The Hidden Hero

“Stay here!” Harry said harshly, leaving Ron and Ginny staring after him as he crossed the street.

Harry felt as if he were moving in a dream. The air around him was strangely thick and he had trouble breathing. He saw his aunt and uncle as if at the end of a long tunnel. The world around them was hazy and his vision seemed to darken at the edges. Only the tall thin woman and the heavyset man were in focus.

As Harry approached, Aunt Petunia felt his presence and turned her head to look at him. Her face turned so white, her blush stood out on her cheeks in angry circles. Her nose flared and her face screwed up in a look of disgust and anger.

Turning to see what had caused his wife to stiffen and draw in her breath, Vernon’s eyes also alit upon Harry. Like his wife, he immediately stiffened. But, unlike his wife, Vernon’s face turned beet red. He looked like he was having a stroke.

“You!” he uttered, in tones of the deepest loathing.

Petunia’s voice shook with fury. “Why are you here? I told you to leave our family alone! Haven’t you caused enough trouble?”

Harry stood completely still, the hatred washing over him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a burly teenager draw near. “Mom. Dad. What’s the matter?” asked the boy.

Harry realized that it was Dudley. He had grown so tall and big in the six years since Harry had last since him, Harry did not recognize him.

“Harry?” asked Dudley. Apparently, Harry was not as changed as Dudley was.

Harry gave a jerky nod, confirming his identity. Dudley looked curiously at his cousin but did not offer him any greeting. Instead, Dudley looked at his parents, waiting for a cue as to how he should behave.

“Keep away from us!” demanded Vernon.

As if from a distance, Harry heard himself speak. “Don’t you care at all about what happened to me after you threw me out of the house? Don’t you want to know anything?”

Petunia’s lips pursed. Seeing this, Harry was reminded of the many times during his childhood that her face had borne just that expression. He had forgotten.

“It’s no concern of ours what happened to you,” she said. “I told you then and I’ll tell you now. You are the devil’s spawn. You are evil and a freak. The best news that we could ever hear would be to find out that you were dead.”

Harry felt himself reel back. He hadn’t realized that her words could still hurt him.

“You have no idea of the trouble you caused us, boy,” spat Vernon. “Those freaky friends of yours came looking for you. They weren’t happy to find out that you were gone. Then, after we spoke to this nice woman named Rita, they made us leave our home because they said that we were in danger from others of your kind looking for revenge. Revenge for what, I ask you? We treated you better than you had any right to expect. If we hadn’t been so kindhearted, we would never have taken you in, in the first place. But you know what they say: no good deed ever goes unpunished. We had to change our names! Dudley had to change schools and I had to get another job. We had to live in this dumpy little house they brought us to. It was only in the last year that we’ve been allowed to leave and resume our lives.”

Harry wasn’t sure what drove him to ask, but he heard himself say, “I am your nephew. You raised me from the age of one. Didn’t you ever love me at all?”

Petunia looked him up and down and stared at him with hate in her eyes. “Who could ever love you?”

Harry stumbled backwards. Without another word, he crossed the road. As if in the distance, he heard a car honking at him. He had crossed without checking that the light was green.

“Harry?” asked Ron and Ginny, in frightened tones. Harry had a terrible expression on his face.

Harry didn’t say a word. He grabbed each of them by the arms and apparated. When they arrived in Hogsmeade, Harry dropped their arms and started walking toward Hogwarts.

Ron and Ginny exchanged worried looks. Harry had just apparated in disregard for Dumbledore’s instruction that they take the Knight Bus. He had obviously been upset by something those muggles had said to him. Who were they? What had they said?

Ginny ran to catch up with Harry, who was striding rapidly toward the castle. “Harry, slow down!” she gasped. She reached out a hand to grab him, but he pulled away.

Her worry increased. “What’s the matter, Harry? What happened?”

Harry ignored her and walked faster.

Ron stood in front of Harry, to try to slow him down, but the other teen just shoved past him. “Harry, for Merlin’s sake! What happened?” demanded his friend.

