Vierge
“Candy says, I’ve come to hate my body
And all that it requires in this world
Candy says, I’d like to know completely
What others so discreetly talk about
I’m gonna watch the bluebirds fly over my shoulder
I’m gonna watch them pass me by
Maybe when I’m older, what do you think I’d see
If I could walk away from me”
…
Fuck.
Regulus got up with a start, running over to his dresser and ripping out anything he could find. He kept muttering to himself, spluttering as he ran around the room and quickly threw clothes onto himself. He jumped into his trousers, threw on his robes, barely put on his tie, grabbed his books, and ran out the door.
While Regulus had been loosening up a little on his care for schooling altogether, one thing he absolutely despised was being late. And that day, on November 1st, he ran for his life down the stairs and blew through the common room without even knowing what time it was. All he knew was that when he woke up, his roommates weren’t in bed, and all of their stuff was gone.
Regulus was having trouble keeping him up with himself as he jogged down the hallways, tripping around corners and trying to figure out what time it was so he could make it to whichever class he had. He kept running while he tried to take out the crumpled schedule of his satchel, and he looked down into his bag while he ran, unsure of what was ahead of him.
THWACK!
Regulus flung right into someone, and he fell right onto the ground trying to dive away from them even though it was too late. His books, and all his things, went directly onto the floor, a mess everywhere as he fell right onto his palms and scraped them against the floor. “Fuck,” He said to himself, trying to get up. He then quickly realized that he had in fact hit someone, as he noticed someone next to him was getting up themselves. “I’m so sorry,” He said gently, trying to sit up and gather his things while also addressing the person, “I didn’t see–”
“It’s fine, it’s fine,” The boy said, “it’s fine.” He turned around, and Regulus’ eyes widened once he realized who it was. Remus Lupin looked back at him, before noticing that his robes had gone up, revealing one of his legs. Regulus’ eyes drew immediately to it as Remus rushed to cover it, but he still managed to take notice of the thick white scars scattered about it. Remus caught his eyes again and, to Regulus’ surprise, started helping Regulus put his books back into his bag.
Regulus did so as well, but still felt grateful, “Thank you.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Remus muttered, and once they had finished, “it happens.” Regulus didn’t think running into someone and entirely knocking them over was common, but regardless he stood up. Once he did, he extended an arm to Remus, who looked up at him and accepted the gesture, as Regulus helped him to his feet.
“I’m still really sorry for running into you like that,” Regulus was at a loss, he didn’t know why he felt so nervous, “it was foolish.”
Remus shrugged. Regulus, now seeing him up-close, also noticed the large scar he had splitting across his face.
Jesus, what has this guy been through?
“It’s okay, just look where you’re going next time,” Remus nodded, before heading in the other direction.
Regulus felt small as he walked away, before he walked fast to catch up with him, and despite himself asked, “Remus?”
Remus turned around, “Yes?”
“What time is it?”
Remus blinked, “Um, eleven, I think.”
“Fuck,” He ran a hand through his hair, “I missed potions.”
Remus looked confused, “You have potions on a Sunday?”
“What?” Regulus asked before he realized, and before he could explain himself, Remus’ face lit up as Regulus heard shoes running from behind him.
He followed Remus’ gaze, turning around and seeing Lily Evans running down the hallway towards him. She had long, beautiful red hair, and a ridiculously gorgeous face – at least to Regulus’ standards. When she got closer, she seemed to realize it was Regulus, and her wide smile faded away into a thin line. “Remus,” She said, walking around Regulus and walking to her friend.
“Sorry, got caught up,” Remus glanced back at Regulus, “let’s go.”
Remus and Lily turned away, ignoring him as they both walked down the hall. He also did realize that they were both not in their uniforms, obviously, and Regulus felt extremely embarrassed. Sighing, he turned away and walked in the opposite direction, heading back to his dorm room.
…
Upon arriving, he walked inside and realized he would be accompanied by Clement, who was lying in bed and fixing his hair apparently. “Hello,” Regulus greeted, and Clement looked up.
“Hiya,” He smiled.
