“So… you are telling me that you've caught feelings for Remus?”
“Well sort of.”
“Sort of?! What the hell, Pads?!” exclaimed James. “We are talking about Moony here. Our Moony! You can't just… this is… he took so long to… and know you…”
Sirius looked at James with pleading eyes. He knew exactly what his best mate meant, he understood where he was coming from, but it didn't hurt less. Sirius couldn't deny he expected this sort of reaction, but still he had allowed himself to hope that James would hop on board immediately.
“I know Prongs. Believe me, I'm bloody aware what this means. But I couldn't help it.” Insisted Sirius.
“I get it Pads, but still-“
“Could you have helped falling in love with Lily?” asked, in a defiant tone, the raven haired boy.
James open his mouth and the closed it again. A line between his eyebrows formed, he looked at Sirius from above his glasses with a questioning look. Then a little smirk covered his face. So tiny that Sirius wasn't sure what to make out of it.
“You don't just like him, do you?” questioned James, pressing his nose against Sirius's.
This thing right here, the whole invading your personal space, wasn't uncommon with these best friends, however Sirius felt very uncomfortable because he knew James could read him like an open book, and he had just compared his feelings for Moony to the feelings James had for Lily. The thing is, they did were the same feelings James had for Lily, the type of love that needs to be screamed at the top of the lungs; the type of feelings that were worth all the rejections and self-humiliation. Sirius had seen James, and he was more than willing to go through the same thing in order to get Moony. That's how serious he was.
Sirius nodded his head. He didn't know what he was saying yes to, but James seemed to understand.
“So this is not to boost your ego?” James finally moved back to the end of the bed, where he had been when they started talking, among a lame game of wizard chess.
“Of course not!” responded Sirius, a bit annoyed. James should know better of him.
“Oi! I know you and because I know you I don't want you going around claiming to have conquest “The Casanova of Gryffindor tower” even if it´s on a mocking tone. We are talking about Moony here, our friend, a marauder among everything. If you are doing this for the tittle -”
“The tittle of what, James!” Sirius spoke a little louder than he intended to. “Sorry. But you know it isn't about that. I have been thinking about this for a long time and I know Moony, I tried really hard to hide these feelings... but ever since last summer – “
“Last summer?!” interrupted James jumping forward and grabbing his brother from the shoulders, “This is serious isn't it?”
Sirius smiled sardonically. But he refrained himself from making "the joke". It had got old since the first year, but he still couldn’t help but smile when he thought about it in his mind. James gave him a dirty look, and then he switched to a neutral expression while awaiting Sirius to answer.
“It's very serious." Sirius assured solemnly "James, I just can't think about anything else. You know how I used to mock you cause you wrote poetry to Lily?” James nodded “Well now it seems I have all these feelings that I just… I don't know what to do with them… When I see Remus I would just like to…” Sirius threw himself backwards in his bed, covering his face with his arms.
He didn't mind being vulnerable in front of James, but it was so frustrating not being able to put words to all that was going on inside his mind, let alone the weird body sensations he got actually being around Moony. James put a comforting hand on Sirius´s knee and mutter “I know” and Sirius knew he really did.
“Well, then” James stood up and clapped his hand to get his mate's attention, “I'm all in.”
“You are?!” Sirius jumped up in one millisecond. His eyes had regained once again the dare devilish look, and he was sporting a radiant smile.
“Yes. But. There’s a “but”. We definitely can't do this alone. We don't want to spend three years of you pinning after Moony and him rejecting you in front of the school”
“Oi don't self-project on my non-existent romantic relationship. Besides, I wouldn't mind spending three years if that's what it takes. Look at where you and Lily are now. I want that, James. I want it with him”.
“Well then. Let's get operation “Wooing the Casanova of Gryffindor tower” in motion." he pushed his glasses up his nose. "We'll need the super-secret weapon for this one, though.”
“First, please stop calling him that. Who the hell calls him that?”
“Ask anyone” shrugged James.
“Second, I know we usually have this brother-of-soul-connection, but I have no idea what our super-secret weapon is”.
“I'm hurt you don't understand me; however” said James walking towards Pete desk and tapping the map lightly “our secret weapon seems to be by the greenhouses”.
