Chapter 27
James was staring at him quizzically as he spun around, phone clutched to his ear. “Yeah, just… One second,” Regulus quickly murmured, pulling it away. He muted himself, staring at the phone as the seconds rose.
“Who is it?” James whispered, apparently unaware they were on mute.
“Sirius,” Regulus hissed back, feeling queasy.
“What does he want?” James immediately started forward, looking at the phone as if it were a bomb.
“To chat?” He shrugged. “Have you really not spoken since the dinner?”
James shook his head. “No!”
Regulus stared at his phone for a few seconds before meeting James’ eye again. “I’m not gonna tell him anything.”
“He doesn’t deserve to know,” James shrugged. Regulus could see he was trying his best not to care, but he did care. Of course, he did. Regulus faltered momentarily before nodding. “Tell him whatever you need to, okay? I’ll meet you downstairs when you’re done.”
Regulus nodded, trying not to shake. The nerves were taking over. He took a deep breath as James lay a light hand on his shoulder, dipping to press a light kiss to his forehead before leaving the room. Regulus unmuted the call when he heard his bedroom door shut. “Sorry, hi.”
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“I’m sorry,” Sirius said after a few moments of silence. “I owe you an apology for how I acted the past few months…”
Regulus blinked as he sat on the side of his bed. “You do,” was all he could say.
“Andy called me last night. She said she was talking to one of the cousins, and your portrait was taken down… Just like mine was…” The news felt like a punch in the gut, winding Regulus momentarily. It was to be expected, of course. But it still hurt. He felt ill at the thought. He really was on the outs. There was no redemption once your portrait was off the wall. Sirius’ had been taken down when he left, never to be put back up. Regulus was facing the same punishment now. “What happened?”
“She asked if I was like my big brother,” Regulus shrugged to himself.
“Dashingly handsome?” Sirius was attempting a joke.
“Disgusting,” Regulus instead informed him. There was silence for a few more moments.
“We never really talked about you being gay…” Sirius sighed. “But growing up there… Well, I know what it was like… Are you… Are you okay about it?”
“Well, I can hardly change it, can I?” Regulus found himself snapping.
“I suppose not,” his brother sighed again, quieter this time. “I’m sorry.. I think I thought that considering you never talked about it, you were simply ignoring it, and therefore buying into the Black family ideals… Part of me was sure you even had the same outlook they did… On me, especially.”
“I didn’t,” Regulus informed him.
“You can’t blame me for thinking that, Reg,” Sirius muttered, and Regulus felt irritated just by the tone of his voice.
“I can, actually..” Regulus snapped, unable to help himself. “You just said you understand how hard it is to grow up there… How hard it is to be with them! You think I figured it out, and immediately wanted to skip around with you, bonding over the fact we’re both huge disappointments?! You should’ve used some common fucking sense, Sirius. I was struggling!”
“I’m sorry,” Sirius mumbled.
“You should be!” Regulus huffed. “You fucking outed me to all your friends! Do you know how fucked that is?”
“I wasn’t thinking,” he excused himself.
Regulus felt like he was being harsh, but he continued anyway, tears welling in his eyes. “You told James.. You knew.. You knew that would hurt me, Sirius, and you did it anyway! Because what? You were worried I’d steal your best mate? Do you realise how ridiculous that is?”
“He’s all I’ve got,” Sirius informed him, and Regulus almost laughed.
“No, he’s not. He used to be all you had, but now… You’ve got Remus! And Peter. And the girls adore you! And I’m sure there are more friends I haven’t even met! Even Andromeda talks to you! She hasn’t spoken to me in over a year! James used to be all you had, and now you’ve got everyone. It’s me who doesn’t have anyone.” His voice threatened to shake, but he attempted to remain strong.
He mentally prepared for an argument, ready to fire back with whatever Sirius came up with. “You’re right,” Sirius told him, putting out the argumentative fire that was threatening to spill out. “It was James and me for so long, I sometimes forget that I have other people… It’s been a bad few months, and I’ve treated you terribly.. And I’m sorry, Reg, I really am.”
He wanted to stay mad. In fact, he was desperate to stay mad, as a matter of principle. But he sighed instead, flopping back on his bed. “I know you are.”
“Are we… Are we okay, then?” Sirius hedged.
“We will be,” Regulus decided. “You’re all I have.”
“You have James…Right? I didn’t fuck up your friendship too much, did I?” He sounded nervous his question, and Regulus realised the space between the two friends was far too big.
“We’re fine, yeah,” he nodded to himself. “You should call him. He misses you.”
“He wouldn’t speak to me..” Sirius mumbled.
“He will, though. I’ll tell him you realised you’re a dick,” Regulus fiddled with the end of his jumper, attempting to lighten the mood between them.
Sirius took the bait. “He probably already knows I’m a dick.”