“I thought it was classes,” Regulus shook his head, “I ran all the way downstairs.”
Clement laughed, “You’re real thick sometimes.”
Regulus shrugged, “I know.” He got into bed, “Where were all of you?”
“I dunno where the rest are,” Clement looked around, “I was at Hogsmeade.” He ran a hand through his hair, “Yeah, I don’t know where they are.”
“Strange,” Regulus said, starting to take off his robes and change into a green sweater he had at hand. “Supposed to be cold today, right?”
“Yep,” Clement sighed, “I despise November.”
“Why?” Regulus asked curiously.
Clement shook his head, “Bullshit month. Wish December would just happen. I love Christmas.” Regulus laughed. “Hey, so,” Clement got up to look at Regulus, who peaked out from his bed, “we were all thinking about going to the Three Broomsticks tonight with some girls.”
“What girls?” Regulus said as he got into his sweater.
Clement shrugged, “Ask who you want. We used to do it a lot last year. Just find a girl, ask her, and then we sneak into the Broomsticks and get pissed.”
Regulus nodded, “Sounds fun.”
“It is,” Clement cracked a grin, “who’ll you ask?”
“No clue.”
“Want to hear my plan?” Clement grinned even more.
“...Sure,” Regulus said cautiously, getting into his trousers, “what is it?”
Clement lowered his voice for absolutely no reason, “I’m gonna ask Roxanne.”
Regulus’ eyes widened, “Roxanne? As in, Mason’s sister?” He shook his head, “You’re insane.”
Clement laughed, “It’ll be hilarious! Imagine the look on his fucking face!”
Regulus started to laugh just because of how Clement seemed entirely convinced by this idea. Even though he thought it was rubbish, Regulus said nothing further, and tried to think about who he would take. “Is Tarquin taking Maura?”
“Hmm,” Clement thought, “probably. You should take Elena.” He smirked, “You both can snog ‘em.”
“Don’t be crass,” Regulus muttered.
“Don’t be a prude,” Clement retaliated.
“Touche.”
Clement grinned again. He had a nice grin, because he had quite a big mouth. In both a literal and physical sense. “You better have somebody to ask,” Clement looked at him, “we’ll flame the shit out of you if you come alone.”
“Oh, I’ll have someone,” Regulus disregarded him, “and it won’t be our friend's brother.”
“You’re calling us your friends now?” Clement still looked at him, “Wow, we’ve stepped up.”
Regulus rolled his eyes, “Piss off.”
Clement smiled and looked away, before getting up and going into the bathroom. Regulus turned over on his bed and played with the hem of his sweater, trying to figure out who he would ask. He was really at a loss. He didn’t know what to think of this – it was like… an actual date. Unlike anything he’d been on before, really, ever.
He could ask Emmeline. But he wasn’t sure about that, since she had asked him previously to do something of the same sort. He just didn’t know. He sighed, laid his head down, and let himself drift off to a brief sleep.
…
That evening during suppertime, the boys made their way to the Great Hall. By then, all of them except for Regulus had found a date for the evening, and were excitedly so. Regulus was bothered, hoping he could find someone, anyone to ask to be able to say he had done it.
He recognized the sly smirk Clement had on his face as they walked to the Great Hall. Tarquin was in fact bringing Maura.
As they sat down, Regulus’ eyes scanned the room, trying to figure out who exactly he could take with him. He saw Emmeline, sitting there with her friends, and yet he really didn’t have much of a desire to ask her. Well, he just didn’t want to. He wanted something easier.
He looked around the Slytherin table as his friends began to eat, and spotted Maura, sitting next to Elena. He sighed. He looked at Clement briefly, before getting up and walking around the table and over to the two girls. His friends watched as he left, and they began to laugh.
“Elena,” Regulus said, as he sat down in front of the two of them. Maura looked at him with a hint of a smirk on her face, and Elena’s expression was unreadable.
“Yes?” She asked precisely.
“A few of us are going to the Three Broomsticks tonight,” Regulus looked back at the boys, “Maura is coming. Would you like to be my date?” He watched her, wondering what she would do or say.