But, Harry said not a word. He strode through the Hogwarts gates and over the grounds without pausing. He ignored all greetings thrown at him. He entered the castle and went directly to Gryffindor Tower, where he went straight to his bed, drew the curtains and cast a muffliato charm around his bed.

Ginny and Ron arrived back at the castle just shortly behind Harry. They hesitated in the entrance of the castle, wondering what to do.

“Should we follow him?” Ron asked.

“Something happened. He won’t talk to us. We’ve got to get help. Let’s find McGonagall.”

Ron disagreed. “No. Let’s go to Snape. He knows Harry better and I think Harry’s more likely to tell him what’s wrong.”

They ran toward Snape’s office and knocked loudly on the door. Without waiting for permission to enter, they opened the door. Snape was sitting at his desk, holding a quill and writing on some parchment. He looked up in surprise at the sudden interruption. Seeing the expressions on the face of the Weasley siblings, he stood up quickly.

“What’s the matter? Where’s Harry?” he demanded, his voice sharp.

“Professor,” gasped Ginny. “Something happened, but we don’t know what. But, it’s bad. We had just left The Leaky Cauldron and we were standing in the muggle street about to wave down the Knight Bus. Harry recognized some muggles and he went over to talk to them.” Ginny’s voice choked at this point and tears of fear started to roll down her face.

Ron, face white, continued the explanation. “Sir. They said something to him. We don’t know what. We couldn’t hear. But, he came back from them with such a look on his face. He wouldn’t talk to us. He came straight back here to the castle. I think he’s gone back to Gryffindor Tower but I don’t know for sure. We came to find you.”

Ginny wiped away her tears. “Please, Professor. You’ve got to do something. You didn’t see his face!”

“Come,” Snape commanded, as he strode from the room. Swiftly, the teens led the way to Gryffindor Tower. When Snape entered the common room, the students lounging there let out audible gasps. One boy dropped a stack of books he was holding. They fell with a loud thump. Snape ignored them all and strode rapidly up the stairs to the boys’ dormitory. The students looked at each other in fear. Why was Snape here?

Ron and Ginny stayed behind in the common room, uncertain what to do.

“Is something wrong with Harry?” asked Neville.

“I…I don’t know,” admitted Ginny. She cast a helpless look at her brother. Turning away from the other students, she and Ron took seats in the corner of the room and refused to answer any more of the questions being thrown at them.

When Snape entered the dormitory room, he saw that one of the beds had the curtains drawn around it. Striding over to the bed, he pulled the curtains back in one swift movement.

Harry, who had been lying on the bed staring at the ceiling, jumped in shock at the sudden movement. Seeing Snape, his mouth dropped. He jumped up from the bed immediately. “Sir!” he gasped.

“Potter,” returned Snape. The older man’s voice was neutral but his eyes were sharp and searching.

“What are you doing here?” Harry asked. Then, realizing that he may have sounded a bit rude, he added, “I mean, I didn’t expect to ever see you here.”

“I assure you that being in Gryffindor Tower is not the highlight of my day. I don’t appreciate being put to this necessity. But, your friends are worried about you.”

Harry’s face took on a closed look.

“I understand you ran into some muggles outside The Leaky Cauldron?”

Harry nodded reluctantly.

“Your relatives?”

So, Snape had guessed. “Yes,” Harry admitted.

“What did they say to you?”

“The usual,” said Harry bitterly. “That I am a freak and that they wish I would die already.”

“How did you feel about meeting them?”

Harry threw Snape a ‘are-you-for-real’ look. “I was angry and upset, of course. What do you want me to say?”

“I want you not to care,” Snape responded. “They are evil and deserve to be in Azkaban.”

“I don’t care,” Harry replied.

“That’s a lie. It’s unfortunate, Potter. But, it’s obvious that you do care. Very much.”

Harry was silent. What business was it of Snape’s anyway?

“My father was not a nice man, Potter.”

