___
You are the one I look for, when I'm lost
"Pads, I'm here." Remus cooed over smilingly, waiting patiently at the astronomy tower.
He slowly walked over to the edge of the tower, placing his hands firmly on the railings. He looked over at the beautiful campus of Hogwarts, now illuminated by the nightfall, looking absolutely magical.
He gazed over, scanning all around, taking in the sight of the grounds, the quidditch pitch that was faraway, the serene lake that was so peaceful to look at - garnished by a pale orange colour - just resembling a pastel wallpaper. His eyes then landed on the Whomping willow, the branches just floating around in air slowly, the yellow-green leaves being blissfully blown away by the Autumn winds.
Beneath the beautiful sight lay the place that was all too familiar to him. The place he visited every month, the place he was tied to when the Moon angrily rose up.
The place that had witnessed the fierceness and wildness, residing deep within him, just breaking free of his grasp, all too well.
The full-moon was in two days and he felt his whole body just writhe and shiver from the inside, the thoughts of the transformation controlling him from within.
His hands that were placed on top of the railings started trembling heavily and he pulled back from the edge of the tower suddenly, tumbling backwards.
He thought he was going to just fall and fall and slide away into nothingness, as he felt his body beginning to drift away from his own self.
He closed his eyes shut and just fell backwards, expecting to fall hard on the ceramic flooring.
Instead, he felt a soft object behind him, as he was held by the arms and pulled up steadily from behind.
"Hey, hey Moony.. look at me… c'mon now.."
"P-pads…"
"Hey, I'm here Moony… I'm right here. What's wrong?"
Remus steadied himself, one hand coming over to grip on Sirius' shoulders, the other hand across his own forehead, eyes scrunched tightly. He breathed consciously, and relaxed a little, pulling himself together slowly.
"I.. I don't know… the Moon is in two days and I feel… I feel different… I was just looking over at the Willow and I couldn't stop picturing myself right there, right below.. I don't know… I don't know what's wrong…"
"Hey... Moony, look at me.. just look at me.. " Sirius placed both his hands under his chin, just holding him, and turned his face towards himself, forcing him to look right into his eyes.
"From this time on, it's going to be different, okay? You're not going to be there alone. I will be there with you. We are going to be right there with you for every single moon to ever come, for the rest of our lives. You hear me? You will have me, Prongs and Wormy with you from now on and you'll have us forever…" Sirius spoke softly, his hands on Remus' cheeks, wiping away the tears from his thoroughly innocent eyes.
Sirius' eyes just crinkled and shone as bright as the brightest star in the entire universe, just twinkling away in the darkest Sky, and Remus just surged forward swiftly, enveloping him in a fierce hug.
"We're going to spend the evenings before the full moon right here, Moony… and I want you to know.. that you'll wake up to find that everything's the same.. every little thing that you see here, will remain the same the next day… All those beautiful little things.. they don't ever change, whether it's before the full or after…"
"-And that's how you're to me."
Remus sobbed, clinging on to Sirius, clutching his hair, from behind, arms wrapped tightly around his neck, and head resting on his shoulder.
"Hey hush now, Moons." Sirius smiled down at the boy and wrapped his own arms around him, stroking his hair and cradling him.
"Aren't… aren't you scared of me? Aren't you… scared now, after knowing everything.." Remus sniffled, his words echoing against Sirius' neck from where he had his face pressed.
"Pfft no! I'm not scared of you. You're our Moony. What would I need to be afraid of you for? You wear two jumpers and a fucking beanie inside the dorm, you revise your potions notes, you practice the spells quietly at night when you think people can't see you, you go bonkers like a 3 year old when you see stupid chocolates… if.. If anything, I'm scared for you, cause you're absolutely mental!"
Remus just chuckled, as they stood there wrapped against each other, holding on to one another tightly.
"Why do you do this, Pads?" Remus asked softly, as he looked up, wiggling slightly between his arms, and wiping his face on the long sleeve of his robes.
He looked at Sirius expectantly. "Why do you do all these things for me?"
"I don't really know, Moony.." Sirius sighed, still holding him in his arms.
"But I know I want to." He whispered, kissing Remus softly on the forehead.
"Okay." Remus sighed, as he hugged him back tightly, with a smile forming on his lips that Sirius could feel against his neck.