Elena sighed, “Fine, Regulus. When?”
“Tonight, after this,” Regulus answered.
“I’m only coming because Maura’s going,” Elena clarified, “just so you know.”
Regulus smiled, “I’ll see you then.” He got up, nodding goodbye to them, before sitting back down next to Tarquin. He looked at them, before saying, “I’ve got myself a date.”
Clement clapped, “Brilliant!”
Tarquin patted Regulus on the back, and then all of them resumed eating their dinner. Tonight was turkey, which Regulus wasn’t fond of, but he ate anyway. They all talked about what they would have to drink when they got there, or who had the best looking date, which Regulus obviously won.
“We’re not wearing our robes, are we?” Regulus eventually asked, which sent them all into a fit of laughter.
“No,” Ben shook his head, “they’d know we’re underage.”
“How are we getting out of the school without our robes? Or out of the school at all?” He followed as they all started to get up and exit the Great Hall.
Mason hushed his voice, “We have our ways, Regulus. Just follow along.” Regulus nodded, and then all of them made their way to the dorm room, a newfound excitement passed among them.
…
Regulus changed into a cashmere sweater and a pair of pleated trousers, and although it didn’t match very well it looked fine on him and suited his new hair well. The rest of them generally wore something similar, but they were all in jeans and a sweater.
“Aye,” Clement peeked out from underneath his bed, “I’m gonna catch up with you lot. I have a professor I need to see.”
“Seriously?” Tarquin asked, “Since when do you care about professors?”
“I don’t,” Clement denied, “but I don’t want detention.” Deciding that that was a fair excuse, the boys nodded, and Clement walked out the door. Regulus tried to hide his smirk, knowing exactly what he was up to.
Once they were all ready, the four of them walked down the staircase, going into the common room and being sure to act as normal as possible. At least that was what Regulus was doing. Elena and Maura eventually came downstairs – they were both also dressed casually, but Maura specifically looked wonderful in the v-neck she was wearing.
They walked over, and Tarquin smiled as he turned to Maura and told her she looked beautiful. Unsure of what he himself should say, Regulus looked at Elena and simply said, “Thanks for coming.”
Displeased, Elena nodded, “Don’t mention it.”
Uncomfortable suddenly, Regulus swallowed and looked around awkwardly. A fourth-year girl who Regulus recognized but didn’t know the name of came downstairs in a sparkly pink dress. He immediately knew she was Ben’s date, because he watched and heard him rush over to her.
“I told you to be casual,” Ben snapped.
“I wanted to look nice,” The girl said sadly, “do you not like it?”
“No,” Ben stared at her, unwavering, “go change.”
“Seriously?” When his expression didn’t change, she groaned and went back upstairs. Mason started to laugh, but Ben just looked pissed.
“Who was that?” Regulus whispered to Tarquin, but he didn’t answer – Regulus hadn’t realized he was talking to Maura. Elena was actually in the conversation, too.
Downstairs came Siofra O’Cean, a sixth-year girl with the longest hair Regulus had really ever seen. She came over to Mason, and smiled at him as he began to engage in small talk with her. Regulus watched them interact, and he figured that Mason may actually fancy her.
Eventually, Ben’s date came back downstairs, wearing a horrifically ugly sweater and a pair of loose jeans. Ben didn’t speak to her as they joined the group, and she oddly introduced herself. Her name was Amitola, and she was actually a third-year, which made Regulus slightly uncomfortable.
“All right,” Mason rubbed his hands together, “let’s get a move on. Clement’s meeting us there.” Regulus held his breath as they all exited the common room. They all walked alongside their dates as Mason led the way to wherever they were going, and Regulus felt slightly worried – he really was hoping they wouldn’t get caught, he’d really never done anything like this before.
“You look nice,” Regulus said to Elena, as they walked next to each other.
Elena looked over at him, “So do you. The sweater is nice.”
“Thanks, was a gift from my aunt,” Regulus said casually, and Elena seemed to laugh. He wasn’t sure why, but he was happy to at least make her laugh.
