Silver Linings

September, 1971

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

“Remus Lupin” a tall witch in emerald green robes called out, curt and clear, her words thick with a Scottish accent.

Remus gulped, he had his head bowed down so as not to be noticeable, eyes fixated on a crack in the old stone floors. He had been dreading the moment his name would be called out and here it was. He took a sharp breath in and braced himself.

He was taking too long, he knew this. If his Grandmother had been there she would’ve given him a harsh push on the back by now, and for once in his life, he almost wished she were. He stumbled forwards, legs feeling like led with every step, heavy and awkward and too long for his body. He made his way onto the platform, sitting down on the crooked wooded chair.

A million eyes bore into him, faceless students looking his way. He felt incredibly small in that moment, the old hat lowered onto his head.

‘ah.’

The voice made him jump, it felt both inside and outside of his head at the same time, he swallowed.

‘you’re nervous. Don’t be.’ The voice spoke again, it was oddly comforting, albeit a little sinister, it sent shivers down his spine. ‘what to do with you.. clever, certainly.. perhaps Ravenclaw.. loyal too- Gryffindor could be a safe bet. But no, your loyalties are limited, you seek out those who make the best companions- you are selective, not overly trusting. You have a secret.’

Remus gulped again, the hat was correct- he did have a secret.

‘I see ambition.. resourcefulness, yes- certainly quick-witted. Stubborn, cunning…”

He rolled his eyes inwardly, getting agitated, he wished the stupid hat would just hurry up. Seeming to sense his indignation at being so deeply analysed, the hat drew in a deep breath, and…

‘better put you in… SLYTHERIN!’

The table on the far side of the hall erupted into cheers, green robes fluttering around as he made his way down to join his new house. He let a small smile creep onto his lips, satisfied with the way the annoying boy with the dark hair from the train furrowed his brows and let out a disappointed scoff.  He was firmly seated at the Gryffindor table, next to a boy with large glasses and messy hair. Remus shot him a nasty look and turned to face the boy behind him.

“Barty Crouch.” The small boy said, extending a hand with a crooked smile.

“Remus.” He replied, awkwardly shaking his hand, “Lupin”.

5 years later.

Remus was sitting comfortably in the Slytherin common room, a book in his hand, his legs stretched out across the dark velvet sofa.

He enjoyed the calm serenity of the dungeons; the green and silver details, the fireplace allowing warmth the spread out across the room, overpowering the chill from the lake outside. Most of the Slytherins complained about their position in the castle (dungeons don't exactly stimulate ideas of warmth and serenity), but Remus found the sounds soft lapping sounds the water above relaxing. And the creatures that swam past were rather charming- especially the mermaids, who he was drawn to flirt with on occasion. 

However, the one thing Remus did hate about being situated below the water was that in the evenings, when he wanted to have a cigarette (or even something a little more adventurous), he was unable to open the windows. This meant that the room would become a hotbox, stinking of smoke until he managed to charm it all away. 

Remus' only had a small circle of friends, that apart from a spare few, didn't expand much further than his dorm mates.

After finding himself stuck with the likes of Regulus, Barty and Evan as roommates, their friendship didn’t follow far behind. There was of course Dorcas, who was an honorary member of the dorm, given the amount of time she spent there. The reason his friend group was so scarce was that the majority of people in his house appeared to be either mad, bad, entirely insufferable. Or a combination of the three.

This wasn’t to say that he was unhappy about his situation, in fact he was more than content with the people he surrounded himself with. Really, they provided him with all he could need: he had Barty to laugh at, Evan to laugh with, Dorcas to offer all the wonders of the female mind, and Regulus for pretty much everything else.

"Loups." Regulus announced in greeting, immediately spotting Remus as he came into the common room. 

"I thought I told you to stop calling me that." Remus said sternly, turning to look at Regulus who had just sat down beside him and shoved his legs off the sofa. 

"and since when do I listen to anything you tell me to do?" Regulus quipped back raising his eyebrows. This was a facial expression that Remus had become far too acquainted with over the years.

