Coyote
“No regrets, coyote
We just come from different sets of circumstance
I’m up all night in the studios
And you’re up early on your ranch
You’ll be brushing out a brood mare’s tail
While the sun is ascending
And I’ll just be getting home with my reel to reel
There’s no comprehending…”
…
Regulus woke up inexplicably to the deep moon in the sky, and the misty light of the early morning ghosting over the Forbidden Forest. Judging by the look of the sky, he could tell it was not yet sunrise – and he groaned to himself, trying to shove himself back into his pillow.
What Regulus would never tell anyone is that Madam Pomfrey allowed him to leave that Friday. But, to his request, she permitted him to stay for the weekend. He had lied: saying his stomach still felt uneasy, and that he was worried about returning to his dorm. Even after speaking with Dumbledore about the investigation precautions they would take, that wasn’t entirely untrue – he was worried to return. He didn’t know what was set out for him, and why they wanted to hurt him in the ways they had been attempting.
He laid there that early Sunday morning, his bare arms underneath his head as he looked out of the window. He had been doing that so much lately, because in his room he wasn’t very close to seeing the window each night. It was so nice to look out and see the time of day, or how the lake looked, or where the moon was.
He felt tired of the infirmary bed. It wasn’t comfortable any longer. He had been in the infirmary for over a week now, he longed to go out and see the rest of the castle again. Even if his stay had been his own asking, he wanted to roam the halls again. Just for a moment, for a little while.
Familiarity.
Regulus then had an idea.
Cautiously, he slipped out of his bed, sliding into his shoes that had not really moved since he had arrived. There were only two other residents currently in the infirmary, and he checked from across the room to ensure they were asleep still. And they were. Quietly, Regulus walked shallowly out of the infirmary, and into the dim lighting of the nighttime corridors of his school.
He looked back into the infirmary, which was almost entirely dark, and nodded to himself that the coast had been clear. He then turned back to the corridor, and began to walk.
And that was all he did. While he knew the school well, most of it, it was different at this time. It looked so beautiful without everyone else in it, running around or existing inside classrooms. He looked up at the candles, or the designs in the walls, or the way the marble gleamed his reflection. It was so clean, everything was so untouched, and he fell in love with it, really.
He was groggy, of course. Tired at the hour, his legs feeling heavy and his bones feeling unadjusted. But he walked. He was in his pajamas, and really very cold, and the black silk hung against him with little to no comfort at all. Something about existing, and not being seen – existing alone, in a place he had always known… It was enchanting. Wonderful.
He never wanted to stop walking.
Until.
“Hello there.”
Regulus froze. He had been walking down a particularly dark hallway, so dark he couldn’t really see, and he took a deep breath. Regulus withdrew his wand with a shaky hand, and whispered, “Lumos.” His wand lit, a yellowish light, and he looked around him. All he saw was portraits that were asleep drowsily in their frames. “Who’s there?”
He heard a scoff, “Look up, you imbecile.” Offended, Regulus looked up, and browsed the portraits in front of him. He heard yet another scoff, as a thick voice said, “Turn the other way.”
Regulus doubtfully turned around, and looked up. At the highest row of portraits, the one closest to the ceiling, he saw a man sitting cross-legged in front of a fire pit – in rich red velvet robes and silvery stockings. “What is it?” Regulus asked indecently.
“You are certainly not a Ravenclaw, not very bright you are,” The portrait ragged, “I was only greeting you.”
“Well, you frightened me,” Regulus kept his wand lit, watching the man’s reactions to his words.
The man sighed, “My apologies to you.” He then looked a little amused, “Point the light upwards.” Regulus raised an eyebrow, and the man laughed. “Towards your face, I need to recognize you.” Regulus didn’t trust it, but did as the man asked – pointing his wand towards his face and cringing slightly at the harsh light in his eyes. “Ah,” The man mused, “you’re fine-looking.”
“I’ll be going now,” Regulus spat, turning away and beginning to walk in the other direction.
How dare he? Regulus thought, fiery in his embarrassment and in himself for even speaking with such a man. That portrait best be taken down.
“Have I offended you?” The man asked facetiously, “If so, I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.” Regulus stopped in his place, trying to control himself as he felt burning hot coal underneath his skin. He wanted to go up to the stupid portrait and rip it up.
“Fucking fairy,” Regulus mumbled.
“What was that?” The portrait asked as Regulus turned around. He hated the ridiculous smirk on the man’s face.
Regulus contained himself, calmly saying, “I said you’re a fucking fairy.” The man laughed then, a full laugh, throwing his head back against his chair. “You’re a freak.” The man only laughed more. “Why are you laughing?!”
The man shook his head, “Who taught you that, hmm? Where did you hear it?”
Regulus didn’t want to answer. He didn’t want to speak any more. But he knew if he walked away, this man would win – this dumb stupid fucking portrait of a man who was awake for some dumb stupid fucking reason. “My friends,” Regulus said coldly, “I heard it from my friends.”
“It surprises me that you have any,” The man twinkled.
“Piss off,” Regulus rolled his eyes.
The man leaned forward, close to the frame, “Why are you still speaking to me if I bother you so much, hmm?” The man shook his head, “My name is Zerkalo. What is yours?”
“I’m not telling you my name.”
“That’s just fine,” Zerkalo sighed, “I believe I know who you are.” Regulus raised an eyebrow again, challengingly. “I think you may be the one I hear everyone talking about. You fit the description, very much so.”
Regulus kept his eyebrow raised, “And what description is that?”
“I would say it again, but I wish not to offend you,” Zerkalo grinned.
Regulus sighed, “I don’t doubt you know me. I am talked about quite often, it seems.”
