4. Illuminating Christmas Conversations
The first time James invites Lily for Christmas, she assumes he is baffling and accuses him of picking up his old, pranker habits.
"What?" He sounds offended, and possibly scandalised. "My dear Lily, are you refusing James Potter's Christmas invitation? Oh my! Our friendship can't possibly survive this!"
He takes a hand to his forehead and lets out a dramatic sigh. Remus, behind James, shakes his head and takes a sip of Pumpkin juice. The Great Hall is so full it's difficult to hear one another.
"It's tradition," the werewolf clarifies, "we're all going. Sirius and I, Pete…"
It's Halloween, and their friendship is a little over one month old. Lily, of course, being from the muggle world, can't believe you can invite friends for Christmas and not make it a big deal: it is family time, after all.
"Marlene, Dorcas, Mary, Alice," James calls the girls out, "you can come too!"
Marlene grins, tilts her head to the side and looks at Sirius.
"Mmm, I dunno. Spending more time than necessary with this one…. Sounds like a chore to me."
"Hey!" Sirius throws a piece of candy at her. "You'd be lucky to have my blessed company during the holidays."
Marlene deliberately ignores this.
"Answering your question," she says, "maybe on Boxing Day?"
Her friends nod at this.
Lily feels guilty for even considering it. Honestly, it would break her mum and dad's heart, but well, Petunia… Will she be able to put up with her insults and condencende any longer? And now her boyfriend, a buffoon named Vernon, is coming, it will be even worse. Doesn't Lily deserve to be treated with respect? Hasn't she been bullied enough throughout her life?
"How long are you staying there then?" She asks.
"From Boxing Day onwards sounds okay?" Remus suggests.
They all agree, except for Sirius, who smiles bitterly and replies "well, I live there now, so…" The reminder, even though it's been months and James has improved a lot (in Lily's opinion), makes his body stiffen.
Lily notices this, and squeezes his shoulder.
"You know what? I'll talk to my parents, and if they let me, then…"
James cheers and jumps to her arms with so much force her chair stumbles backwards, and, for some reason, her heart beats faster at the touch.
The mail, on the next day, is not so pleasant:
Dear Lily,
I was going to write you quite a different letter, bathed by my own teardrops, but your mother tells me that's emotional manipulation, and it's not okay.
It's no secret that the news saddens us, but you already knew that and it shouldn't affect your decision. I understand, my Lilly, I see the bad blood between you and your sister and how much pain it causes you, and the last thing any parent wants is to see their children in pain.
With this being said, you have our blessing to stay with James. Your mother tells me to warn you not to have sex before marriage (she just slapped me on the back of the head for being too "blunt" about it). Me, however, I just want you to be safe and have fun. If this James was really asking you out all of this time instead of making fun of you (by the way, your mother would like me to remind you she did tell you so), he may be a good boy, don't you think? A fool, yes, but a harmless one. Don't you let anything or anyone take away what makes you happy, Lily, not even us, and not even yourself.
Do warn us if you are coming, for Christmas Eve at least. Between you and I, we've had some long talks with your sister since getting your letter, she sounds regretful and has even promised us to discuss the matter with Vernon.
Love,
Dad.
Full of guilt (and embarrassment), Lily turns to James and shares with him her decision.
"I don't think I'll be able to make it," she says, "I want to, but my parents, you see, they'd like me there for the holidays."
James looks at her with obvious disappointment.
"Not even for New Years?" He asks, although it's clear by his voice he's been long defeated.
"I'm sorry ," Lily apologises.
"No matter, I understand." James assures her, and that's all they ever say on the topic.
November comes with acceptance. That Lily would spend the holidays with her family just as always, yes, and Regulus Black would do the same.
"I should kidnap him," Sirius would mutter on those few nights they went to the top of the North Tower to see the stars.
Remus would then kiss his cheek and remind him they could hardly afford to go against the Blacks. It was almost unheard of with a willing Regulus, but an unwilling one made it an impossible task.
In all honesty, Lily thinks if Dumbledore is doing nothing about it, then there is nothing to be done. Still, she is not about to say this out loud, is she?
