‘Normally a teacher is called, the book said.’
Neville had been trying to state his case to Hermione for some time.
‘I will not allow it,’ she said, not for the first time.
‘It is my body,’ he retorted, also not for the first time.
They were going around in circles.
‘You will be much too old by that time, anyway, to be carrying a squidlet to term.’
‘Age is just a number,’ Neville replied, but even in his own ears, that sounded lame, and he had to admit that Hermione might have a point there.
He also knew that none of this was rational. It was all because of those insanely happy parents-to-be, who were making him long for something more than just being a teacher. Of course, he was happy for Harry and Draco. Holy Merlin, that Slytherin looked even more alluring now that he was pregnant than before. There was a glow about him that made even his usual smirk look pretty. Though, there had been notably fewer smirks lately. Instead there was a lot of absentmindedly smiling, while stroking his protruding belly. And if that wasn’t enough to make him queasy, Harry, the Boy who miraculously still lived, seemed to be grinning from ear to ear every time Neville met him. Yes, annoyingly happy parents-to-be was the only way to describe them.
Lately they had started to run baby names by him. The last thing Neville wanted to discuss was bloody baby names. He preferred if they did not call the baby Bellatrix, if it was a girl, or Severus, if it was a boy, but other than that he didn’t really care, though maybe Tommy was not ideal either.
Sweet Merlin, how was it that he was the only one of his friends who was not at that stage in life. The closest thing he had to a meaningful relationship were his plants and possibly Marwood. How depressing was that?
But Hermione was right of course, by the time Marwood would be due to choose, or more accurately lure, a surrogate, he would be an old man. The best he could hope for was to be asked to be a godfather to one of his friends’ kids. He already was godparent to Hermione and Ginny’s daughter Faye and Luna and Eloise’s little boy Noah. They were lovely kids, of course, but even so he wouldn’t mind having a little bundle of his own. He did not necessarily need to get pregnant himself, in fact he would be more than happy if someone would just leave a basket on his doorstep, the way Dumbledore had done with Harry. When he was younger, he always asked his Nan to tell him that part of Harry’s story over and over again. He thought she had made that up at first, until he met Harry and he confirmed it.
Sometimes life was stranger than fiction, but right now he would give anything for some fulfilment.
Snape and Remus had been lucky to have bonded over something as beautiful as a pregnancy, to have gone from frenemies to friends and possibly lovers. Neville could not be sure, but some of the phrasing used in Remus’ record of the squidlet’s birth just made him think that they may have more than just bonded. It made him see Snape in a slightly different light. Snape the doting parent and werewolf lover, was a far cry from Snape the scary potions master. Not that he wanted to think of Snape any more than he had to of course, but if someone like Snape could be loved, how come he was still pathetically unattached.
He didn’t understand what had him so on edge. Maybe it was the proximity to Valentine’s Day.
He normally wasn’t all that bothered about the fact that he was single. It wasn’t as if he had never fancied anyone. He had fancied Harry for a while in their first year, but he put that down to fascination with meeting the famous ‘Boy Who Lived’ in the flesh. He had a crush on Ginny for a bit in fourth year, had fancied Luna of course and George for a while, which at the time confused him a bit, because by then he thought he liked girls. Of course now that he was a teacher and resident in the Castle for most of year, he did not really have the opportunity to meet anybody. The students were off limits of course and most of the teachers were either married or too old, or too scary.
Neville sighed, it looked like he would be celebrating Valentine’s Day by himself again this year.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Dear Professor Longbottom,
I know we may have gotten off on the wrong foot the last time we met, but I have recently come across some interesting research on the properties of some underwater plants, which leads me to believe that I owe you an apology. I should have been more open to the findings of a fellow man of science.
If you would be free for a cup of tea some time, I would be happy to show you this research. I believe there is a nice tea room in Hogsmeade?
How would next Wednesday suit you. Say four o’clock?
Yours Sincerely,
Lou Metcalfe
Lou? Was that what the squid biologist was called? Neville frowned. For some reason he had the name Colin in his head. He did not think he had ever addressed the man by his first name. Whenever he referred to him in conversation with Hermione, he always called him that squid biologist.
So Lou wanted to meet him for tea to discuss some underwater plant research. Interesting. Maybe they had indeed gotten off on the wrong foot.
Neville decided to give Lou a second chance.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop was exactly as he remembered it from his school days. Of course it was no longer owned by Madam Puddifoot herself, but the new owner, a young man named Bill Lilicrap, was happy to keep the name and ambiance of the place unchanged. ‘Why fix it, if it ain’t broke,’ was his favourite saying. He did however, serve a mighty fine cup of tea and always stocked a nice selection of delicious cakes.
‘Tea for two and please bring us a some of your famous cream fairy cakes,’ Neville ordered for the two of them.
Neville was pleasantly surprised that Lou had made an effort with his appearance. He looked in fact quite well and now that he was not irritated beyond measure, Neville had to admit that the squid biologist was very pleasant company.
The underwater plant research, that Lou had unearthed, while not exactly new to him, was from a source heretofore unknown to him and he was looking forward to delving into this some more and possibly find out some more about this researcher.
‘How is Marwood doing?’ Lou asked, when they were nicely sated after copious amounts of tea and devouring two fairy cakes each, a coffee iced one with whiskey cream filling and a blueberry and custard filled one.
‘He is fine. He’s still enjoying his chocolate frogs, in moderation of course, and one of the students on your team, that swimmer, Steward, has suggested that maybe they can organise some sort of water polo type game before the school closes for the Summer. They reckon that a six-aside game with Marwood and two students on one side versus six students on the opposing team would be fair. I am leaving the logistics and organisation to them. It is nice to see the students so engaged.