Harry started. It was the first time that Snape had ever told him anything personal about his life (other than that he had loved Harry’s mother).

“But, despite his cruelty – or perhaps it was because of it – I spent years trying to win his approval. Without success, I might add. I was never free of him until I realized that he was not worth my energy – that his approval was meaningless.”

Harry looked at him sharply. “But are you free of him, sir? Are we ever free of our pasts?”

“Our pasts help form us, for good or ill. But, we need not be limited by them. If anyone should know that, Potter, it is you.”

After a short silence, Harry spoke in a low voice, “Today, when I saw them again, all I could remember is how much I had wanted them to love me.” It was a painful admission.

“And now you know that they never did and never will. But the fault lies with them, not you.”

Harry did not respond.

Realizing that the boy needed time to think about what he had said, Snape brought the conversation to a close. “Your friends are worried about you. You should let them know that you are all right.”

Harry nodded and followed Snape out of the room. The common room fell silent when Snape and Harry descended the stairs from the boys’ dormitory. Snape stayed only long enough to see that Harry had joined Ron and Ginny. As soon as the potions master had climbed out of the portrait hole, everyone in the common room started speaking at once, asking what had happened and why Snape, of all people, had entered Gryffindor Tower.

Harry ignored everyone. Speaking to Ron and Ginny, he said, “I’m sorry I was so rude. It was just the shock of seeing them. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Everyone else shamelessly eavesdropped on the conversation.

Ginny cried, “Oh, Harry! It’s not about whether we’re upset! It’s about you! What happened? Who were those people?”

Harry took a deep breath. “That was my aunt, uncle and cousin.”

There was utter silence in the room. Everyone knew Harry’s family history.

“I thought they were in prison somewhere,” whispered Ron.

“Apparently not,” said Harry, dryly. “From what they told me, they’ve spent the last number of years in a Ministry safe house.”

“What did they say to you?” asked Ginny fearfully.

“They were their usual cheerful selves,” replied Harry breezily, very aware that everyone was listening. He gave a laugh that, even to his own ears sounded hollow and forced. “It’s safe to bet we won’t be sharing Christmas holidays together any time soon.”

Hermione climbed through the portrait hole and entered the room. She had been studying in the library. When she saw them, she gave a bright smile. “Hi! How was the grand opening? I bet the store is great.”

It took Harry a moment to realize what she was talking about. Meeting the Dursleys had driven all else from his mind. Collecting himself, Harry plastered a smile on his face and answered, “It was great. Fred and George have done themselves proud. We had a really fun time. Right?” Harry turned to Ron and Ginny, who obediently followed his lead and nodded their heads. Harry deliberately kept the conversation centered on the joke shop. He was obviously unwilling to discuss his relatives further and, reluctantly, Ginny and Ron let the topic drop.

Ginny watched her boyfriend with worried eyes. Those horrible people! She wished she had known who they were when they were in London. She would have thrown the bat bogey hex at them and not given a hoot about the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Magic or the Statute of Secrecy or anything! Those foul creatures!

But, how she wished Harry would share his feelings with her. He was pretending like it was no big deal that he had met his relatives. But, she knew it was a big deal. She had seen his face.

Ginny knew that Harry had lived his life mistrustful of others. He was not used to sharing his fears or worries. But, now, she wondered whether he would ever learn to open up to her. Would he always be secretive and emotionally distant? How could they ever be really close – having the kind of relationship that her parents had, for example – if he was not willing to share his thoughts? How could she be there for him if he pushed her away?

*

The next day was Saturday. It was a beautiful, warm day and Harry knew his refusal to join his friends outside would be cause for concern. It was easier to go along but he was present in body only. He stood slightly apart from them and it was clear from the distant expression on his face that he was in his own world.

Suddenly, there was a stir among the students which penetrated Harry’s absorption. Looking for the source of the commotion, he saw Dumbledore – robes flowing behind him – walking steadily toward him. Students hurried nearer to overhear what the headmaster would say.