In any case, it is not to anyone’s surprise that Regulus has a chofer and an old elf waiting for him at King Cross, while Lily… Well, let's just say that, contrary to what her father told her in his letter, Petunia is not any nicer.
"How are things with Vernon?" Lily asks on their way home, just to be polite.
Petunia clutches the steering wheel and huffs.
"Oh please, like you care!" She snarls.
"Yes, Petunia, believe it or not, your sister cares about your wellbeing, even though you don't care about hers ."
"That I don't—?" She raises her voice, in a familiar tone that makes Lily shiver. "You've ruined my life, Lily! Do you know what that feels like? To be perceived less , ordinarily so! Of course I don't care ! Vernon has taught me there is nothing wrong with me, that you are the freak, you are the sinner. It's clear to me now that you've bewitched our parents' affections. You want me to be the outcast of this family, Lily, and I won't be. You don't realise that was the role you were born to take."
The car stops and Lily gets out of it in tears. She sobs her way into the house, and ignores her parents, or her suitcase in the back for that matter.
"Petunia! What did you say to her?" She hears her mother yell before closing her bedroom door.
Oh, it is going to be some very long holidays, Lily laments. I wish I had gone with James. Alas! It is too late now for regrets.
Two days later, on Christmas Eve, Lily helps her mother cook the turkey. They serve five portions, and her father keeps himself busy baking a cake for dessert, a task he's been doing all afternoon. When Petunia and Vernon arrive, it is 8 PM and the turkey is stone cold. Her mother manages to greet them kindly, unlike Lily, who is barely hungry anymore.
"Hello," Vernon greets them, "how are you Mr and Mrs Evans? You've got a lovely home, I'm most thankful for the invitation, Tuney tells me great things about you."
Oh he is nice, too nice. Yet, he's not spared Lily a glance. He sits down, takes a bite of turkey and pauses.
"It's a bit cold."
"The microwave is—"
Petunia gets up.
"No, excuse me," Lily intervenes, "we don't do gender roles in this house."
"Lily!" Petunia grunts.
"You must be Lily ."
The disgust in his voice is apparent, and quite honestly, Lily can't help herself.
"You guessed that just now? Oh, you must not be very bright."
"Lily!" Her mother, father and sister call her out, all at once.
"How dare you?" Vernon's face turns uncharacteristically red, he raises his fist and uses the rest of his outdoor voice. "You useless cunt! You freak ! You— You—"
Lily's father moves faster than she's ever seen him to. He stops Vernon's fist with his palm and his whole body trembles with anger.
"Get. Out. Of. My. House."
"Sir…"
"Dad…" Petunia begs.
"OUT!"
Petunia follows her boyfriend. Only that, before closing the door, she turns back and shows them the ring on her finger, the ring nobody noticed her wearing.
"I'm engaged, by the way." She sobs. "We were going to tell you tonight, but perfect Lily had to ruin it. It would be fantastic if you came to the wedding, despite it not making you as happy as you would be if the bride was Lily. And no, sister, you're not invited."
They sit in silence, for thirty whole minutes, they eat. They pretend until they can no longer keep up with the lie.
"Your father and I are not attending that wedding unless you and whoever you want to bring along are invited." Her mum declares, and her dad nods in agreement.
"Mum…"
"She is ruining her life," is all Lily's father says before heading to the bedroom.
"You should go to James' tomorrow morning, as soon as you wake up." Her mum tells her instead of the usual "good night darling, sweet dreams."
And Lily knows, she reads it in their core. It's obvious that she made a mistake coming in, that, without her, this would have been a fantastic Christmas for her parents, full of joy, of happy news like Petunia getting married, and she ruined it.
She is not thinking straight when she makes her just unmade suitcase, writes a short note as explanation, grabs her coat and goes through the door.
Lily wanders around the village, and wonders what the best place is to call for the Knight Bus. The town hall square is empty, however, the streets around are not so safe, since there have always been, for as long as she can remember, some loners spending the night in pubs.
She decides to opt for the square.
There is just one tiny problem: you've got to pass by one of the local pubs on your way there. And just like magic, there he is, having a cigarette outside. He is unmistakable, since her sister's back is visible at the other side of the glass on Vernon's right.
