Chapter 33
Regulus really spent too much time attempting to pick an outfit for the New Years' party. He went through 3 t-shirts, two jumpers, and a lightly fancy-looking hoodie before finally just pulling on a sheer black blouse, which fit nicely over his dark green and black plaid trousers. Barty only left to change, coming back to Regulus’ flat as soon as he was dressed, Pandora on his arm “You look nice,” she informed him, looking him up and down with a sincere smile.
“Thank you,” he accepted the compliment, looking down at himself. He had honestly forgotten he even owned the shirt. The see-through aspect of it had often made him rather self-conscious. But it was appropriate for a party like this, considering Barty wore a silver silk shirt tucked into his jeans, and Pandora wore a cream dress with small gold stars patterning it. He complimented her dress, causing her to give him a spin around, which made Barty roll his eyes but eventually join in.
They ended up pre-drinking in Regulus’ kitchen, whatever they could get their hands on. Regulus was attempting to wash away his nerves, while his friends just seemed excited to celebrate. The dull hangover he’d woken up with disappeared as he finished the last drink they’d deemed appropriate to have.
James didn’t call him. Or text. But Regulus knew that was probably due to his brother forcing him to help with the ridiculous party preparations he’d no doubt began too late in the day to fully complete. Sirius would deny it, he was sure, but he had the same flair for party planning dramatics that their mother held.
They were out of his flat by half 8, which was still too early in Barty’s opinion, but too late in Pandora’s. Regulus decided it was the best time, pulling his coat on as he lead them down the road. Neither of them knew the route to his brother's flat from his place, so he led the way the entire way, his friends chattering away behind him. He was lost to them, though. His mind was racing with a million thoughts at once. He pulled his coat around him more as they approached the building as if he could simply hide away within it. But that was impossible.
They could hear music pumping by the time they entered the front doors, all three of them shuffling into the waiting elevator. Barty and Pandora continued their conversation from outside as they rode up the elevator, Regulus staring at himself in the small mirror in the lift, giving himself a once over. He was running a hand through his hair as the doors finally slid open, his friends dancing out.
The flat door was open, music drifting out. His friends recognised the song, appearing excited as they let themselves into the flat, Regulus trailing them. He felt really quite ill, and was sure he was going to fall over and seeing. James Potter really only brought that point home.
James was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, with ridiculous flowers on it, tucked into his black jeans so that it hung over him loosely, and he’d double laced his red converse. He was pouring a drink for Peter, his face lighting up over a joke. He hadn’t even spotted Regulus. Just seeing him knocked the air out of his lungs. He was really rather breathtaking, and Regulus wondered if there were still marks dotting his neck, evidence that he was Regulus’, and no one else’s.
He felt dizzy at the thought.
James finally looked up, their eyes meeting across the room. Pandora and Barty were too concentrated with the music to notice the way his eyes travelled over Regulus, taking in his appearance in its entirety. Regulus noticed, though. The entire action made him shiver, goosebumps appearing on his arms as they often did when James touched him. Their eyes met again, a small smirk rising on James’ lips as if he were letting Regulus in on a secret. He supposed he was. They were in on a secret. Sure, Barty and Pandora knew about them, and so did Lily, who was undoubtedly somewhere in the room. But they had more secrets. Secrets between them. Secrets whispered into each other’s skin as they held each other in the darkness of James’ bedroom. Secrets murmured between bites of pizza on Regulus’ couch. They had created their own little world, belonging entirely to them. Everyone else in the flat was white noise as Regulus felt his lips tug into a smirk, blinking slowly as he looked at James. His James.
“Regulus!” Sirius’ voice made him jump, his attention snapping away from the secret smirks of his boyfriend. He looked to the side, meeting his brother's gaze. “You came.”
“Said I would,” he shrugged weakly. Any anger he’d once harboured for his brother disappeared as Sirius threw his arms around him, pulling him into a hug.
“I’m sorry.”
His words were muffled, but Regulus heard them, slowly wrapping his arms around him. He supposed he had Sirius to thank for making James come to his senses. But he couldn’t say that. “S'fine.”
