Aeternum
Aeternum
I didn't get up from the table as Barnaby left, and I didn't try to defend my decision to my friends. They all knew I'd knowingly and willingly inflicted myself with the curse of the ring. After everything we'd gone through to find out about it, in the end I'd decided it didn't matter. To me, it didn't matter. Knowing the potential consequences was the reason I'd done it.
If I'd found out the ring would have just killed me instantly, or even slowly, well obviously I wouldn't have put it on. I wasn't choosing death. I was choosing Barnaby. I was absolutely certain that I would continue to choose him for my entire life, would give my life for him if it came down to it. If the only way to be with Barnaby forever was to make this commitment, the choice was easy.
No one else seemed to understand or agree with me though. I noticed I was letting thoughts from those still at the table with me trickle into my head so I pushed hard at my wards to keep them out. Finally I stood up and said, "Look, I get it. You lot think I've done something stupid and reckless here. I don't expect you to understand why I did it, but you need to respect my decision. It's done."
"Samhain-" Merula started to argue, but I cut her off sharply. "It's done Merula, there is no going back now. Just leave it please. I'm going to be fine. I'm sorry you all put your lives on hold to come and help us with this but there is nothing you can do now, mystery solved, case closed."
My friends remained silent, but it was worried and reproachful looks all around the table. I didn't want to see the sadness and concern in their eyes. I just wanted to be with Barnaby. I knew he needed time to process what I'd done, and I wanted to give him that, but I needed him more. I figured I'd just add selfish to my growing list of unwelcome character traits, along with stupid, reckless and stubborn. I went to look for Barnaby.
I checked the garden first, then our bedroom, then every other room in the house. I was starting to panic, thinking that he'd actually left me because of what I'd done. But the sensible part of my brain told me he would never do that. Not because of the curse and what it would do to me or us if we separated, but because as sure as I was that I loved Barnaby more than anything, I was equally sure that he felt the same way about me.
Finally I made it up to where the staircase to the fifth floor had been vanished.
I conjured a new staircase in place of the many we'd already vanished since moving in. I was surprised, not only that it worked on the first try but also that the staircase I produced was exceedingly grand in appearance. I'd only envisioned a simple set of steps but with just a wave of my wand I'd created an impressively curved, stone staircase complete with an embroidered purple carpet.
I dismissed the thoughts that had started swirling around in my head and hurried up the stairs. I found Barnaby sitting at a bay window overlooking the garden, completely invisible to all below. He didn't turn to look at me as I joined him. I wasn't sure where to start, I knew he was upset, and angry with me. I tentatively relaxed my wards and reached out gently to him with my mind, just to sense his mood.
"Don't." He snapped, turning his face towards me. "I don't want you in my head right now Samhain. If you want to talk, just talk." The pain and anger in his voice hurt me, and I was startled to see that it looked like he'd been crying. I'd never seen Barnaby cry before, not once. I knew however I felt in response to his emotions was clearly nothing compared to what he was going through. I pulled my wards back up and reached out my hand to his instead, and thankfully he didn't pull back from my touch.
"It's not ever going to activate Barnaby" I started. "The curse, it doesn't mean anything unless we separate, you get that right? That's never going to happen. I accepted the responsibility of becoming a blood Lee, and we're going to be just fine. Better than fine, don't you see that? There's nothing I'll ever want more than you, and nothing could ever break the bond we have. I put the ring on because I know that I'll love you for eternity." I stopped.
He'd turned away from me again. I decided not to keep pushing and allowed my words time to register with him while we sat in silence.
"We could have found another way. Not get married or I dunno, just take the disinheritance and break the cycle, start fresh on our own. It didn't have to be this way, you've just done exactly what Grandmother wanted. And you decided this on your own Samhain, without me. I didn't get a choice. Is that what it's going to be like being married to you?" He finally retorted.
Of course he was right. I'd underestimated him yet again, deciding on my own like he'd said. I wanted to argue back that he was the one who proposed to me, but even as the thought occurred to me I knew it was unfair. He hadn't known any of this that night at my parents house. He thought the worst of it would be the blood ceremony, which now seemed like nothing. "Do you still want to be married to me?" I asked quietly, praying I was right about how he felt about me.
He finally turned back to face me, and shifting his body closer he took both of my hands in his. He looked deep into my eyes and said, "You're all I've ever wanted Samhain. My feelings for you haven't changed, I'm sorry you feel like you even have to ask. I'm just so scared. Not for myself, whatever the curse does to the directly descended Lee.. I could handle it. I just can't bear the thought of anything ever happening to you. If your feelings for me ever did change, and you wanted to leave. I'd be devastated, but I'd just want you to be happy. We don't have that option now. I trust you that you know how you feel, right now, I know how much you love me. But what about ten years from now? Or twenty?"
I pulled him to me and kissing him gently whispered, "Aeternum, Barnaby. I will love you forever. I promise you. That's one thing you never have to worry about. I will always be yours." Instead of answering me, he just wrapped his arms around me and held me against his chest for a long time. I wanted to know what he was thinking but I forced myself to stay out of his head and give him some privacy to sort things out.
We stayed up on the fifth floor together that whole day, just holding each other and silently working through our own thoughts for hours. As we watched the sun set we eventually found ourselves talking through our thoughts and feelings. The same way we had in the garden a few days before, we opened ourselves up and laid everything out to each other.
I understood how Barnaby felt, even when he'd told me to stay out of his head, he explained it was because his mind was racing through worst case scenarios that he just didn't want me to see. I finally got him to see things from my perspective too, that I just wanted to be with him and move forward with our wedding and having a life together.
We both agreed that honesty and communication was the most important thing for us, and promised to always trust each other and respect each other enough to share our feelings, no matter what they might be. I told Barnaby over and over that my feelings for him wouldn't ever change. But it wasn't until I said that hypothetically, if they ever did, I'd tell him the truth, that he finally seemed to relax a little bit.
After that I was able to coax him into going back downstairs with me. We hadn't eaten since that morning and I knew he must have been starving. When we returned to the kitchen we found it empty with a note on the table.
S&B
Figured you two could use some privacy, we've taken Alexi out with us for dinner and drinks at a Muggle pub called The Round Table. Feel free to join us or just enjoy the house to yourselves, we'll be crashing at Penny's tonight.
- Diego
Barnaby had read the note over my shoulder and asked, "What do you reckon, want to go out tonight?" I turned around to face him, shaking my head with a smile as I pulled him down to my height for a kiss. "Definitely not. I want to take advantage of having you all to myself tonight."
We made ourselves a picnic dinner and ate outside in the garden that night. It reminded me of our courtyard dates at Hogwarts. I wouldn't have believed it if someone had told me back then when I was busy chasing the Cursed Vaults, but those days already felt like a distant memory of a simpler time to me.
We enjoyed dinner, cuddles and the bliss of having the house completely to ourselves that night, and we didn't say one more word about curses or our impending future.