Chapter 25
“Don’t fuck around, James!” Regulus snapped, whirling around to face him. James took a surprised step back, eyebrows raising. “Don’t just say shit like this, okay? Don’t say it when you don’t mean it!”
“What makes you think I don’t mean it?” James glared at him, suddenly, as if he had any reason to be upset in this situation. Regulus waved his hands, helplessly, as if gesturing towards himself explained it. James’ eyebrows knitted together as he watched, puzzlement covering his face.
“You’re.. You! And I’m me!” Was all Regulus could think to say, as cliche as it was. James rose his eyebrows again, desperate to know exactly what Regulus was saying. Regulus felt fuzzy on the details, though. The alcohol felt like it was hitting, and the kissing had made him feel dizzy. “I need a drink.”
“Do you want me to get you a drink?” James questioned.
Regulus nodded before giving it a second thought, watching James slip back inside, leaving Regulus in the cold. He fumbled, slightly, pulling another cigarette out of his pocket. His hands were shaking as he attempted to light it. It took him 3 tries before he could finally sharply inhale, relaxing ever so slightly. He had managed to get through half of it by the time James stumbled back out, closing the door behind him. He held a bottle of champagne, the cork already popped, no glasses. “I couldn’t find your whiskey. I think dad swiped it.”
“Champagnes good,” Regulus said, almost too quickly. He held out his hand, making a grabbing gesture. James handed over the bottle, walking to stand beside Regulus again. Regulus took three long gulps, wincing ever so slightly. He handed it back to James, taking another long drag of the cigarette. The bottle passed between them for a few minutes, in silence, before James took a final swig, dropping down to stick the half drank bottle in the snow, cooling it for later. Regulus didn’t offer him the cigarette, instead finishing it himself.
James waited, silently staring at Regulus who thought through everything he wanted to say. He couldn’t find any of the words, though. He ended up simply staring at James for a few seconds, tilting his head. The elder held his eye contact, expression softer. “Reggie, are you alright?”
“No!” Regulus snapped, shaking his head.
“I’m sorry!” James instantly sounded quieter, his tone indicating some sort of sorrow that Regulus didn’t expect. “I should have asked. I shouldn’t have just assumed you wan-“
“Christ, it’s not that, James! I obviously wanted to kiss you! I’ve wanted to kiss you for fucking years!” Regulus admitted. James blushed at that, ducking his head. The backlight wasn’t that bright, but Regulus appreciated it in that moment. Flustered James Potter certainly was a pleasant sight.
“So, what is it?” James seemed genuinely confused.
“What does that mean? That she wasn’t me? What does that mean?” He demanded, his voice sounding hoarse all of a sudden.
“Exactly what I said,” James shrugged helplessly. “She wasn’t you! I wanted you, and she just.. She’s lovely, really, but she’s not for me. We don’t work! We don’t work like we do!”
Regulus almost laughed at how ridiculous it sounded. “And how do ‘we’ work, James?” He put air quotes around ‘we’, trying to point out just how insane James sounded.
“You push me! And I push you! And we push each other to be better.. And to be good… And just… We work, Reggie. We haven’t tried it like this yet, but I’m sure it will work even better! I’m good for you, and you’re good for me, and I think I’ve been lying to myself in trying to deny that for so long! But I… I love you, Reggie, I really do. For ages, I wasn’t sure, but Sirius was right. I did play into it. I subconsciously knew something was there, reciprocated or not, and I couldn’t help myself. And now I know… Now I know you feel it too, I can’t wait any longer.”
The whole thing was rushed, and Regulus wasn’t even sure James was making sense. But he loved him. He loved him back. James Potter, the drop of sunshine, that had always seemed so out of reach, was now within his grasp, confessing his love to him on the back doorstep.
“You say the word, and we never have to discuss it again. But this past week.. It’s felt different, hasn’t it…?” There was a lull between them, silence for a few moments. “Do I sound insane right now? I think I sound insane. I had this better planned before the champagne I think.”
“Are you drunk?” Regulus suddenly accused.
“No!” James snapped. “Christ, Regulus! Just listen to what I’m saying! I’ve been thinking about this all week, without a drop of alcohol in my system. God, this was supposed to go differently!” James paced, unable to stop himself, two steps away from Regulus, and back again, repeating the action a few times before Regulus finally grabbed his arm, stilling him.
“Are you sure, James? Honestly, 100%? You really mean it?” Regulus asked, looking him in the eye.
James nodded quickly, his lips parting ever so slightly as he spoke. “1000%, Regulus. I mean it.”
Regulus’ brain screamed at him, alarm bells going off, as he leaned up, lips catching James’ again. He could do that now. He could just kiss James. James wanted him to kiss him. He could do this. He could wrap his arms around his neck, and pull him closer, and let his fingers tangle in his hair, and taste the champagne on his tongue, and suck his bottom lip until James made a groaning sound that sent a shiver down his spine, forcing him to draw back again.