Lily shakes with fear, her whole body does, even her magic core. She feels it, magic, closer than ever before, so much so that she wouldn't even need to touch her wand inside her pocket to produce some.
"Wo-ho-ho!" The man exclaims, and grabs her arm before she can get away. "Where are you going? Don't cross the street!"
"Vernon, I swear if you don't let me go, I'll use one of my magic tricks on you." She threatens him.
"It's obvious, to anyone who sees you, you are a freak." He pulls her towards him, and into the narrow street nearby. "And I don't know how you've managed to keep Tuney and your parents so convinced, Lily, but I know better. There is no such thing as magic, you psycho."
Her hand goes to her wand, there are sparks on her fingers before she even reaches it, but something makes her stop in her tracks. The bad blood between the light and the dark right now, Lily realises, as she remembers some of the latest headlines, makes this very dangerous. Those death eaters in disguise in the Wizergamont, as well as silent sympathisers, are very keen on convicting muggleborns for the silliest infractions, and their opponents, light wizards, obviously demand harder measures for attacks against muggles in response. They may have good intentions but they don't even seem to take self-defence into consideration anymore, and this is all applied to grown up wizards and witches, imagine what they'd do with ungerage, Hogwarts students who are expressly prohibited from using magic outside school.
If I defend myself, she understands next, I may as well be sent to Azkaban, or expelled at the very least.
This, of course, happens in a matter of seconds because Vernon kicks her and Lily tries to get away. He holds her down. She is on the floor, curled into a tiny ball, and all she can do is beg and sob. His feet continue to reinforce his loud insults, and he calls it "retribution" and "revenge." Lily is barely able to keep the magic buzzing in her body, where it belongs, on the inside, she can't focus on anything else, that and the pain and the want for it to cease is all she has.
"Please, please please… HELP! SOMEONE HELP!"
Nobody comes, and Lily realises he was the only person outside the pub, and there wasn't anyone in the street. He forcefully sits her on the ground, punches her in the eye, and takes his hands to her belt while she's still dizzy. It is then that she loses it.
"ARGHHHHHHH!"
A raw force pulls Vernon backwards. Abandoned cars around begin making sound, customers leave their tables before paying and all they see is a girl barely able to walk, going as fast as she can up the street. She raises her wand as soon as she crosses the corner, and the bus comes in seconds. Although it's only a guess, it is a good guess to make that, by the time the police arrive, she will be long gone.
Ernie, the driver, has no choice but to get up and help her inside.
"What's happened to you kid?"
"Potter Manor, please, Potter Manor." She struggles to reply, even breathing causes her pain.
They are kind enough not to ask for a galleon, which is convenient, because she doesn't have any. On the way there, she manages to explain a little more to an old witch sitting up front.
"I was attacked by my brother-in-law, a muggle." She says. "I tried not to defend myself with magic because I am a muggleborn, Hogwarts student, you see madam? I keep up the news, I know what could happen to me. But there was nobody around and I think I used wandless magic."
"Oh dear, you're fine, it's safe now." The woman, who tells Lily to call her Arabella, pats her comfortably in the back while she explains to her that she is a squib and can't help her heal, but she does remember from her youth some family members say that wandless magic is untraceable, and, if nobody but the aggressor saw her do it, then it would be okay.
"Aye!" Ernie grunts from the driver seat. "You must be pretty powerful, kid, to do wandless magic like that… Please don't go without telling me your name, I'll need to remember that in case you save the world or something, simply to be able to say I knew you."
Lily blushes, and doesn't respond.
When the bus stops, Arabella offers to take her to the main door, but she refuses.
"Mr driver, if you wait here for a second, one of my friends can pay on my behalf." She offers.
"Don't bother," Ernie says, "Your name, kid, just your name."
"Lily Evans, sir, thank you so much."
Ernie smiles wisefully before closing the doors.
"The Knight Bus was invented to help out those in need." Is all he says.
There are no goodbyes.
Lily walks pitifully inside the gates. Only on her way to knock on the door, does she realise it's probably midnight and, if they are awake, the Potters must be drinking to celebrate Christmas Eve or something.