You're the one I find when I'm searching for myself
___
You're the one I want beside me, when I break into a million pieces,
"Quiet, uh? Just can't really understand why you're here all alone, out of all the places, at this hour.. unless .." Remus drawled purposefully, looking at the sad entity sitting cross legged by the edge of the lake, with his back to him.
"Almost there, Moony. Just say it." Sirius sighed, one hand on his chin, the elbow resting on his knees in front of him, the other one aimlessly picking up little stones and throwing them one by one into the water.
"Got a new letter from your Mother dearest?"
"Ding-ding-ding.. Ten points to Gryffindor…"
"Idiot…" Remus sighed, settling beside his favourite Marauder. "I was searching for you everywhere, all over the campus for almost an hour now.."
Sirius just remained silent, fiddling with a particular little stone on the grass.
"I got you some scones and cinnamon rolls. And you can have my chocolates too, if you want."
Sirius gasped mockingly at him and Remus immediately corrected the phrasing of the sentence, "Some of my chocolates."
"That's what I thought." Sirius smiled and took some food from his hands.
They both sat together quietly, arms and knees brushing, looking over at the ripples that slowly emerged on the water from the stones that Sirius was throwing over.
"I'm used to it really. I just don't understand why she even bothers sending me letters anymore. It's always the same every single time and I know the drill forwards and backwards. I get it, I mean.. I'm a disgrace to the Noble and ancient house of Black, I associate myself with blood traitors and filthy creatures and I should just drop dead instead and I don't deserve to even think about going back home and blah blah… the lazy witch doesn't get any more creative than that. I mean who'd even want to go back to that fucking hell of a slaughterhouse?"
Remus sighed, eyeing Sirius softly. "Did you write her back?"
"Ah, I don't bother with that anymore, Moony. It's pointless. I don't wanna have to defend myself against her every single fucking time. I'm trying out this new tactic where I tire the bitch out by not reacting to anything."
"So, what triggered her this time?"
"That her eldest son, no, no, the eldest Black heir is a fucking, flaming homo."
"Oh.. you.. you came out to her uh? You didn't tell us about -"
"No, Reggie *accidentally* let it slip out, he says. I'm so done with that lot. I can't wait to finish schooling at Hogwarts and get the hell out of the shithole that they call a home forever."
"Okay… now would be a good time for some chocolates." Remus handed his entire bunch to Sirius, just shyly smiling into the distance straight ahead, without looking at him. "I'm making an exception this time for you, okay?"
"Oh, I'll be grateful to your generosity forever, Moons." Sirius stuck his tongue out at him as he took all of them in his hands, before taking some bites out of the biggest piece of chocolate hungrily.
"You wanna go back inside? It might rain in a while, I guess."
"No, I wanna just stay here for a while."
"Okay, do you want me to -"
"Stay?" Sirius looked over to his side, catching his gaze. "Please."
Remus looked back at him, and just looped his arm around Sirius' shoulders and pulled him against his side, resting the other boy's head on his shoulder, placing a kiss on his forehead and temple.
He felt Sirius relax against him as he wound his arm around his back, just holding him tight and leaning on to him.
They just stayed like that, wrapped in each other's arms until dusk, unable to leave each other's side, incapable of even wanting to be anywhere else.
_
"Where is he, James?! Where's Sirius!"
"Moony, relax. He's resting inside. He's okay. Just go, have a look at him."
"Pads! Hey, Pads!" Remus rushed into the room.
He heard Sirius groaning a little, struggling to push himself up from the bed and immediately rushed over to his side, holding him steadily, and lifting him up in a sitting position against the headboard.
He hugged him carefully, breathing heavily, the sight of a bruised Sirius breaking his heart into two.
"I'm.. I'm okay.." Sirius croaked, his voice cracking heavily. He had a sharp cut on his lower lip, dry blood evident on it, and just hissed heavily. He could barely talk properly, as his face was covered with harsh wounds and his whole body was aching unbearably.
Remus looked at him and tears rolled from his eyes, as he held his face with both his hands, caressing his bruised cheekbones, eyes falling on the harshly wounded lips and catching Sirius' grey orbs once.
