mom say, there are other fish in the sea…”

Regina let her head hit the headrest. “No, I didn’t.” Her eyes slid over to the girl. “She’s waiting for me at home with our cat and dog.” She needed to be careful, not give this kid too much, at least that was public knowledge. Tink would kill her if she put her through another scandal so soon. 

“Okay. Then what happened? Cause happy people don’t just jump off a cliff…”

Regina took her keys and threw them in the back of the car and slammed her back against the seat once more. Looking up and away, her shoulders lifting. “No, happy people don’t drive off a cliff… smartass.” She muttered as she leaned her chair back. “When are you getting out of my car?”

Crista leaned her seat back too, matching Regina. “When I know you’re not going to finish the job the second I walk away.”

Regina turned and started looking for her keys, the kid grabbing her arm.

“Woah, woah, woah. It’s not cool to kill yourself with a kid in the car! I just wanted to help!”

Regina slowed her movements. “I’m not going to drive over the edge, not now.” She gestured at the girl and continued to look for her keys. “Put your seatbelt on.”

Crista looked out the window at how close to the edge of the cliff they actually were. “Yeah, see I think only a crazy person would put their belt on in this situation…”

Regina found her keys and turned forward. “I’m taking you home.”

Crista watched Regina warily. “I need my bike.”

Regina rolled her eyes. “Well, put it in the trunk.” Regina hoped that when she had done the commercial for this car that they weren’t lying when they said it could fit a whole bike, because she had surely never tested that theory. 

The girl leveled her with a glare, daring her to move first, because she wasn’t budging. “Get out of the car, and help me.”

The brunette turned and opened the door, hearing the child do the same she slammed her door shut. Crossing her arms. “Where is your bike?”

The girl pointed and Regina moved to open the trunk. The girl decided that the grown woman was far enough away from the ignition for now and jogged to grab her bike from where she had tossed it when she saw the lone car revving towards the abyss.

She walked it back quickly, handing it to Regina as the woman hoisted it into her car, closing the trunk to find the child had already climbed back into her seat, hand outstretched, turning on the car then changing the radio. Dark eyes rolled, what even was her life?

“You should ask before adjusting someone’s radio,” the brunette grumbled as she slid back in.

The girl just continued to play around like she hadn’t heard the adult. 

Regina carefully put the car in reverse and turned. “It’s late, are you hungry? Where are your parents?” she started to realize this situation could go downhill quickly, she shook her head at the turn of phrase. Too soon. But she didn't need child abduction charges on her record as well, or in the media. They would paint her as some morally depraved queer sex offender…

Crista shrugged, “They won’t miss me. How about In ‘n Out?”

Regina put on her blinker and headed toward the closest one she knew of. She wasn’t supposed to eat fast food but she decided to keep up her offer anyway. She hoped she wouldn’t regret letting the child stop her.

~*~⚢~*~

Crista and Regina sat alone in an abandoned parking lot eating their burgers, fries, and shakes. The brunette played with her fries before eating them. “You make it a habit of rescuing your celebrity crushes in the middle of the night?”

Crista made a face that said she didn’t enjoy the brunette’s banter. “Ew. For one, you are far too old.”

Regina’s shoulders fell, “It was just a joke… perhaps not appropriate. I’m… sorry.” Great, now she was going to be painted as a child predator, too. Women of all ages had a crush on her; she couldn’t help it if that’s why a woman normally knew who she was. If that’s all they wanted from her.

She took another fry. “How old are you anyway, and how do you know of my work if you’re not a fan?” 

The girl shook her head. “I’m 13. My dad works on your show; he’s never home because of it. And,” she blushed, “I’m kinda a fan.”

Regina watched as Crista took the lid off her shake and proceeded to dip her fries. The brunette looked at her own and wondered if she should follow suit. The girl rolled her eyes and lifted the lid off of Regina’s drink. Nodding her head for her to follow her lead as they continued talking.

“So, what’s so bad?”

Regina took a fry and slowly dragged it through the melted ice drink. The girl, growing tired. “Just try it, no one is going to make you eat it that way if you decide you don’t like it.”

The brunette quickly moved the now cold and squishy fry to her mouth. She was ready for it to taste horrible; she had a napkin ready to spit it out. But it actually made her senses spring to life. Her eyebrows raised.

“Good, right?” the kid smiled at her and bumped her shoulder. “Come on, talk to me. What’s going on?”

Regina kept eating. “Can’t talk to you. You haven’t signed an NDA. I bet you don’t even know what that is.”

The girl pouted. “Well, of course, I don’t know what one is. But you could tell me. How do we find one?”