It might be fun to watch, if you are interested? I can let you know when it is, when they have finalised the details.‘
‘That would be nice.’
Lou hesitated slightly before speaking again.
‘Can I ask you a personal question?’
‘Sure,’ Neville replied.
‘I know you are single…’
‘That is not a question, but a statement of fact,’ Neville interrupted.
Lou laughed.
Neville liked that he had made the man sitting opposite him laugh.
‘I wasn’t finished,’ Lou said, still laughing. ‘Do you mind me asking whether you identify as gay or bisexual or straight?’
‘For all the sexual activity this mediocre body has had in the past two decades, I may as well be asexual.’ Neville replied morosely.
At this Lou burst out laughing once more.
Neville observed that Lou had a really nice laugh and that his laugh was quite infectious.
Despite the depressing statement he had just made, Neville started to laugh too.
‘Nothing wrong with being Ace and there is also nothing wrong with your physique,’ Lou said, letting his eyes roam over Neville’s body appreciatively.
‘If you transferred even a fraction of that passion you have for your water plants to other areas of your life… Thunderbolt City!’, Lou laughed with a soft whistle.
‘What is Thunderbolt City?’ Neville asked confused.
‘Never mind, just a reference to something in, what you call, a muggle movie, called Four Weddings and a Funeral. Mind, if you ever happen to see it, just know that I am not picturing you carrying a staff or minding sheep.’
At this Lou giggled to himself and being none the wiser, Neville decided to change the subject.
‘Ok, my turn. How did a squib end up as a squid biologist in Hogwarts?’
A slight cloud passed over Lou’s face.
‘First of all, my parents do not refer to me as a squib, though they did explain the term to me.
I am an only child of, as I recently learned, magical parents. When it became obvious that I had no magical powers, they swore off all magic and brought me up as, what I now know to be, a muggle in the muggle world. I went to school, studied marine biology, and became an expert in my field.
Until very recently I never knew there was a magical world, but while Mum and Dad lived their lives pretending to be muggles, they kept themselves informed of what was going on in the magical world and when they heard that there was an opening in Hogwarts for a squid biologist, they felt this was the ideal opportunity to inform me of my background, my lack of magical powers and the disdain wizards have for my kind.'
Neville squirmed in his seat. He had not expected this outpouring of anguish.
'Yet, they felt that it was such a unique opportunity for me as a marine biologist, that it was worth coming clean about their magical abilities and the existence of a magical world and the school where they had hoped their son would attend one day.
They were so happy that I would finally be able to experience all that Hogwarts meant to them, that they completely failed to take into account how that would make me feel, knowing what they had sacrificed for me and what a disappointment I must have been to them.
But they were so thrilled at the idea of me working in Hogwarts and being able to be themselves again, that I had no choice but to apply for the position. I did not want to disappoint them again.
I know I was a total pain in the behind at the start of the project, but I had a lot to deal with and there was a lot to process both at home and in Hogwarts. I was literally thrown in the deep end when it came to anything to do with magic.’
Neville was mortified that he had called Lou a squib in such a careless and offhand manner. He had been so focussed on the project that he had never taken the time to get to know this guy. He felt dreadful.
‘I am so sorry,’ he stammered.
‘Don’t be.’ Lou waved the apology away, ‘How were you to know. I am actually very glad I took the job. Despite the rocky start, I enjoyed working on the project and I have never seen my parents so excited. They have bombarded me with questions about the school, the teachers and the new headmistress. They also wanted to know everything about the war hero turned herbology professor and deputy headmaster. Talk about dark horses,’ he teased Neville.
Neville didn’t really know where to look and was blushing profusely.
‘I hope you didn’t tell them he is a completely self-obsessed pain in the ass,’ Neville said, still mortified about the whole situation.
‘No, I told them he was a bit of a dish and that I hoped to introduce him to them sometime,’ Lou said with as much confidence as he could muster.
This took Neville completely by surprise.
‘Well,’ he stuttered, ‘if they are interested in visiting Hogwarts again, maybe you can bring them along, when you come down to see the water polo match,’ Neville said.
‘I am sure they would love that,’ Lou said, ‘but, I was hoping you and I might meet up again a bit sooner.’
He paused.
‘By the way, you never really answered my first question. Can I assume that you are at least somewhat interested in men?’
‘If I am honest,’ Neville answered, ‘I have had crushes on girls in the past, but I probably am more into boys, or at least I think I am. Does that answer your question?’
‘It certainly makes my next question a lot easier,’ Lou replied.
‘A friend of mine is throwing a Valentine’s Day party, and I was hoping you would come with me, as my date?’
Neville looked at Lou open mouthed. That was not what he had expected, but at the same time he realised that he was not exactly opposed to the idea.
‘Sure, why not, it is not as if I had anything else planned,’ he replied, and then immediately regretted his decision, as Lou said, ‘I hope you like dressing up.’
Neville was not the biggest fan of fancy dress parties and masks and all that palaver and did not have the best track record when it came to costume choices. In the past he had only participated if he had to or if there was an actual purpose to the masquerade.
He groaned.
Valentine’s was only a few weeks away.
‘I hope it does not involve staffs or sheep,’ he grunted, for which he was awarded with the most delightful squeal of laughter from the squid biologist.
‘Fuck,’ Neville thought, enjoying the sound, ‘maybe dressing up would be worth it after all and on the upside, he would not be spending Valentine’s Day on his own.’
When Lou stopped laughing, Neville said, ‘By the way, does this mean that you are the spoon?’
‘Come again?’
‘You referred to me as a dish, earlier.’
‘And the dish ran away with the spoon,’ they both exclaimed simultaneously and roared laughing.