James looked down at him, looking more dishevelled than before. Regulus wondered if he’d always look that good, no matter what they did. He wondered if he’d find out. The thought thrilled him. But the loud cheering from the house forced him the stare at the closed door. “It’s Christmas,” James informed him.
“Merry Christmas,” Regulus murmured, looking back at him.
“Merry Christmas,” James nodded, dipping back down to kiss him again. He cupped Regulus’ cheek for a second before pulling back. “You’re cold. We should go back inside.”
“We should,” Regulus nodded slowly, watching James step back, bending to grab the champagne bottle. “You smell like smoke, though.”
“We’re not going back to the party,” James shrugged, opening the door for him. Regulus stepped inside, almost melting at the heat from the kitchen. “Your shoes are all wet, and I’m too tired to socialise, so we’re going to bed.”
“Taking me to bed already?” Regulus tutted.
James glared at him, shutting the door gently. He grabbed Regulus’ hand again, pulling him towards the side of the kitchen. “Very funny, ha ha ha. Come on. Servants' entrance to my room is this way.”
“What a romantic invite,” Regulus felt giddy now, stumbling behind James towards a small door. They ended up shuffling up a small staircase, which was very cramped. When they arrived onto the landing, it was just outside their rooms. The party was still in full swing behind them, music still blaring as people walked around wishing each other a Merry Christmas. James didn’t give them a second look, pushing open his bedroom door with his elbow, just as he had the landing door. Regulus probably could have offered to carry the champagne, but he felt it was too late as he closed James’ bedroom door, watching the taller set the bottle down on his desk.
James let go of Regulus’ hand, kicking his shoes off by the door. Regulus watched him, feeling in awe of the sight of James Potter. His James Potter. “Do you want something to sleep in?” James questioned, looking over at him.
“I have a room full of clothes next door,” he pointed out.
“But I bet you’d look nice in something of mine,” James shrugged, wandering towards his wardrobe. He pulled open the drawer as Regulus undid his tie, dropping it onto the chair beside the desk, along with his blazer. He slowly undid the top button of his shirt, working his way down until James turned around, a t-shirt in hand. James’ eyes travelled up and down Regulus for a moment, his mouth opening ever so slightly. “Do you want shorts or sweatpants?” He finally asked.
“Shirt,” Regulus shrugged, walking towards him. He pulled the t-shirt from his grasp, smirking ever so slightly at the fact James was still eyeing him. But he didn’t stop, instead, walking past him to finish changing in the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
He took a second to stare at himself in the mirror, noting his messy hair, which he’d tugged at in the moments he was alone outside, and the pink in his cheeks, from the actions outside, and the cold. He finally tugged his shirt off, folding it slowly before tugging off his wet shoes and socks, along with his suit trousers. He pulled on the t-shirt James had given him, smiling at the fact that it came down to the top of his thigh. He’d suspect it would, but it was nice to have the confirmation.
He laid his clothes over his arm, shuffling back out of the bathroom. James was stood beside his wardrobe still, wearing pyjamas trousers and his suit shirt. He was fiddling with his bowtie as if he couldn’t figure it out once again. He was so engrossed in it, he hadn’t even noticed Regulus’ reentrance.
The younger walked towards him, almost starling him as he reached his hands up, slowly undoing his handiwork from the hours before. “You need to get rid of this thing, you’re awful at it.”
“I only asked you for help with it earlier to get close enough to confess… But I chickened out, and now it’s done up a little too well,” James admitted, looking away as a light blush flushed over his cheeks again.
“Well,” Regulus murmured, feeling warm at the thought. He pulled the tie off him, undoing the first button of his shirt. “It does look rather good on you.”
“Beautiful, you said, I believe,” James smirked, his fingers working through the rest of them.
Regulus tutted, wandering back to the desk where he dropped the bowtie beside his tie. When he turned back, James was shirtless, bunging his shirt up to throw in his laundry hamper. Regulus forced himself not to stare, instead wandering towards the bed. He felt rather tired all of a sudden. He held back a yawn as James approached the other side of the bed.
“I was right,” James nodded.
“About what?” He questioned.
“You do look nice in my clothes,” James smirked, pulling back his side of the covers. Regulus pulled back his own side, rolling his eyes. He climbed into the bed, immediately lying down. James did the same, turning the light off as he went.
They both lay on their sides of the bed, neither of them moving for a few moments. They’d shared a bed before, just a few nights ago. But that was when James was comforting a friend, a friend who was crying, while they were both fully dressed. It was different now.
“Reggie?” James whispered after a few moments.
“Mhm?”
“Is this okay?” He questioned.
Regulus felt himself melt, ever so slightly, as he began shuffling across the bed until he finally met James’ bare torso. James moved his arms, wrapping them around Regulus, pulling him into him. “Everything with you is okay,” Regulus mumbled, sleepily.
“Promise?”
“Promise.”