Remus considered this for a moment before shrugging it off, "where have you been?" he asked. 

"Kitchens." Regulus replied, tossing an apple at him, "got them for the thestrals really, was going to go pay them a visit, care to join?" 

Remus let out a sigh, "you know I can’t see them right?" he said taking a bite of his apple, “you look like a crazy person, I have to remind myself its magic and not that you’ve accidentally taken a tab of acid”

“Merlin okay, didn’t know they offended you so much” Regulus said pursing his lips.

“they don’t offend me- you offend me, making me come with you every time”

“oh come on.” He scoffed, “like you don’t make me come with you any time you want to smoke”

“that is entirely different.” Remus replied shaking his head.

“oh yeah..? How?”

“smoking is fun. Invisible skeleton horses are not,” he paused, “..now, I am open for a compromise.”

Regulus brought his head up to look at Remus with a small smile, “and what might that be?”

“we can go see the horses-“

“-thestrals” Regulus interrupted, Remus gave him an unimpressed look but continued.

“right. We can go see the thestrals, if.. we can smoke up before, at least then I will be slightly more entertained.”

“two steps ahead of you.” Regulus smiled triumphantly and tapped his breast pocket, “rolled and ready to go”.

“you are quite the man” Remus grinned shaking his head, “you do know how to satisfy my needs.”

"You are just too easy, Lupin"

“only for you, Black” he replied shooting Regulus a sly wink, making him scoff and roll his eyes.

“save the flirting for someone who wants it”, he said, already getting up and walking away towards the portrait hole.

“oh Reg, it’s no use trying to hide what you feel-“ Remus continued, agilely catching up to him and bending close to his ear as they walked, “I know you want me” he whispered slowly, lips brushing the shell of Regulus’ ear.

“in your dreams sweetheart” Regulus replied, pushing Remus’ head away with one sly finger to the temple.

“Barty is so much more fun to do that with” Remus huffed, changing his position so that now he was walking directly next to Regulus, rather than behind him.

“that is because Barty has the same amount of braincells as a sea urchin.” Regulus replied, “and I told you to stop messing with him, he gets too flustered- one day I recon he’s going to combust right in front of you. And you won’t even feel bad.” He tutted shaking his head as the started climbing the stairs out of the dungeons.

“let me have my fun will you?” Remus said, relighting a torch on the wall that had blown out with a flick of his hand, “and don’t try take the moral high ground here, I know you find it just as funny as I do, Mr smacks Evans arse every time he bends over just for his reaction”

Regulus covered his hand to hide his laughter at that comment, in turn making Remus smile along with him.

“okay, fair enough.”

“that’s what I thought.” Remus said as they reached the top of the stairs.

The castle was eerily quiet, their footfall echoing on the stone walls as they took down the corridor.

Remus breathed in the fresh air, a reminder of how musty the air down in the common room could get after spending too long in there. He suddenly felt very awake.

Neither of them spoke much, they preferred it this way, they didn’t need to talk all the time just being together was enough. Sometimes one would interrupt the silence to share a thought with the other, this either resulted in a full-fledged conversation or a huff of agreement- depending on how stimulating said thought was. But for now, they were quiet.

A few minutes in, their silence was interrupted briefly by a fifth year prefect who questioned what they were doing, Remus just flashed his silver badge at her and gave her a sly smile, “nothing to worry about here, love.”

She blushed and looked over at Regulus who just titled his head, indicating that she should move on, making her hurry past them in a flustered manner. After she had turned the corner and out of sight at such an impeccable speed Remus might have thought she were a nymph, the two of them turned to each other, impressed smiles on their faces and continued on their way.

Shortly after meeting Regulus and becoming close friends with his other Slytherin peers Remus truly found himself. He ditched old patch-work jumpers for dark knits, stood tall rather than slouching over (he found that his height was an advantage, not something to be self-conscious about). He stopped tearing out pages from witchy magazines that girls had left in the common room, stopped looking for ways to hide his scars, he embraced them instead. Transformed them from a curse to a blessing. He let go of the fear of doing something wrong, or ‘against the rules’, he wasn’t a child anymore, he was capable, he was smart.