Zerkalo shrugged his shoulders, “Well, most want that.”
“I don’t,” Regulus shook his head, “I’m tired of it. I don’t want to be loved the way I am.” He paused, shaking his head even more, “I don’t know why I’m saying this. I don’t even mean it.”
“Well, it is late, you must be tired.”
“I am tired,” Regulus agreed, “And I don’t mean what I’m saying.”
Zerkalo shrugged again, “I believe you.” Regulus nearly went to thank him, but he held his tongue. Zerkalo squinted, “I didn’t see you had a friend with you.”
“What?” Regulus asked, “I’m alone.”
“Who is that?” Zerkalo asked, seemingly genuine.
Slightly frightened, Regulus checked behind himself. “I don’t see anyone,” He led his light a little ways farther from him, and still saw no one in the darkness.
Zerkalo smiled, “Well, maybe I see more than you can.” Regulus looked scared, and Zerkalo laughed, “Come out.”
“Who’s there?” Regulus called, “Show yourself.” Zerkalo laughed at Regulus’ tone of voice, in which Regulus sent him a sharp look. He hated how much the man laughed. “Hello?” Regulus asked again, believing Zerkalo had been joking with him then. But to his surprise, he began to see a figure moving out of the darkness.
“Ah,” Zerkalo grinned, “Do you two know each other?”
Regulus narrowed his eyes, “You’re James. My brother’s friend.” James was almost unrecognizable at that moment. Well, Regulus had never really paid that much attention to him. In night clothes, James looked groggy as well, his black hair an absolute mess and his unseen before circular glasses crowding his face. “What are you doing here?” Regulus pressed, making sure to stand far from him and keep his wand raised.
“I could ask you the same,” James crossed his arms over his chest, “aren’t you supposed to be in the infirmary?”
“Infirmary?” Zerkalo interrupted.
“No,” Regulus shot towards Zerkalo, who smiled, and he looked back at James, “it’s none of your business.”
James shrugged, “Fine.” He looked up at the portrait, “Is this who you were talking to?”
“Were you listening to me?” Regulus asked pointedly.
“You’re not exactly quiet.”
“Well, I don’t enjoy being listened to.”
“I wasn’t listening to you.”
“Then how did you know I was talking to someone?”
“Because you’re loud ,” James enunciated.
Zerkalo looked unconvinced, “He’s not, really.” He then looked towards James, “What are you doing here?”
“On my way to the dungeons,” James answered, and Regulus believed him.
“Ah,” Zerkalo nodded, “Why?”
“...Homework.”
“Homework?” Regulus no longer believed him.
“Yes,” James nodded, “homework.”
“You two seem to be great friends,” Zerkalo smiled.
“We aren’t,” Regulus answered sharply.
“He was being sarcastic,” James gave Regulus a look.
“Oh, was he?” Regulus reflected said look.
James stood there and shook his head, before looking down and trying to hold back laughter. That made Regulus’ blood boil. He’d seen James do that once or twice to Snape, when Snape was making a fool of himself or just being a prick in general.
Am I like Snape?
“Well,” James suddenly said, “I’ll be going.”
“Nice meeting you,” Zerkalo smiled from above, “safe travels.” James laughed out loud, before walking away. He didn’t even acknowledge Regulus as he walked past him, and disappeared into the darkness. Regulus watched him leave, and heard his footsteps as he descended into the dungeons most likely. If that’s where he was really going. “Gryffindor?” Zerkalo asked Regulus.
“Yes,” Regulus rolled his eyes, “obnoxiously so.”
“I agree,” Zerkalo tutted, “and you’re a Slytherin.” Regulus nodded, surprised but not surprised. “You said he was your brother’s friend?”
Regulus shook his head, “Yes, his best friend.”
“You aren’t the closest friend of your brother?” Zerkalo asked genuinely.
“No, of course not,” Regulus answered with a bit of disgust.
“...Why?”
“Because,” Regulus shook his head, “because we’re different. And he lives with James, I believe. So I don’t see him.”
“Why does he live with James?”
“I don’t know ,” Regulus scoffed, “probably because he’s a git.” Regulus then stopped himself, “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I don’t even know you.”
Zerkalo shrugged softly, “Well, I am not even real, am I?”
Regulus looked at the man, and sighed. “Goodnight.”
“I don’t sleep during these hours,” Zerkalo told him, “I sleep during the day.”
“Oh,” Said Regulus, perplexed, “well… good morning.”
Zerkalo laughed, “You are funny.” He waved, “Goodnight to you…”
“Regulus.”
“Regulus,” Zerkalo smiled softly, “Goodnight.”
Regulus nodded, before muttering ‘nox’ to his wand. The light faded, and he slipped his wand back into his pocket. He then made his way down the dark hallway, fading into the darkness just as James had before.
Regulus walked for hours that night. He didn’t know how long he was out, but he was for a long time – he walked down hall after hall, up stairway after staircase. When he heard a noise, he would go so far as to hide behind a cupboard, or even stand next to a portrait. Nobody was ever there, but it was a precaution, one that Regulus didn’t mind taking. And so he wandered and wandered until he found himself at the door of the infirmary, seeing the morning light flooding into the large and opening room.
He sighed, walking inside and being sure to be quiet as he went. Silently he walked to his bed, one he had become so familiar with, and laid down. He covered himself with his blanket, and sighed. His mind was buzzing. He felt so familiar, and awake, and yet so tired after walking as much as he did. He turned over, looking out at the land beyond the window. Everything was so bright and early in the morning. And as he began to drift off to sleep, he found himself excited. Excited to wake up and return back to those very halls.
And then Regulus fell asleep.
…