“It’s not! I’m woeful! I’m awful! I’d disown me as the parents did!” Sirius was already drinking, apparently, his tone laced with tipsiness as he pulled away, pout on his face. “I’ll make it up to you.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” Regulus informed him, his voice sounding tighter than intended. He couldn’t really help it, though. He was used to having his brother at an arms-length, something always separating them. It had once been their family, but now it was James. Sirius was on the outside, unaware of what was really going on. It was probably for the best.
“Honestly, Regulus, I’m sorry. You only get one family, right?”
“And ours have disowned us!” Regulus muttered. A surprised laugh sounded from the older, reminding Regulus of when they were children.
“Well, we’re all we’ve got now, okay? I won’t fuck it up again, promise.” Sirius squeezed his shoulder, presumably attempting to be comforting. Regulus gave him a small smile, nodding. One of them probably would fuck it up. Regulus, this time, probably. Sirius finally turned, clapping his hands together. “You brought your friends!”
“I hear you invited them.” Sirius shook Barty’s hand, and kissed Pandora on both cheeks, complimenting her outfit. He then ushered them away, claiming there to be drinks in the kitchen, and food if they wanted any. They both left, the entrance to the flat only occupied by the Black brothers now. “Listen, Lily is here.”
“Oh,” Regulus nodded, attempting not to laugh at the sombre mood his brother had fallen into. “Well, it is a party, and she knows the hosts…”
“Yes, well, if you want me to, brother, I will act as a buffer! You know? Distract her! Keep her away from you all night so you don’t have to make awkward small talk about how you have a thing for her boyfriend,” Sirius offered. It occurred to Regulus just how out of the loop he was. Did Sirius think James and Lily were still together, regardless of his position in it all? Did he not know that everything was fine between them? “You’re getting over that, right?” The question threw a wrench in Regulus’ thoughts.
“Hm?” He eyed his brother.
“The James thing?” His brother whispered. “Like, listen, I was out of line for telling you, but really, Regulus… there are so many men out there! And so many available men! Who like men! You could snag any of them! You should move on from Potter. He’s too polite to confront it head-on, but trust me, I know him better than he knows himself! I’ll set you up with someone. Or Mary will.”
Regulus stared for a moment before nodding, repeating the action that had been used on him, squeezing Sirius’ shoulder. “Thank you.”
“Of course! Pining after someone you can’t have is woeful! We’ll get your mind away from Prongs, and onto bigger and better things!” Sirius obviously had plans in mind, and Regulus couldn’t fault him for them. He was unaware of everything, really.
“You’re a good brother,” Regulus told him, and Sirius lit up at his words, pulling him into a hug again, which Regulus slowly returned.
Finally, he pulled away, and Remus called him, his face lighting up once again just by the tone his boyfriend used. He didn’t even sound happy, but it seemed to delight Sirius who excused himself, stumbling over himself to get across the room.
It gave James the window he had wanted, apparently, as he instantly appeared in front of Regulus. “Do you two not let guests past the hallway?” Regulus teased, needing something to say. James appeared to stare at him in awe, eyes travelling up and down him again and again before he finally met Regulus’ eye, a smile melting onto his features.
“Only the special ones,” he shrugged. He looked like he wanted to reach towards Regulus, his hand almost hovering, but he clasped it behind his back. “You look nice.”
“Thank you,” Regulus replied quietly.
“Beautiful, really,” James mumbled. “Rather breathtaking. I think it stopped my heart.”
A blush crept up the younger’s cheeks, his head ducking slightly. “Thank you,” he repeated.
“Are you blushing?” James teased.
“No!” He snapped, making James laugh quietly.
“Adorable.”
“You want to hear something really adorable?” Regulus questioned. James tilted his head, listening in. “Sirius is going to set me up on a date!”
James’ amusement dropped away. “What?”
“He told me it’s best I get over my crush on you.. because you’re straight, of course. So, he said he, or Mary, would find someone for me! And he’s going to be my buffer tonight, so I don’t have to see Lily, considering she’s dating the man I have a ‘crush’ on,” Regulus filled him in, his voice low enough for only James to hear.
The taller barked out a laugh, head shaking as he went. “Christ, that’s a lot.”
