Flicker
W
The lights are flashing in his eyes. Fuck this hurts so bad, how could anyone possibly enjoy this? The lead singer is banging his head to his own song screaming into the microphone, the drummer looks high out of his mind, the bassist is just flicking his hair to the crowd and the guitarist… the guitarist is standing on one foot and is totally out of it. It looks like the guitar is his only home, his only friend and his only priority right now. Like he’s alone in his room, not a soul watching him. It’s fucking magical. In between every song he drinks a sip of water chugged with a secret pill from the bottom. You can only see it if you really pay attention to him. To him and only him.
H
He doesn’t notice the lights. Fuck this is peaceful. Playing the guitar in front of millions of people, knowing not half of them can do what you guys do, it feeds his ego. But even with all those people standing there he always feels alone, nothing to spark him back into reality. He’s never really there, well almost never. Only when his manager (and ex wife) Stacey is yelling at him for something. God he can’t stop thinking about her. Her and only her.
H
A brief moment, a breath, a millisecond of silence when the song ends and the world stops.
Screaming.
Wooing.
It’s so loud yet quiet.
“This will be the last song for tonight so let’s make it count!”
The voice echos through the speakers and the crowd goes wild.
House starts with his guitar and a few seconds later the rest of the band joins in.
Do you remember that night we couldn’t sleep? It was our- first fight in a minute e e.
W
The crowd was sweaty, exhausted and still screaming. Wilson finally got why people went to these things. Or maybe why he went to these things. It wasn’t for the sweaty loud music, or for the alcohol (well maybe a little bit), it was for the band itself. Or more so someone in the band.
Stayed up till morning talking terrible things. Brought out the- worst sides of our image.
H
At this point this song was muscle memory. He remembered the night he was writing it (unlike most of those days). He finally glances up from the guitar and into the audience. All of them are blurry faces screaming sweaty heads with teary eyes. There’s a man in the audience, he sort of looks… out of place? Disgusted by the sweat and sorta drunk? Not judging of course he’s been there done that!
And you said, well it’s not easy being young, trapped in this apartment with no one to blame but ourselves
W
Wait is he… looking at him? No it’s the alcohol speaking, fuck …. get ahold of yourself.
I know we said it would be different but it all ends the same
H
Wait it’s his turn to sing… fuck, he got distracted. At least Stacey will be sure to yell at him about it
You were the light in my second hand smoke
The wrinkle in my clothes
The aches in my bones
Time I can’t get back
*epic guitar sounds house plays*
I was a split end at the edge of your hair
Breathing all of you air
I know it wasn’t faiiirrr
You’re my heart attack
That I’ll always want back…
H
Okay… a few seconds late. Not a big deal. That parts a little harder to sing than he remembers tho…
Do you remember that night you had to leave. Your suitcase was gone in the morning.
W
For a second he looked… human? Wilson obviously knew he was but, this entire concert he’s just been staring at him and not once has this dude shown any type of emotion. Damn this must mean something to him.
Just me and trinkets that you left guarding the home were we wept. The whole week she said it was coming.
H
The next part of the song where he needed focus was coming up, so why wasn’t he focused? Goddamn you he should have never looked up from the guitar
And I know, that it’s not easy being young. Tryna make it work when we needed to grow… On our own.
H
Here it fucking is. Hitting him like a brick he’s out of it again FUCK!
I thought that I could move on but now all I want is you more!
You were the light in my second hand smoke
The wrinkle in my clothes
The aches in my bones
Time I can’t get back
W
And there it was again. He looked human. Looking at him up on that stage, heck not even knowing his name but something about him…
I was a split end at the edge of your hair
Breathing all of your air
I know it wasn’t fairrrr
You’re my heart attack
That I’ll always want back
H
Fuck, his voice is crackling. At least he doesn’t have to sing anymore. His mind always goes to the same memories, to that same picture, to the same feeling of pushing the person he love most away. That’s usually the only thing there, but for some reason he’s still staring at the guy in the audience. He doesn’t even know his name but there’s just something about him…
Where do you sleep these days, darling?
I ask, were you always this far?
Hope that you’ve been okay, darling.
Do you still look up at the starssssssssss…….
W
Damn this entire concert he’s been looking at him… he has to go find him.
H
Fuck he got distracted by the damn guy… he has to go find him.