.
Lily indeed was by the greenhouses talking to Marlene. The map never lies. She smiled instantly when she spotted the mess of black hair coming towards her. Marlene gave her a light push.
“Potter.” She said as soon as the two boys were close enough to hear them.
“How’s it going, Evans?” saluted James, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, but his happiness couldn't be contained.
Lily rose to his toes to give James a light kiss. He blushed instantly, gaining a laugh from Marlene and an “honestly mate” from Sirius.
“To what do we own the pleasure?” continued Lily.
“Well you see, Lilyflower, my beloved brother, here, is in love, really in love, blown away from his socks, head over heels – “
“I think they get it, James” objected, Sirius elbowing the taller boy on the ribs.
“With the one and only Remus Lupin” finalized James.
Neither Marlene nor Lily seemed surprised. In fact, Lily extended her hand towards Marlene. The blonde hair rolled her eyes and took out of her robe's pocket three sickles, then she proceeded to hand them to Lily, who took them with a very satisfied look.
“Oi! You had a bet?!” exclaimed, Sirius, indignantly.
“Please, it was very obvious. We only guessed who would be the first one to make a move. Honestly, I've got to give you credit. Remus is supposed to be the smart one. My money was with him” said Marlene.
“Oi!”
“Hey! Doesn't it means anything that I was rooting for you?” asked Lily, faking hurt. “Aside of who made the first move, you two would be a power couple”
“Lily! You said you and I were the power couple” complained James.
“Jamie, are you seriously going to tell me that if those two got together, they would be the cutest thing in the world?”
“As always, you are right, Dove. They would be cute. And hot. They are both very good-looking” admitted James.
“Hey I'm still here and Moony and I are still not together” said Sirius blowing air in his hands. Christmas had already passed but Hogwarts was still covered with snow that was starting to melt and the cold still was enough to make your nose go red, which was actually happening to the four friends right now.
“Sirius, even you can't argue with that. Picture it, the bad boy troublemaker with the Casanova of Gryffindor tower” Marlene passed an arm around Sirius shoulder and extended her hand infront of their faces as if painting a mental image for Sirius.
Sirius snapped his head back to James with a scandalized look on his face. Did everyone really call Remus that? He thought it was a private joke among Lily and James, something weird that only they shared, just like that odd look they exchange whenever someone mention cauldron cakes. He asked again about the nickname, to which Marlene snorted.
“Everyone, even the students outside Gryffindor, know who “The Casanova of Gryffindor tower” is. Well, it seems, everyone except the man himself.” Explained Marlene, “And actually I think that's part of his charm. He is so unaware of his looks is… refreshing”
“Can we stop drooling over Moony and get to the part where you helped me to actually ask him out”. Said Sirius, truly annoyed.
As said before, the boy wasn't very good at channelling his emotions. Maybe that's the reason he almost always acted impulsively. He didn't know exactly what he was feeling, so he just let it out. He was sure about Moony, though. Furthermore, he was actually pretty sure he was, as James had said, head over heels; who couldn't he be? But something about finding out everyone knew how appealing Remus was made him feel a strange heat on his insides. He knew Remus, he was the only one who truly knew him, he knew him even better than Peter and James did. He was the one who stayed after the full moon with him. Not only that, but he was the one Remus turned to if he needed help with transfiguration. He knew the sandy haired boy didn't like thunders, and that his favourite meal was toast, even though their friends said it was boring. He knew how self-aware Remus had felt the summer he got taller than everyone, mind you he looked bloody gorgeous all sharp lines and defined angles. Every other student could shove their fantasies of Casanova somewhere the sun didn't reach.
“Okay first of all” said Lily bringing back from his thoughts, “Please don't take any advice from James. We all here know Remus, and I trully don't think grand gestures, as James called them, are the way to go”
“Agreed” said Sirius.
“Hey, you have to admit, they were very thoughtful”. Complained James
“I'm not saying they weren't, but remember the time I agreed on a date. You just asked me. We were sitting on a bench at the fountain yard, and you simply asked me. That's when I accepted because I knew you weren't in it for the show or the attention. I feel if Sirius did something of the sort, I would perhaps be too much for Remus.”