“They’ve been doing this for three years now,” Elena shook her head, “I’ve never been invited, but I’ve always wanted to.”
Regulus looked over at her, “Well, I’m happy you’re here.”
She smiled at him, and he smiled and faced forward. They walked in silence, but at least it was comfortable.
Soon they were near the doors to the dungeons, which also particularly scared Regulus. Behind them, Amitola was expressing fierce concern to Ben about ghosts or something, and he was audibly very annoyed by this.
Mason held the door as they all carefully stepped down the pitch black staircase. Regulus held out his arm to Elena if she needed it, which she actually took, and held until they were on solid ground.
“All right,” Mason said from behind as he snaked his way around them, “we’re going to be going through the passageway and coming up from behind Honeydukes,” he nodded, “keep your wands lit–”
“Who’s there?”
The group froze. They were only able to see Mason since he was the only one with his wand lit, and the voice hadn’t been familiar, so they knew it couldn’t be someone among them. “Hello?” Mason called out, “Who are you?”
Regulus felt Elena grab onto his arm again, as they all lit their wands except for Maura and Amitola. Both seemed fine in the light of their date.
“Are you a ghost?” A different voice asked, and Regulus furrowed his brow.
What the hell?
“Show yourself,” Ben called out, and his voice shook, which made Elena and Regulus share a comical glance, “stop hiding in the shadows.” Regulus thought that was all very high and mighty for someone who was currently hiding behind his very short date.
“You first,” Yet another voice said, and Regulus was starting to worry about who they were dealing with.
“We’ve never run into anyone else here before,” Tarquin muttered to Regulus, “and we've been doing this for a while.” Regulus looked at him and raised an eyebrow, before looking at Mason again.
As they stood in the darkness waiting, Regulus heard an incantation mutter that he was sure wasn’t from his grouping, and all the lights in the dungeons sounded at once. They all jumped, Elena grabbing Regulus a little tighter, and the light revealed the last people Regulus would like to see.
Remus Lupin, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius were all standing on the opposite end of the hallway, guards raised. Sirius groaned, “What are you lot doing here?”
“We could ask you the same question,” Mason sneered, “let us through.” Regulus didn’t know why he said that until he realized that they were standing in front of the doorway.
“How did you find out about this?” Sirius asked, looking at Regulus as the marauders started walking towards them, keeping a comfortable distance away.
Regulus raised an eyebrow, “In what way is this yours? It’s public property.”
“It’s where we go,” Sirius shot back.
“It belongs to the school,” Regulus kept his eyebrow raised, and maintained his stone expression.
Ben pushed past Amitola, who immediately clung onto Tarquin once left alone. Regulus didn’t know why she was still scared, the lights were perfectly bright enough. “Move,” Ben spat.
“You’re all mental,” Peter muttered, “you can walk around us, bloody cowards.”
Ben wouldn’t take that, and immediately got into the position to swing, but Tarquin quickly pulled him back. “Relax,” He said to his friend, before looking back at the marauders, “we’re cool. We’re just going to use the passage, if that’s all right.”
“What are your intentions?” James asked, crossing his arms.
“Intentions?” Tarquin looked confused, “Really? We have girls with us. We’re not up to anything.”
Maura looked at him, and then at James, “We’re going to the Three Broomsticks.”
“Maura!” Tarquin looked back at her.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Tarquin held it back, and turned back to the Gryffindors, “we’ll be going now, if that’s all right with you.”
“It’s not,” James looked solid, “we don’t trust you.”
“Jesus,” Elena rolled her eyes, “get the fuck out of our way. This is ridiculous.”
“Piss off, Castillo,” Sirius rolled his eyes.
“Hey,” Regulus spoke up, “don’t talk to her like that.”
“What are you going to do?” Sirius scoffed, “Get off your high horse, you’re a child.”
“Don’t talk to her like that,” Regulus repeated.
“Regulus,” Tarquin put a hand on his shoulder, “everyone, relax. It’s–”
Suddenly, upon hearing the noise, everyone turned around to the staircase and saw Clement, dressed and ready, walking beside Roxanne, who was wearing a black cocktail dress. “Fuck,” Regulus said to himself.