Regina laughed a bit at that. This kid was funny. “We have to print one out. I have a standard one from my agent. But I am not taking you all the way to my house to get one. For one, I don’t give out my address, and two, your parents might think I’ve kidnapped you.”

The kid took Regina’s fry she had just picked up. “I just saved your life.” she smiled as Regina’s face fell. “And you did kind of kidnap me.”

Regina blinked rapidly then narrowed her gaze. “No one is going to know about that. You hear me? Any of it.” She felt her heart rate start to pick up. She needed to watch her blood pressure on her new medications or she might faint again. “And you made me put your bike in my car…”

Crista lifted her hands up in surrender. “Damn, you’re mean. You seem so much nicer on tv…”

Regina’s shoulders pulled in. She knew she always played damaged characters, evil characters, what was this girl possibly seeing in her? “My acting, I think, would suggest otherwise.”

The girl took off her jacket. “Your interviews then. When you did that interview last year about coming out. It was super brave, and … I realized I looked up to you. I wanted to grow up and have a girlfriend and a cat just like you…”

Regina sighed. “You don’t want to be like me,” and after a pause, “You won’t be like me. I’m sure you’ll find a partner, have pets, children… whatever your heart desires…”

Crista crossed her arms. “I hate children. I don’t want them. Didn’t you hear me? I said I wanted to be like you.”

Regina tucked her hair behind her ear. “You don’t want to be like me. I’ve already told you...”

Crista loosened her arms a tad. “Besides tonight, you seem really happy with your family. I want to have a family like that to come home to one day. People who want me.” She picked up a curl and twirled it with her finger. “I was an accident. My mom’s some B-level actress, she didn’t want me, she thought I would ruin her career.” She rolled her eyes, “She screwed one of the set designers. He wasn’t good enough for her, and he resents me. So neither one of my parents wants anything to do with me.”

Dark eyes softened. “Sounds like you would make a great actor, plenty of trauma to work with.” Unbeknownst to the child – it wasn’t a compliment. Regina was actually starting to see a bit of herself in the girl. 

The girl looked under her curl. “I don’t know, you don’t sound like you like what you do.”

Regina started to massage the back of her neck in a move to self soothe. “I love what I do. Just sometimes I get a bit lost.” she closed her eyes. “For example,” she looked over and felt her lips twitch up at the intense focus staring back at her. “This job I’m working on right now, requires me to do a bit of method acting. To become the character as much as I could… It… may be affecting me. My relationships, my friendships… even my dog and my cat that I love as my children, are shying away from me. They can tell I’m not myself.”

Young eyes watched as Regina bit her lip, the color starting to intensify, and the girl wondered if she was about to see deep red start leaking out. She touched the older woman’s face to draw attention to her lip. “Stop.”

Regina’s hand followed Crista’s and felt that her lips were already starting to crack. She leaned away and wiped at her mouth, embarrassed.

Crista sighed. “Where’s that friend of yours? The best friend you always talk about… Katie?”

“Kathryn.” Regina choked on her name.

Crista nodded. “That’s the one. How about you call her if you’re not ready to call Emma.”

Regina shook her head. “I can’t call her.” She didn’t notice that her arms moved to hug herself. “I told her I hated her and to leave me alone.” Her eyes started to overflow again. “I didn’t want her to miss me when…” she hiccupped. “When I did what I was going to do tonight.”

Crista watched as Regina leaned forward, trying to catch her breath, her head laying on the wheel. She startled slightly when Crista again touched her. This time, firm circles traveled her back. “I bet you she would pick up.”

Regina sighed. “She probably would, and that’s what I’m afraid of.” She closed her eyes and tried to focus on the touch. “She would be so… destroyed if she knew what I was doing. How I’ve lied to everyone…” She pressed her face further into the wheel.

Crista tried to clear her voice, but it was now laced with tears. “Give me your phone.”

Regina shivered. “Why?” she didn’t look up and didn’t move. 

“We need to call someone. Her, Emma, I don’t care, but I’m… scared.”

Regina laughed through her tears. “You’re scared of me?”

Crista shook her head but knew Regina refused to see her. “No. I’m scared of what will happen to you.” She shook her head. “How could playing a character mess you up this bad?”

Regina tried to lift her head, but she was too tired, and she ended up only turning it. She didn’t give any indication for the girl to remove her hand from her back. “I can’t tell you much because I myself have signed an NDA…”

Crista groaned. “How am I supposed to help you if you don’t tell me anything?”

Regina looked down at their bag of lingering food. “I didn’t bring my phone… I wasn’t going to need it.” She looked up and wished she hadn’t. This moody teenager was looking back at her with such profound sadness in her eyes.

“They love you. They’ll want to help you, Regina.”

Regina whimpered as a gentle hand wiped away her tears. 

“Where did you leave your phone?”