She looks at herself.
She really has nowhere to go, and there is this lump in her throat as she realises they have a doorbell and dares to ring it… Her bones shake with fear at the reminder of the assault, she vows not to meet Vernon and her sister ever again, and feels guilty at the thought, at herself walking out of Petunia's life without warning her of the monster she is marrying.
The door opens with energy.
James, thank god, is the one who does it.
He becomes so pale at the sight of Lily that his skin colour, for a moment, resembles hers.
"I'm so sorry," Lily sobs, "I ruined Christmas, and I had nowhere to go and then Vernon found me and it all hurts so much and I know I turned down your invitation but I really wanted not to, I just missed my mum and dad. If you'd be so kind as to let me sleep here tonight, I'll be gone in the morning."
James closes the door behind her and pulls her in a hug. The pressure makes her ribs hurt even more, which becomes apparent.
"Who did this to you?" His voice sounds raw, and scary.
"My sister's fiancé, a muggle."
"I'm going to kill him."
"WHO IS THERE JAMES? A FRIEND?"
"Lily?!" Sirius yells.
A plus size, old woman with brown skin and a beautiful hijab full of the familiar red and green Christmas motifs appears in the doorway. She is laughing about something with Sirius, but all kind of laughter ceases at the sight of her, of the state she's in.
"Oh dear, you must be Lily." She mutters. "Fleamont! FLEAMONT!"
Her husband, James' dad, comes running but doesn't ask any questions. They help her into the couch, and the woman, Euphemia, bellows for everyone to get out of the room.
"No," Lily stops her, "it's okay. James can stay."
Because really, she needs the comfort of someone who isn't a complete stranger, and because well, she trusts James like that. For some reason, she can't see Sirius staying (even though he's a great friend and she's grown fond of him), but with James, it's different.
Mia (that's what she tells Lily she wants to be called) asks for what happened, and Lily recounts a summarised version of the events. James, sitting next to her, tenses up but Lily pretends not to notice this. She stops herself, well, before, you know, and follows the woman's instructions. She lays on the couch, her head on James' lap, and is warned it is going to hurt.
"Why don't we start with your eye?" Mia suggests.
When the face is done, she asks for permission to lift her shirt a bit, and gasps at the blue bruises all over her ribs.
"Why didn't you—?" It's the first time James says something else besides "I'm going to kill him."
"James son, it's not a good idea for muggleborns to get in trouble right now," Mia replies on her behalf, "or for any Wizard to attack muggles for that matter. And Lily here, well, she'd have been doing both."
"I… I kind of accidentally got him off me with wandless magic, but he won't say anything, he wouldn't want my sister to find out."
Mia throws a knowing glance at her.
The pain starts unexpectedly. She knows her ribs are healing, but still, she can't help but cry and hold James' hands tightly. It ceases, just like that, not only the pain produced by the healing spells, but all of it. She thanks Mia profoundly, and of course, both her and James insist that she stays for the rest of the holidays.
"Now out, James." She orders.
"WHAT?!"
"It's okay," Lily intervenes, trying to keep the bile inside her stomach. "I know what you're going to ask. He tried to, and, like I said, my magic defended me before he could."
"He tried to do what?!"
Lily ignores this.
Sirius is waiting for her in the staircase.
He squeezes her arm, and offers to show her her bedroom.
"Lily, I…" His eyes are fixed on the ground, and Lily wonders what Sirius could possibly have to say to her to make him get rid of his usual, careless attitude. "It's not the same, and I'm not saying it is, but you know, I do understand what that's like, to be harmed by someone you should trust, so if you want to talk…"
"I…" She hesitates, but ends up pulling him into a hug. "Thank you."
That night, when she closes her eyes, she knows she won't be free of nightmares.
Lily wakes up at 4 AM, Vernon was hovering over her just now, in her dreams, and she is incapable of resuming her sleep. She walks barefoot across the house, and admires the high ceilings, the beige tones on the walls and, overall, the warm and comforting aesthetic. There are beautiful pieces of art all the way down the stairs, and Lily recognises the Taj Mahal on one of the paintings.