Smart enough to fuck around without getting caught, smart enough to sneak out with his friends to get bottles of alcohol for the next party (free of charge) because not only was he smart, he was charming.

So charming, that on the one-off chance that he did get caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing, he managed to worm his way out of it with no more than a wink and a smile.

He was a popular presence amongst the masses, known as a master of card games and the guy to go to if you needed to buy a pack of cigarettes. But what he enjoyed more than that was the fact that as much as he was liked, he was also disliked.

He revelled in the scowls he got from Gryffindors as he walked through the halls and he wickedly got a kick out of it when a first year would scurry out of his way. He wasn’t evil, in fact he was probably the best out of a bad bunch, he couldn’t help that his confidence made others uneasy. Couldn’t help that he gave up trying to suppress the monster inside of him, he let it become him, the good and the bad- channelling its power and making it submit. It was a relief, to like who he was after so many years of being told he was worthless, a dangerous monster that needed to be dealt with. He was proud, proud of himself and his house and his strength, proud of his friends, proud of who he had become.

They headed straight for the east side of the castle, Remus had discovered a little passageway that lead to a small secluded garden, early on in his second year. It was overgrown with weeds and if you stepped in the wrong place you would get stung by a bush of stinging nettles or stumble into a patch of brambles. But, it was private and so untamed that Filch was obviously unaware of its existence, and it had become their space.

A few years ago, in the summer term, the five of them had brought down lounge chairs (transfigured from chess pieces) and spent every evening smoking and drinking without interruption. They had done the same every summer since- it was their own secret garden. But for now, it was just the two of them, a perfectly rolled joint (Regulus always rolled best- he was a perfectionist),and the lawn chairs that had been there for so long, they had practically become part of the ground now. Remus suspected he wouldn’t be able to move them even if he tried.

They settled back into their respective chairs, they had been arranged in a circle.

Remus’ furthest from the entrance- opposite the old oak door, Regulus’ to the right of him then next to that was Dorcas’. To the left of Remus’ laid Barty’s and then Evans. The perfect rotation. It was September now, so the air wasn’t too cold, the heat of summer still lingered but it wouldn’t for long.

As Regulus lit up the joint Remus thought about how it would start getting colder soon, they would need to re-cast the heating spell so they didn’t freeze whilst trying to get high- Barty had a tendency to green out if he got too cold. Although he enjoyed being with the others (the ‘dream blunt rotation’ as Evan had put it), smoking with Regulus alone was different. It was more peaceful on one hand, but it wasn’t only that, he and Regulus undoubtedly had a special connection, they were thicker than thieves, everyone knew it.

It wasn’t always like that though, when he was placed into their dorm after the Christmas holidays during Remus’ first year he had shut up like a clam, refusing to engage in any conversation and seemed to only mutter words with two syllables or less. Of course, it came as quite a shock to himself, as well as Evan and Barty when after the homecoming feast, they had returned to their dormitory to find they had a new roommate. Following his brothers abominable sorting into Gryffindor house, Regulus' mother had pulled as many strings as she could to grant Regulus and early entry at Hogwarts. Her efforts were in the hope that maybe by  having his brother around, Sirius wouldn't stray too far away from the teachings she'd enforced on him within the confines of their family home. This was of course, a plan that had failed very miserably indeed, and now Sirius and Regulus hardly spoke at all. It appeared that no amount of love held for his brother could hold Sirius back from the newfound freedom Hogwarts had bestowed onto him, and just last year-over the holidays-Regulus had written to Remus telling him that Sirius had left all together. He now lived with the Potters, this was all well and good for Sirius, however, after loosing the heir to the Nobel House of Black, Regulus was called on to fulfil his position as the spare.

In fact, it wasn't until two weeks in that Remus finally managed to crack Regulus, it happened in the library when they had both reached for the same book.

The younger boy snatched it away with a dark stare, but Remus had just smiled and said, “we can share you know, I don’t bite”, eyebrows raised, and that was that. Of course they had become closer over the years, but from that moment Remus recognised that they had a connection, stronger than any he had ever had. 