“Once again, agreed”. Said Remus.
“But you can't just ask him out casually” interjected Marlene, “We all know how many girls and boys ask him out on a daily basis”
Sirius didn't know.
He could pinpoint it now. He was getting jealous.
“He doesn't study by the lake any more because every two seconds someone would interrupt him with a date to Hogsmeade or something of the sort.”
Sirius was getting impatient. And worried. Remus had no idea of his feelings towards him. What if, while he was chitchatting, someone approached Remus, and he agreed to go out with them. He needed to act quickly, and his friends were sure as hell taking their time.
“Okay I get it, no grand gestures, and no casual questions. What do I do?” James shoot him a curious look. He knew Sirius was impatient, but the boy seemed to have fire under his ass.
“Why, don't you make a list of the reasons you like him; genuine reasons. And then you could calmly talk to him” Lily hadn't even finish to phrase her suggestion when Sirius spun around his heals to head towards the library. He knew Remus that well.
“Wait! Think about the reasons first and then talked to him” screamed James.
"I said calmly!" shouted Lily as well.
“Yes! I've got it!” Sirius screamed back. He was already running towards the castle.
James, Lily and Marlene remained standing in the snow watching Sirius figure get tinnier. James shook his head with an amused smile. Lily rested her head on his boyfriend shoulder, watching her friend reach the entrance of the castle. And Marlene lighted up a cigarette and murmured, “Sirius will always be Sirius”
.
“Right. Lest make a list.” Sirius thought while pacing the halls of the old castle. “I can do that.” Sirius loved making a lists in his head. When he was living at the Black household, he would make various lists; that would make his summers and Christmas more bearable. If his mother was punishing him, he'll think about five times he had seen Remus being strong. If he was blue, he'd make a list of their top ten most brilliants pranks. And if he was sleepless, he'll make a list about all the ingredients used in potions. A list about Moony wouldn't be too hard to come up to. And really it wasn't.
1- I love to watch Moony with his study group and how he gets so passionate explaining DADA. And I love how patient he is with the students that simply don't get what he is saying because he will explain a hundred times. And not only to them, but to me. He's so kind and patient with me. He looks at me so fondly, my body sometimes feels like butter melting.
He thought while crossing the inner patio of the castle, the one with a big tree in the centre of it. A group of girls waved at him as he passed them.
2. - I love his grandpa sweaters, and I loved teasing him about them - and he will fake being mad; and that pout he does... adorable-. I love how comfortable they feel and that he lets me steal them whenever I want. I love that even though he is so tall, he still finds oversize sweaters. I love seeing him taking off said sweaters because he's so fit underneath them.
Continued Sirius while he was passing the entrance of the Great Hall. He passed Mary and gave her a quick hello. Her friend stared at Sirius as he rapidly made his way through the first years, who still had classes to attend to.
3.- Speaking of fit, I love how strong and tall he is. I love going to the library with him, so he will have to reach the top shelves for me. The way he smiles when I can't get them down, and the brief kiss he always gives me in the forehead after passsing me a book. Or when we cross paths on the morning, and we do that little weird dance where I step to the left, and he steps to the left, so I step to the right to let him go through, but he also steps on to the right. I love how he would smile fondly, take me by the elbows and carry me around, so he can pass, as if it's nothing. He is so unaware of his own strength.
Sirius smiled at the memory while passing the charms' classroom. He had almost reached the staircases and managed to avoid McGonagall. He was sure she would drag him into his office to talk about the Slytherin's table at the great hall, or rather the lack of table.
4.- I love his smart mouth. I was so surprised the first time I heard his swore, and Merlin, can that boy swear like a sailor. I also love his high sass rate and how witty he is. He would never back down from defending someone, and he always appears unbothered by Snivellus´s snarky remakes. He always comes up with the best comebacks, and he's the master mind behind all of our pranks. And I definitely love how shy he is about his talents. James will congratulate him for an awesome prank and his ears will go all red.
Sirius was waiting in the stairs. He was bouncing on his heels lightly as he awaited for the stairs to settle. He hated when the building moved. Sometimes it was really cool, but in this particular moment he didn’t had time to waste. "Finally!" he thought when the staircase settled. He practically flew downstairs to reach the corridor that lead to the library.
