“There are days when the melancholy settles on you like a sudden change in weather. The kind
of sadness that is intangible. Like the presence of an ache where you can’t pinpoint exactly where it hurts, you just know it does.”
–Lang Leav
Draco Malfoy – 19 September 2006
Draco Malfoy woke up at the same time he always did every morning. He stretched his body before scrubbing his hands over his face to attempt to shake the heaviness from his body, but it wouldn’t budge. Just get through the day, he told himself, right before scoffing. You’re just going to end up drunk on the floor somewhere today, might as well just stay in bed. Draco laid there on his side of the bed, considering staying right where he was for the rest of the day, before ultimately getting up and padding over to the washroom. He turned the dial of the shower as hot as it could go and stepped in, just to see if he’d feel it – he didn’t. He stood there and let the water run over him in an attempt to soothe the ache he was feeling.
After his shower, Draco stood in front of his closet for twenty minutes staring but seeing nothing. A tapping sound pulled him back to the task at hand; he dressed himself and walked to the kitchen to put the kettle on. He found his owl perched outside of the kitchen window, holding the day’s edition of the Daily Prophet. Taking the parchment, he raised his hand to scritch the top of the owl’s head and took a seat at the table to read.
“Of course,” said Draco, staring down at the front page. He stood to move the kettle, opting instead to start his morning with something stronger. Grabbing a glass with shaking hands, he poured more firewhisky than he probably should’ve, and sat back down to stare at the front page of the paper again. He knew he wouldn’t be able to escape her today. There, front and centre, was Hermione Granger’s beautiful smile beaming up at him. Small droplets touched the parchment, obscuring some of her features as he spoke softly to himself, “Happy Birthday, Granger.”
“In Remembrance: Our Golden Girl’s Greatest Achievements!”
Draco brought his hands together, searching to twist the small band sitting on his left ring finger. He stared at his glass for a long moment, then tipped the all liquid into his open mouth. He wanted to feel anything other than the hollow ache he currently felt. He heard the flames from the Floo roar to life and cursed at himself for forgetting to disconnect it before today.
“I can see you didn’t waste any time,” he heard Theo’s voice say from somewhere in front of him, but Draco didn’t dare lift his head.
“Go away,” Draco said. “Can’t I be left to my own pity party today?” Theo shifted his weight awkwardly and Draco looked up, “What do you want, Nott?”
The brunette carded his hand through his wavy hair before blowing out a heavy sigh and replying, “Harry and I just wanted to make sure you were okay today.” Theo’s eye’s were concerned as he stared at his best friend, “You’re more than welcome to come over if you need to be around someone today, you know that, right?”
Draco moved to stand, looking Theo directly in his eyes, and apparated right where he stood.
Draco knew his friend wouldn’t be happy with his actions, but he didn’t care. The one person he wanted to be around today wasn’t here. He stood tall, taking a deep breath in, staring at the blue sky above him and feeling the light breeze around him. It pissed him off, really. How dare the world continue spinning? How could it go on as if a world without Hermione Granger is a world worth living in? It didn’t make sense. She should be here, he thought, She promised she would be. He looked down at the soft grass under his shoes and walked. Draco walked and walked until the cushioning charms in his dragonhide shoes were worn down and his feet were aching to stop moving. Before he could stop though, he willed his feet to move down the familiar path to a stone beneath their favourite tree on the grounds of the Manor. He stopped a few metres away from the stone, reading it’s etchings for what felt like the millionth time.
Hermione Jean Granger-Malfoy
19 September 1979 – 8 June 2006
“The Ones Who Love Us, Never Really Leave Us”
“I know I told Potter to handle your headstone because I couldn’t bear to do it at the time, but Gods, Granger,” he huffed a laugh. “I’ll get you a new one, I promise. Something less corny, maybe.” Draco sat in front of the headstone, pulling one knee up but keeping his other leg extended. He knew he was just being a prat, that he’d never actually dare change the headstone her best friend chose for her. He reached his hand out to feel the words carved in front of him, smiling softly before speaking again, “I really miss you, you know? I don’t feel quite like myself anymore.” He paused for a second, “I guess you could say that I’ve been better.”
The small smile fell from his face as his words grew more desperate, “I miss you so much, most days it’s like I can’t breathe. It's like there’s something sitting on my chest, weighing me down every day, keeping me from catching my breath.” Draco looked down, hair falling into his eyes as he whispered, “I don’t want to feel like this anymore, Granger.”
It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s not fair.
He stood abruptly, staring into the sky, “IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?! TO SEE ME SUFFER?! WELL, UNIVERSE, I’VE SUFFERED! I’VE SUFFERED AND I’VE GRIEVED! MORE THAN ANYONE SHOULD SUFFER IN A LIFETIME! AND NOW WHAT?!” His voice grew softer as he stared at the headstone in front of him, “Now what, Hermione? What am I supposed to do without you, my love?” he whispered.
“You burned too bright for this world, Granger,” said Draco, as he kissed his fingers and pressed them into the cool marble.
fin