Remus realised he could trust Regulus with anything, and so he did, and that’s how Regulus found out his roommate was a werewolf. He claims to have figured it all out months before Remus had told him, but never the less it was a big secret, especially considering Regulus’ background. His family was notoriously bigoted towards anyone who wasn’t the purest of wizards, if they thought half-bloods were bad, Remus didn’t know how they would take finding out their perfect son was best friends with a werewolf. It wasn’t an easy secret to hide, and over the years his other roommates became suspicious of his monthly trips to the hospital wing, so eventually he gave in and told them too- and by extension Dorcas. They all promised not to tell a soul and although he cared for them all dearly, the only one he truly believed was Regulus.

“lost in thought?” Regulus said snapping him out of his haze.

“sorry.” He replied shaking his head and looked down at the lit up spliff in Regulus’ hands, “pass it over.”

Regulus wordlessly handed it over to him and he inhaled deeply feeling his chest become lighter as the smoke flooded his lungs, he exhaled.

They sat there for what felt like an hour, perhaps longer, before deciding to head back (no question  of going to visit the thestrals as previously planned). It was his plan all along, knowing Regulus would become too high to want to do anything of the sort. They did decide however to swing by the kitchens before heading back to their dorm, one of the many perks of Regulus’ unlikely friendship with the house elves.

The castle was serine and peaceful when they stepped out of the passageway, only the sounds of their slowly moving feet could be heard. Remus felt hilariously like a zombie, he chuckled at the thought but didn’t share it, mainly because he didn’t have the energy to explain what exactly a zombie was to Regulus. He could already imagine his exasperation; ‘that doesn’t make any sense, why on earth would a dead person want to eat brains?”

Whilst he was deep in thought the quiet stillness of the castle was shattered by a large crash that sounded at the end of the hallway.

"what was that?" he said drawing out his wand, a prickling sensation ran up his arms and down his back, the feeling that they weren’t alone.

"not sure." Regulus replied mirroring his actions, his eyes seemed a little out of focus.

There was no one around, not that they could see, Remus grabbed hold of Regulus' sleeve and dragged him into a passage off from the main corridor, they weren’t going to be sitting ducks.

"what?" Regulus asked in a quick whisper.

"I have a feeling.."

"ahh, your wolfy senses." Regulus drawled with a smile.

"no. My common senses." Remus said rolling his eyes.

They stayed quiet for a moment, hiding behind a stone wall when there was a light shuffle of footsteps passing and a few sharp whispers. Remus turned his head towards the corridor, furrowed his brow and tried to concentrate on his hearing.

“Pete, stop stepping on my feet will you?” an agitated voice called out in a hushed whisper, barely loud enough for Remus to hear.

“sorry!” another voice squeaked.

“shut it you two. Do you want Filch to catch us? He’ll string us up by the bollocks and let his cat have its way with us.”

The third voice sealed the deal, Remus knew who was there, he also knew that this was going to be fun. He turned to Regulus with a grin, “Gryffindors.”

His face lit up and he was about to say something when Remus held up a finger, zoning back in on the conversation that had grown slightly louder.

“it’s his bloody fault, clumsiest person I’ve ever met- better off leaving him back at the dorm next time.”

“don’t be a dick, Sirius.”

“yeah! And it’s not my fault you have a pair of clown feet!”

Remus pulled away, and looked at Regulus who was already staring at him expectedly.

"is it-?" he began.

"mmhm, your brother and his friends- the marauders is it?" he said in a mocking tone.

"do you think they realise no one else calls them that?" Regulus scoffed rolling his eyes.

"their egos are too far in the way to think of what anyone else calls them, they live in their own bubble of self-love."

“well you know what we have to do right?” Regulus said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Reading his mind Remus pursed his lips, “alright, but we’re just going to do a light bit of messing with them- no torture this time, its only Tuesday.”

“but I thought we had all agreed on Torture Tuesday!” he replied, outraged. Remus laughed at this, he had forgotten about their drunken scheme of pulling the most atrocious pranks that were borderline traumatic- every Tuesday.

