James was confused, finding dudes attractive didn’t make him gay he knew that those were just facts, some guys were just really good looking, and it was normal to acknowledge that, but this was definitely different because it felt like a crush. But was it? He couldn’t tell the difference between having a crush and just finding this dude really fucking attractive.
Let’s tell the story from the beginning, it all started because of quidditch, of course, and because of Fabian Prewett, who was confusingly hot, it wasn’t a big deal at first, but then it got a big deal because Prewett put way too much attention on what he said or did, and it overwhelmed James because he didn’t know how to feel regard it.
James loved the attention, so he didn’t mind it at all, until the morning where Fabian gave him his jacket, to “cover for the cold”, and there it became a big deal for him, even the situation wasn’t something you make a big deal out of it, it made him feel weird but in a good way.
“For fuck’s sake Potter is freezing out here” Fabian yelled from the other side of the pitch walking closer to where James was training.
It was a Saturday and James had got up early to train f because he had no plan on doing such a thing for the next three days because it was cold, he had potions homework and full moon was coming up.
He didn’t had time, which lead him to waking up a six am on a very cold morning with barely anything to cover him from the cold weather, he thought his jacket was “fine” but then he got there and realize it was really cold and the jacket wasn’t enough, but it will take him more time to go up and bring another one, so he stayed there.
And there it was Fabian Prewett, coming to practice with him because he always did, James justify this with Fabian being as passionate as him for quidditch, he like the superficial thoughts the ones that wouldn’t give him a crisis if he thought too much about them.
“I notice that Prewett” he looked away and tried to focus on what he was doing before Fabian had come up. But it didn’t work because the other boy didn’t set himself in to practice, like he always did, instead he came closer to him, not enough to make him stop but enough to cross visual field.
Fabian took a step closer and said, “Stop that, let’s get inside before you freeze to death”, James had only been there for twenty minutes, he didn’t plan on stopping for at least another ten minutes, “I’m almost done, you go inside” he answered.
Fabian groan “God you are stubborn”, he said before adding “Fine but take my jacket that thing isn’t covering you for shit”.
James took the jacket and said, “Thanks mate”, Fabian was gone before he even put the jacket on. It smelled like him; James didn’t thought Fabian had a certain scent until that precisely moment, when he put the jacket and it smell like him, it was like a warm scent something James couldn’t describe, it didn’t even smell that good ( it did not smell bad either), but it felt like Fabian, it was really stupid because it was only a jacket but the whole thing makes James flustered.
He needed to talk to someone, like right now, it was confusing him.
He had like Lilly for way too long to ever questioned this thing, he just assumed he liked girls, maybe he liked dudes too, but he had just like one dude, “was that enough to consider yourself queer?” he didn’t know.
He thought moony would know, because he had come out to them last year, and he seem confident about his sexuality, James on the other hand did not feel confident about his in anyway, (a private secret he would keep to himself ), he was going to ask Remus.
He been trying to find a moment where it didn’t seem so obvious about the reality of what he was asking. he thought a trip at Hogsmeade with Remus would be the perfect moment, the difficult thing was being alone with Remus because most of the time Sirius or Pete were there.
Sirius was a whole other thing , because Padfoot was his best mate, the one he talks about everything with, the one who had heard him bluffing about Evans for hours, the one who advised him all the time, but talking to him about this specific “problem” seem pointless to James .
Sirius had been confused when Moony came out, his mother had probably spread a bunch of misinformation on homosexuality to him since he was younger, James didn’t want to bother him with that.
Remus seem the perfect fit for answering his questions, he just needed to be smooth about It, so he wouldn’t notice that he was asking not only out of curiosity.
He found the perfect moment, they were walking back after going to Honeydukes for Remus chocolate and some other things, the others hadn’t joined, thank God they had too much homework, Remus of course had finish before all of them and James accompanied him even though he also a bunch of undone homework.
“So Moony tell me, how did you find out you were gay?” he sounded confident, he tried his best not to sound so interest, like he was just making a conversation.
“I-, actually I kinda always knew” A faintly laughed spread across Remus face while answering James’s question. “What do you mean by that”, he really tried too not sound to interest but it didn’t work , his curious tone perch out when he asked.
“I mean that I never really put much thought into it, girls just didn’t do it for me and that’s it” he said but then quickly add “But you know is not the same for everybody, some people even like more than two genders, you don’t have to really label yourself”.