"Hey, it.. it's okay, Moons. The good thing is, I'm finally out of there! I finally said *fuck you, bitch* and.. and left that fucking hell forever. All this.. that you see, they're just nothing compared to the bliss I'm in right now. I'm.. I'm not going to have to step into that sleazepit ever again!" He shouted and hissed again sharply as he finished that sentence, his fingers carefully touching his own lips slowly. "Should probably dial down the joy and excitement. This one really stings."
Sirius' eyes were watery, but his demeanor was completely different - an attempt to betray the pain that he felt all over his body.
"The ones at St. Mungo's said I'm too strong for my own good. Ha! No kidding. You.. you try dodging a cruciatus at the age of 6, you'd be fucking invincible by the time you're 16!" Sirius said, chuckling humorlessly. " I mean, I'm.. I'm fine .. I'm.. absolutely fucking fi-"
"Pads.." Remus looked at him, straight into his eyes, tears peeking out through his own. He gripped Sirius' face with both his hands, and forced him to look into his own. "Pads, look at me.."
Sirius' already watery eyes gave in, as tears poured out uncontrollably. He squeezed his eyes shut, struggling to let them out altogether and Remus just held him, his hands trembling from where he was carefully holding his face. "It's okay to cry, Pads."
Sirius fell onto him practically, face squished against Remus' neck as Remus wrapped his hands possessively around him.
He cried and cried like he hadn't ever before, until he couldn't really cry anymore. And Remus just held him in his arms, crying softly.
After a while, Sirius just lifted his head up from Remus' chest, and wiped away his tears. He sniffled and relaxed a little.
"Are.. Are you staying? For a while... at least? The Potters won't have any issue with that I guess."
"No, Pads. Mum wanted me back as soon as possible. I should head back anytime now."
Sirius visibly deflated and was getting ready to persuade him. "Moony, just stay for a little while, like half an hour or somethi-mh"
He was abruptly cut off by Remus' mouth, his soft pair of lips colliding against his. It took him bare seconds to register what was happening, before he wrapped his arms around Remus' neck, pulling him in, hands dragging him towards himself in haste.
Sirius hissed once and Remus immediately pulled back.
"It's okay.. I'm …I'm okay… I'm okay, please.. please don't regret thi-"
"Sirius, shh..." Remus looked at him with tears, holding Sirius' face an inch apart from his. "Just..listen to me…"
Sirius looked back at him, eyes wide and teary, with hesitation, anticipating some form of rejection.
"I promise you.. Out of all the things in my entire life, I know this is something I'll never regret even for a second, because I've been waiting to do just that all my life. I just wanna be gentle with you right now, so just.. just let me."
With that, he leaned forward slowly, catching a glimpse of Sirius' innocently shocked expression, his tear-filled eyes on the way, and mentally storing away that sight in a folder inside his brain, journaling it as *Moony and Padfoot's first kiss and Padfoot just can't believe it.*
He gently placed his lips on Sirius', tasting a little bit of dry blood and sugar crumbs from the sweet bread that Mrs. Potter had made that Sirius had hesitantly eaten earlier. He caught Sirius' lower lip between his, and kissed him very softly, licking at his bruise, and felt Sirius sigh into his mouth.
He then carefully slid his tongue inside, as he rose up from the bed on his knees and pushed Sirius gently down, hands carefully supporting his head from under, as he lay him on his back against the soft sheets, their lips and tongues entangled.
He brought both his hands over Sirius' face on either side, as he lay on top of him, and just kissed and licked away his pain thoroughly, filling every inch of him with nothing but just sheer pleasure.
His lips left Sirius', making the other boy gasp loudly, and trailed along the lines of his cheeks, kissing every single wound gently. Remus then shifted his focus towards the dark haired marauder's scandalizingly long neck, where he found a few unattended scars. He trailed his lips along everywhere, kissing downwards, and then let his tongue out, tracing every nook and corner, before landing on the hollow of his throat.
Remus then kissed him right there, his warm lips burning Sirius' skin, and then caressed him with his tongue, taking in the taste of that beautiful spot. Tears rolled from Sirius' eyes as he arched back and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He gripped Remus' curls determinedly, fixating him right there, not ready to let him trail away even a millimetre.
Remus, after a few seconds, trailed his lips back towards his face, before pulling back from the boy beneath him, taking in the sight of the person he had fallen hopelessly in love with - the one he had fought with, cried with, smiled and laughed with, the one he had grown together with, the one he had wanted to wake up next to, the one he had wished to kiss goodnight every single day for the rest of his life, the one he had pledged his soul to and the one who had claimed him whole, years ago.