Harry looked at the headmaster in surprise, wondering what he wanted. Dumbledore did not usually seek out students. When the older wizard was close enough for Harry to see the serious expression on his face, the headmaster stopped and raised his wand. In a calm voice, Dumbledore said, “Harry. Please take out your wand.”

“What? Oh. Sure,” said Harry and he drew his wand from its holster inside his sleeve.

In the same calm voice, Dumbledore said, “Defend yourself.”

“Wha…”

Without further warning, Dumbledore shouted, “Stupefy!”

Unprepared, the curse hit Harry squarely and he was thrown backwards. Luckily, it wasn’t at full strength. While he fell heavily, he only had the wind knocked out of him.

Instinctively, his hand tightened on his wand and he thrust it out in front of him, pointing it at Dumbledore. Staring at the headmaster in shock, the boy shouted, “Why did you do that? What’s going on?”

“I told you to defend yourself, Harry. I suggest you pay attention.” Dumbledore waved his wand again and another curse flew toward Harry.

Harry quickly put up a protective shield and the curse bounded harmlessly away. Harry scrambled to his feet.

“Are you crazy?!” he shouted. “What are you doing?”

Dumbledore ignored him and another beam of light flew at Harry. The teen ducked and the spell soared over his head.

Students around them were shouting in alarm. Dumbledore raised his voice, though he still spoke calmly. “Do not be alarmed. No one will hurt you. This is between Harry and me only.”

Harry gasped. “You’re not Dumbledore!” he accused. “Someone get a teacher! Call for help! Someone is impersonating Dumbledore!”

Dumbledore laughed. “Not so, Harry. It is really I. Shall I prove it?” Dumbledore’s smile faded completely. Looking grave now, he said, “I am the person who, to my undying shame, left you in custody at the Ministry to serve the Greater Good.”

Harry’s jaw tightened and he narrowed his eyes. It was Dumbledore.

Dumbledore lifted his hands over his head and a flock of birds assembled and dove at Harry. “What the…!” shouted Harry. He threw up his hands protectively and the birds turned into little bubbles that burst harmlessly against him.

Harry’s temper exploded. He didn’t know why, but Dumbledore was attacking him. Well, the old man asked for it! Tuning out all distractions, Harry focused only on the solitary wizard standing in front of him. The teen bent down and touched the ground. He sent a ripple of energy through the grass to travel, like a stream of running water, until it reached Dumbledore. When it reached the wizard, the ground gave a heave and threw the headmaster into the air. However, the headmaster landed easily a few feet away.

“Interesting, Harry. But, surely, you can do better than that!”

Did the old man want to be hurt? Had he lost his mind? Harry hesitated. Maybe the headmaster was suffering from some spell or potion that affected his brain.

Dumbledore took advantage of Harry’s hesitation and threw a stinging hex at the teen. Harry deflected the curse but it caught the edge of his elbow. “Ow!”

The headmaster said musingly, “I had wondered whether my wand would work against you, Harry. I wasn’t sure whether the wand retained its allegiance to you, since I didn’t win it back from you in a duel. You simply gave it to me after the battle with Voldemort was over. But, apparently, the wand accepts that I am its master.”

Harry glared at Dumbledore. The headmaster had just cut him with a stinging hex and, instead of being concerned, Dumbledore wanted to engage in an academic discussion. Through gritted teeth, Harry muttered, “I’ll win it from you now, old man, and, this time, I’m not giving it back!”

Dumbledore overheard him and laughed. Infuriated, Harry clasped his hands together in front of him, his wand gripped firmly between his palms, and centered his focus on his magical core. The energy dispersed outward and the wind around him whipped into a frenzy. Harry focused on directing that energy into a concentrated flow and the wind, roaring its fury, shot at the headmaster. For a moment, Dumbledore was hidden from view as the maelstrom enveloped him.