James must have made some face because Remus then said, “why do you ask prongs? everything alight?”. Shit he was suspecting.
He rapidly said, “Oh no, me? no, just chatting with you Moony”, he covered it up.
“Of course, prongs” he smiled at him.
***
It had passed a week or so since James’s touch “The Topic” with Remus, it had help him a bit, at least too stead his mind for a moment but then again, he had another whole bunch of questions like, “how would he know if someone was just really pretty or if he was attracted to them?” “ What if he wasn’t really queer, he just like the attention?” “Or why if he liked Fabian because he was a ginger and Lily a red head, what if he just reminded him of her?” What if he was just overthinking.
Good God he was so fucking confused, he should talk to Moony again.
There was a quidditch match coming up, so the team practiced together way more than ever, which meant he spent more time with Fabian, he didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing, but he enjoyed it.
One day they were changing after practice, and James couldn’t help to notice Fabian while he changed,
He was shirtless, his hair looked messy from all the exercise, and he looked really fucking pretty, so he let himself stare at his chest for a bit but then turned away when he realized he was staring too much, it was not the first time they changed on a same space, but it was the first time he actually put a bit of attention on it.
Fabian had notice, he knew it because a wild smirked crossed his face when he caught eyes with James, he just blushed and walk away, this was too much.
***
Sirius had come up with a prank that they could do on the Slythering dorms, Pete had agreed but Moony had pass, and James saw the opportunity of being alone with Remus for a partially long period of time, enough to ask his questions while being casual about it, so he also pass.
“What no, you too, Oh Prongs come on” Sirius groaned on response of James passing on the prank.
“Pads you know the match is coming up, and I don’t want Professor McGonagall, giving me detention, or worse taking me out of the game”
“Oh, James please, you know she won’t kick you out”
“I already told you I’m passing on these one” He finish, looking back at the textbook he been ignoring for the past hour.
“Fine” was the last thing Sirius said before walking out the door with Pete behind him.
He knew Sirius got mad, it was their sixth year, and lately he been feeling that they were running out of time, but he wanted to get something’s clear and Moony was helpful the last time, he would for sure make it up to Sirius.
“So why didn’t you go” Remus sighed looking at him, a few seconds after the door closed.
“I already told Sirius, don’t want to get in trouble” he responded.
“James, we know that that most out of character thing you had ever said”
“ Yeah, well is true”
“Aright if you say so” The conversation finished, and Remus looked back at whatever book he was reading. James tried to start the conversation in a casual way, but he didn’t even know what he was going to ask, so he just said.
“So Moony what do you considered is the line of fancying someone and thinking they are attractive”
Remus response came in a “What “ and an “Oh”, like he just made a realization that seems far too obvious, then he walked towards James’s bed and sit on the edge of it. Finally, he asked, “Prongs can I kissed you?”, he responded with a nod.
Remus leaned closer but not enough to kiss him, he wanted James to close the gap between their lips, so he did, it felt weird at first, without rhythm but it got better, Remus was a great kisser, James enjoy it, he like how Remus hand felt in the back of his neck, he didn’t care that Remus was a boy.
Maybe that was what he needed it a little push to just fuck all off and admit that he had a crush on another boy.
Remus pulled back and then asked “well?”. James knew what he meant because he wasn’t as smooth as he thought he was, Remus notice glances and he catch what he meant with a bunch of invasive questions about sexuality.
“Yeah, mate I think I’m queer”
“Good you figure it out prongs” Remus laughed, and they talk about James’s questions, Remus told him what he knew and then they talk about Fabian, James told him about the jacket thing and different moments where he swears Fabian was flirting with him, and it was good just talking with someone and laughing about it, it felt a bit normal, he knew he could count on Moony.
It wasn’t completely normal he still had a hard time wrapping his head around everything, but he didn’t feel guilty about his crush anymore.
At least he gained a bit of confidence to ask Fabian out.
***
A few years later…
“Moony what do you mean I’m not the fist marauder you have kissed?”
“Oh, love it was nothing, James and I kissed a while ago is no big deal”
“WHAT?” “I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch”
“It was sixth year, on sixth year everyone kissed everyone”
“It doesn’t hurt any lees”
A hours later…
“How dare James betrayed like that”
“WE WERENT EVEN DATING YET”