“Oh, we all know that. But self-awareness is what’s important,” he joked.
His brother let out a caught at sounded full of relief. “Look, I know the Potter's have a lot to do on Christmas, so I’ll let you go.. You’ll be back before New Year, won’t you?”
“Think so.”
“We’ll have a party,” Sirius informed him. “I think the girls will be back too. You’ll come, won’t you?”
“Sure.”
“Great, great! I’ll call James tomorrow. Will you tell him?” He sounded nervous again.
“I’ll tell him,” Regulus nodded. “Merry Christmas, Sirius.”
“Merry Christmas, Regulus… I’m sorry, again.”
“I know,” Regulus mumbled, and the line went dead.
He lay on his bed for a few moments, letting a few tears roll down his cheeks. He felt exhausted all of a sudden, but he couldn’t waste much more time. He wiped them away, as quickly as he could, slipping his phone into his pocket as he got up.
He didn’t bother checking if he looked okay, simply leaving his room, jogging down the stairs. He could hear the familiar sounds of Potter's laughter from the kitchen, which he navigated his way towards quickly. James and Monty appeared to be chopping carrots and broccoli, while Effy prepared the turkey.
James’ eyes met his as soon as he entered the room, curiosity dazzling his features. But Effy interrupted any mouthing of ‘okays’ that Regulus could muster, smiling at him. “Dear, can you peel some potatoes for me?”
“Of course,” he smiled easily. He ended up across the counter from James and Monty, a chopping board, peeler, and knife set in front of him with a saucepan ready for the peeled and chopped potatoes to go in. Monty picked up where he left off in terms of conversation, making his wife laugh as James looked at Regulus again.
“Everything okay?” He asked, quietly.
“Everything’s okay,” Regulus smiled back, pulling a potato from the bag in front of him.
Effy had apparently timed everything so they could spend an hour on preparation, and once everything was placed to cook, they could watch tv until it was ready. She was very proud of the setup, accepting compliments from Monty who seemed just as impressed by the planning. They worked to the sound of Christmas music playing from the small radio in the corner of the kitchen. James occasionally sang along, sounding somehow angelic, while Monty did bad dancing to make his wife laugh.
It all felt very domestic, and homely. He was almost sad when his potatoes were put in the oven, meaning the cooking process was over. Effy set Monty to set the table, James to check on the fire, and Regulus to help her with tidying the last of the kitchen. The Potter men took the jobs in their stride, wandering out of the room together, leaving Regulus alone with Mrs Potter.
He set to work clearing the counter, wiping it down with a washcloth as Effy loaded the dishwasher. “Is there anything else I can do?” Regulus questioned once the counter was cleared. Effy shut the dishwasher gently, and Regulus could hear it starting up. Mrs Potter turned to him, smiling.
“You’re a star, Regulus,” she let out a slightly startled laugh after that. “Quite literally!” She was wearing the apron he bought her. “You’re very helpful.”
“Least I can do,” he shrugged easily.
She looked at him for a few moments before wrapping her arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. “You’re always welcome here, Regulus. I hope you know that. I saw what your family did to your brother, and I don’t know if they do the same to you because.. We don’t know you as well.. but you’re always welcome here. I promise.”
Regulus felt like he was going to cry as he hugged her back. A motherly hug. Something he hadn’t received from his own mother in years and probably ever would again. He felt himself rally into her arms as he hugged her tightly, finally pulling away when he felt himself tearing up again. She noticed, running a hand over his cheek. “Come on! We’ll have a drink, and watch a Christmas movie, and after dinner, Monty will do his Sound of Music reenactment.”
“He does a reenactment?” Regulus let out a laugh, his voice sounding soft as he attempted to get over the lump in his throat.
“He’s a big fan of Maria,” she assured him, letting go of him.
They ended up watching the Queen’s speech, which Monty critiqued twice for seeming grammatically incorrect, while Effy called it nonsense. Regulus ended up on the same couch as James, although they are on opposite ends as Regulus kicked his legs up to rest on James’ lap, leading the older to tap his fingers against his ankle occasionally. They all worked their way through champagne. Monty claimed it was the most Christmassy drink they could muster, which Regulus supposed was true as he clinked his glass with theirs.
When dinner was ready, they ate with Christmas music once again playing in the background, setting a casual mood for the group. The food was amazing, and Effy gladly accepted the compliments, grinning at the boys around her. They ended up eating Christmas cake for dessert, something Effy had been making since early November. When they’d finally cleared the table, retiring to the living room once again with hot whiskeys, and a tin of biscuits, they ended up watching The Sound Of Music, which Fleamont really did reenact, causing his wife to crack up, and his son to shake his head in embarrassment. Regulus ended up falling asleep on James’ shoulder halfway through the film, his final thought being the question of whether he’d ever had a day as perfect as this one before.