Of course, she realises, James' mum grew up in India. Fleamont's parents, however, emigrated to London when he was a kid. James himself has explained all this to her before, with a familiar light in his eyes that would appear every time he talked about his family.
To her surprise, Mia is already in the kitchen when she walks in. She doesn't have her hijab on, and Lily immediately turns around.
"I'm so sorry!"
The woman chuckles.
"It's okay, darling! I only put it on when the doorbell rang yesterday, because I obviously didn't know who was on the other side." She confesses. "It is the reason I sent James to open the door."
"But why can I see your hair?" Lily asks, and accepts the glass of water Mia offers her.
"You are a girl, and my sons' friend, so it's fine." Lily sits in front of her, at the other side of the kitchen counter, and doesn't pull back when the woman holds her hand. "How are you holding on? You couldn't sleep? If you need a potion or anything at all, just ask for it."
"Thank you so much for, well, for everything. I didn't know where to go, and since James invited me..."
"You were right to come here, we are delighted to have you." She interrupts her. "Although naturally, I wish it'd be in better circumstances. Have you thought about calling the Muggle police?"
"No," Lily refuses immediately. "Perhaps the clients inside the pub who saw my back as I ran will call them. It's all useless, since there'd be no way to explain the fact that I healed so quickly, and he'd get away with it. Besides, I don't want my family to find out. My sister, though… The thought of her marrying that man makes me sick. I'm thinking of writing a letter telling her what happened, but she would never believe me. I do know one thing, though."
"Oh?"
"I'm not going to that wedding."
Euphemia laughs.
"Yes, perhaps it's for the best," she agrees.
"You know," James' mum adds after a while, "we've all heard so much about you meeting you in person is crazy. "
Lily blushes, she is unsure of what to say.
"Really?"
" Really ," Mia confirms, "my James wouldn't get tired of talking about you, ever since first year. I tried to stop him, I swear, it is one of my biggest failures as a parent. I would try to make him understand that when a girl says she is not interested in you, that's final. 'She doesn't like you that way Jamie!,' I'd tell him off. 'I know,' he would reply every single time, 'I've accepted that. But how am I supposed to find out if she ever changes her mind if I stop asking now?'"
"Oh Mrs Potter, looking back, it was not like that at all." Lily assures her. "He'd do whatever ridiculous proposal to Hosmeade he had planned, I'd refuse and he'd immediately go off to do something else. He never insisted or harassed me or anything. At the time, however, I did think he was making fun of me."
"Dear Merlin, I warned him that might be the case." Euphemia, now more defeated than ever, lowers her head and shakes it in a clear negative. It is obvious to Lily that she takes her only son's failures and faults very hard, but not in a "boy's mum" possessive, creepy way, just the regular feelings any mother at all is bound to experience. "I grew up in muggle school and high school, and then was tutored by fantastic witches and wizards in the afternoons. The Indian magical community operates very differently, they have always been extremely well integrated in the Muggle world, even back then. Indian witches and wizards are considered regular citizens, their ministry is just that, a secret ministry out of many others under the nation's government, and then they have regional magic schools and smaller communities. Naturally, the statue of secrecy is still up, which doesn't mean there are no magical people in the government either, it's a whole different world."
"That sounds…"
"Nice, right?" She guesses. "What I wanted to say with this is that I understand, and relate, mind you. My son, however, we were old parents, very overprotective, and he's been shielded away from other children apart from Peter and Marlene, whose old and traditional families we were (and still are) friendly with, all of his life up until Hogwarts, let alone non magical children. He knows non magical adults and nearly everything about the Muggle world, since we would go to Muggle London all the time when he was a kid: we took him to theatre plays, bookshoping, all kinds of things. But making friends of his age, or even interacting with kids, was unknown territory. Sirius and Remus were truly a blessing, I was worried the only friend he would ever have was Peter ."
"Did he really not realise he was harming people with some of his pranks? Or how could I take his continuous attempts to ask me out for that matter?" Lily asks before she can stop herself.