Only a few moments passed, though, before the wind died down and Dumbledore was revealed, looking perfectly fine albeit slightly windblown. In retaliation, the headmaster encircled Harry in a ring of fire. Harry didn’t bother to look down as he muttered a spell that extinguished the fire easily.

Harry searched through his mind for spells that would help him in this strange duel. Hoping that Dumbledore was not familiar with these curses, Harry tried casting spells to attack the senses. In quick succession, he cast spells meant to overwhelm hearing, smell, and eyesight. The spells were effective but, unfortunately, in each case, Dumbledore recovered quickly.

The headmaster slashed his wand through the air and Harry found that he couldn’t draw breath. He was choking. He reached up with his hands to grab at his throat and saw Dumbledore raise his wand to cast another spell. He dove out of the way and whatever new spell Dumbledore had cast missed Harry by inches. Still gasping for breath, Harry forced himself to calm down and think clearly. He centered his magic on his own body, envisioning himself breathing easily. His breathing resumed.

Furious at Dumbledore, Harry threw another spell. Knowing that the headmaster would try to step out of the way, Harry aimed the spell to one side and, sure enough, the headmaster stepped into the spell. Immediately, the old wizard shrank to the size of a goblin.

Incredibly, Harry saw the headmaster smile. Smile! The old man really was insane!

Dumbledore popped back to his regular size. He waved his wand and Harry’s glasses flew off his face. Damn! Harry could not see very far without his glasses. He quickly conjured up a new pair, on which he placed a sticking charm.

If Dumbledore was going to take away Harry’s glasses, the old man could lose his own! And, Harry caused the glass in Dumbledore’s spectacles to shatter. And, for good measure, if the headmaster was going to try to strangle him, let him choke himself! And, Harry waved his wand in a corkscrew motion. Dumbledore’s beard started twisting itself around the headmaster’s neck.

The headmaster waved his wand lazily and his spectacles repaired themselves easily. With a soft murmur, his beard stopped twisting like a snake and fell obediently down the wizard’s chest.

“I think that’s enough,” said Dumbledore, putting up his wand.

Harry was exhausted, sweaty and irritable. “What do you mean, ‘that’s enough’? You came here and, without any reason, attacked me and you just decide that you’ve had enough?”

Dumbledore inclined his head. “I thought you needed reminding that you are a very powerful wizard, Harry.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I wanted to remind you, Harry, that you are not a victim. Whatever your aunt and uncle may have done to you in the past, is just that – in the past.”

So that’s what this was all about: his meeting with the Dursleys yesterday. Harry froze and stared expressionlessly at the headmaster.

Dumbledore continued. “You didn’t bring down Voldemort by accident. Yes, you had luck on your side, but you also had talent and resourcefulness. I think it is obvious that your skill is remarkable. At the age of seventeen, you are able to hold your own in a duel with me. That is an astonishing feat, if I do say so myself.”

Dumbledore gestured to the large group of students who were ranged on one side watching the duel. “I daresay any one of your fellow students would assure you that you are respected and admired.”

Harry refused to answer. Dumbledore tried to reach the boy. “Do not look for validation from people who are too small-minded to appreciate what a truly special person you are.”

Finally, Harry spoke. “I don’t care about them.”

“I wish that were true. Unfortunately, I believe that you do care. You have been pulling away from your friends and allowing your aunt and uncle’s unkind words to poison you. Look around you, Harry. There are plenty of people who care about you, even love you.”

Harry swallowed. He wanted to believe. He truly did. But, maybe Dumbledore was just saying this because the older wizard felt guilty about how he had failed Harry. The teen looked around at the students watching him, among them Ginny, Ron and Hermione. Even Draco Malfoy was watching in the distance. Did any of them really care about him, or was it the fact that he was the famous Harry Potter that mattered? Draco had disliked him when he was just Mark Twist. While Ron, Ginny and Hermione had all been friendly with Mark Twist, weren’t they friendlier, and more interested in him now? Harry remembered how Ron had fawned all over the imposter Harry. Perhaps Ron was his best friend because he was Harry Potter. Maybe Ginny and Hermione were the same.