“You’re telling me,” Regulus rolled his eyes.
“Are you going to go on one of these… Dates?” James murmured the question.
Regulus sighed dramatically, crossing his arms. “Well, no one else takes me on any.” James’ mouth fell open, excuses all ready to fall out, but Regulus simply smirked. “I’m joking, James.”
“You better be,” he crossed his arms too, mirroring Regulus. “I’ll take you on plenty!”
“Is that a promise?”
“Of course,” James dropped his hands, once again looking like he wanted to reach out to Regulus. But the younger stepped back, slightly.
“Can I get a drink?”
“Course, follow me,” James nodded, finally leading Regulus away from the door. Sirius was in the kitchen, his boyfriend helping him pour crisps into bowls. James pulled a cup from the counter, already running his hand over the spirits until he reached the bottle he needed. Regulus stood just behind him, watching his actions.
“Regulus!” Remus dragged him from his trance. “So glad you came!”
“Course,” Regulus nodded back, feeling awkward at the attention. “Thank you for having me.”
“You’re so polite,” James informed him, handing him the cup.
“Shut up,” he bit back, making James laugh. “Did you have a good Christmas, Remus?”
Remus nodded again, smiling at him. “Was lovely, thank you. Did you?”
“It was okay,” Regulus confirmed.
James made a wounded sound beside him, staggering slightly. “It was just ‘okay’? My parents are going to cry if they hear that!”
Sirius laughed, Remus and Regulus sharing an eye roll at the dramatics of their friend. “Sorry, it was lovely,” Regulus corrected himself.
“Exactly,” James nodded, straightening up.
Sirius looked ready to say something, but he was paling, his eyes widening as someone approached the couple from behind. Regulus almost felt nervous until the comforting hand of Lily landed on his shoulder. “Hi loves,” she greeted, smiling as they turned to let her stand between them.
“Lily!” Sirius almost shouted the words.
“Sirius?” She tilted her head. He looked at a loss, so she simply looked back at Regulus. “You look fabulous.”
“Thank you,” he beamed. She had a way of making him feel completely at ease. “You look lovely.” She was wearing a dress, which she’d shown him pictures of when they were drinking, but managed to look nicer in person. “It’s bluer than the picture.”
“Different lighting,” she shrugged. “I like it, though.” Sirius was looking between them as if he was ready to break up any fight that would occur, but Lily didn’t seem to notice as she smiled at Regulus, turning then to smile at James. “Hawaiian shirt in December?”
“Feeling festive.” He took a swig of his drink, tapping the side of his cup. “I don’t have any nice dresses to show off.”
“You have the legs for one,” she teased.
“Oh, you are a charmer,” he shook his head. “Your next bloke will have to be quick to catch up with lines like that.”
“Next bloke?” Sirius cut in. Remus, behind him, watched on silently. “Why would she have a next bloke?”
“Exactly,” Lily shook her head, and Sirius almost relaxed until she continued. “Not very inclusive, James! I like girls too.”
“I forgot,” he shrugged, taking another sip of his drink.
“But what about James?” Regulus almost laughed at the worry that crossed his brothers face.
“Did James not tell you we broke up?” Lily actually sounded genuine, as if she was really quite confused. She looked at James who shrugged again.
“You broke up?!” Sirius almost shouted.
“Weeks ago,” James confirmed.
“Weeks?!” Remus seemed really rather amused at his boyfriends overreaction to the news. But he remained silent.
“Yeah, but we’re very amicable. We’ll keep shared custody of the children.”
Sirius didn’t appreciate the joke, shaking his head. “You should have told me that!”
“Everyone knew,” Lily shrugged. “Or, I thought everyone knew.”
“I knew,” Remus nodded.
“How?!” Sirius whirled around to look up at his boyfriend, who lazily shrugged. “You didn’t tell me!”
“I thought you knew.”
“Christ!” He shook his head. “I need another drink.”
Regulus slipped away as the group broke up, Remus and Sirius pouring themselves fresh cups while Lily and James followed Regulus to his friends, who had previously been mingling but were now simply waiting on his approach.