“Roxanne?!” Mason shouted.
Roxanne looked just as surprised, and turned to Clement, “What is this?”
“Erm–”
“Clement,” Tarquin shook his head, “siblings are off limits, we talked about this!”
“Oh my fucking God,” Regulus heard Remus Lupin mutter to himself.
“What are you doing with my sister?” Mason roared, “I will bloody kill you!”
Clement turned pink suddenly, “It was a joke! Ask Regulus, it’s a prank!”
“A prank?” Roxanne looked just as angry as her brother suddenly, and Regulus realized how similar they actually looked, “you fucking arse!”
“Shut up!” Regulus suddenly heard James yell, and they all turned to his attention, “my God, you’re all so bloody irritating.” He shook his head, “Just go.”
“James!” Sirius looked offended, and Regulus didn’t know why, or what they were up to.
“Leave it,” James shook his head, “move out of the way.” Begrudgingly, Sirius, Remus, James, and Peter moved to the side, and let them pass. As they walked, most of them scoffed to the marauders, or gave them nasty looks in general. Regulus kept his eyes forward.
Because he knew better than his friends. He knew that this wasn’t the end of whatever scheme they had, and that giving them those types of looks would only feed the fire they were maybe burning. While they were about to reach the passage, Regulus looked back, and saw that the marauders were already talking to one another.
“Pricks,” Elena muttered.
“Yeah,” Regulus agreed, as they followed Mason into a dark tunnel. He didn’t trust any of this, but everyone else seemed to.
“For the record,” Elena said, “you’re much more handsome than your brother.”
As they walked, Mason and Clement bickered the whole time, while Roxanne walked by herself behind the group. Regulus actually felt rather bad for her, he really had been focusing on the joke itself earlier, but he figured she must feel awful after being used for a dumb joke.
While Maura was talking to Elena about something, Regulus noticed that Roxanne was starting to really fall behind in the walking. So, even though he was uncertain about it, he walked back a little and stood beside her.
“I’m going to go back,” She shrugged.
“Don’t,” Regulus shook his head, “just come along.”
Roxanne looked at him, “I don’t want to be around my brother.”
“I understand,” Regulus nodded, “but really, it’s just for the night.”
She sighed, “I’m going back.”
Regulus frowned, “Okay. Want me to tell them?”
“That would be nice,” Roxanne nodded, “thank you.”
“Sure,” He smiled at her sadly, “goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” Roxanne returned, and she turned around and began in the other direction. Regulus walked back up to the group, walking besides Elena again and watching Roxanne walk away until she was out of sight.
…
Once they arrived at the Three Broomsticks, the group took a seat at a rather large table, all picking up the menus and scanning them briefly. Everyone was sitting besides their date, Tarquin had his arm around Maura and Mason was sitting knee-to-knee with Siofra, even though he was still visibly upset by Clement’s joke. Speaking of, Clement was alone, also looking very bored now that he realized the “prank” wasn’t worth it (or funny) after all.
Their waiter eventually came over and took their drinking orders from all of them, somehow not suspecting that they were underage. Across the bar, there was a wizard performing live, strumming on a guitar and sitting on a stool. He had a large black beard that Regulus liked, and he was playing a soft tune about a frog.
While the group engaged in talking, Regulus found himself just listening to the musician. He watched him from across the room, smiling softly with support as he played. He wondered how hard that was, to play in front of everyone who was paying no attention to him. There were other guests in the bar, but none were really listening like Regulus was.
As they got their drinks, and Regulus began to sip, he found a strange kind of blue in his chest. He didn’t know what it was, but he felt melancholy all of a sudden. It had been lingering all day, and was for some reason coming out at that moment, causing him to sit with a frown as he drifted away from every conversation he tried to be a part of. He found himself wishing the night would be over.
Why am I like this?
“Regulus,” He heard Elena say.
“Hmm?” Regulus looked over at her.
“Are you all right?” She whispered.
“Yeah,” Regulus dismissed, “just tired.”