People weren’t to be trusted, after all. He had recently condemned the wizarding world to Ron and Hermione. But, muggles had as many faults. People – magical or muggle --were basically flawed. Even at the best of times, it was a mistake to believe that they would be faithful. Why think that they would stand by him?

Self-doubt clouded his eyes. His aunt had been so sure that no one would ever love him. And, despite what Snape and Dumbledore may say, Petunia and Vernon were capable of love. They loved their son, Dudley. It was just Harry who they didn’t love. There was something within him that made him unlovable.

There was no point arguing with the headmaster about it. It was easier just to pretend that he agreed. So, Harry nodded and said, “Yeah. I know.”

Dumbledore sighed, not sure that he had gotten through to the teen. He put a hand behind him and laid it on his lower back. He stretched, rotating his shoulders and neck. “Oh, I’m not as young as I used to be,” he said. “I’ll be feeling these aches!”

Harry smiled. It was good to know that he had made the headmaster groan. Dumbledore shook his head at the teen. “Just wait until you are past your hundredth birthday! I better go see Madam Pomfrey to get some of her excellent pain-relieving cream.” With this, the headmaster made his way back to the castle. The students watched him until he disappeared from sight.

When the headmaster was gone, all eyes swung back to Harry. He slipped his wand back into his sleeve. As if this were a signal, he found himself surrounded by a group of teens, exclaiming over the fight.

“That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen!” exclaimed Ron.

“That thing you did with the wind, Harry, that was…” words failed. Hermione just shook her head in admiration.

Draco hurried over as well. “Did you learn this stuff from You Know Who? How come he never taught me anything like that?! It was phenomenal!”

Other students made similar observations, patting his back and exclaiming over how happy they were to have witnessed the duel. A few mentioned how jealous other students were going to be to learn that they had missed it.

Only Ginny didn’t rave about the fight. Instead, once the other students had wandered away to talk among themselves about the amazing duel, and she and Harry had found a spot to speak privately, she said seriously, “He’s right.” Harry looked puzzled. “I mean what Dumbledore said about us caring about you. We do. I do! I think I love you, Harry.”

She waited with baited breath to see what he would say. She had been planning for weeks how to tell him. She had imagined any number of different ways for him to react to her admission. She had pictured him excited, happy, scared, nervous. But, Harry didn’t react in any of these ways. Instead, he searched her face intently as if trying to determine if she were telling the truth.

“But why?” he asked, a note of real puzzlement in his voice.

She laughed involuntarily. “Why? You are very lovable, Harry.” She smiled but he didn’t smile back. “Don’t you love me?” she asked, her voice breaking slightly.

Harry was taken aback. “Of course, I love you, Ginny,” he said. “What’s not to love? You’re wonderful. Funny. Kind. Beautiful. I love spending time with you. I love being with you. But, you’re so wonderful, I don’t understand why you like me.”

“I love you, Harry. Don’t be afraid of the word.”

Harry continued to search her face intently, looking for answers to a question she didn’t understand. Urgently, he said, “Do you really love me? Do you even see me? Not just the famous Harry Potter but the real me?”

“Yes, Harry Potter. I see the real you. I see the insecure boy who craves love. The frightened child who doesn’t believe he deserves it. I see that you distrust everyone, waiting for people to disappoint and betray you. But, despite your lack of faith in us, I see a man who will protect the weak and innocent no matter the cost to himself.”

Harry shook his head in denial. “You have a picture in your head of me that’s far better than the reality.”

“No, I don’t. I’m not the one who refuses to see the real you. You are. You still believe what your aunt and uncle told you when you were a child. You still believe you are unwanted and unloved. But it’s not true. I want you, Harry. I love you.” She flung herself against him and hugged him tightly.

After a momentary pause, Harry hugged her back and lay his cheek against the top of her head. He breathed in the clean, sweet smell of her hair. Oh, how he wished he could believe her!

But, he didn’t.