5.- I love how pretty he is. He's the most beautiful person I have ever lied eyes on. He looks just like a poet, with a book always attached to his hand, and occasionally a cigarette between his fingers. I love the groove he's got, with the docs, his sweaters, and I love how the rings he steals from me look on him. He is a sigh to be seen. He's lovely, and I want to kiss every scar and freckle that cover his body because each and every one of them hides a story, and the sum of every little imperfection make up the essence of what Moony is. I love him because he is Moony. My Moony.
Sirius had reached the library. He had no trouble spotting Remus. The boy was with his nose practically inside the book he was holding, “advance astronomy, charms for the night sky”. Sirius rushed towards him. Remus heard the loud footsteps. He had heard those footsteps so many times that even though Sirius still hadn't reached him, he looked up, a smile creeping on his face, for who could not smile at the view of a raven haired boy, the spitting image of a Hans Azka painting, coming his way.
Sirius had prepared his list. He looked around, the library was practically empty. No grand gestures. He put up a hand in order to prevent Remus from talking. Moony had an intrigued look in his eyes and an amused smile on his lips. Sirius could hear his heart beating in his ears. “The list” he thought. “You can't ask him casually. The list”. But he couldn't remember anything he had just thought.
“Pads?” the looked on Remus face had shifted from amused to concerned. “Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?”
Remus stood up. He took a step closer. He was now towering Sirius with a concerned look in his eyes. The sandy haired boy took Sirius's face in his hands, scrutinizing the shorter boy with his eyes. Those beautiful amber eyes. And Sirius was gone. He had always known if he ever felt for someone it'll be for Moony, because Moony, well, he would always be there to catch him.
“I made a list!” screamed Sirius as a smiled formed again on Remus's face. He was accustomed to his friend’s eccentricities. “I made a list and I can't remember it now”.
Remus arched an eyebrow, a smile went lopsided, revealing a single dimple.
“But overall I came to the conclusion that you are perfect, and I really like you and… Merlin, I had so many reasons, damn... I can’t remember them. But I really love you, Moony, and I know I can make you as happy as you make me if you give me a chance.”
The library was always silent. But this time it made Sirius want to disappear. Remus had taken a step back. The surprise was written all over his face. Sirius felt a void in his chest and instantly regretted being so impulsive.
But Remus was looking at him. Not just looking, he was observing him. The genuine concern on the raven haired boy. His brain was processing the information it had just received. Then he smiled, because, of course, it was just like Sirius to do this. So reckless and spontaneous, jumping without looking, letting his feelings lead. Those were some reasons Remus had fallen in love with him ever since second grade. And so he took a step closer.
Remus embraced Sirius tightly. He hunched over and hid his face on Sirius's neck. On the other hand, the grey eyed boy gasped. He contained his breath, like something so natural like breathing was suddenly something his body couldn't manage to do. But then he felt Moony’s lips on his forehead. Just like every other time they had been on the library. And he felt at home. Remus dared to go even further and hesitantly kissed Sirius on the tip of the nose. He'd never seen Sirius blush harder.
Later, both boys walked out of the library with huge smiles and Remus's arm over Sirius's shoulders. They were heading to the tower. Sirius had suddenly remembered all the things on the list and was filling Remus in. Making the other boy giggle with shyness.
“You know they called you “the Casanova of Gryffindor tower”?” asked Sirius, stepping away from Remus to watch his face.
“They?”
“Everyone. Literally everyone.” Explained Sirius, though the situation now seemed amusing, “At least according to Marlene and James.”
Remus shrugged his shoulders. “I've heard rumours about it”.
"Of course he knew", Sirius thought. And, oh, how he was so unbothered by it.
“Do you mind it?” asked Remus titling his head.
Sirius retook his spot beside Remus. He took the other boy´s hand with confidence; intertwining their fingers and, raising Remus's hand to his lips, he winked at the taller boy. Remus gave Sirius's hand a light squeeze.
“Nah. Not any more.”
Remus rolled his eyes, although he couldn´t hide his smile.