He caressed his face softly, pinning the loose strands of his beautiful, thick black hair, behind his ears as he closed his teary eyes and bent forward, and took his mouth whole once again, thoroughly into his.
And you're the one I need, when I mend back together into one.
___
You're the one I bind myself to...
"Moony is such a fucking tease, Prongs. I'm gonna teach him a real lesson here. So, just help me out, okay? Listen.. He'll be back anytime now from his Prefect duties, and you're gonna just lay on my bed casually, and.. and exactly at the minute he enters the dorm, I'll jump onto the bed beside you" Sirius explained sincerely to his clueless best friend, hands gesturing every single word as they left his mouth, "and we'll pretend as if we were in the middle of you-know-what and -"
"It's called sex, Pads. You can't even utter the fucking word but you're hellbent on proving to Moony that you're ready for it. He's being practical here and you're being You, you know? Just, absolutely fucking bonkers like a raving lunatic."
"Shut up, Prongs. Just listen to me, okay? I want this. I want this more than anything in my entire life so don't be such a fucking craic killer and help your brother out!"
"By pretending to sleep with you?"
"Yes!"
"There's just one problem, though." James smirked, wiggling his eyebrows.
"What?" Sirius shouted in agitation.
"What happens if you fall in love with me in the process?"
"Okay, you're out! You're fucking out! Just fuck off! You, with your stupidity and arrogance and your huge-ass ego. I won't ever fall in love with you, you fucking intolerable git, because I'm fucking neck-deep in love with Moony!"
"Phew.. oh-kay!" James pretend-wiped his brows and smirked at Sirius once again, testing the last of his patience.
"So, there's just one more problem."
"What what what! What the fuck is the problem now!"
"Moony is right behind you by the door and has been standing there for a while, and I'm so sorry, Pads, but I'm also not really sorry, you know? Okay, bye!" He jumped out of his bed and ran past Sirius, quick as a flash, laughing and whooping loudly and crossing Remus, to exit the dorm, not before calling out, "Just take care of the idiot, Moony!", as he pushed the Prefect fully inside and closed the door behind them heavily.
Sirius stood unmoved, his back to Remus, as he closed his eyes and fisted his hands tightly, waiting for the ground to gobble him up whole.
Remus dropped his book satchel heavily on the floor as he slowly moved towards Sirius. He put his arms on his shoulders and slowly turned him around.
Sirius kept his head down and his eyes closed, thoroughly embarrassed by the situation.
Remus moved his hands towards his face as he slowly tilted his head, placing his hands under his jaw, holding his face carefully, making the other boy look up.
"You… you are neck-deep in love with me, is it? Did I hear that correctly?" He asked softly, smiling down at his boyfriend.
Sirius just pouted his lips in response, and scrunched his eyebrows, exhibiting all of his dramatics. He sighed once and nodded his head in confirmation, looking up.
"Actually, nowadays I'm head-deep in lov-"
He took a sharp breath in as Remus brusingly captured his lips, pushing him backwards against his bed with force.
Remus just pushed him onto the bed and went along with him, their mouths sealed together, and he broke apart to remove the buttons on Sirius' shirt, as he just flung it over his head, while Sirius just gasped for breath.
He removed his own robes and just dropped them on the floor beside the bed, and bent down to take Sirius' mouth back into his, back where it belonged.
He then hungrily took in every inch of his skin, trailing down slowly, along his neck, his throat, his tattooed chest, and then slowly placed his lips on Sirius' left nipple, nibbling lightly before sucking thoroughly, his hands supporting Sirius' back from under, arching his upper body in a concave, holding him right there steadily, while he licked and sucked and tasted him, making the boy beneath him moan unbelievably so loud, that he was sure even Dumbledore would have heard inside his office.
He kissed him everywhere on his ribs - his warm breath, lips and tongue teasing and tormenting his skin, around his belly, his hands smoothly trailing along Sirius' sides on their own accord before holding him down tightly by the waist, as he kissed his way towards his hip bone, licking and kissing tantalizingly close to the obvious erection that was visible through his knee-length trousers. He pulled the elastic of his pants once, lips ghosting over the soft skin at the waistline, and Sirius wasted no time as he moaned and groaned under him, lifting himself off the bed a little, as Remus pulled his pants down completely along with his tight briefs, before taking in the breathtaking sight of the other boy.
