15
"That was somewhat successful. The caterwauling alarm was brilliant, Lupin." Kingsley's sturdy voice filled the room.
"Though, it wasn't a complete win. We still have several members missing: Seamus Finnigan, Gabrielle Delacour, Oliver Wood and Hannah Abbot. Next, we lost a couple of members today. Let's take a quick minute of silence for our fallen Lavender Brown and Dedalus Diggle."
The remainder of the order sat in silence, before it was broken by someone clearing their throats. Nyphadora makes her way to the center of the room, dragging Lupin by the wrist.
Her hair was a bright magenta. That usually means that she is in a rather good mood.
"Erm. We have some wonderful news! We're having a baby!" Her voice was filled with excitement as her hand reaches down to cradle her stomach.
Lupin and Dora catch each other's gaze. Hermione watches as they share a moment of sweet euphoria. She envies them.
This war would take everything from her, it had already taken so much. She had always dreamt of being a mother. Falling in love with someone and having a dreamy wedding, and then later finding out they would be having a child.
Having a child with someone she truly loved and adored seemed like all she needed in life. But that could no longer be a reality.
If by some very unforeseen luck they win this war, she doubts she will be capable of loving. War has taken anything bright and happy and bled it out of her.
Hermione sat by herself and watched as everyone else talked amongst themselves. Dora's hair faded into a black to continue the mourning of those they had lost. The atmosphere felt somber and dark around her as she eavesdrops on those around her recalling their best memories of the ones who had gone.
Since Malfoy had started providing information for the order, they had done fairly well with raids. But the last information from him told of a raid but not when. Perhaps he was giving up on the order? or maybe he wasn't told when it would be. Whatever it was, this was their first somewhat major loss in awhile. If Malfoy hadn't warned of an attack, Lupin wouldn't have been able to develop the anti- apparation ward trigger that alerted the caterwauling alarm.
If it hadn't been for Malfoy the alarms wouldn't have been set and they wouldn't have been prepared for an attack like that. Hermione would have been kidnapped and tortured. The thought of what could of happened to her made her skin crawl with disgust. Not only would she be captured but that would be the end of them. Harry, Ron, the rest of the order would have been killed and the dark lord would be in complete rule.
While the orders losses were not fatal, they were still a wound that needed to be fixed. Their location had been found. They needed a new safe house. Moving into a new location was difficult as most safe houses were mostly full so it would be crowded and risky to move so many people.
Hermione's dissociation was disrupted as Dora had approached, standing directly in front of her. "How many people did you kill today?" her voice has stern.
"I dunno." Hermione shrugged her shoulders. It had all felt like a blur, she didn't remember much.
After fighting off death eaters she had to immediately go to the hospital to heal. It had been a long day and she hadn't slept yet.
Dora looked at her with a bit of pity. "Where did you even learn those spells Hermione? This isn't who you are. Dark magic will poison you. After while you might as well be fighting on the other side."
Hermione's eyes dart up to meet Tonks. Fury begins to bubble inside her. "You don't know me. I'm sorry I can't just sit around and watch you guys use stunning and disarming spells against people who want you dead. You should be fighting for more lethal spells. You're having a kid!"
Tonks hair changes into a fiery red. "Lower your voice." She snarls through gritted teeth.
Other eyes had drifted into their direction and the voices dropped to a whisper.
"You think I don't want this to end Hermione? You think I want my kid to grow up in a world like this? No! But I'll be damned if i'm going to break my soul open to fight this war. I want to be there for my kid." Tonks was furious now.
"Well, unlike you Tonks, I don't have anything to lose by breaking myself. At least i'll be saving you guys." Hermione felt her knuckles turn white.
"But then you wont have anything left when we win. Whats the point in fighting for something only to have nothing left. You cant give it all away or this war is a waste."
"I'll give my life so you and Lupin can raise your baby. Just remember to thank me for being the only one to sacrifice things when this is all over." Hermione spat.
She turns and leaves before things got worse. Her blood was boiling.
Once she's in the shack she summons a cot. Tears flood her eyes and there's no point in keeping them back. She sobs, violently. Her body shakes as her weeps of despair escape her throat.
Not sure of how long she had been crying for, she drifted off to sleep.
At some point in the night there was a noise. Her heart stops for a moment. It was too dark in the shack to see what was accompanying her. She slowly reaches for her wand. Once she feels the notches of her vinewood wand in her hand she points to the direction the sound came from.
Suddenly the room was brightly lit.
"Malfoy what the fuck are you doing here?" She asks feeling annoyed. Was she not allowed to have a moment without being around people who piss her off?
He snorts. "I could ask you the same Granger. You show up here in the middle of the night without warning. Surly you know I have wards placed to let me know when someone comes in here? I thought something might have happened, I came to make sure you were okay."
"I came here to cry. I can't have one bloody night to cry all alone. Why is that Malfoy? Why do you always show up when I don't want you around you bloody tosser. Sod off if you know what's good for you." She barked at him.
His face shifts into ice. The way he looked at her made her shiver, he was dangerous.
"You are a blithering idiot." he spoke calmly through gritted teeth. "Think about why you're here. Did any of your posh friends come to stop you from leaving tonight? I came because, believe it or not I care about you!" He had moved so close to her they were nearly touching. She felt his hot breath against her and she missed him.
"Dont- dont pretend. I can't take it. Do not pretend to care about me Malfoy." There was no point in stopping the tears from coming.
His hand presses against her cheek, wiping a fallen tear. "I'm not pretending.''
She was sobbing. "You- you left me. You- abandoned me. I came everyday and you left me. It fucking hurt. You don't get to kiss someone, you don't get to tell someone they're lovely and then leave them like that. Its not okay."
They sat in silence listening to the sniffling from Hermione for several minutes. Finally, she wipes the tears from her red cheeks. "You can leave. I'll be okay."
"No Granger. I'm staying with you. What happened?"
Hermione told Draco everything that had happened during that very long day. He didn't say a word, he sat and listened to every word she said.
Looking at him had made her realize how much she desired him. It was so hard to just look at him. She wanted to touch him, to kiss him, to taste him.
"I was there. Today at the skirmish. I actually saw you. At first when I saw you I was worried I would have to blow my cover to save you, but then you slit someones throat and blow some of my best mates up and I knew you could handle your own. I was a bit scared you'd come after me to be quite honest."
She snorted. "I was worried you got hurt."
"Awe you fancy me." He says in a girly voice.
"You wish Malfoy." She replied with an eyeroll. Though, she did fancy him. She wasn't sure why but she was mad about him.
"Goodnight Granger." He tucks a curl behind her ear.
The next morning Hermione sat at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. Her head pounding from the crying last night, it didn't help that the sun was very bright and shining directly into her eyes.
A cold and angry voice came behind her "Severus would like a word with you tonight at seven." She turned to see tonks with red hair.