“If you recall, our sobered-up minds realized that was probably an unrealistic idea the next morning”

“I have no recollection of such thing.” Regulus replied head turned away and tilted upwards in the air, like a very dignified toddler.

“oh yeah, that’s right your head was halfway down the toilet bowl when we had that conversation.”

“low-blow” Regulus gasped, “prick.”

“wanker.” Remus shrugged back unbothered, “right them how are we going to ruffle the Gryffindor feathers this time?”

“hmm.. well they do have the advantage of the invisibility cloak..”

“yeah. Like that’s every stopped us before” Remus scoffed, “minor obstacle”.

They paused for a second before turning to each other at the same time (it was scary how alike they were sometimes). “lets get it off them” they said at almost the exact same time- sharing a look of wonder at the freakish mirroring before setting into quick-hasted action.

“how were you thinking of doing it?” Regulus asked.

“well remember that day last year, when there was that wind storm and Evans coat blew off into the lake?”

“yes I remember, we had to get Filch to row us over and get it back.”

“yes because apparently it was designer and Evan was throwing a tantrum… anyway, back on track.” Remus said shaking his head as if to clear his mind, “and then do you remember when your cousins boyfriend was being a right prick to Dorcas so we fucked with him?”

“Malfoy?” Regulus said brows furrowed as he tried to recall the memory.

“come on Reg, when we made that portable twister thing and he-“

“yes! Yes, I know exactly what you’re talking about- that was hilarious.”

“I know- it was my idea.” Remus said smugly, puffing out his chest a little.

“ego.” Regulus warned, shoving a hand on Remus’ chest as if to push it back down, “continue.”

“yes, so why don’t we just use the same charm we did for the twister to create the same effect the actual wind had on Evan coat?”

Regulus paused for a second, calculating Remus’ plan in his head for a second before his grey eyes glinted back with a spark of mischief, “I was just going to suggest an invisible rope charm to trip them up, but yours sound much more fun.”

There was no need for Remus to use his hearing to navigate the whereabouts of the three Gryffindors, as they could be tracked simply by looking at which portraits had been vandalised (moustaches and glasses drawn over faces on unsuspecting figures asleep in their frames). The ‘prank’ they were performing was dire and outdated in Remus’ view, done a few too many times that now it only remained funny for the first years who hadn’t been there the previous 4/5 times.

On the count of three Remus and Regulus stepped out into the corridor from their hiding place, wands raised aimed at their invisible targets.

“ventus!” they called out together before quickly turning back behind the alcove, hidden out of sight and stifling their laughter as they watched the invisibility cloak become torn away from the three unsuspecting boys who looked rather dumbfounded as the swirl of wind whipped around them, before dispersing itself out of a nearby window and into the night.

"must be Peeves." Potter said whipping his head round for the poltergeist, but he wasn't there, no one was. He shrugged and tried to flatten his hair, which was now messier than ever- his glasses askew.

"my hair." Sirius whined, mirroring his friends action in trying to tame the mess that had become his hair.

Remus couldn't help but snort a laugh at this, immediately regretting it as the boy’s heads span towards the direction of the noise. Regulus looked up at him in shock but couldn't help but laugh with him, they were both stoned out of their minds making them entirely more susceptible to giggling like two school girls. Not to mention that trying not to laugh was making the situation even funnier, and therefore almost impossible to keep quiet. Remus smacked Regulus on the arm shushing at him whilst trying to suppress his own laughter which was bubbling very close to the surface, making his hands shake.

Remus whipped his head around the corner with such immense speed he nearly got whiplash to catch a glimpse at what the boys were doing- an action he wasn’t sure was the best decision as it only made things funnier.

"They are strutting!" he gasped letting out a small wheeze as he turned back to Regulus, who was biting down on his bottom lip to try and stop it from trembling.

Regulus, seemingly needing to see for himself brought himself forward to the edge of the wall and just as quickly, pulled himself back, "s-stop." he laughed, "look at Pettigrew, he can barely keep up."