"You're beautiful.. so fucking beautiful, Pads" He whispered to him - his mouth vibrating against the soft skin of his pelvis, warm breath breezing through the edge of the inside of his right thigh, right at the beautiful little space between his thigh and the base, the quiet words that escaped his mouth etching onto Sirius' skin, penetrating deep and deep inside to crush his soul, as Remus placed a soft kiss right there, trailing sideways to the other side and kissing him there once, tongue emerging at the slightest space - while Sirius moaned in shudders - right before he traced his entire length, from base to tip with his lips and tongue, making the beautiful boy - his Sirius - his his his - shiver and writhe endlessly underneath him, just squirming under the tight grip by the waist which just kept him thoroughly restrained, while his free hands automatically fisted around Remus' soft curls from behind tightly - as Remus kissed and licked his soft skin everywhere, tongue just teasing the underside, while his lips just ghosted around the tip, making every goddamn piece of Sirius' own self explode, before taking him whole into his mouth, every single inch of what was his.
You're the one I bind myself to, for if I break free, I'd burst, I'd burst into oblivion.
_
You're the air I gasp for desperately
"Rem…" Sirius breathed heavily, "Moon.. uh Moony.. uhmm.. I'm.. I'm close..ngh" his whole body exploding from the inside with pleasure, hands desperately gripping Remus' shoulders, the back of his neck, his hair and face, and whatever part of him they could reach.
And that was the only sign Remus needed, as he sped up, sliding out and pushing back further in, hitting Sirius' sweetest spot, again and again, as they came together in rhythm, with Remus buried deep inside Sirius, the ecstasy blinding them both.
You're the fire that burns my soul
Remus collapsed heavily on top of him, and just gasped for air, clinging on to the beautiful boy, who himself was just gasping loudly beneath his own body.
Sirius had his head tossed up, his eyes shut tight, a few drops of tears escaping from the corners, and was breathing heavily, his chest rising and dropping in an unimaginable pace, his head, his heart, every single organ in his entire body spinning out of control.
After a few minutes, Remus got up, perching his elbows up on either side of him. He looked down at him, firmly placing his hands on either side of the gasping boy's face, holding him tightly, before bending forward and taking his mouth in his as whole.
You're the trinket of water drenching my thirst-ridden lips
Remus realized how easily their mouths tangled together, how beautifully their lips spoke to each other in a language they had discovered together - a language only they could understand, a language they often confessed their love, their devotion for one another in - and he lay on top of him as he kissed and kissed his way into him, digging deeper and drawing out every single word out of him, until he could no longer breathe, until he could no longer take in, because Sirius in turn, only had more to say - more to give him back.
You're the ray of light falling over every single speck of darkness inside me
"I love you... I've been… what do you say.. head-deep in love with you since forever…" He whispered, looking straight into Sirius' ever-speaking eyes. "So, why don't we.. why don't we just sink deep into each other you know... if we're so gone already..?" He asked smilingly, kissing his cheeks sideways, trailing slowly towards his right ear and nibbling at his earlobe.
"You're too late, Moony. I'm.. mmm… I'm already down, right at the uh.. bottom.. and I'm.. uhm.. I'm pulling you ahh.. further down with me all the way..." Sirius gasped back smilingly, as he held his face tightly, bringing him closer, back towards his mouth, and pulled him in.
You're the brink of land I swim towards, for when I'm on the verge of drowning deep in bluewater
___
You're the Sun I spin around, the Moon I float beside
"Dumbledore's forming an Order, and he wants everyone from Hogwarts to join him. Against the death eaters, against the pure-blood bastards of my fucking family basically.."
"And you're.. you're gonna?"
"Yes, Moony. James and Lily, Frank and Alice, Marlene and Dorcas and Peter, everyone's already said yes. Dumbledore says it's the only way out."
Remus stayed silent for a while, sitting at the other end of the couch.
"He's sending me away on a mission too, Pads. He had called me to his place when you were out with James. I couldn't.. couldn't say no to him cause.. you know… I owe everything in my life to him… and I.. I.. can't really go into the details, because he's forbidden me from doing so, but.. I'll.. I'll be gone for a while, I think."