She followed his eye contact with the performer, “Ah. I didn’t know you liked music.”
He looked embarrassed suddenly, “Oh, I don’t… I just, I like listening.”
She smiled a little, “I don’t either.”
He nodded, and she returned to her conversation with the rest of the group.
A little while later Regulus began to notice that the boys were starting to make eye contact with each other. They exchanged small little glances that made Regulus feel uncertain, and slightly worried. It looked mischievous. Regulus couldn’t tell why.
“Ladies,” Ben said, “would you like to accompany us to the back?”
Regulus looked very confused, he was sure, but somehow all of them looked like they knew what was going on. Elena, too. He got up last, and followed Mason as he led them through the bar and towards the back door. Clement stayed at the table for some reason. Regulus figured they were leaving, so he didn’t know why he was staying behind.
Once they got outside, Regulus was hit suddenly with the harsh cold, and he began to shiver despite his sweater. They were now in the backs of the bar, next to a few barrels and beaten down doors. Behind them was woods, and no other shops could really be seen.
Regulus was in his head when he turned around and saw Ben’s penis.
He gasped, covering his eyes and turning away, while Ben shouted, “What the fuck, Regulus?”
He kept his eyes covered, “What are you doing?!”
“What do you think?” Ben asked harshly, and Regulus opened his eyes cautiously. He looked around at everyone staring at him, and noticed they were all in fact taking their clothes off.
Regulus shook his head, “What is going on?”
Tarquin looked at his friends before walking up to Regulus and hushing his voice, “Did nobody tell you?” Regulus shook his head, “Fuck, okay.” He glanced around nervously, “this is where we… y’know.”
Once Regulus understood, his eyes widened, and he whispered, “But it’s cold! And public!”
Tarquin sighed, “I know, but like, that’s the whole point of this.”
“I thought it was just a date,” Regulus shook his head, “I didn’t—“
Elena spoke up, while Regulus noticed all the others seemed to be starting, “We don’t have to.”
“No, no,” Regulus swallowed, “I want to.”
“Are you sure?” Elena didn’t look like she believed him.
“Yes, I’m sure,” Regulus nodded, and looked back at Tarquin, “thanks for… telling me.”
“Yeah, sorry again,” Tarquin looked nervous, and then turned around and walked over to Maura, who was entirely naked in the cold.
Regulus made his way to Elena, and nodded, “Do you want to?”
“Yeah,” Elena shrugged, “that’s what I thought this was.”
“Sorry,” Regulus shook his head, “let’s— let’s just do it.” He looked around and quite literally saw his friends beginning to have sex with each other, and he felt sick and turned back to Elena. “Let’s go over here,” He guided her to behind one of the doors, because he really didn’t fancy being seen by any of them. He was freezing, but he began to take his clothes off, and Elena did too. “We’ve done this before, we can do it again.”
“Well, how far are we going?”
“What do you mean?” Regulus asked as he took his trousers off, “We’ve had sex before, haven’t we?”
Elena stared at him, “Not fully.”
“Fully?”
“Dick in vagina, we haven’t done that,” Elena shook her head.
“Oh,” He turned red, “well I know, I mean—“
Elena looked uncomfortable, “A blowjob isn’t sex, Regulus.”
“I just— I know,” Regulus was embarrassed, “I know, sorry, I’m just—“
“I don’t…” Elena sighed, “it doesn’t seem you’re very comfortable with this.”
“I am!” Regulus tried to be convincing, “Really, I want to… I want to. Really.” Elena raised an eyebrow, and he nodded. “I know how to do it.”
“Are you a virgin?” Elena asked.
Regulus shook his head, “No, of course not.”
Elena sighed, “All right. Me too.” Regulus nodded, and politely helped Elena take her clothes off. He tried not to stare at her too much, and he took off his own sweater and boxers before leaning forward and kissing her.
…
As they walked back, Regulus and Elena held hands, holding each other close to try and defeat the cold. Regulus was there, but not — deep in his head as he longed to be back in bed, under his covers, and warm.
And yet, once he was, he didn’t stop shivering.
…