Remus averted his eyes towards the shortest of the group, who was stumbling behind his taller friends. His robes all messed up- his tie flipped over his shoulder. Remus sometimes pitied the boy, it was no secret that James and Sirius were closer, ‘practically brothers’ as he had heard them say so many times. He couldn’t help but wonder if Pettigrew would’ve done better elsewhere, like Hufflepuff, or perhaps even Slytherin- it seemed to Remus that he was often getting left behind. Never the less, it was still hilarious to watch him stumble and almost jog four paces to try keep on his feet.

"what do we do?!" Remus laughed, eyes wide and desperate, brimming with tears.

"I don't know!" Regulus choked back, voice hopeless and strained.

"reveal yourselves!" Potter called out in an overly deep voice.

The two of them burst out at this, immediately giving away their hiding spot, clinging to each other as if it was the last thing they would ever do.

The three boys now stood looming over them, Remus did briefly note how odd him and Regulus probably looked; sitting on the floor inconsolable with laughter, heads bent down onto each other, bodies shaking.

"Slytherins. How predictable." Sirius scoffed, hands on his hips in an unimpressed mother. Remus thought he looked rather like Professor McGonagall, but decided to keep this to himself.

The two of them managed to somewhat compose themselves to stand up straight and look at the other boys, "hello." Remus said weakly before bursting back into laughter.

"s-slight breeze out there?" Regulus began, “you do look a bit.. windswept.”

"Brother." Sirius said gravely, looking darkly at Regulus who was still laughing into Remus' shoulder.

"Sirius." Regulus replied with a nod, trying desperately to mirror his brother's stern tone, his mouth continuously twitching into a smile.

"and Remus!"

His comically timed outburst completely undermined any menacing atmosphere the older Black brother was trying to create, making Regulus burst out into laughter again. The boys infront of them stood uncomfortably, unsure of how to act- clearly they had been expecting some sort of rivalry, not a pair of bloody baked hyenas.

"I- I'm very sorry" Remus breathed out trying to get himself together, "completely inappropriate, please do continue."

Regulus made a strange sound beside him as he tried to keep his laughter in, face going red with the pressure.

"we didn't realise anyone was out there." Regulus said trying to hide his smile. "just doing some.."

"charms practice." Remus finished for him, before coughing violently to cover his laughter.

"bullshit!” Sirius glared, “you knew we were there."

"we didn't see anyone did we Lupin?"

"nope, not one thing Black." Remus said shaking his head, "it's just like you guys appeared out of thin air!”

"very odd.." Regulus said nodding his head in mock contemplation.

They all looked dumbfounded, unsure of how to reply without giving themselves away. Sirius looked particularly furious at being outsmarted by his younger brother, he was almost shaking with rage.

"c'mon Sirius." James said trying to pull his friend away from the two Slytherins who were still brimming with laughter, “let’s just go back to the dorm.”

"what are you doing out of bed anyways? It's past curfew." Regulus interrupted raising an eyebrow, clearly trying to wind his brother up even more.

"could ask you the same thing." Sirius replied, chin raised in that incredibly Black manner.

"I'm helping Remus with his prefect duties, which are, may I remind you- making sure students aren't out of bed."

Remus nodded at this, tapping his badge and shaking his head, lips pursed in a disapproving manner.

"Evans is on duty tonight." James said glaring at them.

"bit strange that you know that right of the bat" Regulus said giving James an incredulous look, “bit obsessive don’t you think? Nearly as bad as Snape.”

James raised his wand at this but before he could do anything, Remus stepped in.

"expelliarmus." he said carelessly, almost a yawn as his flicked his wand. "I really wouldn't." he said raising his eyebrows and towering over all three boys with his exceptional height, "now, off you pop- it's bedtime, unless you want detention?"

"no." they all mumbled and walked off muttering irritably among themselves.

Remus looked at Regulus and they both laughed again, "brilliant." the younger said, “now I am starving, let’s go get some food.”

“I’m not going to argue with you.” Remus smiled and let Regulus drag on his sleeve and pull him away in the direction of the kitchens, a successful night all in all.