Prologue
When Gabriel came to him in a worry, as he couldn’t find Raphael, Michael dismissed it. After all Raphael had been losing track of time lately, it was only natural that he’d be late to their regular family outing. He reassured his brothers, and as Lucifer and Gabriel slowly allowed themselves to relax, he dismissed his own worry.
Then, as the hours passed and Raphael didn’t show, Michael slowly started to worry, and when day became night, he panicked. Raphael never missed an outing, never.
It was Lucifer that found him, and the scream of rage and eruption of grace was enough to make Michael fly faster than he’d ever flown before. Gabriel’s loud heartbreaking sobs and denials as he came closer, was enough to make him run.
He would never forget the sight of Raphael spread out on the gardens of heaven, the imprint of his wings painted on the ground. And he would never truly forgive their Father when he informed them he’d gotten them a gift, and showed them Raphael’s replacement.
It was gut wrenching being around the puppet that followed his every order like a toy, and still had the feel of Raphael’s grace. Michael thought as the sounds of war reached heaven, that it was only a matter of time. Michael wished he could follow his brother in rebellion or even Gabriel in running.
Despite what most thought, it wasn’t Lucifer that destroyed their family with his rebellion, or Michael with his lack of rebellion, or even Gabriel and his cowardice. It was their father, as he showed them he thought them so easily replaced, that shattered their fragile bonds.
Despite what heaven would say, Michael was not ignorant of Gabriel’s actions, and most of his attempts to find him were halfhearted at best. After Lucifer snapped, after… (raphaelsgoneohheavenhesgonewhereishe) Well after everything, Michael knew that there was only one thing that could fix their family, and he was gone forever.
Regulus’s first memory was the sting of a harsh backhand to the face, when he asked his mother why he couldn’t play with the other children. He didn’t ask again.
He thinks that must’ve been the moment he started to realize that his family was broken. It was a gradual realization, and by the time he fully accepted the fact, it was too late.
His second memory was his brother cleaning up the cut on his cheek from his mothers ring, after she refused to heal him. His brother told him he would fix everything.
His third memory was his brother’s screams as he was put under the torture curse. He never went to Sirius for help again.
The first time he realized he was different from other children, was when Sirius slowly forgot about the incident, when it didn’t happen again, and Regulus couldn’t stop remembering it. He vowed to protect his older brother.
The first time he realized he was different from other wizards was when he lay panting after a session under the torture curse after taking his brother’s punishment again, and for just a moment, he wished the pain would go away. Soon enough, his shaking seizures stopped, as his aches and pains slowly healed. His mother came in, saw him healed, and when he tried to explain, she thought him lying and tortured their house elf, Kreacher in front of him. He quickly learned that dark magic could not be healed by simple accidental magic, it was impossible. He never wished for the pain to go away again.
The second time he realized he was different from other wizards, was when none of the wands worked completely, so he was given the closest possible match. His mother was furious for weeks afterwards. He learned not to tell her anything he didn’t have to ever again.
The first time he made a friend was a pure-blood in his year, Barty Crouch Jr.
The second time he made a friend was a half-blood, Severus Snape.
The first time he felt betrayal was when Sirius disowned him after learning of his sorting.
The first time he felt true fear was when he first met the man called Lord Voldemort.
The second time he felt betrayal, was when Severus Snape threw him under the bus, after he confessed to having doubts about the cause. After that was pain like he’d never felt before. He never trusted Snape again.
The first time he felt love was when Barty held to his word and kept his silence towards Walburga, after Snape’s betrayal. The second time, was when Barty confessed he too was having doubts. Regulus didn’t realize the feeling until it was too late.
The first time he felt hatred was when the Dark Lord took Barty away for a training session. For one month, Regulus was worried to tears, and when he returned, nothing was the same. Regulus learned not to give his heart away so easily.
The first time he felt true disgust was when he learned the key to the Dark Lord’s immortality. He had to hold back the bile for hours before he could get away and puke his guts out.
The first time he allowed himself to feel true regret was because a potion forced it upon him.
The second time, was to the pop of a disappearing house elf, and hands pulling him into the water.
And then Regulus didn’t feel anything.