"That's what I'd like to explain to you Lily," she admits. "James and his father have been pranking each other (and me, to my demise) since he learnt how to walk. Monty would drop some (harmless) potion of his invention into his cereals, he would drink it and his hair would turn blue. In retribution, James would tie a bucket of water on the top of our bedroom door, so that whoever of the two of us went through it first would get soaked. On, and on, and on… We taught James to take pranks as his love language. For him, bigots aside (I always had trouble explaining to him why he couldn't be cruel to crul ler people, but I think he finally got it), pranking is a way of connecting to people, or even forging a friendship. He would get so crushed when nobody pranked the marauders back, which is why he liked the Prewett brothers so much, they would always respond."
"So would I," Lily realises, "in our first two years, I always tried to prank them just as badly as they did me, until my friends and I were caught once in our second year, and I decided it wasn't worth it."
Mia's smile grows even bigger.
"'Oh Mum,'" she quotes a much younger James, "'this girl is so pretty, and I pranked her and she pranked me right back. My skin was bright pink ! Tell her, Sirius, tell her!'"
Lily turns red from head to toe, and not due to any prank.
"Now," James's mum concludes, "I'm not trying to excuse him. Isn't harming people by accident still causing the same amount of pain? Sure, it's much better than doing so purposefully, but it's still wrong. I know my son was a bully, Lily, Monty and I were well aware, and we didn't do enough to stop him, we simply thought we could explain to him why he couldn't do such things, after a life of teaching him the contrary, and he would understand. Sirius and Remus, you know, they had the same problem: they were shielded as kids, had a complicated childhood, and trusted my son with social cues."
"That's why you don't like Peter," Lily understands, "he should have known better."
Euphemia raises an eyebrow at her.
"You are very perceptive, aren't you?" She muses. "Yes, that's exactly why. Peter's mother is a muggleborn, a very kind and strong woman with a big heart who, I assure you, gave her children plenty of talks about bullying (and she told me this herself). Besides, she sent him to a muggle school, he must have had other friends, or maybe he was bullied in school, in which case it would make it even worse. Why has he never stood up against (mostly) my sons (but also) dear Remus? Surely he knew these were not typical bullies: they had no malice, no desire to cause harm, and would have never shut him out. Now, dear, don't let my sons catch you saying anything against Peter. They are loyal to a fault."
A big scandal cuts the conversation short. Sirius and James fight their way down the stairs, with their dad closely following behind. It is only then that Lily realises two things, two very important pieces of information: 1) it is Christmas morning; and 2) Euphemia Potter fully considers Sirius her son. She called him as such so many times during their short talk that even Lily's mind has begun adopting the new terms.
"What are you doing? Take your Christmas presents!"
She looks at James in pure disbelief.
"Do I have Christmas presents?!"
"Sirius and I had not sent them yet when you arrived since, you know, you don't live that far from London." James smiles and shrugs. "The rest of them must be at your parents'."
Lily opens Sirius' first, because, somehow, this doesn't make her as nervous. She unravels a thick book titled Magical Flowers, History, Meaning and Properties in Potion Making. There was a handwritten note, in the margins, which said "flowers for my Lily-flower."
She laughs and hugs him.
"Never change, Sirius." She whispers in his ear, and Sirius promises in a raspy voice he never will.
James is waiting for her with a small gift in his hand. Lily grabs hers for him, which she sent as soon as she got home from Hogwarts, and leaves Sirius opening his from Mia and Monty (she recognises the brand new, still unopened David Bowie vinyl she bought for him in a corner and it lifts her spirit, since it's obviously he is going to like it).
"Here."
"No, let me."
Their hands meet. Lily takes his gift for her and opens it slowly, so much so she can feel James' eyes on her, and how he is focused on her reaction instead of on his own Christmas present.
"Oh."
She admires the pendant hanging from which there is a gemstone the colour of her eyes.
"James, this must be—"
"Not at all expensive," James corrects her. "There is this stone I bought in a thrift store for magical artefacts on our last trip to India, it is supposed to shine whenever you're in danger. I haven't been in danger much, so who knows? But the day we consolidated our friendship, I thought about it. It's always reminded me of you, because of the colour, so I've been working on it, well, since that day really, to give you a piece, and transfigurate it into something beautiful. I kind of wish I'd given it to you sooner, though, if I'd known…"
Lily can't breathe.