“Are you going to formally introduce us?” Pandora was giddy at the question, eyebrows raising as she grinned. Regulus only then noticed his boyfriend and friend were following him.
“Right, yes, of course. Pandora, this is James and Lily, and James and Lily, this is Pandora, and that’s Barty, but don’t feel any pressure to be nice to him.” He made the introductions, stepping back slightly. Barty glared at him as he stepped forwards to shake Lily’s hand, as James shook Pandora’s.
“So nice to meet friends of Regulus’,” Barty grinned. “Didn’t think he had any.”
“Prick.”
“You’re the one that sleeps on his couch, aren’t you?” James confirmed.
“You’re the one he sleeps with, aren’t you?” Barty shook his hand, head tilting to the side. Regulus almost coughed with surprise as James threw his head back, unable to stop himself from laughing loudly. “Do I need to do an ‘if you hurt him…’ talk?”
“I get the gist,” James shrugged.
“I should give you that talk too, actually,” Lily nodded. “Regulus is rather important to me, Potter.”
“Me too!” Pandora declared, and Regulus felt a rush of warmth inside of him. He loved these people, this group. He felt amused as he watched James shuffle uncomfortably, crossing his arms.
“Yes, well, he’s important to me too, okay?”
“Sap,” Regulus responded to his boyfriend, rolling his eyes. The group all chuckled at that, and the conversation went on, straying from the topic of them.
Regulus ended up making rounds of the party as more people showed up. He chatted to Peter, who appeared sleepy even though it was nowhere near midnight. He caught up with Mary, Marlene, and Dorcas, who all showered him with hugs, and grinned at him. And he got introduced to a few more guests who he had yet to meet, making polite small talk with them.
It felt easy to drift through the room, continuing his drinking, occasionally dancing. He didn’t even notice time passing until Lily was tapping his shoulder. “Here, follow me!” She took his hand, pulling him towards the front door. He followed, knowing Barty and Pandora were no doubt lost within the flat, busy talking and dancing.
Lily led him to the fire escape, dragging him up the few steps to the roof door, pushing it open. “Here.”
“What?” He looked out onto the roof, which was empty.
“Stay here, I’ll be back,” she assured him.
He nodded, slowly moving away from the door, further onto the roof. You could see the whole town from that high, and Regulus couldn’t help but admire the view. He was still staring when Lily reappeared, James just behind her. “Okay, great.”
“What’s going on?” James questioned, looking between Regulus and her.
She made a scoffing noise. “It’s almost midnight! 2 or so minutes! So, be quick to get back down, but have your New Year's kiss out here, okay? That way no one else will see.”
James’ features softened as he looked at her, and Regulus felt just as he looked. Lily Evans was possibly the most thoughtful person in the world. James tipsy enough to wrap her into a hug, kissing her temple before pulling away. “You’re an angel, you know that?”
“I do,” she replied, smiling sweetly. “Keep the brick there, okay? Don’t need you getting locked out!” She dropped down, fixing the small brick that was used to hold the door open, before disappearing back down the small stairs.
“She’s rather smart,” James informed him, slowly making his way towards him.
“She is,” Regulus agreed.
“I was going mad down there.” James finally arrived in front of him, one hand slipping towards his waist. “You look breathtaking…”
“And you look festive,” Regulus murmured, a hand landing on James’ chest. He felt some of the soft material of James’ shirt between his fingers, mouth quirking into a small smirk. “And amazing, I suppose.”
“Well, I tried,” James shrugged, looking at him. Regulus felt like he could look at James forever, and never get tired. He was just beautiful. His lips fell into an easy smile, and his eyes seemed to dance with mischief. It almost startled Regulus as people began the countdown, open windows from near by windows, and the people spilling out of the bars onto the streets all beginning the lead up to the new year.
They joined in, both of them quietly counting down the numbers from 10 to 1, getting closer with every word until they finally met, their lips slowly moulding to each other, their hands pulling each other closer. It was cold on the roof, but wrapped in the arms of the sun, Regulus felt he would never be cold. James Potter made him glow. He made him light up. He ignited a fire in his heart that would probably burn in him forever, and he was happy with that.
He was happy with James.