The Fall
It was the knock on the door that had Severus look up from his notes.
Harriet had fallen asleep with her head on his lap and he had taken to analysing some shaped-imbued potion ideas in the meantime. It was a good way to spend time, he told himself. It was even true, but…
A larger part of the reason he was doing it now was because he wanted to see her eyes light up again, when he would bring up new ideas for discussion.
Severus was just reaching for his wand to open the door without disturbing her, when the visitor broke in.
"Harry?" It was Lily, "Are you here?"
Neither the shattering of the door, nor Lily's call had been loud, especially given that they had not been in the hall but in one of the rooms. It shouldn’t have woken Harriet up. But it did. Her eyes were wide now, wand clenched in hand, and a second later she hauled herself up.
"...Mum?" Harry said carefully, "Is that you?"
Then Severus felt her magic sensing ability reach out, recognize Lily's aura, and come back, and watched as her shoulders relaxed. Comparatively.
It was a mark of his failings. She should not have had to fear for her safety so much that it stopped her from sound sleep. Not when he was around. Not ever.
And yet.
"Harry." Lily ran in and embraced her, "Oh, I've been so worried. We've been so worried."
Harry didn't meet her eyes.
"I'm sorry, sweetie." Lily said, "Your father wasn't in the right state of mind. You know how silly he gets when he's worried. I gave him a right scolding. He knows he was wrong."
"...Oh?" Severus could tell she was trying hard not to be bitter. Trying to understand, "Then why isn't he here?"
Lily’s face fell, "because he was too prideful to admit it."
Harry let loose a laugh that was almost hysterical, "That's it? He's too prideful to admit that he also messed up? It's all over for him now?"
"No!" Lily exhaled slowly, "He just needs some time to come around."
"Right." Harry looked away, "I've been waiting my whole life anyway. I guess some more time doesn't make a difference."
Severus hated the tone in Harry's voice that suggested she was used to never getting straight answers, that she was used to the frustrations that she faced for loving what she did. As though at this point it was nothing new. He knew the ruse had changed her—had seen it, a callous at the center of her soul—but he hadn't realised how much it had done so, on a level so deep that only now, when all the layers of illusion had violently ruptured, was a hint of it beginning to shine through.
It wasn’t the golden shine he wished to see in her. It was the shine of tears. She was breaking, bit by bit, as the world came crashing down at her with a revolution she had never meant to cause, and her family split so there was no room for her anymore.
Severus squeezed her hand. He didn't even know what he meant by it, but something was better than nothing.
Harry blew a breath, "Sorry, mum. I didn't mean to get mad at you."
Lily shook her head slightly.
"I know I sound very ungrateful." She looked down, "I know that after all this I don't have the right to complain. But… What should I do? There's this voice in me that's just not okay with being quiet, anymore. I know you've both given a lot to me and others aren't that fortunate but…" She met Lily's eyes, "Nevermind. I'm sure I'm the one at fault here. Sorry, I just, just—"
"No, Harry, it's nothing like that–" Lily choked, "Since when do you start thinking in terms of rights and what you deserve? You can always tell us if something is wrong, and we ought to do our best to fix it."
"But have you?" Harry said, "I used to tell him it hurts, when he discarded my potion wares like it was a waste. I used to tell him to stop, when he disparaged all that I dreamed of at the family dinners. He never listened. After some time… I just stopped trying."
Lily's eyes widened, "I know that even if James and I change now, it doesn't undo any actions done in the past. But isn't it better than not? You used to say it is never too late to change, right Harry? So why not give him another chance? See if he is truly willing to make an effort after all. Then, you choose. Just one more chance?"
"I realised something today. It's not my responsibility alone to reach out to him, to try to understand him. I always did. There must have been some reason for his behaviour, something that justified it. Only now do I know. Nothing does. When you have a child, you decide to accept them, not curtail who they want to be. " Harry's voice was firmer, now, "But that's ok. I would have been willing to start over, the three of us, if he was here. But he isn't. It's still you, and it's still me, trying to hold the pieces together. Only now… I don't want to."
She blinked furiously, "I'm sorry mum. I think I'm done with this. I left you all alone with shattered pieces, didn’t I? Sorry."
Lily pulled her into a hug again, "We're sorry, Harry. I'm sorry. I couldn't be the mother you wanted."
"No… no…" Harry choked, "You were everything and more. It's just…me."
Lily pressed her lips against her forehead, "Don't ever think that way again."
Harry sniffed, but went quiet.
Lily looked up at Severus, who was standing awkwardly in a corner, posing as though he had not heard a word. As though it wasn't paining him to see such a scene unfold. Two people he cared for. Gave so much for them to be happy.
And yet.
"Thank you, Severus," Lily gave him a small, but warm smile, "You kept our daughter happy and safe, when we couldn’t. Thank you so much."
When Lily left, her last words to him were, "I recently heard from the Order of the compulsions and conditions that had you joining the SOW Party. I'm sorry for misunderstanding you. It seems to have become a habit of mine, hasn't it? I really am sorry, Severus. I had never wanted to let go, but hearing that you had joined the very people who didn't even consider people like Harry and I human, I—"
"It's fine, Lily." Severus' gaze drifted to Harriet, the bright girl standing a few paces away. What he wouldn't fight, if it was for her. Riddle. Lily.
He understood.
"I see you understand." Lily’s gaze too, drifted to Harriet, "Take care of her, okay? I'm not leaving her behind, mind you, but while… whatever this is, lasts, I think she's got enough on her plate."
"On that, we agree."
Severus hadn't even started planning for the awards ceremony yet.