Vernon pops up in her head like an illusion.
If she'd had this, if she'd known not to take that way, if she'd called the bus on her damn porch…
Lily knows there is no going back. With James' gift, however, she could go forward. Maybe she'd learn to stop waking up in fear and looking for him behind the curtains, like she's done today. Maybe, with the war getting nearer—no matter what everyone said, if you study muggle and wizarding recent history, it is kind of obvious—James has just given her a way of keeping herself and her loved ones safe, and that, she realises, includes the person in front of her.
She jumps to his arms, and thanks him profoundly in a low voice she doesn't trust to become stronger.
"Right now, this means— It means a lot to me." She says, because it's true.
There is also the fact that he bothered, that Lily didn't think possible anyone, boy, girl or whoever, would be willing to spend this much of their time on her, and James has done just that. He considers her worthy of so much effort and Lily has started thinking that maybe this James is forever, that he's become a better person and there is no going back from that, that her present may be kind of unnecessary, because all she wants right now is not to wait a single second, not any more.
"Open mine," she encourages him.
He uncovers the blank parchment and frowns, if only for a second.
"LIKE OURS?" He yells, so full of glee everyone else in the room turns to them.
"Not quite, let's just say I've had quite a busy trimester, not a busy life. That map of yours would have taken me years to reproduce on my own." Teases Lily, trying to sound mysterious. "Go on, tell it your name, it'll help you guess the password (or work for it) and, once you do, you'll uncover your first destination."
"First?" He turns to Sirius, and he looks happier than she's ever seen him, not since the summer. "Did you hear that Pads? She's prepared a pirate hunt for me! Bloody amazing is what she is!"
Sirius, who clearly has no knowledge of what a pirate hunt is, cheers for him
"James, I'm right here…"
He nods in acknowledgement, and doesn't notice how, behind him, his mother mouths some specific words to Lily: "Thank you."
"Now, let's see: JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER!"
The parchment reacts at the touch of the wand, and James reads the sentence on it out loud.
Who is this James Fleamont Potter?
"Who is— Lily's friend!"
How in the name of Merlin did this James, friend of Lily, get this parchment?
"It's my Christmas present, she gave you to me."
Very well James, beloved friend of Lily.
The first clue appears, and he jumps in excitement.
"He called me your friend!" He celebrates, and Lily realises that he doesn't consider himself good enough to be even that, a friend.
"Of course you are my friend, James." She holds him by the shoulders. "And I love being your friend, you know that."
"You do?!" The next few words are said I'm high speed, just before he hugs her so tightly she runs out of air: "This is the best Christmas present ever, Lily, thank you so much."
They stay like that for a long time.
Sirius thanks her that night, and Lily doesn't know what to respond at that ("We all owe you so much, I was so fucking worried, I mean, James…" he whispers. "I saw a healer for the rest of the summer and all, and you know, I'm doing better. I still dream about it, and sometimes I swear his ugly, noseless face is right there looking at me, or I just relieve it for no reason, literally the silliest event triggers it, the fact that Reggie is there alone is… But I'm doing better, each day I'm doing better, and meanwhile James… He's not been the same, he refuses all help and sometimes, it's only when he's spending time with you that I see him fully happy, like he used to be, just… happy. Today was one of those days."). Her parents write to her later that day and, besides asking for the address in order to send her presents, reiterate how sorry they are for the way things turned out and how worried they were when they woke up and saw her missing. Remus is the first to arrive on Boxing Day, he snogs Sirius, and shamelessly so, until Mia clears her throat, asks for decorum and threatens them to stop them from sharing "like any parent less cool than us would do." The girls suffocate her in bear hugs when they get there, they catch on and Lily shares with them her ideas for James' last challenge, the only one left unplanned, when the boys are out of the way. Peter never comes ("I'm so sorry guys, my mother wants me at home," he writes), but they play plenty of Quidditch and, overall, despite the nightmares and the lingering pain, it is a fantastic Christmas.