"Everything around us is changing so fast, Moony.. I'm scared… so fucking scared."
"Hey, c'mere.." Remus mumbled softly, holding his hand out.
Sirius immediately took his hand and collapsed into him, settling entirely on his lap, wrapping his arms around him, face pressed against his neck, and just breathing him in.
"Sometimes… sometimes I wonder if we'll have enough time with each other… and I'm scared, Moony.. what if everything that I have just slips out of my hands before I realize and -"
"Shh.. Pads. You're thinking too much…" He muttered softly as he rocked him back and forth slowly in his arms, on his lap.
"I just .. umm... I just wish I could stay like this.. no.. we could stay like this forever." Sirius whispered against his neck, placing soft kisses.
"Me too, Pads." Remus whispered back, hugging him back tightly, and sighing.
"I know it's just 6, but can we just go to bed already..?" Sirius drawled a little, leaving thorough kisses all over his throat, his jaw and trailing up, making full use of his tongue and mouth determinedly.
"Mmmkay-" Remus whispered and moaned against his lips, tongue against tongue, the sound reverberating back against his mouth, as he wound his arms around his back, and lifted Sirius up, wrapping his legs around his waist, while he kissed him back with everything he had, taking him in his arms and walking them over to their bedroom.
You're the Sky I shelter under, the ground I stand firmly on.
___
You're the last piece of thread, wound around me
"Read all about the new attack on the muggle neighbourhood last week on -"
"The two Aurors known as Alice and Frank Longbottom, aged 21 and 22 respectively, were found dea-"
"There was a loud blast at the house on the 12th Street that tragically claimed the lives of seven -"
"A large group of people were spotted wearing black facemasks and attacking the muggles viciously at a concert yeste -"
"Regulus Black, who was earlier suspected to be a Death eater, was found dead at an abandoned -"
"Marlene McKinnon, aged 21, lost her life along with 4 of her family members -"
"Moony, I… I'm thinking of going over to Prongs and Lily's." Sirius said quietly, from where he was in the bed, his head on Remus' chest, his arms around him, his eyes swelling with tears, drenching his bare chest.
"I can't stop imagining something bad happening to them and I need to tell him something.. I think …I.. I have a feeling that might work…"
Remus lifted his face up and wiped away his tears gently, holding him. He brought his face up, and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.
Looking up at him, at his tired face and his hurt eyes, he couldn't hold back his own tears. He lifted himself off from the bed and kissed him, tightly holding his face between his hands, sobbing in between.
Sirius kissed him back, his tears falling on the other boy's face rapidly.
He then pecked him on the lips again and again, comforting him, consoling and reassuring himself that everything would be alright. Everything would turn out well because he had him, he had his Remus, right there.
He kissed him again, again and one last time, and then once again, before sitting up on the bed, wiping away his tears with both his hands and climbing off it.
Remus couldn't really muster up a reaction before Sirius swiftly dressed up and got ready to leave for James' place.
As Sirius reached the bedroom door, Remus croaked out desperately, "Stay?"
Sirius turned back immediately, his heart breaking into a million pieces at the sight of the other boy.
Remus was perched up at the edge of the bed, crying uncontrollably, wiping away his tears angrily, only to cry more. He had hands rested on top of his knees in front of him, and had rested his face down against his hands, hiding himself, as his whole body trembled and shook excessively.
"Moony…" Sirius whispered, holding himself back from crying out, as his eyes stung heavily.
"Stay, please? For now…for me.." He practically begged him in desperation, hands clamped over his face. "I don't want you to go.."
"Moon-"
"I can't take the picture of something bad happening to you off my mind, Pads!" He shouted, looking up, his eyes red, his face swollen and wet, his voice breaking in between. "Please, just… please just stay here for now.. just for now..please stay with me.. please.."
Remus cried like a lost child, and Sirius just ran towards him cryingly, holding his face tightly, desperately wiping away the tears from his eyes, and taking him back to bed, as he lay him down on his back and crawled back in along, snuggling closer and burying himself against him, before wrapping the warm blanket over them both.
You're the last piece of thread, wound around me, just holding me back from falling head first into the inevitable,
For you're where I begin and you're where I cease.
___